Can we have a venting thread about rude comments? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 85 Old 06-14-2009, 04:07 PM
 
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One of the reasons we haven't told ANYONE is because we are dreading the negativity. Our friends will all be jazzed, but our families will be nasty. I guarantee. Plus, my dh's SIL and cousin are both trying after years of infertility and I just don't want to have to break it to them.
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#62 of 85 Old 06-14-2009, 05:30 PM
 
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One of the reasons we haven't told ANYONE is because we are dreading the negativity. Our friends will all be jazzed, but our families will be nasty. I guarantee. Plus, my dh's SIL and cousin are both trying after years of infertility and I just don't want to have to break it to them.
Telling friends and family who are in the darkest days infertility can bring is awful and heart wrenching. I hear you.
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#63 of 85 Old 06-14-2009, 08:30 PM
 
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This may seem really crazy, but I am actually dreading the reaction from my own mother, who had five children of her own, the most! It not that some people want to be rude it's just that they are concerned on how you will handle it. I don't think my mother enjoyed being a mom half as much as I do. She had more than one child because of religious reasons and just saw it as her duty, or jog to birth and raise children. She didn't think she had a choice and now in her fifties, sadly, thinks she missed out on something. She doesn't understand how why, I enjoy being a, mom. She made the comment on number four last time, " Oh, Trish, you could be doing so much more." I tried to explain to her that this is what I love and if we can afford it, I am staying home with my dc. It seems so sad that she like many Americans see motherhood in such negative light.
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#64 of 85 Old 06-15-2009, 01:11 AM
 
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1. Told a guy I sort of know (who's totally weird, just a disclaimer) and he looks stricken and says "Oh wow. You thinking about maybe keeping it?" He knows I'm married and have a 2.5-year-old. WTH?

2. My best friend mentioned my pregnancy to a couple she knows and the husband (who is weird and controlling) says "How far along is she? Should she really be telling people yet?" It's like, please, tell me more things I should or should not be doing, person-I've-met-once.

Rachel, mommy to Ella (10/19/06) and Kaia (1/4/10), wife to Michael . Just another vegan, attachment parenting, homebirthing, UU & Buddhist, CLWing, bedsharing, vegetable gardening, Bay Area crunchy mom!
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#65 of 85 Old 06-15-2009, 05:34 AM
 
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Not really rude, but still shocking and frustrating, was when I went to the midwife for more zofran, after getting some in the ER. I had HG with my first pregnancy too, and that is in my chart, fwiw.

She said to me, "well, we really don't like to just write prescriptions for things like that. You should minimize medications. Have you tried ginger ale? Saltines?"

Ginger ale and saltines. Have I tried ginger ale and saltines? How does someone with HG respond to that? But I do understand that she doesn't actually know ME at this point, to know my tolerance levels, how I regard meds in general, etc. Still, I was just dumbfounded for a moment.
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#66 of 85 Old 07-11-2009, 12:22 PM
 
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Yesterday my darling sweet little ds lifted my shirt up and gave be a big zerbert and said:

Quote:
Mommy, your tummy is SO big, you look like SANTA CLAUS!




I was not expecting this from my own child.

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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#67 of 85 Old 07-11-2009, 08:41 PM
 
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I think it is wonderful that you can bring so many children into the world. My question is how do you afford them? What kind of occupation does your husband have? (I'm assuming you don't work outside the home. You have a full time job!) What kinds of things do you do to save money? I'm not trying to be nosy (well, maybe a little!) but I would love a big family. My husband is a teacher, and I just don't think we could afford it here in WA.
I only have one daughter and have a baby on the way, I would love to have a big family though...i just wanted to add some advice my family doctor gave me when i told her i wanted to TTC but wasnt sure if we were financially secure enough, she said "Children are only as expensive as you make them. They dont NEED cell phones, steak dinners every night, or designer clothes. If you breast feed you save a lot, and if you already have a child then the second third etc are almost "free" because you have a start on clothes, ahve the gear etc. and people are almost always goin to give you a small present whether it be an outfit or a pack of wipes, i dont think money should hinder anyone tryin to have kids unless they have NO MONEY."

