Weekly chat thread Jan 25- Jan 31 - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 12:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The last week in January, everyone!
so cool!

afm, getting stuff done, feeling good mostly. woke up with a stich like feeling in my right ribs which I hope goes away soon
but other than that just waiting for our Labassine birth tub to arrive which is one of the last things on my to do list!

How is everyone else? Lots of changes happening fast around here these days. It is so exciting to come on here and see actual pictures of new little ones!
Big congratulations to everyone who has had their baby recently and loving blessings to all of us!
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#2 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 01:06 PM
 
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Another week and I'm still pregnant. *sigh*.

Last night I cut my toxic parents out of my life, at least for the time being. It was a 4 minute telephone conversation...painful, but necessary. It went about as well as could be expected. It's super lonely now, but at least I don't have to feel that feeling of self-loathing in my gut everytime the phone rings.

dd has been asking to see the toxic in-laws. I had planned for them to be out of the picture until after the birth as well but now I'm having second thoughts. I want for her to be able to see her grandparents, but being close to them and all of their false promises (that I always have to undo for the kids down the line) just upsets me and doesn't seem worth it in the long run...but I know the kids want some love and reassurance from family right now. It's just such a shame that I can't give it to them.

So, the house is really quiet. It's a really small house. Lots of storms and cold so it's hard to get out much right now, also because the BH just get so intense and it's too much for me to walk very much with the two littles and keep them out of the street and whatnot while so pregnant and contracting. So we mostly just sit at home. I loose my temper a lot. I'm uncomfortable. I keep apologizing to my kids and trying not to yell (I'm NOT a yeller...at least not at my kids). I know they are bored being at home...with a depressed mom who is working through all of these issues...but I guess it will get better soon.

In the meanwhile, I cry at night. Dh tries to console me. Tonight we have a babysitter coming over so dh and I can go out to dinner. I'm going to try to get motivated to cook some more and freeze some more food...since I really AM going to be on my own now.

We got our official letter yesterday that we have until the 1st of May to decide whether or not we will live in a 45 sq. meter caravan in our settlement. If we reject the offer we will need to move at the end of June. Now with all of the recent developments it seems that going back to the USA is no longer the obvious option. It seems that without the help from my parents there will be lots of additional expense and heartache. So we will need to sort out what we are going to do...seems like a waste of the past 4 months of forwarding records, transfer appeals, testing, long distance phone calls looking for work, etc... but I guess it's better that we find out about this now than when we are already there. Thank G-d.

So, I'm trying to be at peace with the fact that everythign is up in the air until after the baby is born because now is not the time to make any decisions about anything. Now is the time to focus on the little one and on our immediate growing family and the needs of my two other kids and myself and my husband and somehow things will get better.

It's like at the moment of a big event in my life, suddenly I'm a drama magnet for our two families.

Anyways, I'm trying to be at peace with being pregnant for a while longer...it looks like it's not going to happen anytime soon. So, I guess it's an excersize in patience with my other kids...and time to do more cooking and time to try and reconnect with the baby that I've neglected this past month while dealing with all the drama.

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#3 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 01:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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jul511riv That is a lot to deal with. How does your husband play into it? Meaning, does he support and encourage you? where do YOU ultimately want to live, if you could make it happen? Sounds like cutting out toxic people is a good idea for you right now. You have a lot on your plate.
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#4 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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jul511riv Hugs to you. I also have just cut my dad out of my life for the time being...painful but necessary as well. I heard an awesome lesson the other day on how God commands forgiveness, but only encourages reconciliation when possible and only when both sides are repentant and willing to make necessary changes. He does not want us to live within abusive relationships. That really helped me, I hope it brings you just even an instance of peace...

So the countdown is on here! Just 11 days until Evan arrives--unless of course he decides earlier--which would be nice! My church family threw me a surprise baby shower yesterday! It was so beautiful, God met me right where I needed Him most. Amazing to say the least. Somehow having a shower really cemented that this IS going to happen! Funny! Suddenly it became real and I was like, "Holy crap, I have another baby coming soon, ahhhhh!" Anyone else have moments like that recently?

