Weekly chat thread Dec 14th- Dec 20 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-18-2009, 11:16 AM
 
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Good appointment today, had a long discussion with my OB. We will be inducing 1/29 if baby boy hasn't arrived by then on his own. Hope you don't mind if I stick around anyways, I've never even been in the January room on this site.
Of course you NEED to stick around - so we can keep up with you! That's my actual due date (according to o date)- but i tend to go late, which is why I joined the Feb board. So exciting!

: mama to 3 sweet boys, 10/21/03, 2/23/07 and 1/20/10
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Old 12-18-2009, 01:16 PM
 
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Keeta - That's exciting news! It's hard to change your diet anytime, but even more so when pregnant.

NicoleS - Yes, absolutely stick around. I would love to get updates around your birth and see baby pictures.

One son , 3 years old. One husband, nine years of love. Expecting A Girl Feb 25, 2010
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Old 12-18-2009, 01:49 PM
 
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Glad you don't mind my sticking around. I wasn't sure how "taboo" inductions were here.

Nicole, Mommy to Jasmine (7/05) , Athena (2/07) , Shane (3/08) , Caleb (1/10), and 2 angels (4/06 & 4/09)
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Old 12-18-2009, 02:28 PM
 
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If I actually make it to that point, my induction date is 1/22. So I'm there with ya. I'm not going to the January board. I am hanging out here. All my kids have been inductions. Doesn't make me any less of a mama. I labored and pushed and birthed and tore, unmedicated, just like everyone else. I have diabetes so that's just what we do. I have the same doctor so he knows the drill and it works for us. Of course then people try to doubt my diabetes even exists. I guess the numbers in black and white aren't good enough for some. I was born with it. I'm not any happier about it than they are.

I'm Valerie bfinfant.gif wife to a United States Navy sailor, mom to Audreygeek.gif(6/01), Lydiathumbsuck.gif(4/08)   Jethrobabyf.gif(1/10) and Vivian babygirl.gif (6/11) novaxnocirc.gifcd.gif

 
 
 
    

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Old 12-18-2009, 02:39 PM
 
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So, homebirthers (and others too!), I have a large jacuzzi tub in my (upstairs) master bathroom. If you were me, would you bother getting a blow up tub for downstairs since my bedroom and bathroom are up there, or do you think I'll get mad at the hard bottom of the jacuzzi tub? The only other thing that makes me think I might want a blow up tub is so DH can more comfortably be in there with me while I'm flopping around. However, something about the thought of those jets on my back makes me happy...
Back when I was having a homebirth I asked about this because I have a heated jacuzzi tub in my master bath (can you believe I have never been in it!?! ...I'm not a big fan of soaking/baths. My sister uses it when she house sits and says it's great, I keep meaning to give it a try).

My (then) MW said she would still recommend a rental tub because mine is not big enough for my belly to be submerged while changing positions (like if I wanted to kneel or something). So maybe you should hop in it and try out a few positions?
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Old 12-18-2009, 02:46 PM
 
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Okay cool- I just sent an email to someone in dh's family telling her where I will register so I feel excited to have spoken up about that! Now I can choose things I want- fun!
I actually want to register at BabyGap as I like a lot of their stuff. But I can't do an online registry and there is no Gap close to me. So I guess I will just make a list of what I want and the people who would get it for me will communicate. Ah, gifts- fun!
maybe you could make an online wish list on myregistry or amazon (which now allows you to add things from any site). I did an amazon one (in addition to the mainstream Babies R Us for those that want to shop in an actual store for my in laws that threw me a shower. It helped A LOT. It was great to get things that we actually need.

The amazon one got used too, and people actually studied both and bought some very appropriate gifts that I didn't register for (like a super nice sling) based on the fact that I had a moby and ergo on the list. I also listed a few cloth diapers (even though my stash is pretty complete) just let people see what "new" cloth diapers are all about - and one lady did find some in a local store and was so excited to buy a few.

On amazon there is a notes section so I could list local places that stock the items and it still lets the person click that they bought it.

