2nd half of May chat thread - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 62 Old 05-22-2010, 04:59 PM
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Originally Posted by NicoleS View Post
See, that's the thing...so many people define CIO differently. I've seen some people who consider it to be CIO if you allow your baby to cry at any time for any reason. Others only consider it CIO if you let them get to the full out screaming, purple face crying - fussing/whining is ok and doesn't count. Some people say it's about your intention - so them crying in the car is ok because you are singing, talking, etc. and there's nothing else you can do, but leaving them to cry in the middle of the night alone is not.

Personally - to me crying is crying. I don't think it's any less stressful for Caleb to cry in the car for 10 minutes just because I'm there singing than it is for him to cry alone in his bed for 10 minutes while I take a shower or just get a "breather". I'm not an overly crunchy/AP mom (so you will likely see less of me when we get booted) so I'm ok with allowing them to cry some (within reason, I'm not talking about hours of screaming or anything). And I simply cannot go running to him for every single whimper with three other kids. I can tell the difference between the "I'm bored and want to be entertained" cry and the "I think something is WRONG and need help now" cry - the latter is a drop everything and the former can wait a few minutes while I finish up what I'm doing.

I don't know if that makes any sense?
Oh absolutely. Look, this is the difference between moms with one kid and moms with more! Yeah, my baby DOES cry during the day. It makes me very unhappy and I tell him that I'll be with him in a moment. But there is only so much you can do while pooping or washing dishes. I've done both with the baby in the mai tai, but you know what...I don't like either. Besides the fact that my other two kids need to be in my lap sometimes in addition to my plethora of other chores...

Originally Posted by mtnmoonmama View Post
That just made me so sad! Every fiber of my being goes up when one of my babies cry - be it my 6 yo, 3 yo or 17 week old! Even when I hear other babies cry (at the store or wherever) I want to grab them and nurse them!

Agreed. I can't breathe easy when any of my kids or other peoples kids are crying and I'm always confused that people don't try nursing first to calm baby...yes, even if baby just ate. I have a friend who tells her one month old baby "but you just ate 15 min ago!!!" I hear that. I used to think so myself, but after having 3 kids, I know that little babies need to eat often. This might mean every 15 min. I think nursing is the most amazing post partum thing we can do as mothers. It's amazing. what's even more amazing is how often we can/should/need to nurse our babies throughout the day. I feel bad cause there is no easy way to tell a friend "um, just TRY to nurse your baby." That's insulting, too. But I didn't know to try to nurse ALL. THE. TIME. until someone told it to me. My babies, b'h have been really fast gainers and I have friends with little babies and they are like "I must not have enough milk" or "my baby isn't gaining like your baby" and I'm like "well, I nurse him all day long. Ever time he cries, I put him to the breast to see if he wants it. Every time he fusses. Even when he doesn't do either and I'm just sitting. When he eats his hand, etc..." Of course, they have their babies on a schedule or are trying to "train them" and so it just doesn't register. The way I see it, if my baby doesn't want to eat, he won't, but at least I can try it first. My baby pushes me awsay many times a day. Even then I will try again or try the other side to see if I can coax him. If he REALLY doesn't want to eat, he won't and so then I move on and try again later (like 15 min later or so...not hours later). I don't wake a sleeping baby, which I feel the need to mention, even though it's an ancient axiom.

Originally Posted by NicoleS View Post
Online at least it seems like there are multiple definitions of AP as well. I actually agree with most if not all of the 7 B's (I'm too lazy to go look up the list and double check right now). But I've been told that because we do some things - like we have circ'd our boys and we do use spanking on occasion - that we can't be AP. I dislike labels anyways. I figure I'll do what works for my family and other people can do what works for theirs.

With my "real life" friends I'm pretty middle of the road. Some are more AP/crunchy than I am, others are less. And we manage to get along ok.
Oh yeah, AP is about being ATTACHED to your kids, like totally being in tune with how they feel and what is going on with them. Trying to be in their space and their heads. This USUALLY leads a parent to avoid things like spanking...but I've spanked. I haven't done it in years and I've done it less than I can count on one hand, but I have done it. I just feel like it's not a thing where if you loose your cool and spank or if you spank in a mindful way that you are not AP. It's silly. We are all trying our best. I didn't get that until I had more than one child, though.
Originally Posted by flavorfull1 View Post
One year ago today I got my BFP. It has been the most amazing year and I am so in love. Being a mom is awesomely hard and awesomely rewarding. I am so thankful that I was able to get pg, have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I am so very blessed. This little guy is really just so very precious to me.
hope you all have a good day!
Wow, I can't believe that you remember that! That is really neat. It has been quite a year. I think I found out on June 3rd or something like that. Either way, I had just come off of this devistating miscarriage and now I look down and see my little guy and I just feel so, so very blessed.

I know I haven't been able to write often, but I can't explain all that is going on in my life right now. I really love you all. I do want to add that I skimmed over the part about people getting help from families and I want to say that something very special happened, and that was that my sil came and brought us a bottle of wine and some crepes she had made for the recent holiday of Shavuot. It's the first time she's EVER come to our house alone and the first time she's EVER made us food.

That being said, I live on the other side of the globe from my family, none of them came when the baby was born (or when my other was born) and I have no family here whatsoever. My husband's family came and washed dishes once in the week after I had the baby. I think my mil folded laundry that day too. And that was it. Our kids dont' go to spend the night with grandma and grandma and grandpa have come over maybe 3x since the baby was born (past 4 months), usually for a hour or so, so that's that. I've come to accept that this is our journey. Thank G-d we have a community that came through for us, made us food for the first 2 weeks post birth and I had freezed enough food for the next 2 weeks so that I didn't have to cook for a month (save a thing or two here or there). Really special.

Please all pray for us that we will be able to continue living here and build our house here. We just really REALLY need money. Even in the form of a reasonable loan....

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#62 of 62 Old 05-22-2010, 08:32 PM
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Jul511riv, so glad to hear you had a good postpartum experience this time around!!

Tamara: Aspiring doula, partner to Brazilian musician, mom to THREE GIRLIES!
(4/01, 6/07, & 12/09)
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