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#5 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 02:10 PM
 
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jul511riv - hugs. I'm sorry you have so much on your plate right now.


another week down. I'm so excited to see all the cute babies and read about the births!

I know I'm kind of on the backside of Feb. births but everything is feeling so real now. I am getting really excited to meet my baby. I have been feeling more pregnant - I'm heavy, slow, had horrible acid reflux/heartburn over the weekend, and am suffering from horrible carpal tunnel. I really shouldn't even be typing right now. OWWW. But I don't want to complain, because I'm still loving growing this baby
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#6 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 02:12 PM
 
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jul511riv That is a lot to deal with...I hope you can give yourself as much compassion as possible.

I had a mw appt this morning and everything looks really good except that my fundal height is only 32 cm and I'm 37 weeks tomorrow. The mw seemed kind of confused because feeling the baby she said he's 6.5 or 7 lbs. His heart rate is good and he moves all the time. She did do a cervical exam (my first...not so fun) and said she could feel his head, so maybe I'm measuring small because his head is so far down in my pelvis? I'm also 80% effaced and 1 cm. dialated but I know that doesn't really mean anything as far as when I might go into labor. She scheduled an ultrasound for next Monday. I'm a little nervous but trying not to think about it.

Kristen married to DH Brad, mama to Isaiah Abraham (born on Valentine's Day 2010) and expecting a new little one in February 2012!

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#7 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 02:25 PM
 
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jul511riv - so sorry to hear that you're dealing with all of this stuff.

This week, I have my last every two week OB appt on Wednesday and then I start going weekly. Little man has been moving constantly which eventhough it hurts sometimes, it's one thing I'm truly going to miss after he's born.
My maternity leave replacement is coming in on Thursday to train with me for a few hours and to get acclimated with the office. That's certainly a great feeling to know that I'll have someone already trained and ready to go in case Will decides to come early!
My DH is leaving for a wedding in Cabo on Thursday and will be gone for 4 days. It makes me a little nervous for him to be gone that long and so far away, but my IL's are close by in case anything happens.
But I'm still feeling good and just trying to enjoy the last few weeks as much as possible.

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
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#8 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 02:28 PM
 
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jul511riv Hugs to you. I also have just cut my dad out of my life for the time being...painful but necessary as well. I heard an awesome lesson the other day on how God commands forgiveness, but only encourages reconciliation when possible and only when both sides are repentant and willing to make necessary changes. He does not want us to live within abusive relationships. That really helped me, I hope it brings you just even an instance of peace...

So the countdown is on here! Just 11 days until Evan arrives--unless of course he decides earlier--which would be nice! My church family threw me a surprise baby shower yesterday! It was so beautiful, God met me right where I needed Him most. Amazing to say the least. Somehow having a shower really cemented that this IS going to happen! Funny! Suddenly it became real and I was like, "Holy crap, I have another baby coming soon, ahhhhh!" Anyone else have moments like that recently?
YES!!! I had a minor freak out last night while DH and I were laying in bed and he was rubbing my belly. Will started moving around like crazy while DH was talking to him. It was one of the most relaxing moments we've had in a while and it just sort of hit me all of the sudden. There is going to be another addition to our family soon in a matter of weeks now!!! Yowza!!