My MIL has suggested I continue to do an online list for the future so she knows what to get the baby since she lives so far away and won't know what toys it does/doesn't have. This will be great - hopefully I can steer her towards more natural/non-plastic options because that would be new for her!!
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Old 12-18-2009, 04:22 PM
 
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OMG, unannounced hospital room visit from my mother-in-law while my husband wasn't here. Made/making it very hard to avoid having stress-contractions!!! GRR!

Anyway, discharging from the hospital now, yay! Home to rest and wait. Hopefully a lot of resting and waiting.

Tamara: Aspiring doula, partner to Brazilian musician, mom to THREE GIRLIES!
(4/01, 6/07, & 12/09)
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Old 12-18-2009, 05:02 PM
 
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I got a Moby wrap from my registry today!! Tell me if you loved it (please tell me that bc I am excited to do a wrap!) and any suggestions like how to put it on.

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Old 12-18-2009, 05:31 PM
 
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Just follow the directions it came with. It's easy. I like to put it on before I leave to go somewhere if I can. I love the wrap style and my kids would always sleep in them. It was so soothing to them. I always did the hug hold and the newborn hug hold. The kangaroo hold looks nice. I may have to try that one out. I have a Moby Wrap but I was thinking about making a fleece version of one. I think that would be great since we are having winter babies. I have never had a winter baby. I am used to sweating to death in Texas trying to wear my baby so this is kind of exciting to me.

I'm Valerie bfinfant.gif wife to a United States Navy sailor, mom to Audreygeek.gif(6/01), Lydiathumbsuck.gif(4/08)   Jethrobabyf.gif(1/10) and Vivian babygirl.gif (6/11) novaxnocirc.gifcd.gif

 
 
 
    

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Old 12-18-2009, 05:39 PM
 
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My friend is getting me a dozen infant prefolds, yay! So even if my family doesn't catch on with the fancy AIOs, at least the baby will have SOMETHING.

About the circumcision thing, definitely don't be persuaded by the "I want him to look like everyone else" argument. These days, boys don't really look at each other in the locker room (if there is a locker room), I'm told - THAT's what would get them made fun of. I know in my circle of friends, intact boys are the norm - circumcised ones would be the odd ones out. And if your husband wants the baby to look like him, remind him that little boys don't look like adults anyway. My son has never seemed to notice that his dad is circumcised. He's way more interested in his beard, and we aren't going to surgically graft one of those to a baby's face!

I like the amazon wish lists, though I wish you could pick what order they display stuff in for other people by default. I don't have confidence in my family's ability to sort by priority.

It's great that you get to go home, aramat! I hope you stay there a good long time!
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Old 12-18-2009, 06:26 PM
 
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I'm thinking about making a registry...someone at church the other day said sort of in passing that we should make a list of what we need in case someone plans a shower for us. Not sure if that was a hint ( we sure weren't expecting any sort of a shower for baby #5, but we are at a new church, so I guess it wouldn't surprise me if they did give us one!)

We need a few big-ticket items, as all our "big" stuff was from ds1 (nearly 8 years old) and wearing out fast....when we moved a year ago, we craigslisted a lot of baby gear since we knew it wouldn't really last through another kid, and didn't want the hassle of moving it.

So now we need a new infant car seat and at least one bouncy seat....one for upstairs and down would be nice, but at least one...we babywear, so the strollers we have (a sit'n'stand and a double jog stroller) will be more than adequate. But I'd really really love to have a new papasan-style swing...we had an old used one with dd2, and it was very nice to have--when I needed to put her down to wipe a toddler butt or something, it was great to keep her asleep or up off the floor where her siblings would step on her or pester her to death, LOL!

I just bought a mini portable crib to side-car...I found a good deal on it, and I think it's going to work out well, so that's one thing we can check off.

So really, the biggest things we need are an infant car seat, a swing, and a bouncy seat or two. Sigh.....I wish I could put a washing machine on a baby registry--ours is on the fritz again!

Or a larger vehicle! Our minivan is about maxed out for space, and I'm still not positive we'll be able to get 3 kids in the back row--a high-back booster, a FF convertible, and a backless booster! You reckon folks would raise their eyebrows if I put "12-passenger van" on the wish list??

