Join Date: Aug 2007
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This is a hard question. I'm probably too tired to answer it properly. I felt instant...wonder with both. "Love" can mean a lot of things, and I guess I got early crushes on both (like that hormonal, oh they are so cute bit), but actual deeper love later. With my DD I remember having crazy attachment dreams during the early weeks, like where I'd be in all kinds of extreme situations and people would be trying to take my baby away from me, and I'd have to do all these nutty things to keep her. I think the odd feeling of being finally physically detached from her but still a nursing/caring unit was odd and difficult to mentally adjust to. It also took me a long time to feel comfortable with the idea that she was mine. My own feelings toward her (which don't get me wrong, they were very warm and loving) often didn't feel like they met the expectations of some gushy other people who seemed to think I'd be swooning over her every second. And I had a period of adjustment getting used to the idea that the baby I'd been waiting on for years was actually *her.*
With this one it's been a bit different. It was easier to conceptualize the relationship we'd have (no longer completely one body, but still one inseperable pair), so I didn't have the crazy dreams or the difficulty adjusting to the attachment. I also feel like I'm a wee bit older and more experienced, and I now can realize how fast it goes, and how precious and fleeting it all is, and I feel more gushy-lovey toward him than I did with my DD, who I was still sort of figuring out at this stage. (Someone accused me of feeling this way because of the different gender, but I'm inclined not to think so.)
I also had trouble with the baby in my head prior to birth versus the actual child that showed up. With my DD I didn't know what to expect, so I had to sort of stare at her for a while before it sank in, but this one looked so much like my DD that he seemed like the right person quicker. Does that make sense?
I think it's complicated. I love both of them devotedly and overwhelmingly, but I'd say that bonding is a process, not an instantaneous event, especially for people who overthink things.
Mama to three
this time, bonding happened much, much quicker! I think knowing how fast it goes makes me appreciate the newborn/baby stage so much more, plus i am a lot calmer, know what i am doing more, this baby is much more chill and happy. With the first, i was always in a hurry to get to the next stage, whereas this time i am more present and enjoying the here and now.
But in the first week or so I remember going through ridiculous scenarios in my mind. for example what if I had to choose to save only one of my children like some mothers in the tsunami did~ and thinking I would choose my DD because I felt not as bonded to my newborn.
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