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
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#9 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 02:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Last night I was snuggling n bed with my husband with my belly to his back. Our baby was kicking away and it was one of the first times that dh has felt it this strongly- like not him putting his hand on there but the baby kicking through me and on to him. He was like, is that really the baby or are you twitching? I'm like- that's the baby! I am like- good thing it feels good to me cause that is what I feel much of the time.
I just think it is such a miracle. No matter how many times I have seen others have kids, for me to have another person inside of me right now just feels amazing. A true mind blowing blessing.
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#10 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 02:56 PM
 
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Although I read it, I've seriously never posted in the weekly chat! I figure it's about time! We were able to pick up our carseat yesterday (albeit with a little drama thanks to the store's miscommunication...), so the baby can officialy arrive when he chooses. Funny story - I was on the phone with my mom and sometime during that conversation DH left the room. After I was off, I didn't hear any bathroom fan going or anything so I went on the hunt upstairs to see what he was up to. I found him lying on the bed. Our conversation: Me - feeling ok? DH - yeah, just trying to relax and calm down. Me - yeah, about the baby? Do you have baby nerves? DH - yeah, I think bringing home the carseat made everything feel really real.... Me - so you think the baby was just going to keep listening to you and not show up until we had a carseat? us - laugh...

My DH is totally quiet and calm and hardly gets stirred - it's kind of funny and cute (and makes me only slightly nervous) that he's feeling a little overwhelmed. We chatted about our scientific theories of various random boy versus girl traits and other random things and then all of a sudden he was fine. Once downstairs he was all into checking out the carseat and it's functions and how to strap the baby in. Now, he's just all into making sure the baby bag is getting packed - even though he's pretty set on the 14th being the due date. He had all of the camera batteries charging last night. It's pretty funny. He's been really busy at work and although he's been attending birth classes he's been pretty focused on other things. Apparently with his schedule opening up so are the thoughts going through his head!

On other notes - we went to a movie Saturday (we never go, always rent!) and that was fun since we won't get to do that for awhile again. My neighbors are throwing a shower for me the week before I'm due (nerve racking at first, now I'm at peace with it). Over the weekend I found out that the three people whom I've considered my friends (known them 8+ years now and although we don't get together often, I thought we 'cared' about each other quite a bit) are all not coming and I am struggling with it a little bit - the reasons they are not coming aren't necessarily the worst excuses, but for a couple of hours it seems like they could make it work. One of them emailed me telling she wasn't going to be there and oh yeah, so and so won't make it and oops, neither will so and so. However, they'd like to have a mini-shower after the baby arrives (ok, right?). She told me that the shower will be at my house, and lucky me, they won't have it upon us bringing the baby home but won't wait months either because they want to hold a newborn. Um yeah, don't call me I'll call you !!! I haven't responded yet because everything I'd like to say is too snarky (DH threw out that maybe they don't want me to have to go out of the house... sure.....). I'll have family here from out of state off and on for the first 4 months, so, yeah, hosting a party at my house is not really in the works (my mom is the only one I don't have to worry about being a host to in terms of family visitors. Ugh. I've come to the realization that this all shouldn't have much of a surprise to me and that my New Year's resolution will be to meet other new moms and make some new friends - much needed and will be really good for me since these three people are maybe not the best for me (for addt'l reasons beyond them just not coming to my shower).

So... finishing off with good news. I found out my GBS test came back negative, I'm still feeling great and loving being pregnant, I'm catching up a friend and meeting her newly adopted boy today, planning on getting a good workout in today and to top it off it is sunny outside right now

Thrilled to be expecting Baby #2 after 15 months TTC (a 30% drop in TTC time than Baby #1!)

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." Martin Luther

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#11 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 03:00 PM
 
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I just think it is such a miracle. No matter how many times I have seen others have kids, for me to have another person inside of me right now just feels amazing. A true mind blowing blessing.
I agree! My DH also has felt kicks and will talk to the baby upon feeling them. Last night we were entertained by the ever-moving belly while sitting and relaxing. I have had an easy pregnancy and I'll definitely miss feeling the little guy's movements!

Thrilled to be expecting Baby #2 after 15 months TTC (a 30% drop in TTC time than Baby #1!)

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." Martin Luther

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#12 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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jul511riv So sorry you are overloaded. I hope you find a solution to your living situation you feel comfortable with. My life and living situation aren't terrible at all and I spend more time than I'd like to admit feeling miserable because I find it stressful to be so far away from everything. We're comfortable enough and no one is telling us we have to leave- in fact we can stay indefinitely if we want to. Do you have some other support where you're living? Friends or anyone else in the community you can turn to? Maybe it's better you aren't actually depending on your parents if that situation isn't healthy for you.

