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#1 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 12:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm stealing this from the Dec DDC.

How many of you have restrictions on visitors those first few days or weeks? I did not last time, but I am ready to lay down the law this time.

-Nobody can visit for longer than one hour

-No more than 2 visitors at a time

-No overnight guests for at least 3 months - I am not comfortable having people in the house when I am getting up multiple times to tend to the baby, even if I stay in my room the whole time to do it

That's all I have so far, but based on last time it should help a lot. I was so overwhelmed with 6 visitors (all inlaws) who stayed for over two hours four days after DS's birth. I didn't think I would mind visitors, but I absolutely hated it. I felt like crying the whole time they were there and I couldn't stand anyone holding my baby for longer than 2 minutes. Seriously. I hate the pass the baby game and I am not looking forward to it this time.

Our in-laws now live 3.5 hours from us and I have been reminding DH on a weekly basis that they are NOT STAYING WITH US UNDER ANY circumstances. They are not visiting in large groups. And hopefully they don't cook me any food I hate and then expect me to eat it!

Mama to three

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#2 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 12:33 AM
 
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I hadnt thought about restrictions on visitors. With my first, my mom came and stayed with us for the first week - she was awesome - doing all the cooking cleaning laundry and she organized my tupperware, linens, pantry (she needed to keep busy). She let my husband and I sort through being new parents, let us take care of the baby - and it was awesome. My sister came to visit a few times that week and I loved it since I really needed the support and company. My MIL came for 2nd and 3rd week after my son was born. My mom gave her the scoop on what to do and then left her in charge of the housekeeping duties She did awesome too - although a bit more meddling. FIL came to visit for the last week while MIL was there and that sucked. He decided our yard was his personal mission and put my husband to work planting and spreading bark that he bought with OUR money - almost everyday after work (my husband went back to work 1.5 weeks after the birth). It drove me nuts - since I wanted my husbands help and to see him after work - not have him outside working more - in a yard that was a rental property! So dopey. (plus FIL sprayed weed killer outside without asking - I woke up from a nap and my house smelled like nasty chemicals since it was summer and all the windows were open - I learned to watch everything he buys and brings into my home - it's like having a sneaky 2yr old) I would be really firm about people coming over and that they come when they say. I had a girlfriend want to come visit with her mom and they came 3 hours later than they said and then were upset the baby was sleeping - um I could have been sleeping!!! No "surprise" visits, and it's really nice when people offer to do something when they are here (NOT holding the baby) or if they offer to stop and get you something you need.
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#3 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 01:37 AM
 
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With DD we stumbled upon what visiting system works for us and I look forward to doing it again! Any friends that wanted to visit we encouraged to come and see us while we were in the hospital. We literally packed out the room (which I'm sure would drive some people crazy) during visiting hours. The goal was to get all of our friends to get the "see the baby!" out of their systems so they wouldn't bother us at home. And it's very easy to kick people out of the hospital room when they've stayed too long!
The rule if you came to visit us at home was that you could only see the baby if you brought food. Yes, we said it jokingly and lighthearted, but we also made it clear that we had no interest in people coming over to just hang out and hold our baby. Friends seemed to get the hint and we only got one annoying visitor, plus we got plenty of ready made meals.

My mom did come and help for the first week, but she stayed in a hotel nearby (ah, the advantage of a one bedroom apartment!) She was great about not overstepping her bounds, she only held DD when we encouraged her to because she didn't want to get between us. She'll be staying with us for at least a week, maybe longer, this time around to help us with DD. We don't have any family in the area, so we're pretty safe! The in-laws won't visit for a while and they never stay with us either.

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#4 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 09:02 AM
 
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wow, love this thread! I am going to think about this one and get back to you all! I also wasn't a fan of all the visitors and the pass the baby game, so we'll see what I can come up with!!! keep the ideas coming!!

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#5 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 09:05 AM
 
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Our situation might be slightly different as family and frinds will have to travel internationally to come visit. My ever-thoughtful sister-in-law was the first to ask when we would allow visitors - I hadn't even thought of it! We just assumed people would come when they could. We'll promise clean sheets, I believe and the rest is up to them .