Now, I wouldnt be able to afford 9 kids at this point, but i think she was trying to encourage me to go for the second even if things werent ideal because we do already have almost everything needed for an infant. The other things will come and a lot can change between the time you birth a new baby and the time that you really need to start purchasing things for it.

Summer--momma to Cassie (9-27-06) and Dominic 1-28-10
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#68 of 85 Old 07-12-2009, 01:54 AM
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My MIL made a comment about my twin that didn't make it not really being a baby, that it was just a sac. It took every ounce of strength I had to not freak out and to not walk away crying.
That baby wasn't just a sac, that baby was a BABY! Empty sac or not, it was a BABY. I told her that after going through all of the infertility crap I have seeing 2 sacs WITH STUFF IN THEM!!! makes you very happy. To have one taken away, makes you very sad.
The twin did have a fetal pole, it was more than an empty sac.

Then a close friend made a comment that it was just bunch of cells, and doesn't understand why I am upset. I brushed that off, I don't have the energy to straighten her out.

Why don't people understand that it was more than a mess of cells or a big nothing?
Sigh, I guess unless you've had a loss you can't know, or unless you've struggled you can't know?

Deadra, Wife to Adam , Mama to Beatrix (02/08), Hudson (01/10), and Mazarine (12/13)
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#69 of 85 Old 07-12-2009, 01:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Usually Curious View Post
One of the reasons we haven't told ANYONE is because we are dreading the negativity. Our friends will all be jazzed, but our families will be nasty. I guarantee. Plus, my dh's SIL and cousin are both trying after years of infertility and I just don't want to have to break it to them.
Can I make a suggestion as someone who's btdt?
Make sure you are the person who tells them, or your DH, rather than them hearing through the grapevine. People with infertility issues (okay I"ll speak for me) I didn't want people to be uncomfortable around me just 'cause they could get pregnant. I totally understood that people didn't get pregnant just to spite me.

Deadra, Wife to Adam , Mama to Beatrix (02/08), Hudson (01/10), and Mazarine (12/13)
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#70 of 85 Old 07-12-2009, 02:03 AM
 
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Yeah, I thought about making a point to be the one to tell them, but we just don't have that kind of relationship. I know - no matter what - that it will be painful.

What is the deal with secondary infertility anyway? Infertility sucks!
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#71 of 85 Old 07-12-2009, 03:42 AM
 
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Rebekah I totally got a kick out of your DS saying that! we should start a separate thread for the snort-funny things our kids say


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Then a close friend made a comment that it was just bunch of cells, and doesn't understand why I am upset. I brushed that off, I don't have the energy to straighten her out.

Why don't people understand that it was more than a mess of cells or a big nothing?
Sigh, I guess unless you've had a loss you can't know, or unless you've struggled you can't know?
people kill me, they really do. Um, aren't we just a mass of cells too? hello? You were hoping to meet this particular mass of cells! I know people are trying to 'cheer you up' but honestly, how on earth would that make anyone feel better? Why is it so hard for people to say, "I'm so sorry" and give you a hug, and listen to how you're feeling????!?!? this continues to amaze me.

'curly girl' regina married to my man since 7/99 , SAHM to my DS (2/06) (12/08) a new to love! (11/09)
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#72 of 85 Old 07-12-2009, 11:55 AM
 
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When I went to the doctor for the first time, it was just to find a referral to an OB so I brought my 6 month DD. The nurse who admits you to the room before you see the dr asked what I aws there for, so I told her, "I'm pregnant and need a referral." She looked at me, looked at DD, looked at me and then said (completely shocked and disgusted) "and you're KEEPING it?!?"

Um. Yes.

When I told my mom (my sister and I are 15 months apart), she said "oh congratulations! I feel so so bad for you! The first few months are going to be a nightmare!"

And when I told my sister (who had been encouraging me to TTC when DD was 4 months old) she said, "oh NO!!! How did this happen? Is it on purpose?" WTH???

Grace - wife to Jeff and mama to Nigella (11/08) and Orrin (01/10)- expecting a new addition (05/12)! Life is a whirlwind, but I'm learning to enjoy the ride!