PS....Kara, about the jacuzzi....for my last 2 births, I had a bathroom with a really deep, large tub (no jets though, boo-hoo!) and it worked out fine! I'm on the short side, so I didn't actually need more depth, but ultimately it was just a lot easier to use the tub than to set up a birth pool. However, one thing I hated was the hard bottom and sides of the tub! I'd highly recommend you go buy 2 or 3 really cheap bed pillows and have them handy for kneeling/sitting/leaning. If they get messy you can throw them away without too much guilt.

For my ds2's birth (first birth in that tub) I didn't have any cushion; I tried an inflatable pillow, but it wouldn't stay put because it kept trying to float up (duh!) and it was very frustrating. I actually didn't stay in the tub for that birth, partly because it was so uncomfortable (also his cord was wrapped and getting out gave the mw and dh more room to maneuver him out). Anyway, I highly recommend some sort of cushion. Maybe just an egg-crate foam pad that you can cut to size and submerge? But cheap bed pillows do the trick and are easy to find!

Sarah, Queen of Hearts, raising a Full House with Michael, King of my Heart!
DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
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Old 12-18-2009, 06:38 PM
 
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Anyway, discharging from the hospital now, yay! Home to rest and wait. Hopefully a lot of resting and waiting.
Yeah! Glad you are headed home.

Homeschooling mama to DD 3/28/06 reading.gif,  DS 2/27/10 coolshine.gif, Belle the Orange Dog 03/11, and DD babygirl.gif 10/03/2013.
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Old 12-18-2009, 10:48 PM
 
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yay going home!!

I'm not doing well, ladies.

I've been running around too much: trying to get to the hospital so I can do some kangaroo'ing during one of the girls' feeds (husband holds the other at the same time). Spent even more time there yesterday and got to bathe them for the first time. Which is great, but again, means I get little rest. I make sure I'm up early enough to see my son before his nanny comes in the morning. I'm at the hospital for a few hours every day, and then want to be sure to see my son for the few hours when he gets home before he goes to bed. And play with him. I am pumping every three hours (both at the hospital and at home) and am thus not sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time. So I'm not recovering from the c-section at all.

I have been in so much pain. I've been on two percoset every four hours, motrin every 6 hours, plus tylenol extra strength. And it isn't enough. My husband came in our room today while I was resting and said I looked like I needed a blood transfusion. He made me make an appointment with the doctor, so agreed that I was not doing well and I needed to REST. The midwife was so sympathetic and said that I needed to take time for myself and that she knew how hard it must be for me but I really really needed at least one day of comfy pajamas (her words). They are increasing my pain meds to I can be more comfortable as well. And, I need to go back on Sunday and Wed to have them look more at my incision...its a little red and swollen and they want to be sure it isn't getting infected under the skin. I couldn't stop crying at the appointment...the stress is getting to me, and the lack of sleep and hormones doesn't help.

Sigh. So not good at all... The girls are doing fantastically (!!!) but me...not so much. If they weren't doing well I don't know how I'd cope. I don't know what to do... how can I not go to the hospital to see my girls? And not pumping as much just isn't an option either...I can't risk my supply...

Just needed to vent...

On a positive, pics of the girls in the NICU-friendly clothes I bought them, and one of me and Meorah:

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b3...1261184440.jpg
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b3...1261184439.jpg
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b3...1261184438.jpg
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Old 12-18-2009, 11:05 PM
 
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The girls look adorable - but do take sometime for yourself mama!

Nicole, Mommy to Jasmine (7/05) , Athena (2/07) , Shane (3/08) , Caleb (1/10), and 2 angels (4/06 & 4/09)
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Old 12-18-2009, 11:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Zevy So sorry to hear you aren't doing well right now. I really hope you can find some rest and comfort. I am glad your babies are doing well. I hope you have a peaceful recovery and get lots of nourishment and help and rest.
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Old 12-19-2009, 03:00 AM
 
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If I actually make it to that point, my induction date is 1/22. So I'm there with ya. I'm not going to the January board. I am hanging out here. All my kids have been inductions. Doesn't make me any less of a mama. I labored and pushed and birthed and tore, unmedicated, just like everyone else. I have diabetes so that's just what we do. I have the same doctor so he knows the drill and it works for us. Of course then people try to doubt my diabetes even exists. I guess the numbers in black and white aren't good enough for some. I was born with it. I'm not any happier about it than they are.
This is so encouraging to me. I've been worried bc my midwife wants to induce by my due date and it's freaking me out. I'm not sure I will be able to handle pitocin. But its good to hear you are able to have natural births even with inductions.