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Originally Posted by Conejita View Post
I hadnt thought about restrictions on visitors. With my first, my mom came and stayed with us for the first week - she was awesome - doing all the cooking cleaning laundry and she organized my tupperware, linens, pantry (she needed to keep busy). She let my husband and I sort through being new parents, let us take care of the baby - and it was awesome. My sister came to visit a few times that week and I loved it since I really needed the support and company. My MIL came for 2nd and 3rd week after my son was born. My mom gave her the scoop on what to do and then left her in charge of the housekeeping duties She did awesome too - although a bit more meddling.
My mom is planning on coming for a week, maybe two which I am sure will be amazing. She'll have no problems making meals or helping us get adjusted as new parents.

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Originally Posted by clicksab View Post
The rule if you came to visit us at home was that you could only see the baby if you brought food. Yes, we said it jokingly and lighthearted, but we also made it clear that we had no interest in people coming over to just hang out and hold our baby. Friends seemed to get the hint and we only got one annoying visitor, plus we got plenty of ready made meals.
This sounds like a great plan!!! Again, with international visitors it might be more difficult to put in place, but I'm sure there is some way to incorporate it.

My family = me + dh & ds +
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#6 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 09:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I should have said, I have no problem with my mom visiting or holding my new baby. But she is offended after one or two minutes when I say, I need my baby back. Plus she is so helpful with cooking and cleaning and not interfering at all. So I would love if my mom stayed with us for a week or two, but since she is in town - that won't be happening. She'll probably be here most days though those first few weeks.

Also, I love the hospital visitor idea and that's what I tried the first time. Some people (IL's) just took that to mean anytime at home was fine too! Also, I told MIL she could stay in the room while I nursed DS (Day one!) because I didn't really care. But then, she comes over and stares right at my breast and baby and tries to help! She did this anytime I nursed in front of her the next few weeks so eventually I started leaving the room when I needed to nurse and she was there. I did tell her thanks, but I got it. But she didn't get the hint. We are having a homebirth this time, so hopefully no visitors in those first few days (minus my mom and maybe dad, sister, and brother). My family is in town though, so they could stop by for 30 minutes or less and it wouldn't be a big deal. IL's would have to drive so far and wouldn't want to just visit for 30 minutes. I am going to have to talk with them sooner rather than later so I can set the record straight.

Mama to three

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#7 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 09:48 AM
 
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My MIL came and stayed with us for a month after my first daughter was born. That was AWESOME. Gosh, we were SO overwhelmed to bring home that first baby!!

I don't think we'll have to worry about visitors this time--didn't last time, either. Generally, our friends and family know that we'll bring baby to see them--and the rest are always too far away to worry about.

I am a total germaphobe during the first six weeks, so I send out pictures but don't invite anyone over. Heck, I don't even want the maid to hang around working for too long in the weeks after the baby comes!

PS! Two great things I've heard other people do:
- The rule about not coming over without food -- LOVE this one.
- If anyone wants to come over to "help", let them know you would like them to do some housework, NOT hold the baby so YOU can do housework.

Tamara: Aspiring doula, partner to Brazilian musician, mom to THREE GIRLIES!
(4/01, 6/07, & 12/09)
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#8 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 10:15 AM
 
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I hate having people stay with me....so that is definitely out.

What I did with my son, was people could come to visit, but no one could drop by unannounced. If I wasn't up for it, we just said no. I didn't make any formal rules...because who knew how the day was going to go? My MIL stayed in a hotel nearby for perhaps a week and she did some cleaning and organizing for me...which was nice. We had friends drop off meals, which was equally nice...they did it one by one, so that way they could come and see me and the baby, stay for maybe half an hour and then leave.

We also had a bris, so most of our friends saw the baby then. And then we had a lunch back at the house, so they could hang out with the family all at once as well.

For the twins...probably something similar. No one will stay here with me. I do hope people will help with my son and take him out so he gets some attention. I never had a problem with people hogging the baby, but I also never had a problem with people wanting to hold him. The only thing I think that may make it more complicated is bf'ing twins...it was rather easy to just bf my son when people were over, but with the twins...that's going to take a bit more coordination at first, so I may want to leave the room so I don't flash everyone trying to figure it out...
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#9 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 11:00 AM
 
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Great thread! I only heard a definite from my parents that they are planning to come to England after the baby comes. They are pretty good about making food and stuff, but my father will just sit with his laptop and then get ansty and go somewhere. They never stay long- they are like jumping beans. My sister was GREAT last time. She won't be coming until June and it will be a family vacation for her, so this time will be different. My in-laws haven't stated any plans to come and they are so disorganized they probably don't know themselves. My MIL does not like to travel and is a total hyperchondriac/ orthorexic and it is pretty unpleasant to have to have her around.

