Oh no! I want another baby! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 01-27-2010, 05:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We decided we were done...twice now.

Dh is at the urologist right now for his consultation for the big snip and all I can think is I really don't want to be done! I asked all teh kids separately and they all want another baby. I reminded them about bed rest and crying baby and me being...insane preoccupied and they all want another baby.

The reason I decided to be done was because of the strain on the family. They swear there was no strain...I know they are kids but still.

I want it all. To be pregnant again, another homebirth, another baby. Am I nuts?

Mandy, Jesus loving, homebirthing, cloth diapering, baby wearing, breastfeeding, non-vaxing, food growing, homeschooling, hippy mama of 4.
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#2 of 20 Old 01-27-2010, 05:54 PM
 
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you are totally nuts.






just kiddin'

We're still done, but the idea of any kind of permanent birth control makes us both sad. I think that it is very natural to always want to little baby around-- perhaps not practical for every family, but in a sense, ideal.

My midwife said to be sure to wait for a year before doing anything drastic.

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#3 of 20 Old 01-27-2010, 06:38 PM
 
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Oh, GAWD, me too. If money and sanity weren't issues, I would do it again and again.
My two older boys have asked if "Mommy is having another girl next time." The fact that there is no "next time" kinda hurts. I actually feel GRIEF for that. But, the reality is that four is a good number that works for us. And, I need to focus on raising the beautiful children I have been blessed with. In addition, I will only be 43 when Derek is 18, so that is an AWESOME incentive to stop reproducing.
But, I am right there with you.

Mindie, wife to Mark, not-so-crunchy mom to Dylan (4/04); Devon (6/06); Dorothy (9/07); Derek (12/19/09); Daniel (12/18/10); Newbie D (2/22/12)

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#4 of 20 Old 01-27-2010, 07:26 PM
 
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You are nuts! Although most of the women I know have a hard time being "done" with the baby stage. I think it's natural to feel that way. Afterall, we have been designed to reproduce. Until now I never thought I would ever feel like our family was complete. I just told DH last week that I am beginning to feel 1 more child will get me to that point. However, I still don't know if we would do anything permanent after #4. That just seems so "final" to me and just thinking about that makes me sad. Maybe I will feel more ready to do something permanent after #4 is a certain age and I'm pass 40. My kids would always welcome another sibling. My DS says he wants us to have 100 kids. Four is really a good number for us. I don't think we would have enough time and money for each child individually if we had more. The kids activities are important to us and cost $$$$. I also know I have to go back to work at some point which I am unwilling to do until the youngest child is in his/her late teens.

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#5 of 20 Old 01-27-2010, 07:51 PM
 
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To quote Grease, "Don't sweat it, honey, have one of mine."

We're done. We were done before I got pregnant with Samson, stayed pregnant anyhow, and now we're done and DH is going for the snip next month. And you know what? I want another baby too, and another pregnancy. I know that's the combination of the postpartum hormones and the sadness at the end of this part of my life (and I've spent nearly 12 years of my life now knocked up or breastfeeding or both, with only a small gap in the middle.) I don't think it's that unusual.

With seriousness, because I know that you were originally thinking about one more, don't make it permanent yet. Get an IUD or mirena and give it a few years. If you're sure you're done, it'll become more obvious as time passes, not less.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#6 of 20 Old 01-27-2010, 08:15 PM
 
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I am very tired and my baby is very colicky... when I saw the title of this thread I thought you meant you preferred another baby to the one you've got and immediately thought: I'm with you!

Kidding, of course. I wouldn't trade mine in for anything. But we are pretty frazzled today.
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#7 of 20 Old 01-27-2010, 08:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by beep View Post
I am very tired and my baby is very colicky... when I saw the title of this thread I thought you meant you preferred another baby to the one you've got and immediately thought: I'm with you!

Kidding, of course. I wouldn't trade mine in for anything. But we are pretty frazzled today.
LOL! That is really funny. "Hello? I'd like to make an exchange. This one can't do dairy and I didn't bargin for that."

Seriously, I can echo so many of you. I do feel greived about closing this chapter of my life. I did before, I cried and moved on. I don't want to do it again.

Really, though, if I am going to have any more, I want to do it right away. I like having babies while still in baby mode. It just feels right. Now to talk dh into it. His appointment is the 5th. That kind of makes me hyperventalate.

I can't do hormonal birth control and am not comfortable with an IUD. It's sort of now or never for me.

Mandy, Jesus loving, homebirthing, cloth diapering, baby wearing, breastfeeding, non-vaxing, food growing, homeschooling, hippy mama of 4.
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#8 of 20 Old 01-27-2010, 10:35 PM
 
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DDC crashing to say...