Kristen married to DH Brad, mama to Isaiah Abraham (born on Valentine's Day 2010) and expecting a new little one in February 2012!

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Old 12-19-2009, 03:04 AM
 
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HUGS, Zevy!!!

Tamara: Aspiring doula, partner to Brazilian musician, mom to THREE GIRLIES!
(4/01, 6/07, & 12/09)
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Old 12-19-2009, 01:26 PM
 
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Oh Zevy, I hope you can get some rest! What a conflict of feelings, you are doing a really great job with all of that pumping and trying to see all of your babes. I think a day in pajamas sounds like the perfect idea and maybe it can rejuvenate you some? Healing is so important too and it sounds like your pain is just making everything so much harder! Lots of hugs and rest, your babies are beautiful!

married to my love , in love with MJ born 1/18/10 and PJ born 4/6/12 waterbirth.jpg and now due with a surprise 11/14!
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Old 12-20-2009, 04:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We got a new mattress today. I am so excited, it is really nice and comfortable! We are still in the process of figuring out a new bed but the mattress is a big step. We just got it today and are still sleeping in our old bed till we get things more sorted but it is something we have been working on for a while now and it feels good to have a good one.
Still have to get some house projects done in the next couple months, but I feel that I am making progress with it.
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Old 12-20-2009, 02:05 PM
 
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Oh, Zevy! Could you take one night off of pumping, just pumping if/when you wake up.
I remember that 6 continuous hours of sleep is what most people need before it takes a serious toll on their health.
Would you consider skipping one pumping a night to get a longer stretch? My mom stayed up with DS one night when he was 2wks and kept him content with just cuddles and a pacifier. I got the full six hours and it felt incredible, can't even exaggerate what a difference it made.
Your children are incredibly lucky to have a mom with such love and dedication s

One son , 3 years old. One husband, nine years of love. Expecting A Girl Feb 25, 2010
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Old 12-20-2009, 02:24 PM
 
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Well, I actually slept through a pumping session last night, so I guess my body is smarter than my brain. I normally automatically wake up every 3 hours. This time I slept right through my 6am pumping session and woke up at 8. Pumped right away and still got adequate output. I am pumping about 1 oz/hour, so if I wait three hours I get three oz. Two hours = two oz, etc.

I am feeling better today. Unfortunately it is really snowing and I do have to go to the hospital...I'm supposed to be getting my incision looked at. So my husband is going to drive me in with our son, drop me off, and then come back later in the afternoon to pick me up after our son wakes up from his nap and my husband can shovel again.

But I AM feeling better. Must have been the 'day off' yesterday. So that's good. I know you all are right: I need to take it easy. Easier said than done, though...
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Old 12-20-2009, 02:54 PM
 
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Yay!!! My husband and I just bought our crib and mattress/pad set!!!! I am so exciteed! The mattress ended up costing more then the crib but whatever. haha It's the safest one and best I could find. I really hope baby is ok with a foam mattress!!! This is starting to feel real. Crazy, isn't it?? Altogether we bought a gently used crib in EXCELLENT condition that is originally like 450 bucks for 120 bucks. So now wonder the mattress was more. All in all we spent 290 dollars. I think that is decent. I am not planning on putting baby in it for at LEAST the first 5-6 months but then we will decide what to do when we meet the baby and figure out it's sleeping schedule.

Also- I checked my baby registry and I got 8 more bum genius 3.0 AIOs!! Yes! THat is like 12 cds before the baby is even born. Fingers crossed I get more cloth diapers off my registry. This is almost better then getting married! hahaha

Lastly a question for you ladies,
I got a really nice sling (like 80 bucks!) from a friend and then also a new moss colored Moby wrap, does it make sense to keep both of them? It's hard to return either one but would I actually use both?? I want to baby wear most of the time although my husband seems to think that is ridiculous and much easier to just put the baby's car seat into the stroller each time bc that is what his mom does (he is 26, oldest of 6 children including a 2 year old brother haha). She also does not breastfeed, eat whole foods, CD or recycle for that matter... so.... I am not sure how reliable her baby raising advice is.

