First week back at work...not going well... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 11 Old 02-23-2010, 03:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm in the middle of my second day back to work and away from my 10 week old dd. This day is HARD. DH took the day off yesterday to make the transition easier for me and it was pretty easy to leave. I cried a little but I've been crying for the last two weeks, so nothing different there. Coming home was the hard part.

DH took dd to the grocery store 30 minutes before I was supposed to be home and he PROMISED to beat me home. He didn't. I couldn't believe my pent up anxiety that all poured out when I pulled into the driveway and saw they weren't there. I was literally gulping for air. When they got home I snatched the carseat away from dh and pushed him away, sobbing. Wow. It hasn't really gotten any better since then.

Dd was only awake for about an hour between the time that I got home and bedtime. She woke up to eat right around bedtime and I put her in our bed for a second while I changed my clothes. She was crying because she was hungry, so I hurried into bed with her and I accidentally hit her in the head really hard with my elbow. She SCREAMED and I started sobbing again...what a way to end a horrible day.

Dd is with my mom for two days a week and a babysitter in our home for the other three and I KNOW I wouldn't be a good SAHM, but this is SO HARD. I hope it gets easier...will it get easier??? Someone please say yes!
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#2 of 11 Old 02-23-2010, 04:20 PM
 
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I'm sorry.

I don't have experience in this situation, but I think it must get better: I've worked with several women who came back to work when their babies were about this age, and they all mentioned that it was very hard (like, "quit your job" hard) in the beginning, but got better as everyone got used to the new routine.

Science-loving mama to one little guy (11/09).
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#3 of 11 Old 02-23-2010, 05:08 PM
 
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It will get better.

I returned to work when my oldest was 10 weeks old and it was the hardest thing in my life.

But you also need space to do what you need to do, and it sounds like your little one is in a good care situation, you can go straight home to baby.

mama. What helped me was being able to visit my baby for lunch hour, and call periodically throughout the day.

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#4 of 11 Old 02-23-2010, 06:37 PM
 
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Oh mama, I am so sorry! that sounds like a crazy rough day! I hope it gets easier with time.

mama to Rassa, born 12/9/09
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#5 of 11 Old 02-23-2010, 10:05 PM
 
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Sorry that you are having a rough time.

Everyone says that it will get easier. Maybe it gets easier if you want it to but I found that it actually got worse for me. I went back to work at 12 weeks with my first. Loved my job but could not stand to be away from my baby. Cried every single day on my way to work until we could find away to have one parent at home. Ten months later it all worked out.

Good luck to you and I hope you find a solution that works for your family. If you know in your heart that the current situation is the right one for you than I'm sure things will get easier. Hang in there!

Homeschooling mama of four fantastic kids and wife to one great guy.
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#6 of 11 Old 02-23-2010, 10:48 PM
 
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Oh Momma... I'm just so sorry for the rough day(s). I hate, hate, hate it when DH doesn't do what he says he's going to (mine does that too). I really hope he understands.

Just more for you... I know I'm going to be a mess when I start back at work too.

Living Angel Baby Born 12/21/09
Three angels watching over us.
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#7 of 11 Old 02-24-2010, 01:52 PM
 
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I have the 'perfect' work situation in that I WFH and either DH or my mom is with DS. Yet still, it killed me to hear my mom playing with him yesterday.

I cried and cried yesterday. I didn't expect it to feel so hard and emotional. Friends have reassured me that it does get easier and we'll settle in a routine to do what we have to do. So I'm right there with you trudging through!

DS cosleeps out of necessity (he wakes himself instantly and is not happy to be left alone) but I really appreciated it last night because at least I could cuddle and comfort him then. I understand it's not for everyone (b/c before him I didn't think it would be for me!) but it's an idea.

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#8 of 11 Old 02-24-2010, 02:23 PM
 
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It will get easier. Especially when the PP hormones settle a bit and your new schedule becomes more routine. It sounds like you have a wonderful babysitting solution worked out. I can imagine it is hard leaving DD for so long and not having enough time with her after work. I used to work at a daycare with infants while in college. The moms who left their babies there told me they maximize their time with baby on the weekends and sleeping together at night.