I'm a stress-bomb the past two weeks. DH has been gone for job interviews abroad (weird to say, since he is in the US right now). I'm having so much trouble letting go of what I think I want, namely, hoping he gets a job where he's interviewing right now. I have never been in either place, but it's a committment for at least 10 years. We have to stop moving around. I wish we could just choose a place to live and live there, but that isn't how it works. I should be going the spiritual route and relinquishing what I think I want to what might be best for all of us. Should. Not really accomplishing. I think I have a permanent knot in my stomach. I know next to nothing about Canada except it's very cold and for the most part people are really nice. I should be really grateful he got two job interviews in this crap economy! I can't wait for him to just be home with us. Thursday, he'll be home again. Hooray!

These stresses will largely be done with in a couple of months. The job offers should come (if they do) right when our baby comes. Also, my parents are coming for the last week or so of Feb. I'm excited about that, but I haven't seen them for almost a year and it's always stressful when we readjust to each other and add hormones to the mix...

OK, now I'm feeling like 3 more weeks is really hard to get through before the baby and my parents' visit. It's the very end that really kind of sucks.

Maggie, American expat, mother to DD1 5/27/2007 and DD2 2/15/2010
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#13 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 03:45 PM
 
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I know next to nothing about Canada except it's very cold and for the most part people are really nice.
Sorry, have to laugh!!

Where in Canada? It's a BIG country and not all of it gets cold... although granted we're not tropical either. But there are places in Canada that panic when they get snow!

I hope it's true most of us are nice - I won't argue with that

Hoping the stress diminishes for you soon...

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#14 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 03:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yes- why are Canadians so nice? It is such an over generalization of course- but when I traveled around for a few years when I was younger, most of the Canadians I met were exceptionally nice!
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#15 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 04:05 PM
 
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Edmonton. There. It's out. I'm afraid of Edmonton b/c of the cold! I'm from CO, so I'd be really excited by the Rockies being so close again.

Maggie, American expat, mother to DD1 5/27/2007 and DD2 2/15/2010
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#16 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 04:22 PM
 
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yes- why are Canadians so nice? It is such an over generalization of course- but when I traveled around for a few years when I was younger, most of the Canadians I met were exceptionally nice!
It's a survival mechanism. We have to be inside a lot because of the cold so it pays to be nice to one another

No, seriously, although it is a real over-generalization, I think niceness breeds niceness. Or at least politeness.

Biennourri - ohhh Edmonton. Yeah, it does get cold there ! I used to live there when I was a grad student at U of A. But in the summer it can get very hot! You're about 4 hours away from the mountains, so you can't see them, unfortunately, but definitely can get there easily. The bonus is that they tend to be quite an outdoorsy bunch (I've never seen such crazy winter cyclists and runners). I was very sad to leave.

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#17 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 04:54 PM
 
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Yup, he's interviewed for U of A. Good school. I also forgot to mention I'm afraid of the cost of living. While it's good the recession seems to not have touched them too much, it's also bad in that it seems to be expensive there.

FIL is an environmentalist and has sent DH some links about how Alberta isn't very environmentally with it (I guess b/c the oil industry?) and is conservative. I do see online there is a CSA that is in the Strathcona Farmer's market. We've done something like a CSA here and I really feel it's important. On the conservative: is Canadian conservative like American, or is it more fiscal rather than, oh, I dunno... don't want to get in trouble here, even if there are a lot of like-minded women, I don't want to offend anyone!

Also, DH has found online the schools are really good in Edmonton, which is also important. Oh, the speculation! So stressful and in the end, never accurate, is it?

