Not sure about you, but I find that I tend to be more insecure during pg. Probably because I know DH looks exactly the same, and I'm not the in shape hot sexy mama I normally am. LOL You get the idea.
Anyway - I posted earlier about how surreal this whole pg seems and how I still can't wrap my head around the idea that I may be holding a newborn in less than six months. I'm almost half way through this pg and the thought of having a new baby in the house is just so strange.
I know part of it is because this wasn't something I planned.
But I think I figured out the BIGGER reason behind it all.
Earlier this year DH and I were having a rough time. There were a lot of issues, some having to do with the fact that he wasn't happy with his physical fitness and was feeling quite depressed. Of course that affected a lot. I was upset because he wasn't happy, we argued a lot, and it was probably the rockiest times we've ever had since we've been together in 16 years (13 years of marriage).
Things were kind getting better because we were addressing some of the fitness issues that were affecting DH. But it's like when I got pg, things just popped right back to how they'd been before all the fighting. He seems so much happier which makes me happy and to me, it just seems like he so much more considerate, which is all I wanted before - him happy and treating me like he's so glad to see me every day.
Well, last night I had a dream where he was upset with me. I don't even remember why, but I woke up and I started worrying about things going right back to rocky after baby is born, when I'm not pg anymore.
I ended up telling him about it how I was feeling. Earlier this year, he was the insecure one always worried about our family falling apart. I was the one telling him he can't constantly be thinking about that because it's negatively affecting all of his interactions with me and his attitude and what he's like to live with. Last night, he was the one telling me that I can't worry about that. I can't constantly live with the fear that things will go bad later. Of course I know this and I wasn't planning on it, but I just had to tell him what I had been thinking and feeling and what scared me most about the times we were fighting earlier this year (something I'd never told him before). I let him know that I wasn't going to dwell on it, I just felt that I had to share it with him to let it go so that these negative feelings or fears weren't something that I was keeping from him.
Now that I've said that and now that I've talked about the worry that things will only be good while I'm pg, I feel so much better...and the idea of this little one being born is starting to get more exciting to me. That's something I haven't felt this entire pg.
I just remember many women in other pgs talking about fears that needed to be let go before being able to go into labor and have a positive birthing experience. This whole time I've been wondering if I have a fear that's been holding me back from fully embracing this whole situation like I have with my others. I think I've finally uncovered it and significantly reduced it after talking with DH last night.