My English friends seem to jump up from giving birth and go right back out to socializing and having people over. I won't be that person. I don't know what to do when people come ringing my doorbell. It already happens when people are walking by. The doctor's office is up the street and anytime someone goes they seem to think it's a good time to stop by for some tea. I'm also a germaphobe (ah, just in comparison, I think I'm "normal" for an American) and this freaks me out. I have what seems to be an extreme need for privacy compared with the English. I don't want to be rude, but when I'm nesting in and sleep deprived, I can't cater to everyone else's feelings, you know?

Maggie, American expat, mother to DD1 5/27/2007 and DD2 2/15/2010
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#10 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 11:10 AM
 
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Wow, I feel sad. No one really comes to visit after the baby is born. The ladies from church might drop by with dinner, but they are usually rushing home to get dinner to their own families so don't stay more than 15-20 minutes at most...

Nicole, Mommy to Jasmine (7/05) , Athena (2/07) , Shane (3/08) , Caleb (1/10), and 2 angels (4/06 & 4/09)
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#11 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 11:27 AM
 
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I hadn't really thought about it. My immediate family is all local so there wouldn't be an overnight issue. I don't think I'd be up to overnight guests anyway. I'm kind of leaving it open, I guess. Anyone can come by so long as they bring food or are ready to clean for me. If I don't want to pass the baby I would feel comfortable saying so.

I don't like unannounced visitors in general, so I can't see that changing.

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#12 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 11:52 AM
 
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I just want ppl to stay away so I haven't come up with much yet.

Heather married to my highschool sweetheart 6/7/02 :cop: Mother to Dani age 14 and Timmy age 10 Nadia 1/29 :
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#13 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 12:00 PM
 
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We just sort of go back to regular life after the baby comes. My kids would be sad and start getting antsy if they didn't get to go out and see their friends, so I plan on having their friends (and their moms who are my friends) over just like we do now. When we go out, I will keep baby in a sling and close to me.

My mom/sister/niece (they all live together) came for a couple of weeks after ds was born but we lived in my ILs basement, so they stayed upstairs in the house. We took them all over (to see the area) and it was fun. After dd came, they came and stayed here. I am not sure if they all will be able to come this time, but I am hoping my mom will come meet this baby, too... They didn't do a whole lot to help out around the house, but they don't really put any demands on me, either.

I guess I like having visitors, and I am not a super hostess with the mostess, anyways, so I don't go all out when I have visitors (with or without baby), especially not my mom. MIL lives next door to us, so she will come when she wants to.
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#14 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 12:54 PM
 
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Great thread!
I've been wondering about this myself, especially since this is our first, and I have so many parents who will want to visit thanks to divorce/remarriage.
I also have an issue with my mom that may make things tricky. I love my mom dearly, and we're close, but she's struggled throughout my life with alcohol and painkiller addictions. In recent years it's gotten a lot worse. My stepfather is a wonderful man and has a heart of gold, and he's done everything he can to help her try to get sober - and she's been sober for almost a year now. But, it's a constant struggle, and even when she gets tired at the end of the day, she acts drunk. What she really needs to do is see a counselor, but she refuses...anyway - my whole family lives in Mass., and we live in Texas. My stepdad can't come and stay very long, since he's a solo practitioner lawyer and will have to get back to work. And my mom wants to come for 3 weeks! I worry that without him there, she will relapse. And I can't worry about a brand new infant and worry about her driving drunk (which she has done - and she will be staying in a hotel since we have a small house.)
I'm going to have to figure out a way to tell her to only come for one week - that I feel comfortable with. But I'd also like the help for longer than that. Luckily my dad and his current wife are supportive, and my in laws are also wonderful, so I think they will come and help as much or as little as we want. So I have options - but the whole thing just stresses me out. I guess I'm just ranting here....
Really her addiction is going to be a struggle in many ways with regards to the baby. I'm not going to ever feel comfortable leaving him with her alone. I hate saying that, but it's the truth - I have a very hard time trusting her, since for so many years she's claimed she's sober and then there will be a relapse, or I'll find alcohol hidden away. Anyway, sorry for going off on a different topic, and thanks for listening to me vent!
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#15 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 02:07 PM
 
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With DS we didn't have any rules, but everyone came over when DS was about a day old, stayed for a few hours, then left. And then came over every few days for the first month to visit/bring food.