Maggie, American expat, mother to DD1 5/27/2007 and DD2 2/15/2010
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#18 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 05:56 PM
 
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Busymama...Cabo??! Hope it's business and not pleasure so late in the game! I hardly let my DH work late anymore, I'm so paranoid of not being able to reach him when the time comes. (He's bad about answering his phone.)

Jul511riv, hope you can find some peace in your life. You have a lot going on.

Justsimplicity, hope that the measurements mean nothing. I think fundal height can really vary--if your midwife is feeling a good-sized baby, I'm sure everything is fine. We'll look forward with you to hearing about your ultrasound though. I keep meaning to reply to the other nesting thread, too--I love your baby's room and little things! The sleep sack especially sticks in my mind. So cute!

I'm feeling rotten today. Been up since the crack of dawn, not quite sure what's wrong. For a while I wondered if "something" was going to happen, IYKWIM, even though it'd be early for me still. But I think now I just must have a touch of a stomach bug. Fell asleep on my DD's bed midmorning while she played with her dollhouse, and have generally just not been worth much. Thought I was going to have a really rough afternoon because it's the day of my DD's ballet lessons, and then my DH is teaching a course tonight and doesn't get home until around 10, but I'm so glad my mom called and had taken the day off and asked if she could take DD to her ballet lesson, and she's just going to take her home with her for dinner after that. Shew! At least I can just stay here and veg. I'm working on a labor playlist for my MP3 player.

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#19 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 06:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am feeling a bit yucky myself today. I have had this stich/pain in my right rib all day and it hasn't gone away. I am tired and big. And just unmotivated totally. Doing nothing today but trying to nap and trying to get this annoying pain to go away. ugh
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#20 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 06:08 PM
 
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I hardly let my DH work late anymore, I'm so paranoid of not being able to reach him when the time comes. (He's bad about answering his phone.)
ditto! DH's friends were giving him a bad time b/c he has stopped drinking - not that he drinks a lot, but he does sometimes have a drink after work with his boss or goes to happy hour with friends (I usually go too, but haven't wanted to lately).

Not only was I nervous about being able to a hold of him when I needed but I told him I didn't want beer breath in my face during labor. He thought that was a pretty fair request - so no more drinks. hah!
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#21 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 06:09 PM
 
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Hey Maggie - some points on Edmonton (and Alberta):

Quote:
While it's good the recession seems to not have touched them too much, it's also bad in that it seems to be expensive there.
Yes - the housing prices have gone up incredibly since we moved there in '94. We bought our house for $82k CAD - in the area we lived I suspect we'd pay close to $250k now. That's insane - our house was a 1-bedroom! It IS good that the recession hasn't hit much, but Alberta in general is expensive. Nothing like Calgary though!

Quote:
FIL is an environmentalist and has sent DH some links about how Alberta isn't very environmentally with it (I guess b/c the oil industry?) and is conservative. I do see online there is a CSA that is in the Strathcona Farmer's market. We've done something like a CSA here and I really feel it's important. On the conservative: is Canadian conservative like American, or is it more fiscal rather than, oh, I dunno... don't want to get in trouble here, even if there are a lot of like-minded women, I don't want to offend anyone!
Alberta overall isn't very environmentally friendly - mainly because of the oil sands, but just drilling in general. Edmonton is a very interesting city that way because it's such a combination. There's the provincial government and a large university, which gives it a white-collar presence, but there is a lot of blue-collar around there too. The two don't always get along! The Farmer's Market is a really good one - we went there a lot.

No, Canadian conservative isn't nearly as "right" as American (talking of stereotypes LOL!). Alberta is the most conservative province in Canada, I would think, and when I lived there you could still fire someone for being gay, or having long hair, etc - and I think they've finally been pressured to allow gay marriage, for example. Compared to much of Canada, they're on their own. But I would say that strongly conservative Albertans are quite a bit more liberal than strong republicans in the US. (since we're generalizing ). For better or for worse.

