how many children do u think u might like - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 68 Old 06-08-2009, 12:33 AM
 
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I think it's interesting that the assumption in society is that it is best for the child if their college is paid for. In my experience exactly the opposite is true. Even if I could afford to pay for college for each of my children I WOULD NOT. I might pay off their loans upon graduation, but that is as far as I would go.

Also, material goods and vacations do not make a happy family. Regardless of family size we should be focusing on quality of life not quantity of things, yk? At least that is what we try to do in my house.

YMMV.
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#62 of 68 Old 06-08-2009, 12:40 AM
 
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I have fertility issues.. and maybe a little money issue. But I don't think money is nearly as big a factor as an attitude issue.
I think children and family are more important than money.

I birthed 3 children so far, but my husband came with a 3 year old and a 6 year old. That's right, we're having baby #6 in January.

Hubby and his first wife couldn't live on one salary with 2 children. Then they couldn't live on 2 salaries and 2 children. Then they divorced. We live on one salary and will have six children, and we bought a bigger house. Just sayin.. what are you willing to do or learn for the family of your dreams?

I blog about things like that at www.kellikolz.blogspot.com. I hope you'll peek at it.

Kelli, Upstate NY mama, dh FarmBoy, raising 6:, his, mine, and ours.

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#63 of 68 Old 06-08-2009, 12:47 AM
 
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Originally Posted by zonapellucida View Post
Sadly some kids in a large family feel that they are, indead not important enough or what ever. !
Judging from all the kids in my yard and in my barn and in my house throughout spring break and summer vacations -

I suspect that more children wish they had siblings to play with. I'm a pleasant mom, but I'm no wonder woman.

And I have kids flocking here to play with my children like bees to honey.

I think that parents of smaller families have to find or make opportunities for growth for their children that occur organically in a larger family. Some of these 'onlies' in my neighborhood are learning how to share (especially since it's not even their yard or their fort or their 'Meerkat manor' that they're in when they have this experience) for the first time in my family's yard.

I'll not say it's always better to be a larger family - but you'd have a hard time selling me that limiting to one or two children is ideal. Not when the kids get a vote, and they do vote with their feet marching into my yard.

Kelli, Upstate NY mama, dh FarmBoy, raising 6:, his, mine, and ours.

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#64 of 68 Old 06-08-2009, 01:06 AM
 
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The number is always changing. At first I solidly wanted 4, but kept in mind that we'd take it one at a time. Now I'm thinking 5. At times I thought even 7-8. Mostly it's up to dh because he does not want as large of a family as I do. 4 is the most I could get him to agree to but we'll see. Our deal is that I birthed the kids and have dealt with the birth control entirely by myself since the beginning. When I'm ready to be done dealing with birth control, I'll let him know. If he chooses to have more kids, then we have more kids (fertility willing of course). If he decides to get a vasectomy, then obviously we're done. He really does not want to get a vasectomy, but understands that it's not fair to me to have a much more invasive surgery when he can have one fairly simply and much less expensive and less risky.
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#65 of 68 Old 06-08-2009, 01:46 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kel32brown View Post
I think that parents of smaller families have to find or make opportunities for growth for their children that occur organically in a larger family.
I like that. And personally find it to be true with my IRL friends and family.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#66 of 68 Old 06-08-2009, 05:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kel32brown View Post
I'll not say it's always better to be a larger family - but you'd have a hard time selling me that limiting to one or two children is ideal. Not when the kids get a vote, and they do vote with their feet marching into my yard.
It may indeed not be ideal for you, but depending on each individual's family's circumstances and priorities, it maybe ideal for them. For example, I'm an only child and I was raised by a single mother on a teacher's salary. I had a wonderful childhood, sure at times I wish I had a sibling and still do, but I know given my mother's circumstances having one child was the ideal scenario for her to do the best that she could. This pregnancy will be my second and probably last child. Both DH and I are career oriented, consequently our professional endeavors are a high priority for us. Therefore, we aren't comfortable with having more than 2 children because we feel our time with them would be spread too thin. However, this maybe totally different from a family where one of the parents has the desire to stay at home. I think all of it's fine. What's best for a child is having their parents being able to provide their best selves; and as demonstrated, many of us here believe we can provide our best by parenting a small number of children.. It's all relative and it's all preference. I don't think there is an ultimate ideal scenario.
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#67 of 68 Old 06-08-2009, 06:33 PM
 
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I would love to have 5. That would fill up our car so that we won't have to get a new one! I love love love being a mommy and having babies, so I would love to have lots! I think DH wants to be done after this one (#3), but I think I could get him to agree to 4. I would be OK with 4, but if we wait a bit to have 4 we will have to have 5. That way 4 has a sibling close in age too!
We are so young(21) and so fertile, and I just can't see myself not having anymore babies!

treehugger.gifAngie(25) Birth Doula and wife to Army man Bob(25), mommy to...dust.gifMeadow Shae(6),energy.gifLily Rain(4)homebirth.jpg, and joy.gif Sage Ashlyn(3). jog.gifAndrew Houston(9/3/11)

 
 
 
 

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#68 of 68 Old 06-08-2009, 06:36 PM
 
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I'd like a couple more after this As many as possible really I'm kinda built to be a mama really - love kids - came from a big family myself

*HUGE hugs* XXX

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
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