But, this time around, I won't have a husband here to help. And DS will be 21 months old. My family is all close, but I'll only have one person here with DS when he's born (maybe family, maybe friend, definitely not DH). Rules this time will be you must call before you come over and I must say okay, 2 hour limit, no pass the baby (which they wanted to do with DS and I refused and they got pissy), and if you come you are bringing food (which follows my rules, it doesn't have to be organic but it must be dairy/beef/pork free), and you are also doing a load of laundry at the laundromat right down the street(I don't have a washer/dryer, and I usually go to my dad's which is 5 blocks away, but I don't want to leave the house for the first month post-baby, and I cloth diaper both kiddos so that means laundry 3 times a week at least). In my dad/stepmom's case they can do the laundry at their house, obviously, since they're so close.

They've all learned by now that it doesn't serve a purpose to give me parenting advice, since I know what I'm doing and they can't change my mind ie breastfeeding, homebirth/UC, cloth diapers, all the other AP, etc.

It seems harsh but I need to be emotionally sound and I need my family to be supportive, and that means I have to explain to them HOW to be supportive.

me & DP & our blended brood: DS(6), DD(4), DS(2.5), DS(2), and DS(6 months) & ... I my placenta!
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#16 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 02:35 PM
 
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I really haven't given it much thought for in-town visitors (like how many hours they could stay).

I'm worried about a long term visit by MIL. She actually wants to come out 1 week before my due date and I have been able to put my foot down at that. I don't want there to be any stress or impatience leading up to (and possibly after my "due" date should the baby want to come a little late) my due date.

After that discussion things seemed to have died down but I know she still expects to come for about 2-3 weeks very soon after the birth. I know it will mean a lot to DH, but I'm really not excited about having a 3rd party around during this time. At our house the Master Bedroom is an addition so it's completely removed from the other rooms (and guest room), but still...
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#17 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 03:55 PM
 
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My in-laws are coming to stay at some point after the baby is born. My DH invited them (MIL and S-FIL) without asking me first. I'll spare you the expletives that ran through my head. It's a very small house, and MIL is a real pain in the, well, sorry, ass.

They live 3 provinces away, and DH really wants them to come and stay. MIL is quite uncomfortable with seeing BF-ing, so I think I will sit in the living room and nurse all day - maybe they'll leave sooner rather than later.

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#18 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 05:24 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perdita_in_Ontario View Post
MIL is quite uncomfortable with seeing BF-ing, so I think I will sit in the living room and nurse all day - maybe they'll leave sooner rather than later.
I love your plan!!

I live next door to my parents and about 2 mins away fro MIL and SMIL/FIL, and SMIL is my midwife, so I know she'll be over regularly to check on us. I have a good relationship with all of the above, and they were all very helpful where I really needed it last time. As in they let me take care of my baby my way and please clean and cook for me.
I live in a small community with a lot of midwives and I think they have drilled in proper etiquette for visiting after a birth. Any friends, neighbors, church members that want to stop by all call first, bring GOOD food and don't stay long.

If you have a lot of locals, I recommend the sign: "SLEEPING" we put this up any time we didn't want guests... no one violated this. I used this constantly for the first year, MIL had this way of just stopping by during DS's nap.

One son , 3 years old. One husband, nine years of love. Expecting A Girl Feb 25, 2010
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#19 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 07:22 PM
 
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My MIL, who I don't like and is a complete psycho told my husband she was going to come and stay at our house for an entire week after the baby was born! NO WAY LADY! I hardly want her around my baby as it is. I am not comfortable around her and she is a self centered b*tch. Anyway hubby told her no. But get this....she lives in the same town as us! Why on earth would she need to stay here?

The last thing I need is having her here longer than an hour....I can't imagine a whole week. It would be hell.