Quote:
Also, DH has found online the schools are really good in Edmonton, which is also important. Oh, the speculation! So stressful and in the end, never accurate, is it?
When I lived there, the schools were absolutely magnificent. Alberta, and Edmonton in particular, strongly support charter schools - still funded by the government so there's no private school fees, but they have different philosophies. You can pretty much find any type of school you want there from "back to basics" to Waldorf, and everything in between. I believe that there can be catchment area difficulties, but overall it's a wonderful place to have kids.

I'm very non-conservative in my politics, but I'd move back to Alberta very easily. It's been 10 years and I still miss it dreadfully.

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#22 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 06:15 PM
 
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I just ate a fairly large piece of my raw placenta in a smoothie and I am thoroughly grossed out.
Just wanted to get that out.

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#23 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 06:16 PM
 
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Not only was I nervous about being able to a hold of him when I needed but I told him I didn't want beer breath in my face during labor. He thought that was a pretty fair request - so no more drinks. hah!
Ha! Seems fair enough! I remember stopping drinking (voluntarily) prior to the birth of both my nieces, because of basically the same set of reasons. Nothing like having your sister show up to your birth with her videocamera, totally sauced.

Homeschooling mama to DD 3/28/06 reading.gif,  DS 2/27/10 coolshine.gif, Belle the Orange Dog 03/11, and DD babygirl.gif 10/03/2013.
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#24 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 06:18 PM
 
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I just ate a fairly large piece of my raw placenta in a smoothie and I am thoroughly grossed out.
Just wanted to get that out.
wow, thanks for sharing. Have you done that with past births? I don't think I could do it, but I definitely believe the purported benefits and wish I could entertain the idea more.
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#25 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 06:24 PM
 
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thanks ladies. I wanted to multiquote to respond to everyone but I got so engrossed in reading and trying to deal with contractions (just BH, like always) and keeping an ear out for the kids to be done in the shower it just didn't pan out.

I went on a date with dh tonight. It was really nice. We got in the car, drove about 7 min away to a little cafe in a local hotel and had a delicious meal. The chef asked me about if I have any food adversions while pregnant and I told her that while I mostly was fine with everything now, I HAD been craving chocolate covered pretzels, which you can't get in Israel. So at the end of the meal, she brought us two cups of hot chocolate pudding with a tray of mini pretzels.

I almost started crying when I thanked her. I was like "I know I'm just seeming like an emotional pregnant woman right now, but you have NO IDEA what I am going through in my life and just to know that someone remembered something I said and did this for ME...it just really touched me and was such lovingkindness (chessed, in Hebrew) and I just can't express to you how much this lifted my spirits." I hope she understood and didn't just blow it off, cause I really left there feeling like a new woman. One of the other things I learned, during the conversation with dh was that in all of this planning for a big move and for my future and my degree, I was just planning with myself in mind. It all seemed so right at the time and whenever I would think of the baby I just thought "oh, he'll deal" or I just didn't think about him at all. When I was sitting there I thought to myself, "wait a minute...I can't do this now...the priority is the baby and the other children. school may or may not pan out and I can't bank on that happening AT ALL. Right nowthe most important thing is the baby and I really just felt this shift in me back to my old self...like realizing that wanting to be with the baby and with my kids was/is the most important thing and somewhere along the way, I forgot all that.

So, I think I will need to ruminate on this. On all the excitement and happiness my family felt for me to "get that degree, finally" and realize that I was riding on that cloud of pleasing everyone, but the fact of the matter is, this time in my life only happens once...and school can happen later...or a bit here a bit there, but it should NEVER be the priority. Not over my kids. That's not what I wanted for me.

So, obviously, I have more work to do before little man can make his appearance...I'm glad G-d and Baby know best and hung in there a bit longer so that I could get this all straightened out. Hopefully I'll be able to find some peace in that. And a balance or happy medium.

