Mad - need to vent before going into the hospital... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 01:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Gawd! Okay - I just need to vent here.

Further to the "Facebook Lockdown" topic that we made here in the DDC I decided to tell some people on my Facebook about the induction, but, also tell them about the fact that I'd rather it be kept quiet because I didn't want an influx of peopel coming over before we were ready.

So now my SIL, who I've always (so far) gotten along really well with is offended.

Apparently, my message (written in the middle of labor) is offensive, because I neglected to include the names of my family and partner IN the message and apparently, it sounds too much like it's all about ME and ISOBELLA and not everyone else in the family. I kinda shook my head on the phone and was like "what???"

Okay, now, I've been in heavy pre-labor since Friday and am currently sitting here trying to hang on until 5am with regular contractions that are pretty good and intense. So, I apologized to her for offending her but wow - I felt really attacked! I mean she asked me twice basically remembered the rest of my family when talking about Isobella and I, since it would be everyone welcoming the baby and not just me...

Am I the only one shaking my head over this? She even reminded me that the kids lost a sister too, and were looking forward to this and somehow implied I was excluding them by not mentioning them by name...

My response, in my head, was to think "you know - I am the one in labor here! I'm birthing this baby, in labor right now having had a child die inside me back in 2008 and I'm trying to get this done. How the heck am I supposed to simultaneously worry about everyone else and how they feel about this baby coming? Aren't they looking to me to birth this baby properly? I have to go into labor land and get this baby out! I lost a child and never got to spend time with her, and really feel I, as an individual person, am entitled to look forward to this baby without feeling like the weight of responsibility for everyone else's happiness is placed on my shoulders in the middle of labor!"

I mean I'm so mad! Am I being unreasonable here or what?

Then apparently according to my SO, the message I sent sounds like it's meant to keep everyone away...like I don't want anyone around. Here is a quote:

"Please, please, if you do want to get in touch, email me at *******@*****.com but DON'T post on my Facebook until I've announced the birth! I have many friends, who have friends, who have friends - in this area - and what we really want to avoid is a surge of congrats on the wall, and lots of people coming over to the house before we are ready to see them."


Am I being offensive there? Does that insinuate that the people I sent the message to should stay away, or that they please could keep quiet so that not EVERYONE in the entire WORLD comes to our house?

Am I missing something here or am I a really offensive thoughtless person? Please be honest - maybe I am getting worked up because I'm in labor but I feel like her calling me IN labor getting all confrontational like that was completely inappropriate and I'm rather upset! Plus we always got along so this is like, totally out of the blue, shocking and I feel like some of my support system has been taken away.

Also some tips on calming the heck down IN labor would be appreciated. I'm feeling quite mad right now and I don't think it's helping...lol!

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
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#2 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 01:33 AM
 
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turn off your computer
turn off your phone
tell the front desk at the hospital the specific names of people you will allow, tell them to send everyone else away. Ask them to keep your room number private
Go take a bath and forget about this. Its their issues not yours.
Good luck tomorrow!
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#3 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 01:40 AM
 
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DDCC

I think your SIL was out of line. It is all about you and your baby, especially before she is born. I'd also just ignore the FB. You're in labor, you aren't supposed to be worried about everyone else's feelings.

As for what might calm you down, could your SO and you maybe go for a walk or drive? Get out of the house and turn the ringers off to have some quiet time. Those things help me.

Best wishes for tomorrow.
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#4 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 01:47 AM
 
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That's just.........nuts. There isn't anything in that message except "please respect our privacy and we'll keep you in the loop."

I hesitate to say this (don't want to get flamed) but maybe your SIL is PMSing? Sounds like she's got something else going on and you just happened to be the closest target.

Best baby wishes!

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#5 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 01:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by patagonia View Post
turn off your computer
turn off your phone
tell the front desk at the hospital the specific names of people you will allow, tell them to send everyone else away. Ask them to keep your room number private
Go take a bath and forget about this. Its their issues not yours.
Good luck tomorrow!
That is GREAT advice. This is NOT important. This is your life and your moment. You live it how you see fit. No matter what you do in life, there is always somebody who is not going to like it. You must concentrate on relaxing and letting your body do its best now.

Super mom to a 5 1/2 year old girl, almost 4 yr old girl, and 2 year old boy.

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#6 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 01:55 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by patagonia View Post
turn off your computer
turn off your phone
tell the front desk at the hospital the specific names of people you will allow, tell them to send everyone else away. Ask them to keep your room number private
Go take a bath and forget about this. Its their issues not yours.
Good luck tomorrow!
This.

That everyone in your town is excited about the baby speaks so highly of you and it's wonderful that they all want to see Isobella and wish you well, but I think almost anyone would understand you needing some alone time. Mothers are supposed to be protected, not attacked. Can your husband deal with everyone from now on? You need space to work out how to be a momma to a newborn and how to integrate Isobella into your immediate family first.