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Old 12-20-2009, 03:53 PM
 
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Lastly a question for you ladies,
I got a really nice sling (like 80 bucks!) from a friend and then also a new moss colored Moby wrap, does it make sense to keep both of them? It's hard to return either one but would I actually use both?? I want to baby wear most of the time although my husband seems to think that is ridiculous and much easier to just put the baby's car seat into the stroller each time bc that is what his mom does (he is 26, oldest of 6 children including a 2 year old brother haha). She also does not breastfeed, eat whole foods, CD or recycle for that matter... so.... I am not sure how reliable her baby raising advice is.
Yes, yes, keep them both! I'm telling you, different slings are good for different things and at different ages. I didn't use the moby much past the 6 month or so age, but for that particular stage it was THE sling for me. Ring slings are great for kitchen stuff for me when they are a little older and can sit up. And the Ergo or other soft structured carrier is absolutely indispensable as they get bigger and you'll be walking with them (I can successfully nurse in the Ergo, and really appreciate that it distributes the weight over both shoulders). So, no, never ever get rid of a sling until you have tried it out! Everyone's different and has different preferences.

Chessa , mama to Silas T (6/06) , wife to Chad . Welcome August Emerson! 2/8/10
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Old 12-20-2009, 04:27 PM
 
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Thanks for all the congrats & well-wishes, everyone (in the other thread). Hopefully will update that thread with all the other details I want to be sure to record, but, meanwhile, I just want to say that PUMPING COLOSTRUM SUCKS. OMG, the pressure to perform!

So Julianna/Giuliana/Juliana (still deciding) received formula this morning. Miscommunication on how much she needed and how soon and what they planned to do, due to my husband/translator apparently not understanding HOW IMPORTANT THIS WAS TO ME and my not understanding enough #$@* Portuguese.

I tried desperately to pump enough for her this morning, but this is something that is IMPOSSIBLE to rush! She needed 10 mL, and I could barely get 1 out! I called my husband and asked him to see if the nurses could wait an hour for me to try again, but they'd already given her the formula. And so I criiiied.

Then my husband shrugged like, "Well, too late now, let it go." But I was very AWARE of this potential scenario and thought we had communicated appropriately, and I felt like I'd let my baby down -- I mean, I don't even have to change diapers right now or anything; my only job is to get her some FOOD. This is dramatic to my husband, because the baby is doing very well, but I'm allowed to be dramatic right now anyway. So many hormones, so many emotions, such a strange shock to not be pregnant anymore, such a terrifyingly tiny little baby.

My doctor gave me a prescription to boost my supply. This feels weird to me, because I know it's normal that my milk isn't in just yet...but BabyWhatsHerName is already taking 10 mL of whatever every three hours, and I've tried 3x's today and gotten almost nothing (4 mL at 6am; 1 mL at 11am; 0 mL at 3pm).

I meant this to be a two-sentence update so I can get some sleep and try to pump again...

She is so small. She is HALF the weights of both of her big sisters. But she is amazing. She is HEALTHY! We are so unbelievably, amazingly, incredibly, shockingly lucky. Some really great genetics from my husband's side, I think. Just amazing to look at her and to touch her. While terrifying at the same time. I know nothing about premature babies, and everything I am learning from the staff comes translated by my husband who DOES NOT REMEMBER DETAILS. Hoping to find some English language books on preemie care somewhere locally this week; shipping from the States could take longer than would make sense to wait.

So, which spelling is better: Julianna or Giuliana?! My husband didn't love the name unless we used the Italian spelling, but now he is finally realizing everyone in BOTH countries will always misspell it...and we don't have it on any official documents yet, so can still choose... But now *I* am partial to "Giuliana" because I've already told EVERYONE this is how her name is spelled... And I like that it IS less common...

She may even be home by Christmas. No signs of infection, is breathing 20-30% oxygen so almost ready for "regular" air... Only have to wait and see if she can coordinate swallowing; right now she is fed with a Gavage tube...

