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#1 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 12:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Nothing to do but jump into this update:

Two weeks ago, I started bleeding right after I got up in the morning. My husband hadn't gone into work yet, so he went to the hospital with me. After getting hooked up to everything just in case, it was looking like I'd just be there overnight for observation. At about 3am Friday morning (October 9th) the bleeding picked up again. The baby's heartbeat was still good and strong, but with the bleeding, they were concerned about an abruption, so they decided on an emergency cesarean (I was almost exactly 28 weeks). Luckily, they had enough time to give me a spinal and epidural, so I was awake, and my husband was with me the whole time. The surgery itself went about as well as it could have--I'd already been warned that due to the location of my fibroid, I would need a classical incision, but otherwise there were no complications.

Some of you know that I had been on modified bed rest for quite a while due to low fluid, and we'd been warned that there was a risk that the baby's lungs might not develop due to the lack of fluid so early on. Because the delivery ended up being so early, we knew the baby would be taken to the nicu right away--we did, though, get to touch him (the first we knew it was a boy) before they took him. My husband stayed with me till they were done stitching me up, and soon after getting to the recovery room, where my mother was waiting (she had flown in the afternoon before), my husband went to the nicu to see our son. He seemed to be stable, but it was really too soon to tell yet. He went back down with my mother, and she came up a short time later and reported that they had my husband touching the baby while they were working on him, which really seemed to calm him a lot. The plan was that I would be taken down once I'd been stabilized, but the main neonatologist came to the room to say that she'd cleared it with the OBs to have me come down sooner. They had taken a chest x-ray, and our son's lungs had not developed sufficiently--not a maturation issue, which they could deal with, but something that no amount of extra time in the womb would have fixed. When I got to the room, they took the various wires off, and placed him on my chest. He seemed to recognize me--I don't know if it was my voice or my smell, and was reaching for my face. After some amount of time, they took the oxygen tube out, and left him on my chest, and my husband and I held him for a long time. It was about five hours after his birth that his heart stopped. They needed to take me back up to the recovery room to get me stabilized, but they let us keep our son with us as long as we wanted--by this time we'd decided to name him Joseph.

I was in the hospital for almost an entire week. I had been anemic going in, and so after the surgery, I was even more anemic, and required a blood transfusion a few days later. I've now been out of the hospital almost a week, and physically I'm feeling in some ways better than I've felt in months, but emotionally that doesn't help me at all--I almost prefer when I was weak and in pain, since that provided distraction.

There's not much else to say right now. I have family and friends who have been very supportive, and my husband and mother were with me the entire time I was in the hospital, and several days after--my husband only went back to work two days ago. Things are as good as they can be under the circumstances.

Thanks to everyone here for their support over the past several months.

Emily
Married 7/26/2008 -:- Remembering Joseph *10/9/2009* and two other losses since 9/08 -:- Expectingenergy.gif mid-September.

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#2 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 01:13 AM
 
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I really have no words...I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope your physical wounds heal quickly and I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Take care of yourself mama...s:

Summer--momma to Cassie (9-27-06) and Dominic 1-28-10
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#3 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 01:38 AM
 
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Oh my, mama. I am so sorry for your loss, Joseph is a wonderful name. Take care of yourself, and I will be thinking of you

None of the ideas expressed above are actually mine. They are told to me by Luthor and Ferdinand, the five inch tall space aliens who live under my desk. In return for these ideas, I have given them permission to eat any dust bunnies they may find under there.shine.gif

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#4 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 01:39 AM
 
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I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I wish you and your family much peace during this difficult time.

A, jammin.gif mama to a boy (2005) and a girl (2009)
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#5 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 01:46 AM
 
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I am so, so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.

ETA: I just realized I popped into a due date club. Your post name caught my eye. Sending more good wishes for healing.

treehugger.gifMama to DS (3/05 )carrot.gifh20homebirth.gif, wife to DH bikenew.gif, remembering rainbow1284.gifdog2.gifdog2.gif and angel1.gif Spirit 1/07, angel1.gif Hope 5/09, angel1.gif Harmony 6/10, angel1.gif Love 5/11, angel1.gif Joy 6/11
 

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#6 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 01:48 AM
 
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Not my DDC, but just wanted to say, I am so sorry for your loss, mama. Joseph is a beautiful name, and it's so sad you didn't get more time with him. Now he is your beautiful angel, forever in your hearts.

Joseph

 nak.gif Mommy to fencing.gifKai 2/03, hammer.gifCaden 1/08, energy.gif Kara 10/09, angel1.gif 3/21/13, &

rainbow1284.gif baby.gif  Cole 2/3/14 ♡ Happily unmarried to geek.gif Papa since 2002 ♡

~We may not have it all together  but together we have it all~ uc.jpgsaynovax.gifgoorganic.jpgintactivist.giflactivist.gif 

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#7 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 02:08 AM
 
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oh Emily, I'm so sorry your sweet boy is gone. My prayers are with you, your hubby, and little Joseph (LOVE that name)... tons and tons and tons of hugs your way. I'm so sorry you didn't get to keep your rainbow baby.

much love.

'curly girl' regina married to my man since 7/99 , SAHM to my DS (2/06) (12/08) a new to love! (11/09)
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#8 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 02:17 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
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#9 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 02:18 AM
 
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Your story is such a beautiful one. When Joseph recognized you, it warmed my heart.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

First-time mama due on Dec 3rd 2009!
Update: Baby girl born Nov 19th!
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#10 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 03:55 AM
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I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son Joseph.
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#11 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 05:46 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your loss, mama.