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#9 of 11 Old 02-25-2010, 04:34 AM
 
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I totally sympathize. I went back to work this week and it is hard. My work is a lot easier this time around, but I remember when my son was about 5 months old I started a job that required me to work pretty much from 9-7ish. By the time I'd get home it was about time for my son to go to bed and I felt like I never got to see him. Me not working was never an option, but after about 4 months of that I started looking for a job that would let me have more time with my family.

Still though, like Carson I right now have a good job that gives me lots of time with my kids and it STILL hurts to leave them. We have our niece staying with us to help with the childcare now and watching her play with my daughter and getting smiles out of her really tears at my heart. I feel like those should be *my* smiles, that somehow something is being taken from me. And I felt the same way about DH when he was a SAHD!

It does get easier though. It is hard when they are so little and your bonds with them are so new. Once they are a bit older and you can see them visibly excited about mama coming home from work, for instance, it is easier. Never easy, but easier.

Hang in there mama!

: Mom to DS (10/29/07) and DD (12/1/09). Visit my blog in my profile to read about our lives in Beijing!
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#10 of 11 Old 02-25-2010, 11:41 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thelocaldialect View Post
I totally sympathize. I went back to work this week and it is hard. My work is a lot easier this time around, but I remember when my son was about 5 months old I started a job that required me to work pretty much from 9-7ish. By the time I'd get home it was about time for my son to go to bed and I felt like I never got to see him. Me not working was never an option, but after about 4 months of that I started looking for a job that would let me have more time with my family.

Still though, like Carson I right now have a good job that gives me lots of time with my kids and it STILL hurts to leave them. We have our niece staying with us to help with the childcare now and watching her play with my daughter and getting smiles out of her really tears at my heart. I feel like those should be *my* smiles, that somehow something is being taken from me. And I felt the same way about DH when he was a SAHD!

It does get easier though. It is hard when they are so little and your bonds with them are so new. Once they are a bit older and you can see them visibly excited about mama coming home from work, for instance, it is easier. Never easy, but easier.

Hang in there mama!
This totally pulls at my heartstrings. From working at the daycare center, I saw how difficult it was for the moms to leave their babies. Especially when I would run into the families on errands and the babies would reach up for me from their shopping carts or strollers. Ugh. I don't wish that on any loving mother. I was also the primary breadwinner before Gavin was born. It was so hard deciding whether or not to go back to work. We really could not have survived where we lived on DH's old salary alone. I made 3x more than he did easily, and we lived in an expensive area. It was agonizing visiting daycare centers during my pregnancy. Someone even suggested that I let DH stay home with the baby. It made me so angry because I really wanted to be a SAHM. At the time DH wasn't even very domestic or nurturing so the thought of it was very unsettling.

In the end fate intervened for me. All of our choice daycare centers had waitlists a mile long for babies. We didn't even get called about an opening until Gavin was almost 2 years old. We had a considerable amount in savings at the time that allowed me to keep pushing back my start date until my manager decided to add me to the list of layoffs. I ended up getting a considerable severance package. Between that, our savings, and our stock options we made it work until Gavin was 20 months old. At that point I was faced with the decision to find new employment or we would be out of money and starve. Instead we cashed in on our house while the real estate market was hot and moved our little family hundreds of miles away to where the cost of living was much less expensive. In 4 weeks time we had sold our house, found a new house and got DH a new job that paid $20k more than what he was making in the D.C. area. It was a crazy adventure and most people thought we were stupid to undertake it. It worked out though and I've been home with the kids since.

Di Linh, mama to DS1 (7), DD(4), DS2 (b 12/01/09)
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#11 of 11 Old 03-01-2010, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's the second week now and it IS getting easier! Thanks for all of the supportive comments.

I found out I was pregnant the week that I was offered this job and of course "promised" that I would NEVER ask to go part time...we'll see how long I keep that promise because 32 hours a week is looking great to me right now! :-)

I think that if I could just have two half days a week to be home and play with dd, life would seem much more fulfilling. I LOVE my job, it's one in a million, and wouldn't dream of giving it up at the moment, BUT...

Today is dd's second full day with the babysitter/nanny and I'm feeling a little bit better about it. Leaving her with my mom is SO much different though. I know that unconditional love will be there with my mom, and you just never know with the babysitter...I hate having to think about it, so I'm telling myself that the babysitter will fall in love too in a matter of days - it would be impossible not to!
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