I. Am. Tired.

Zevy, good on you for getting some sleep AND still getting the supply out!

Tamara: Aspiring doula, partner to Brazilian musician, mom to THREE GIRLIES!
(4/01, 6/07, & 12/09)
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Old 12-20-2009, 08:05 PM
 
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Tamara,

Relax. Get in touch with some LLL mamas, even via the internet in the USA for the support you need. It's normal. Healthy. Just fine. Your milk will be coming in very soon. Your body knows EXACTLY what to do and when to do it. The formula was not necessary, but it doesn't matter one lick. Just get you and your baby out of there and play whatever game you need to play to make that happen ASAP!!!

Little babies are teeny tiny. My son was born totally full term and just 5.5 lbs (2500-2600g) my daughter was about 6lbs. I have tiny babies and I can tell you from experience that it doesn't take much for those babies to start getting VERY BIG...VERY FAST. You just keep doing your thing, pumping. Try and bring her to the breast. Kangaroo care is really important, so fight to hold her as much as you can. Put her against your bare skin and just let her listen to your heart beat. That's it. Simple. ANd babies who get that get bigger faster, nurse better, and have better oxygen and heart rates than babies that don't. I don't remember the doc's name but I think he might have been Brasilian...maybe someone can help me, but this is the doc who is the leading authority on kangaroo care. If there are any doubts about it at the hospital where you are then for SURE you are going to want to contact this guy. Mothering did an article about it (email them for the info about the guy and his contact info...or maybe someone else has the issue...?) and get the article to your hospital. Okay?

Meanwhile, relax. Trust in the process here, too. It's NOT what you had in mind, but this is a great lesson in flexibility. This is about playing the cards you were dealt.

My dd and I were playing the dreidal game this Chanukah and my daughter was totally loosing. She was ready to throw in the towel and just totally pouting and feeling like crap and I was like "honey, the game can turn around at any moment. Just play as best as you can with what you've got." And you know what...just like Manolopy or any of those other games, life is totally like that. Sometimes you are on your last dime but then you pass go and collect $200, ykwim? And suddenly you land on Park Ave and you buy it and then you are in the game and all is well. LOL. I guess what I'm saying is that now you are feeling a certain way about the baby, about the birth, about nursing, aobut how quickly this all came on. All valid feelings. Journal about them, by all means. Respect them. But then stay in the game. You need to pump colustrum, fine. You are getting 1oz. Fine. They want 10. Fine. You don't have the $200 right now, but that square is coming up. Eventually, you WILL have plenty of milk. You see what I'm saying. You can see the square, you know you will get there. You've just got to stay in the game until you are there. Have a little fun with this. Guliana/Juliana is super strong. She's gonna stay in the game there, too, G-d Willing. You guys are playing pairs and you will make a totally awesome team. All will be well. You'll share this super happy memory and have a special bond once it is all said and done. Realize that this is NECESSARY on a spiritual level. All will be well.

xoxo

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Old 12-20-2009, 08:14 PM
 
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I vote for Giuliana, but it's a lovely name however you spell it.
Think milky thoughts!! You will have no problem pumping once your milk comes in, hope they can kind of ease off you until then.

Lauren, I'd keep both slings for sure. You don't know which one you'll like best (I actually totally hated wrap-style slings even though they are many people's favorites ), and one may be better for certain positions, etc. Even if they were identical, it's nice to have one you can leave in the car for outings, and one inside your house. Congrats on the deal on the crib!

Zevy, I'm glad you got some rest! This time is going to pass.

My DH has been sick since Friday, but is finally feeling better. Shew! Now I'm on pins and needles hoping I don't get sick too. If I vomited as much as he did I'd be in the hospital for sure.

BUT, I did find a cute house with the realtor this weekend. But she couldn't come see ours to talk about a list price, etc, because of the germies at my house. So we'll see...

Homeschooling mama to DD 3/28/06 reading.gif,  DS 2/27/10 coolshine.gif, Belle the Orange Dog 03/11, and DD babygirl.gif 10/03/2013.
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Old 12-21-2009, 12:11 AM
 
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Jul511riv, you're a sweetheart... Thank you for your reply. ...I cried...