Oh, have another one. Seriously. Don't let something like money be the cause of regret for the rest of your life. I say that as a poor kid who was one of 5. Money is just money...and stuff is just stuff. I can emphathize with the crazy and busy, but each day gets easier, and easier, and your kids are way older than mine and can help a good deal. And can learn through it all what's really important.

Go for it. You won't regret it.

(Disclaimer: I am a QF Mama. )

"If you keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten."

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#9 of 20 Old 01-28-2010, 12:54 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Just1More View Post
DDC crashing to say...

Oh, have another one. Seriously. Don't let something like money be the cause of regret for the rest of your life. I say that as a poor kid who was one of 5. Money is just money...and stuff is just stuff. I can emphathize with the crazy and busy, but each day gets easier, and easier, and your kids are way older than mine and can help a good deal. And can learn through it all what's really important.

Go for it. You won't regret it.

(Disclaimer: I am a QF Mama. )
LOL I love the screen name!

I totally want more. As a matter of fact, we are talking about it right now. Of course I am a bit tired and having a time getting stuff done and keeping things clean the way I want, but I still want more. Even after the 17 week of morning sickness and 39 weeks of terrible heartburn and numerous other afflictions, and the excrutiating pain of childbirth lol....I can't wait to do it again. We are just trying to determine the best timing between kids.

In a lot of ways I am sad about this 'stages of life' thing and the thought of being 'done' with another stage freaks me out.

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#10 of 20 Old 01-28-2010, 01:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by beep View Post
I am very tired and my baby is very colicky... when I saw the title of this thread I thought you meant you preferred another baby to the one you've got and immediately thought: I'm with you!

Kidding, of course. I wouldn't trade mine in for anything. But we are pretty frazzled today.


I was just thinking, "right now? really? you jus had one." LOL I can't think about another one until this one stops being a baby (like 2 or older).

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#11 of 20 Old 01-28-2010, 03:04 AM
 
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Me too! I want another one. Elliot is such a sweet baby. He can't be my last. Oh, and I think I should get another shot at having a natural birth, maybe even a home birth.
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#12 of 20 Old 01-28-2010, 05:43 AM
 
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The want for another one seems to always hit me when the baby moves out of the newborn stage and starts being more of a "baby." Having a teeny tiny one around is really special. I've been lucky in that neither of my kids have been colicky or really high needs. DD has been a bit more difficult than DS, but she still eats and sleeps regularly and doesn't cry all that often, so overall she's been pretty easy too.

I'd like another, but DH feels done at this point. I'm not doing anything permanent for birth control yet because I don't want to make that sort of a decision when my two kids are so little. I feel like there are all sorts of "what ifs" that might affect whether or not we'd want kids in the future.

If you guys are both on the same page about wanting another though, I don't see why you can't!

: Mom to DS (10/29/07) and DD (12/1/09). Visit my blog in my profile to read about our lives in Beijing!
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#13 of 20 Old 01-28-2010, 08:59 AM
 
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Oh, I was just thinking this! Also, I found out my sister is pregnant w/a huge surprise baby (tho maybe her unconscious self had bump envy??)... All I keep thinking about is what stage she is at and how *boo hoo* I won't be able to go through another birth experience (yes, I do mean that seriously!! Even w/5 weeks post partum bleeding!!).
Anyway. I am 36 w/a 17 year old, a 13 year old and the baby is a month old. It is really nuts for me to think about waiting for enough of a break between this baby and a next kid that I would still have control over the situation (if that is even possible).
*sigh* Still, am sad about not having kids in between the 13 and now!! i just love my babies SOOOOO much and have totally loved the experience of them growing up and becoming who they are. I do get sad when I think there will be no more.

If you want to sound wise, go to school. If you want to be wise, go to nature.
My 3 sons! 8/92, 1/97 & 12/09!!
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#14 of 20 Old 01-28-2010, 10:37 AM
 
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I felt this way after our last child (who was adopted, so birth hormones didn't have much to do with it), and it took over a year to convince dh. I think some of it was being in the reproductive phase of life, and not wanting it to be over, but I also think women have a number of children in their minds and hearts, and it's awfully hard to let go of that. Our therapist was wonderful about trying to explain that to dh, and it was what helped him start seeing the possibility of another child.

I can't say enough about how much therapy helped both of us confront the end of this stage in our lives. It meant so much to be able to talk it over with someone who's seen individuals and couples move through this many times before, and who knows the feelings and patterns of it all. I'm pregnant now, and I feel very confident that this is our last baby. It's nice to have peace about this, and dh feels the same way.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#15 of 20 Old 01-28-2010, 10:53 AM
 
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Me, too! It is crazy! I am SO ready for another baby! I want to enjoy the newborn stage but I want to be pregnant around the time Ciaran is 6 months old. We'll see if my fertility cooperates since I'm exclusively bf'ing. I can't stop thinking about another.