I am hoping that your SIL didn't really understand that you were laboring at the time you sent the message, because although it was out of line either way, to have that sort of reaction to a message sent while laboring is out-of-this-world rude and UAV.

Momma to DS 1, age 8 and rainbow baby DS2 4-21-11.
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#7 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 01:57 AM
 
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Gosh! You're not being unreasonable at all! Really, someone gets offended at you in LABOR!!! It's not like you're the one doing all the work bringing your little girl into the world. Sheesh!!!!
Do not take it to heart, focus on yourself, smack your SO and then make him give you all the support that you need. Good luck mama!!!!! Sending you lots of

 sleepytime.gif
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#8 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 01:59 AM
 
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Your body.
Your birth.
Your baby.

The End. Sorry you have to deal with inconsiderate & selfish people like her at this time.

freethinking mom to DD 4/2006 and DS 1/2010
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#9 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 02:08 AM
 
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Yes, turn everything off. It IS all about YOU and your baby right now. Focus on that. If someone else has a problem with that, that is their problem, let them deal with it.

If there is ever a time to be "selfish", being in labor is it!

Wishing you an easy labor and a healthy Mommy and Baby at the end.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#10 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 02:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks all! I feel a whole heck of a lot better hearing your answers. I just couldn't stop frowning before, because I really think about this stuff before sending it out and I don't think anyone else took it the wrong way!?

Anyway I am a whole bunch calmer and am just circling on my birth ball feeling aa'it Listening to Led Zeppelin. I think it's really weird - I thought I'd want a whole bunch of calming music in labor but actually I am totally drawn to and sucked in by energetic music right now!!!

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
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#11 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 04:02 AM
 
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That's good Jay. Don't think about it for another minute. It sounds like her issue, not yours. Revel in this time and do it your way - it's your right, your time. I can't believe anyone would even try to intrude in any way.

Mama to 12, and 9 and 3. 
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#12 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 08:15 AM
 
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what everyone else said.

Jay, it really struck me that maybe she has never given birth herself? Because, um, yeah... IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU & ISOBELLA RIGHT NOW!!! you are one body, one flesh... your birth is a place only YOU can go... it's 100% about you and her! goodness. I hope you can put her nonsense out of your mind and get your good birthing vibes flowin'. Which it sound like you're doing with the Led! you are surrounded by so much love here, just remember that and wear your necklace and revel in your birth! love love love you!

'curly girl' regina married to my man since 7/99 , SAHM to my DS (2/06) (12/08) a new to love! (11/09)
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#13 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 08:29 AM
 
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I'm so sorry. You dont need to feel that way right before having your baby. I agree with everyone else...."dont worry about it". Just focus on you and the baby and let that be that. When people have been Sh*tty to me for no reason,I usually try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they have had a bad day or something. Just try not to let it worry you too much. Today is going to be an awesome day for you!! Enjoy what is to come next!!

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#14 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 09:12 AM
 
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I'd knock her out for you if I could. All the best for you!!!

Crunchy con wife with 1 DS and 1 lil DD born in Jan. I love breastfeeding, CDing and Friday night family bed.
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#15 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 09:14 AM
 
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Thinking of you this morning, jay!

My babies were born at home! 09/07, 01/10, and 09/12 joy.gif

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#16 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 10:03 AM
 
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My DD was stillborn in 2006, and I know exactly where you are and what you're going thru. I'm so so sorry that your SIL is being so petty and insensitive. YOU are the one going thru this NOT her, YOU are the one experiencing this LABOR AND BIRTH and holding your child for the 1st time NOT her. I would tell her how I felt (personally) but if you want to be nice about it, ignore the ignorance!

I hope things go smoothly today mama and your beautiful daughter graces her mothers world with delight very soon!!!!

Tenk ~ happily married with lots of kids

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#17 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 10:17 AM
 
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ummm, WHAT???!?! i wouldn't have been so nice on the phone, i would have told her to f*** off. has she given birth before? does she have a clue? oh i would have been mad too.

g

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#18 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 10:25 AM
 
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I vote you pass along her email to us and we will all take care of it for you

Your baby, your birth, your moment. Enjoy!!

Peace-
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#19 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 11:11 AM
 
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I hope you're not worrying about her right now! I hope you're having a wonderful induction!

BUT AFTER Isobella is here I would definitely talk to her. She was waaaaay out of line - no doubt about it. She needs to know that she sent you into a tailspin at a very important, sensitive time in your life and that you DO NOT appreciate it. She owes you an apology. Period.
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#20 of 20 Old 01-12-2010, 11:59 AM
 
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Honestly, I don't think people THINK before they say anything to pregnant women. It's like they just lose their verbal filter.

Forget about her and focus on your sweet girl.

Angela
Chatty Girl - 3/2006, Lovey Boy - 1/2010, Delicious Baby Girl - 1/2012
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