Expat mama to my 7-year-old Halloween boy and my cheeky preschooler, who came before the midwife in January 2010... Gestating a new bean, debuting spring 2014!
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#12 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 07:03 AM
 
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I'm so, so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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#13 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 07:07 AM
 
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God's healing to you and yours.

Crunchy con wife with 1 DS and 1 lil DD born in Jan. I love breastfeeding, CDing and Friday night family bed.
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#14 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 07:09 AM
 
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Melissa Wife To James & Mama to Christopher Michael- 6/03 ,Ella Cheyenne- 10/09 & Xander Ryan James- 9/10 :
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#15 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 07:28 AM
 
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I am so so sorry mama...

Mommy to one champagne.gif
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#16 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 09:14 AM
 
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Oh my, I just don't have any words.....so sorry for you mama, take care of yourself...sending my thoughts to your family

Memz, with mylove.gif and mommy  of babygirl.gif born 01/17/10 and 3 cat.gif familybed1.gifsaynovax.giffly-by-nursing1.gif

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#17 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 09:26 AM
 
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I'm so sorry Emily. Sending you love and light during this time.


Three boys.  jumpers.gif
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#18 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 09:32 AM
 
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emily, i am so sorry for your loss. i'm glad you were able to spend some time with joseph. please take care of yourself - sending you healing vibes and love.



g

my family - dp d heartbeat.gif, ds b biggrinbounce.gif (4), ds f thumbsuck.gif (2), dd a baby.gif (jan '12), ddog m dog2.gif
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#19 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 09:54 AM
 
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I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son.

mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
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#20 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 10:12 AM
 
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not in your ddc but I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Wishing your entire family peace and healing.
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#21 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 10:16 AM
 
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Not in your DDC. I'm sobbing and sobbing reading your story. I'm so so sorry. I'm so glad your son got to be with his mama and that you two could know each other a little. You're right, there isn't anything to say, but i wish so hard there was and i could say it. Sending you peace and healing.
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#22 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 10:17 AM
 
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I am so very sorry for your loss.

Angie wife to Joe and Mom to Lucas(10) and Alex (7), Elizabeth (4), Joey (2), and #5 due May 29
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#23 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 10:20 AM
 
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Oh sweetie, I am so sorry.

It goes without saying that I can understand some of what you are feeling, since we also lost our daughter Josie just over a year ago (October 10th, 2008) and I know the place you're in at the moment: very surreal and strange as well as heartbreakingly sad.

Please know two things: one, that I am thinking of you so very hard and sending all the love in the world your way; and two, that this sad time will not be forever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak - this hurt in your heart will not cripple you.

Joseph is a gorgeous name - Joseph will always be your son; you're a mama, and your husband is a daddy, and always will be. You will never forget anything about him - every sensation; every touch and look and feeling will be with you as a precious memory for the rest of your life. I worried about forgetting, but you never do. Did they have chance to take some pictures? If so, please don'e be shy about sharing them: you deserve to be proud of the awesome little life you created and I know we would all love to see his handsome little face.

*HUGE hugs* - please, PM or email me if you ever want to. Also, the PAL boards are just fantastically supportive for everyone - both later and earlier losses.

Again, I am so sorry mama - I really wish there could be no more of this, but there is, every day. All we can do is love and support one another. XXXXXXXX

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
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#24 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 10:35 AM
 
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Emily - my heart is breaking for you. When I saw you were the original poster I broke down.

Sweet Joseph will always be a member of your family and nothing can change that.

All three of you will be in my prayers

Bec, Married eternally to Dan for ten years. Parents to A (8/17/06) O (12/30/09) one love lost (2/07/09) and my little twin angels (9/24/11, 10/11/11)

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#25 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 10:43 AM
 
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oh E, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm glad you got some time with him, holding him on your chest. what a sweet part of his story.

R~mama to 3

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#26 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 10:57 AM
 
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I am truly sorry for your loss.
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#27 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 11:00 AM
 
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Thank you for sharing your story with us, Emily. Much love to you.

Rest in peace, Joseph. You are loved.

Angela
Chatty Girl - 3/2006, Lovey Boy - 1/2010, Delicious Baby Girl - 1/2012
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#28 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 11:00 AM
 
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Emily, I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious son, Joseph. You fought a good fight and did all any momma could do for many months. I honor all that you sacrificed to give your baby the very best chance despite the many challenges you faced.

Joseph will always be your son. His time with you was far too brief but your love for him is very real and very powerful. I pray for comfort and peace for you and your husband as you grieve the loss of your son.

Jospeh

Amy

Wife to K since 6/95 Mommy to "The Fellas" ages 13, 10 and 8 and our rainbow girly 12/09.
Always remembering my babies who could not stay '08 '08 '09
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#29 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 11:03 AM
 
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So sorry, I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

 I like the mind to be a dustbin of scraps of brilliant fabric, odd gems, worthless but fascinating curiosities, tinsel, quaint bits of carving, and a reasonable amount of healthy dirt.
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#30 of 72 Old 10-22-2009, 11:03 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your loss I hope you have some comfort that you were able to spend even a very short time with Joseph. Heal well.

Me joy.gif, DP treehugger.gif, S bikenew.gif and L babyboy.gif
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