Quote:
I think some of it was being in the reproductive phase of life, and not wanting it to be over, but I also think women have a number of children in their minds and hearts, and it's awfully hard to let go of that.
I've never heard it put that way but, yes, I think that is true for me. I always said I wanted 3 or 4, even before I had my first. Now that I have 3 it just feels "unfinished" so I know 4 is the right number. We'll be done then, but I know I'll still be very sad to be done with babies. I love pregnancy, birth and newborns. (If I could avoid age 4 I think I would, though... lol!)

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#16 of 20 Old 01-28-2010, 11:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Dh and I talked. He's against the idea. We're not done talking so it's not decided yet.

He said that having a baby is like a drug, I'm still high from the whole thing and want it again. He may be right. That caught me off gaurd. If that's the case, I'll never be "done".

I explained to him how hard it is for me (most women?) to close the door to this part of my life. I did it before. After our third, we decided we were done. I mourned and moved on and was comfortable. Now that the door is back open, it's just as hard to close it.

I'd really like to try for another girl. I'd love to have a little buddy for Levi. It doesn't feel right to have the three older kids and he's all alone as the youngest one.

I have a feeling I'm not going to win this one. Logicly, i'm okay with that (not awesome, just okay) emotionally, it's killing me.

Mandy, Jesus loving, homebirthing, cloth diapering, baby wearing, breastfeeding, non-vaxing, food growing, homeschooling, hippy mama of 4.
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#17 of 20 Old 01-28-2010, 12:32 PM
 
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He said that having a baby is like a drug, I'm still high from the whole thing and want it again. He may be right. That caught me off gaurd. If that's the case, I'll never be "done".
That is me. I love being pregnant, giving birth, and having a baby around. Even though I know 4 is our number, I also know I may never feel fully satisfied about being "done." Everytime someone gets pregnant or has a baby, I may always feel that pang of longing. That is the reason I'm in favor of widely spacing out my kids. That way my baby days won't be over with as soon. My sister is finally expecting her first and will probably have two. My SIL hasn't even started yet and plans on two. I like knowing that when they do have their babies, I might still have one up my sleeve. It's weird, but that is how I feel. I told DH before we were married that I wanted two sets of two spaced widely apart like 6-10 years. That way when the two older ones are old enough to have my grandbabies, I can go right from having babies of my own to grandbabies without much of a break. Obviously Everett came sooner than expected. Hence why we will probably wait another 3.5 years for the last. Ideally I'd like to wait 4.5 years, but I don't think my lack of self control will make it.

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#18 of 20 Old 01-30-2010, 05:53 PM
 
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How funny! I just told DH yesterday that we should do this again sometime soon. I guess the Zoloft is working. I'm feeling much better. So much so that I want another baby sooner than I thought I would. We decided we would start talking about it more seriously in the summer/fall. We'll see if my period is even back by then.

Wife to Matt, Mama to DD Elliot (12/31/09). We familybed1.giffemalesling.GIFgoorganic.jpghomebirth.jpgcd.giffly-by-nursing1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif
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#19 of 20 Old 01-30-2010, 07:23 PM
 
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I'm also wanting another now that the newborn stage is over (*sniff*). (ETA: even a week or so ago, I still could only think about a second in an abstract way, knowing that our plan was for at least one and maybe two more, but not feeling like i'd ever be ready to go through labor and the first two weeks again.) Forgive the geeky analogy, but it's kind of like when you play a computer game long enough to figure it out and then want to start over with a new character now that you know what character you want to play and where the awesome sword or treasure is hidden right near where the game starts. I've been lucky to have an easy baby, so I got to enjoy him even with all the trouble we had with breastfeeding, but I'm excited to have a babymoon where I already know how to put on a diaper!

For all of the trouble we go through to get one, newborns should stick around longer. I adore this little baby boy he's grown into, but he no longer feels like an extension of my own body like he did at first. On the other hand, that makes it so much sweeter to see how much he loves me when he shows it.

Cloud, mommy to her happy little Nimbus, born 11/09!
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#20 of 20 Old 01-30-2010, 10:03 PM
 
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Me too. Dh thinks I'm nuts. Not sure how long we'll wait, though. Maybe 18 months to 2 years.

Aeona - married to super hot nerd Toby . . . mama to Grace (9) Evangeline (7) Duncan 11.14.08   and Henry (4) born at home. Expecting again early December!  

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