I'm still upset about my birth! - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-24-2010, 01:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I realized today that I am officially in the "anger" stage of grief. I am so upset about having a cesarean birth. I have been doing alot of reading & research & there really was no reason (that I have found) that demanded me having a cesarean. I think my midwife got scared because of the breech positioning. I did have meconium, but at that point-the baby was IN it already for a while. That is the reason I was cut open...I had meconium.
I keep reading about all these women who had vaginal breech home waterbirths & I am very angry that I didn't get mine.
I am going to get my hospital records tomorrow to see if there is anything that would change my mind on it...
I'm 6 weeks postpartum on the 24th--and I am tired of "handling it well" and "being strong" crap.

Soapbox done

A doula who married a cop & became a mama to 3 boys: G 12/22/00, my rainbow baby B 2/2/07 and L 2/10/10 my CBA2V baby, waiting for my little caboose late February 2013 & always remembering my two angels 2006 & 2012.

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Old 03-24-2010, 08:07 AM
 
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There are no words that I, or anyone, can say to make you feel better. So, I hope my virtual hug may help, if even a tiny bit.

As they say, only time can heal. And no matter the pain or trauma, time can help. If nothing else, it can help to dull the sting.

I hope you find the answers you are looking for and that you can soon arrive at the acceptance stage of something that can never be changed.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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Old 03-24-2010, 10:57 AM
 
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Your anger is completely justified! Vent away!

www.ican-online.net

Lauren (33), writer, recovering academic, WOHM to a highly sensitive child (Robin, Feb '08) and mellow little Holly (Jan '10). Newly diagnosed Bipolar I. rolleyes.gif
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Old 03-24-2010, 12:02 PM
 
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I hear ya! If you want a hopeful story, feel free to take mine as an example though There's too much to tell here BUT if you read my blog, way back from the birth of Josie to my WONDERFUL and EMPOWERING VBAC with Bella, you will see that even with short spacing between births, it can be done! For me it was an incredible thing Now okay, Josie died - but quite apart from that her birth was something I had to deal with separately, so if you read the blog in that vein, and check out the VBAC stuff I have on there, and the anger stuff, you will see that you are totally justified in being pissed off.

*HUGE hugs* mama - it WILL be okay in the end! XXX

Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .
and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010 ! in profile...
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Old 03-24-2010, 12:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am a part of our local ICAN group & it is helping. Love this forum & ICAN!

A doula who married a cop & became a mama to 3 boys: G 12/22/00, my rainbow baby B 2/2/07 and L 2/10/10 my CBA2V baby, waiting for my little caboose late February 2013 & always remembering my two angels 2006 & 2012.

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Old 03-24-2010, 05:16 PM
 
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I was PISSED about mine for months. I read Rebounding from Childbirth and it helped me a lot. I was able to not be as angry, but grieve more. You grieve the way you need to. Yell, scream, cry, pout, whatever, it's your birth that you lost and your process.
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Old 03-24-2010, 10:01 PM
 
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Part of the process of healing over birth trauma is anger. Get mad! After my sons birth I was mad for months! I needed to feel that though to have the joyous experience I had this time.

Three boys.  jumpers.gif
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Old 03-25-2010, 04:32 AM
 
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I have nothing to offer but .

I remember being disappointed about mine, granted it was a while ago and it was scheduled due to breech so it's not like I got to go through labor and then get cut open, but I remember being angry very briefly and then realizing that my anger was consuming my time and energy and the only thing to do was move on and resolve to educate myself in order to be more prepared the next time, so that's what I did.

I think you are going in the right direction to educate yourself, and if I had gone through labor and then had the satisfying birth taken from me in the end, I would be pretty pissed too!

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
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Old 03-25-2010, 03:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by gabeyho View Post

I remember being disappointed about mine, granted it was a while ago and it was scheduled due to breech so it's not like I got to go through labor and then get cut open, but I remember being angry very briefly and then realizing that my anger was consuming my time and energy and the only thing to do was move on and resolve to educate myself in order to be more prepared the next time, so that's what I did.

I think you are going in the right direction to educate yourself, and if I had gone through labor and then had the satisfying birth taken from me in the end, I would be pretty pissed too!
Curious about what you mean by the resolving to educate yourself to be more prepared next time?

Wife to K since 6/95 Mommy to "The Fellas" ages 13, 10 and 8 and our rainbow girly 12/09.
Always remembering my babies who could not stay '08 '08 '09
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Old 03-25-2010, 05:59 PM
 
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I'm still pissed about my failed HBAC, too. I don't have any advice, for you. Only empathy.

Personally, I have just tried to bury it deep down inside with all of my life's other little failures and upsets filed under "to be dealt with during my menopausal break down".

And I hide the hurt with sarcasm.

It totally sucks. Especially when you did prepare yourself and you were educated, and then it came down to the moment of truth and it all happened wrong anyway.

I for one just don't like to think about it. Head in the sand...works for the ostriches.

Rebekah - mom to Ben 03/05 and Emily 01/10, a peace educator, and a veg*n and wife to Jamie.
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Old 03-25-2010, 11:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It totally sucks. Especially when you did prepare yourself and you were educated, and then it came down to the moment of truth and it all happened wrong anyway.

I for one just don't like to think about it. Head in the sand...works for the ostriches.
I am really making myself deal with it since I don't want to be a mess later on You are right though...It sucks big time

A doula who married a cop & became a mama to 3 boys: G 12/22/00, my rainbow baby B 2/2/07 and L 2/10/10 my CBA2V baby, waiting for my little caboose late February 2013 & always remembering my two angels 2006 & 2012.

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Old 03-27-2010, 01:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by jtrt View Post
Curious about what you mean by the resolving to educate yourself to be more prepared next time?
For me, it was about being more informed about my options and my rights, specifically related to VBAC. I did what I could to learn about normal variances in birth, and how to make sure I did what I could on my part to avoid any interventions that could set me up for another c/s. This is why, with my dd2, I had a HBAC; the area hospitals where I lived at the time were not set up for vbacs and therefore did not 'allow' them, so I found a midwife who did them all the time.

I know that all I can do is make sure I read everything I have available to me, and talk to others, until I feel satisfied that I know what I need to know; beyond that, there are still situations where you just have to make the best choice you can make with the information you have at the time, and I refuse to be angry at myself after the fact if I knew all I could know beforehand. So when I had my c/s I was 19, it was my first child, I was confident in the information I had and in the advice/effort of my doc and mw, so I chose to have a c/s. NOW I have access to info I didn't have then because of the internet, and I would have done things differently, but what's done is done and i did what i could at the time so I had to go forward since I had a new baby to love and care for.....and my c/s was at the only hospital i know of in CA that had a tub and did water births, and i was really upset to have to miss out on that!

i'm not sure if that was very clear or helpful.....but I hope it was!

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
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Old 03-27-2010, 01:19 AM
 
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I don't know if it would help you or not- but there is a forum for healing birth trauma I found -

http://mothers.solaceformothers.org/
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