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#73 of 85 Old 07-12-2009, 02:35 PM
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Rebekah I totally got a kick out of your DS saying that! we should start a separate thread for the snort-funny things our kids say




people kill me, they really do. Um, aren't we just a mass of cells too? hello? You were hoping to meet this particular mass of cells! I know people are trying to 'cheer you up' but honestly, how on earth would that make anyone feel better? Why is it so hard for people to say, "I'm so sorry" and give you a hug, and listen to how you're feeling????!?!? this continues to amaze me.
Yes! I don't want people to throw me a pity party, but to not acknowledge that he (I think he was a he) was a baby, bothers me. Sigh. It's nice to know that some people get it though. thank you.

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When I went to the doctor for the first time, it was just to find a referral to an OB so I brought my 6 month DD. The nurse who admits you to the room before you see the dr asked what I aws there for, so I told her, "I'm pregnant and need a referral." She looked at me, looked at DD, looked at me and then said (completely shocked and disgusted) "and you're KEEPING it?!?"

Um. Yes.

When I told my mom (my sister and I are 15 months apart), she said "oh congratulations! I feel so so bad for you! The first few months are going to be a nightmare!"

And when I told my sister (who had been encouraging me to TTC when DD was 4 months old) she said, "oh NO!!! How did this happen? Is it on purpose?" WTH???
Some people. sheesh! I wanted so badly to have mine that close together! Congrats!

Deadra, Wife to Adam , Mama to Beatrix (02/08), Hudson (01/10), and Mazarine (12/13)
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#74 of 85 Old 07-13-2009, 09:13 PM
 
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This may seem really crazy, but I am actually dreading the reaction from my own mother, who had five children of her own, the most! It not that some people want to be rude it's just that they are concerned on how you will handle it. I don't think my mother enjoyed being a mom half as much as I do. She had more than one child because of religious reasons and just saw it as her duty, or jog to birth and raise children. She didn't think she had a choice and now in her fifties, sadly, thinks she missed out on something. She doesn't understand how why, I enjoy being a, mom. She made the comment on number four last time, " Oh, Trish, you could be doing so much more." I tried to explain to her that this is what I love and if we can afford it, I am staying home with my dc. It seems so sad that she like many Americans see motherhood in such negative light.
This is very true...while being a mom isn't all roses & bon bons, most people think being a mom is this horrible action. I love being a mom. Some days are better than others, but I really love it.

I had the same fear from my mom about this pregnancy. When my oldest (yea-we're sneaky) spilled the beans-she was surprised & congratulated us.

A doula who married a cop & became a mama to 3 boys: G 12/22/00, my rainbow baby B 2/2/07 and L 2/10/10 my CBA2V baby, waiting for my little caboose late February 2013 & always remembering my two angels 2006 & 2012.

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#75 of 85 Old 10-31-2009, 01:14 AM
 
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Im an older mom. Over 40 but not by a whole lot.
I went to have lab work done at like 18-19 weeks. The lab tech walked into the room and saw me sitting in the chair. Stopped dead in her tracks. Opened my file. Checked it again. Then asked.. "You're pregnant?" "You're having a baby?"
I so wanted to cry. I just smiled and told her "never doubt that God has a sense of humor."
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#76 of 85 Old 10-31-2009, 10:47 AM
 
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Im an older mom. Over 40 but not by a whole lot.
I went to have lab work done at like 18-19 weeks. The lab tech walked into the room and saw me sitting in the chair. Stopped dead in her tracks. Opened my file. Checked it again. Then asked.. "You're pregnant?" "You're having a baby?"
I so wanted to cry. I just smiled and told her "never doubt that God has a sense of humor."
Oh that is so mean!!!!! I can't tell you how many mothers nowadays are having their children older and older. In fact as a doula I have seen a good number who are doing it by choice - they want to experience the fun life, have a career, really know their partner (or any other reason I have heard) and then they choose to have children when they are more prepared (whether that is emotionally, financially or whatever).

I find (as an older mother myself) that I have more patience and appreciation as an older mother then I ever did as a younger one. When I was a younger mother I can remember being so excited when my child met milestones, slept through the night, etc and now I while I appreciate those milestones I also realize how quickly time can pass. I look at my now grown dd who is graduating from college in May and am shocked to find how quickly life has passed by. I often find myself snuggling my now baby a little more, kissing her a little more, and even cherishing the bad days because I know how fast they go.

