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#1 of 8 Old 02-20-2010, 06:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, I about lost it this morning. I am feeling so overwhelmed with working, trying to keep milk supply up, pumping milk, fretting about day care, worrying about SIDS, trying to get caught up with work when I get home, and really just wanting to take a month or so and just do nothing. My partner went to midnight shift for this calendar so we could try to trade off DD as we didn't know if we could get day care so he's always exhausted and grouchy when Im' around him, but still wants to bug me for sex. And I'm tired of him saying i look great when I feel like a frumpy, leaky, neurotic mess. Can't he see that? Makes me really pissed off. This morning I woke up in a good mood as I got a reasonable amount of sleep (he's been bitching about DD sleeping with me even though he's not there - he's convinced I will smother her breast feedign) so I've moved her to her crib which is next to my bed. Anyway I was in a great mood, ready to finish getting ready, meet my girlfriend for breakfast before I went to work for a few hours, and he came home around 7:30 and was just bugging me for sex. Pissed me off. Ruined my morning. I used to have a high sex drive but now pretty much zero - I assume others are the same - i'm breastfeeding this time and didn't with DS so I'm not sure if hormones are at play, but I honestly just want to be left alone to try to get everything done. He feels "shut out" and I frankly don't care. I feel like I'm being a bitch but again, I really don't care. Anyone else just feeling ragged and like you have nothing left to give?
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#2 of 8 Old 02-20-2010, 07:37 PM
 
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I'm sorry, mama! I know how it feels to be so consumed by your baby that you feel like there isn't time for or even interest in anything else. I'm sorry your partner is giving you a rough time and not being more understanding. I don't know why he cares what you do or how you sleep when he isn't even home. As far as the sex issue, I went through the exact same thing with my ex-H after DD was born. It was awful. I wish I had something helpful to offer in that regard but all I can say is s

I've been trying to explain the "new mama brain" to DP and when we talked last time I think he got a glimmer of understanding. A lot of men don't really understand "feelings" so explained it from a biologic perspective. I just told him that my body is designed to love my baby almost to the exclusion of anything else. The hormones, especially if you are nursing, are overwhelming and are made to bond you to your baby in the strongest way possible. That is simply a biological design to ensure the survival of the species. I also explained that it does change and that this phase is relatively short. He seemed pretty content with that. Maybe you could try something like that with yours?

I'm sorry about what you are going through. I hope things get a bit easier for you soon. I can imagine that pumping and worrying about daycare is really stressful for you. Maybe you can take a few minutes to yourself and meditate or try to squeeze in a few minutes of yoga (which I'm sure feels impossible).

Beth )O( Homeschooling Mama to blahblah.gif DS (7) luxlove.gif DD (5) and sleepytime.gif DS (1) & #4 on the way in October!!! love.gif
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#3 of 8 Old 02-20-2010, 09:40 PM
 
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awww this is tough, no matter who you are and how you slice it. All I can say is that you must be doing it well if you notice what is wrong, if that makes sense... it does get better...

If you want to sound wise, go to school. If you want to be wise, go to nature.
My 3 sons! 8/92, 1/97 & 12/09!!
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#4 of 8 Old 02-20-2010, 09:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I reread my post and what a whiner :-) I appreciate the replies - I think it's just "one of those days" - I was "superwoman" the rest of today. Cleaned house like a madwoman, pumped every three hours to increase milk supply (try to catch up on the weekends), went grocery shopping, etc. I decided I am just going to make a short list and try to manage things as well as I can. My 8 year old DS even helped out a lot today - putting laundry away, etc. So, there is hope -- I know everyone is going through the same thing. :-) Hugs to all and thanks for listening.
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#5 of 8 Old 02-22-2010, 03:48 PM
 
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We all have moments like those.

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#6 of 8 Old 02-23-2010, 02:46 PM
 
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can i give you a big 'me too'

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#7 of 8 Old 02-23-2010, 03:52 PM
 
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I feel your pain sister! It is so strange to be completely consumed, mind and body, by this new little person...dh doesn't understand at all. We've had the worst days ever in our marriage since dd was born and I don't really even think he knows it.

Our pediatrician has a checklist of things that he goes over with us every time we bring dd in (not that we've been there much...) and one of them is to ask us how many date nights we've been on. I thought that was ridiculous until we actually went on one.

We've only gone out alone once since dd was born and I can't believe how much more connected I felt to dh while we were gone. The feeling only lasted for a few hours, but it was SO weird to just be alone with him for a while and remember why I love him and used to feel attracted to him...we need to do that again soon now that I think about it.
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#8 of 8 Old 02-23-2010, 05:04 PM
 
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Cybercere, it sounds like you are going through a huge transition going back to work and needing to take your little one to daycare. Of course these are hugely stressful situations, and being upset and worrying are normal reactions.

But it also sounds like you might be experiencing some postpartum anxiety. I had this with my DD and it was consuming and really horrible.

So don't fight it, but when you are really anxious and worried about something, take some deep breaths, and relax. Make sure you have some time in the day to just relax with your baby.

Exercise also helps with the PP anxiety.

mama, hang it there.

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