Mommy to Violet Kisori born 3/3/10
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#20 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 09:32 PM
 
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FIL called us literally ten minutes after we had gotten DD home from the hospital to say he was at the thruway stop and would be there in ten minutes. I burst into tears - but he and BIL came anyway. FIL is a smoker and was smelly and I cried the whole time - I was just so emotional and sure he was going to get DD sick, etc. I have told DH there will NOT be a repeat of that situation...the only person welcome in this house for the first week after the birth is my mother, who is a huge help. Otherwise, they can stay away. FIL just rattles around my house, lets my pets out, and complains about the way my kitchen is set up (not kidding!!!!!).

For those of us who are concerned with keeping people away, I also put signs on our front and back door: It's flu season, and there is a new baby inside. If you are sick, please come visit another day. Some people were offended, but I didn't really care.

Jill :, partner to DH:, mother to DD 11/06 :, DD 2/2010 .
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#21 of 31 Old 10-19-2009, 10:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by angrypixiemama View Post

For those of us who are concerned with keeping people away, I also put signs on our front and back door: It's flu season, and there is a new baby inside. If you are sick, please come visit another day. Some people were offended, but I didn't really care.
I don't understand why people get offended, they are the "stupids" who think it's okay to come into your house sick!

I will be having a note on my door this time, I will have to remember to include that piece about it being flu season! Especially since DS could get sick from them and pass it on to the new baby.

Mama to three

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#22 of 31 Old 10-20-2009, 12:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Nicole730 View Post
I don't understand why people get offended, they are the "stupids" who think it's okay to come into your house sick!

I will be having a note on my door this time, I will have to remember to include that piece about it being flu season! Especially since DS could get sick from them and pass it on to the new baby.
This sign is currently on my front door because I do daycare.....

Mary had a little lamb.
She also had the flu.
And when she left her daycare,
the others had it too.
So any time your child is sick,
please keep her home with you.
Then the children in our daycare
will be happier and healthier too.


I'm sure you could modify it to fit adults as well and take out the daycare part, lol.

Heather married to my highschool sweetheart 6/7/02 :cop: Mother to Dani age 14 and Timmy age 10 Nadia 1/29 :
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#23 of 31 Old 10-22-2009, 02:30 AM
 
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ahh I know the grass is greener on the other side...I probably would feel the same way you do if I had the issues you've had to deal with....
I had a few co workers and dh of course at the hospital with my first.....only dh and dd with my 2nd....no one for my 3rd and no one for my 4th.....well dh and kids visited but after baby was born, I had no one during labor for 3rd and 4rth.....family is states away and have never been able to come. Anyway this time I will make sure dh is with me and some co workers I think may come as well...as far as in the house....only dh kids and I......dh will be off 1 week which is great since the first week is murder for me with the after pains!!!!

Mom to 5 little angels in Texas and expecting another blessing in Summer 2012!!:

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#24 of 31 Old 10-22-2009, 10:42 AM
 
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I've been thinking about this. With DD I actually hosted a party when she was two weeks old, and my e-mailed invitation just asked that only healthy people come. My mom brought a big sheet cake and I stuck out some nuts and it was easy--3 hours of open house, clean the house once, let's get all the visitors in and out at once. The problem was, mostly only close family or random friends-of-my-parents came, and the other people (cousins, friends, etc.) who wanted to make individual visits skipped the party "because they'd rather see the baby one on one" and made individual visits anyway. So this time I'll save myself the bother.
My in-laws are posing my biggest problem, because with DD's birth they stayed with DH's grandma, who is now deceased. Which means now when they come to town, they stay with us. But it's really totally not okay if they stay with us when I'm post-partum. We have a two-bedroom, one-bathroom house, and are about to have four people in it on a regular basis--we really can't hold any more. My parents, who live locally and have tons of room, always invite them to stay over there, but my in-laws don't like to. I think I'm just going to insist that they do this time, under the pretense that DD will need a place to go while I'm in the hospital and for some afternoons while I'm home and resting, so it just makes the most sense to have *all* the grandparents in one handy spot for babysitting. I'm hoping they will accept gracefully.