(Sorry for babbling )

Michelle married to my highschool sweetheart and mom to: DD '88, DS '90, DD '91, DD '94, DD '97, DD '98, DD '01, DD '08, and DS'09

(Non-profit Organization Director and Program Coordinator / Doula / Educator / Massage Therapist)

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#77 of 85 Old 11-01-2009, 01:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well now I just get "looks". Like when I'm out with my 3 kids(who are usually behaved like normal young children should behave, being what they are) and I turn around and people notice I'm pregnant.... Or I put down my 19 month old and they see the belly and gasp. Or when I put the baby down I have to tell them I am pregnant and then that starts a conversation... Some people are very happy, other people just give me a look as if to say"breeder!!!!"

Due with number 5 in August. We do all that crunchy stuff.
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#78 of 85 Old 11-01-2009, 03:53 PM
 
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Well now I just get "looks". Like when I'm out with my 3 kids(who are usually behaved like normal young children should behave, being what they are) and I turn around and people notice I'm pregnant.... Or I put down my 19 month old and they see the belly and gasp. Or when I put the baby down I have to tell them I am pregnant and then that starts a conversation... Some people are very happy, other people just give me a look as if to say"breeder!!!!"
I KNOW that look Leilalu! LOL I also get asked..."Are all these kids yours?" Or "Did you and your husband combine kids when you married?"
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#79 of 85 Old 11-01-2009, 09:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Spilled_Milk View Post
Im an older mom. Over 40 but not by a whole lot.
I went to have lab work done at like 18-19 weeks. The lab tech walked into the room and saw me sitting in the chair. Stopped dead in her tracks. Opened my file. Checked it again. Then asked.. "You're pregnant?" "You're having a baby?"
I so wanted to cry. I just smiled and told her "never doubt that God has a sense of humor."
Oh Lordy, I hope nobody ever does that to me! My response won't be nearly as humble as yours.
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#80 of 85 Old 11-02-2009, 01:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Spilled_Milk View Post
Im an older mom. Over 40 but not by a whole lot.
I went to have lab work done at like 18-19 weeks. The lab tech walked into the room and saw me sitting in the chair. Stopped dead in her tracks. Opened my file. Checked it again. Then asked.. "You're pregnant?" "You're having a baby?"
I so wanted to cry. I just smiled and told her "never doubt that God has a sense of humor."
wow! I probably would have walked out

Due with number 5 in August. We do all that crunchy stuff.
.
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#81 of 85 Old 11-02-2009, 11:49 AM
 
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wow! I probably would have walked out
I teared up in the car on the way home and hubby hugged me and reminded me what a blessing this is and that he's looking forward to the comments of "Aww! Is that your grandbaby?" IM NOT!
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#82 of 85 Old 11-02-2009, 11:56 AM
 
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I hate thoughtless people, and I'm sorry about your experience!

I'm 25, but I get comments from people about how teenage mothers should be sitting at home feeling ashamed of themselves- and others look at me and shake their heads sadly, and I'm sure they're thinking the same thing. So I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum.

Grace - wife to Jeff and mama to Nigella (11/08) and Orrin (01/10)- expecting a new addition (05/12)! Life is a whirlwind, but I'm learning to enjoy the ride!

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#83 of 85 Old 11-02-2009, 01:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hate thoughtless people, and I'm sorry about your experience!

I'm 25, but I get comments from people about how teenage mothers should be sitting at home feeling ashamed of themselves- and others look at me and shake their heads sadly, and I'm sure they're thinking the same thing. So I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum.

When I was pregnant with my last, who is nearly 20 months- a random stranger told meI must have had my first when I was 15. For the record, I turned 30 last year!

Due with number 5 in August. We do all that crunchy stuff.
.
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#84 of 85 Old 11-02-2009, 05:46 PM
 
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we went TotTing in my mom's neighborhood, and she is neighbors with the nurse at our FP's office. This nurse, in clinic, is always just fine, doesn't criticize or anything. Took the opportunity while my kids were at her house TotTing to tell me she would never have a homebirth, it's just too risky.

R~mama to 3

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#85 of 85 Old 11-03-2009, 11:17 AM
 
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FIL also made the remark "yeah, don't you think it's just too many?" in response to his sister congratulating him on another grandchild, in front of DH.

R~mama to 3

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