I am on an emotional/hormonal rollercoaster over here! Up and down like crazy. The milk has become something to obsess over now... But I KNOW my milk will rush in tomorrow or the next day, and we'll be okay.

Next hormonal topic... If your husband goes out drinking with friends and leaves you alone in the hospital for 8 hours, do you enact your revenge IN the hospital, or wait until you get home? Hmm. Dilemma.

Tamara: Aspiring doula, partner to Brazilian musician, mom to THREE GIRLIES!
(4/01, 6/07, & 12/09)
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Old 12-21-2009, 01:48 AM
 
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Next hormonal topic... If your husband goes out drinking with friends and leaves you alone in the hospital for 8 hours, do you enact your revenge IN the hospital, or wait until you get home? Hmm. Dilemma.
Wherever you can inflict the most damage, IMHO. Geez!

Hugs to you mama. I'm thinking big milky thoughts to you!

Chessa , mama to Silas T (6/06) , wife to Chad . Welcome August Emerson! 2/8/10
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Old 12-21-2009, 11:34 AM
 
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Jul511riv, you're a sweetheart... Thank you for your reply. ...I cried...

I am on an emotional/hormonal rollercoaster over here! Up and down like crazy. The milk has become something to obsess over now... But I KNOW my milk will rush in tomorrow or the next day, and we'll be okay.

Next hormonal topic... If your husband goes out drinking with friends and leaves you alone in the hospital for 8 hours, do you enact your revenge IN the hospital, or wait until you get home? Hmm. Dilemma.
Well, on the up side, you do have something ELSE to obsess over now, which is your dh. lol.

Let me put it to you like this...when YOU begin to treat yourself with respect, the people around you will follow suit.

So, if his behavior didn't feel respectful to you, you will need to talk with him about why it's not acceptable so that he is very clear. And then you will have to lay down your ground rules about what you DO expect from him. And what will happen if he is not able to comply. And then be prepared to follow through.

This, of course, is easier said than done. Unfortunately I"m speaking fromn personal experience here, but in my case it was with the in-laws, and by extention my dh, where after years of just trying to talk it out, I needed to set some very severe boundaries. I didn't forsee anytime that those boundaries would be lifted or agile. But, within a relatively short amount of time, I was able to grow them and relax them a bit. They are still there and strict, but were able to change. It did take a full 6 months or so before I could allow for that. And then, only SOME of the boundaries were movable...and then it was only very slightly. I had to drive a hard line.

I don't know if this is making any sense but if you can get your hands on the book "Toxic Inlaws" then you will start to have an idea. Basically, you'll be taking these precepts and applying them to DH and anyone else who needs them.

Of course, right after giving birth DOESN'T seem like the best time to lay down the law.

On the other hand, it's the most imparative time. The alternative is heart and head ache when you need it the least. If you have clear boundaries and they are violated and your concequence is to...go to a hotel or go to a friends or get a lock on the bedroom door or whatever it is that your concequence will be and you follow through then at least you will have a safe mental space to move forward in the way you need to and you will KNOW that things will be alright because you are in control of them.

Anyways, again, this sounds like more of playing the hand you are dealt. And it's funny how one thing brings out the other. Like, when it rains it pours. But, it IS part of the divine plan and a FABULOUS learning experience. And you wouldn't be in it if you couldn't (and shouldn't) handle it, which does not mean it is EASY or FAIR by any means but only that it is exactly where you are supposed to be in this moment.

SENDING YOU EVEN MORE LOVE AND HUGS.

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Old 12-21-2009, 12:04 PM
 
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Next hormonal topic... If your husband goes out drinking with friends and leaves you alone in the hospital for 8 hours, do you enact your revenge IN the hospital, or wait until you get home? Hmm. Dilemma.
Wait, if you are in the hospital, and DH is out drinking, who is with your other kids?

I won't see my DH in the hospital hardly at all, but that is because he'll have to be home with the other ones...I'd be pretty peeved if he went to hang out with his friends...

Nicole, Mommy to Jasmine (7/05) , Athena (2/07) , Shane (3/08) , Caleb (1/10), and 2 angels (4/06 & 4/09)
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