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#25 of 31 Old 10-22-2009, 10:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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HappiLeigh - My mom offered to have my MIL stay with her instead of our house and MIL will either have to take her up on that or else get a hotel. I cannot imagine having any overnight guests during those first few weeks no matter who it is. It's just stressful even if the people staying over cook/clean etc... Maybe I think that way because last time I felt like crying anytime people were in my house for longer than a few minutes.

And I'm sorry your party idea didn't work out - that sounds like a great idea! Get it all over with at once.

Mama to three

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#26 of 31 Old 10-27-2009, 08:59 PM
 
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i'm trying to come up with a plan. our biggest issue is childless friends who are clueless about the fact that new moms and babies need rest, and really don't want to spend hours visiting! when ds2 was born, our good friend came over w/his gf who we didn;t even know, and they stayed for like two hours. i was in the recliner, in my pjs, falling asleep, and they just were
NOT getting the hint!

i want to avoid that this time. is there a nice way to put a sign n the door that says, "if you're not here to clean something or provide a meal, please go away!"? i realy want that to be my rule, but i don't know how to do that. i wish that i could put someone else in charge of scheduling my visitors, so they could tell them for me!

i'd like to keep visitors at bay for a few days this time. our closest family members live in town, and it's a given that some of them will be visiting right away. for the most part, that's okay, with the exception of a couple who will come and not do anything (but won't stay long anyway, as they don't really care for babies or children).

dh's grandma will probably come over and clean something, as long as i'm willing to swallow my pride and ask her to!

my mom may stay with us the first night (she'll be here for the birth anyway), but i'll want to send her home after that (she's really not all that helpful with doing things anyway!).

Crunchy wife to my high-school sweetheart, mama to DS (10/23/05) , DS (11/22/07) , DD (3/9/10) , and DS (5/26/12),  and three babies in Heaven.
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#27 of 31 Old 10-28-2009, 11:10 AM
 
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The visits that have bothered me the most have been the ones in the first days. With my oldest, I was at a hospital and we invited all kinds of family and friends to visit while we stayed for 3 days. I didn't know how much it would bother me until it was happening. I felt awkward nursing since I was just learning, so I didn't as much as I should, and he got dehydrated. Second time around we were at home, and mostly it was my immediate family, which I didn't mind. But when the inlaws visited it was very awkward and uncomfortable, and even hostile...don't know why, don't ask, just know it's something about a very jealous, immature MIL. I would have preferred to do w/o that.

This time, we are now 2-2.5 hours from family/friends. I am actually thinking we won't call anyone until the next day. And we won't host in-laws until babe's closer to a week. For my family, I literally only have a mom and two sisters, so they may come to visit sooner, but I don't mind. All were present during the entire birth last time and immediately following.

And we were very fierce about WASH YOUR HANDS RIGHT AWAY as people walked through the door.

I forgot, too. My MIL smokes like a chimney, and I had a very, very hard time letting her hold the new baby because she reeked like smoke and I didn't want the cross fumes just remaining on her hands/clothes to harm the baby. But I didn't really know how to handle that one, so she held him. How do you tell your already witchy MIL that she stinks like smoke too much and can't hold your baby?

 

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#28 of 31 Old 10-28-2009, 11:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Thandiwe View Post
How do you tell your already witchy MIL that she stinks like smoke too much and can't hold your baby?
Talk to your husband about the associated risk of SIDS--there are resources online you can show him/print one out--and have him talk to his mother. Maybe she can wear layers or bring an extra shirt to change into to hold the baby.

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#29 of 31 Old 10-28-2009, 01:18 PM
 
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Thandiwe - that's rough about the smoking. I agree that you should get your DH involved and that it should come from him. I'm not sure what guidelines would be practical, require a change of clothes or even a shower? Good luck!

One son , 3 years old. One husband, nine years of love. Expecting A Girl Feb 25, 2010
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#30 of 31 Old 10-28-2009, 02:50 PM
 
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Talk to your husband about the associated risk of SIDS--there are resources online you can show him/print one out--and have him talk to his mother. Maybe she can wear layers or bring an extra shirt to change into to hold the baby.
I agree with Tamara!

Crunchy wife to my high-school sweetheart, mama to DS (10/23/05) , DS (11/22/07) , DD (3/9/10) , and DS (5/26/12),  and three babies in Heaven.
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