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#26 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 06:58 PM
 
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Thanks so much Perdita. I've been breaking down into tears over this at random times and my poor 2 year old just hugs me and says "poor Mommy". I don't like being like that in front of her. I just feel like I won't live in the US again (Why does it matter so much to me? Why don't I know exactly?). DH has been asked to apply there for years and we've always thought we didn't want to go. Now he's trying to be really positive, but you know, I'm nervous. I'm going to focus on the positives as much as I can. I've never been there and have had negative feedback from him until now. Your being positive helps.

Hmm... When I was in high school in CO they rejected an Amendment that would prevent employers from discriminating against gays and lesbians. Nice, huh? I think the world has changed and is continuing to change since the early to mid-90's.

Maggie, American expat, mother to DD1 5/27/2007 and DD2 2/15/2010
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#27 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 07:03 PM
 
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thanks ladies. I wanted to multiquote to respond to everyone but I got so engrossed in reading and trying to deal with contractions (just BH, like always) and keeping an ear out for the kids to be done in the shower it just didn't pan out.

I went on a date with dh tonight. It was really nice. We got in the car, drove about 7 min away to a little cafe in a local hotel and had a delicious meal. The chef asked me about if I have any food adversions while pregnant and I told her that while I mostly was fine with everything now, I HAD been craving chocolate covered pretzels, which you can't get in Israel. So at the end of the meal, she brought us two cups of hot chocolate pudding with a tray of mini pretzels.

I almost started crying when I thanked her. I was like "I know I'm just seeming like an emotional pregnant woman right now, but you have NO IDEA what I am going through in my life and just to know that someone remembered something I said and did this for ME...it just really touched me and was such lovingkindness (chessed, in Hebrew) and I just can't express to you how much this lifted my spirits." I hope she understood and didn't just blow it off, cause I really left there feeling like a new woman. One of the other things I learned, during the conversation with dh was that in all of this planning for a big move and for my future and my degree, I was just planning with myself in mind. It all seemed so right at the time and whenever I would think of the baby I just thought "oh, he'll deal" or I just didn't think about him at all. When I was sitting there I thought to myself, "wait a minute...I can't do this now...the priority is the baby and the other children. school may or may not pan out and I can't bank on that happening AT ALL. Right nowthe most important thing is the baby and I really just felt this shift in me back to my old self...like realizing that wanting to be with the baby and with my kids was/is the most important thing and somewhere along the way, I forgot all that.

So, I think I will need to ruminate on this. On all the excitement and happiness my family felt for me to "get that degree, finally" and realize that I was riding on that cloud of pleasing everyone, but the fact of the matter is, this time in my life only happens once...and school can happen later...or a bit here a bit there, but it should NEVER be the priority. Not over my kids. That's not what I wanted for me.

So, obviously, I have more work to do before little man can make his appearance...I'm glad G-d and Baby know best and hung in there a bit longer so that I could get this all straightened out. Hopefully I'll be able to find some peace in that. And a balance or happy medium.
Great insight. It's so true- school will always be there for you, but your baby is coming now. Who knows what might present itself in the future? Right now it sounds like you have your plate pretty full. A lot of stuff will resolve itself with time too.

Glad you were cheered up. Now I want those chocolate pretzels!

Maggie, American expat, mother to DD1 5/27/2007 and DD2 2/15/2010
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#28 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 07:04 PM
 
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Still here. Lost my marbles and took both girls shopping with me today. Tomorrow I guess I'll do laundry, and I have my last OB appointment Wednesday afternoon. Other than that just counting down to my induction Friday, and holding on to the shrinking hope he might come on his own before now and then...

Nicole, Mommy to Jasmine (7/05) , Athena (2/07) , Shane (3/08) , Caleb (1/10), and 2 angels (4/06 & 4/09)
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#29 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 07:43 PM
 
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I just ate a fairly large piece of my raw placenta in a smoothie and I am thoroughly grossed out.
Just wanted to get that out.

 http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Wise-Woman-Fertility/182752565080597
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#30 of 169 Old 01-25-2010, 07:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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all of a sudden I am in just such a bad mood and feeling down on myself. Blech.
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