Unexpectedly Early - plus a bunch of misc thoughts - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 07:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My son is here and this is kinda the story of why he's here before my Mar. 23 due date. There's also a bunch in here about my fears and worries that have surrounded my thoughts on this birthing experience and feelings I've had now that it's all over as well.

My bp went up right around week 37. I had PIH once before and was induced for it with my 2nd child. That was at 39 weeks and a slightly higher bp.

This time again, bp not really "high," but certainly quite a bit higher than normal for me considering my norm is 105-112/60-70. My bps were running 130-135/84-92.

Anyway - dr talked about checking my cervix later in the week and possibly inducing if my cervix was ready and if elevated bp didn't resolve on it's own.

Later that week, I started getting headaches here and there, saw a few visual disturbances, and bp wasn't increasing, but wasn't back to my norm either.

Dr. ended up giving me the option to induce at 37w4d. I went for it.

DH had talked about hoping the baby came sooner rather than later for a while. He wanted to meet his new baby and also to see me out of the aches and pains that come with the end of pg.

With everything that was going on, I began thinking of baby coming sooner rather than after my due date like most my kids.

Plus I knew that if I was even thinking of trying an epi this time, the only way would be to have them start it when they started the induction (I had been at 4cm, 50%, and -2 at the check my dr did a couple days before the induction).

With my other 5 kids - no drugs.

This time, for my own reasons - mostly just all the worries and anxiety and fear that I had surrounding delivery this time around - I decided to go with the epi. I just wasn't able to kick those fears and doubts about whether or not I could handle another natural delivery again.

Going into the induction, though I had hoped to have that option, I still wasn't sure I was making the right choice. So that was just another thing that was causing me some anxiety surrounding the whole birthing experience for me this time around. So much uncertainty about everything - I just didn't feel I was in the right state of mind to go through this experience without help.

Anyway - started pit around 7:30am. After talking to my nurse and asking her lots of questions (she happened to have 6 kids too and only had an epi with one) I got my epi at about 8:00am.

Not much progress by 11:00am - though my epi was working wonderfully, I had only dilated to 5 and gotten to 60%).

Nurse called my dr to see if he wanted them to break my water.

They broke it right around 12:00. My nurses were smart - they asked if I tend to go fast once water is broken which I do. They also knew since this was my 6th, that getting from 5cm to 10cm wouldn't take long. As soon as they broke my water, they started preparing everything for me to deliver. By about 1:00 I was complete. I remember checking the clock once I started to feel the pressure we'd been waiting for me to feel.

After reaching the 45 minute mark from the time they had broken by water, I tried to wait as long as possible to have the nurse come and check me. During that time when I could feel the pressure and could feel baby begin to move, I also felt dizzy (kept my eyes closed except to look at the clock) and I felt anxiety.

Even though I knew I was taking nice deep breaths I felt like I wasn't getting any air. I told the nurse and they checked my oxygenation level which was fine. Everything from the outside looked fine, but I felt...I guess anxiety or something in my chest. It's the same feeling I'd get when I'd get some nice BH and try to practice my relaxation. It did everything BUT relax me and I felt that same feeling of not getting enough air. Such a strange thing I've never experienced before.

Once she told me I was complete however, that all went away and I could relax knowing that the tough part was done (at least in my eyes).

I could feel baby moving down, but was totally able to resist any pushing because of the epi. That is the MOST scary part for me during my other births. When that urge is so strong and they tell you you can't push. I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to handle it...especially with the pit and all.

After a number of cntx where I could feel more and more pressure and baby moving down, I called the nurse to tell her that I was feeling quite a bit of pressure.

That's when she said I was complete.

My dr was still at the clinic seeing patients, so I knew they'd want me to wait.

I kept allowing the cntx to push baby down (I couldn't feel any pain with cntx, but more pressure).

When the dr came in they let me push and baby was born at 1:32pm.

He was covered with quite a bit of vernix, but we was my 2nd heaviest baby weighing in a 6lbs 14.7 oz (I know, I have little babies).

My heaviest (the one before him) was 7lbs 5oz (born 2 days after her due date) and my other son was 6lbs 8oz (also born 2 days after his due date). The rest of my girls were under 6lbs 4oz.

So I'm sure if he stayed in there as long has his brother and sisters, he had a good chance of being my biggest baby.

He's had a bit of jaundice, but his levels finally started going down today.

He's nursing like a champ and has a very strong suction.

He makes a week tomorrow and has already gained a few ounces since birth.

As much as his conception took me by surprise and as much as I was waiting for me to get my head wrapped around the idea of having another, and as much as I think I was putting off making myself deal with the reality, and as much as my body ACHED - he is such a joy!

I'm over all the fears, all the worries, all the uncertainty that's been around since I saw those lines, and I am thoroughly enjoying having him around. Part of me is still in disbelief. Part of me still feels like I was in such a fog about the whole thing during my pg. But all of me is so happy about having him around.

I've had to deal with feeling bad that I didn't savor every moment of pg the same way I did the last time. I've had to deal with the feeling of disappointment because I "cheated" with my delivery this time around by taking the epi. I've had to deal with feeling like I didn't love him the same as the others to tough it out and keep the drugs out of his system. I've had to deal with feeling like having the epi, while I was grateful for the feeling of "I can do this" that it gave me during the labor/delivery, stole something from the whole birthing experience. It wasn't quite the same as the others. I almost feel like it didn't count somehow and I feel bad that I remember his birth that way. And all of those things have me thinking about doing this again sooner after a delivery than ever before even though I never intended to keep going after this...after all, I never intended to have this 6th child to begin with. So weird and I know that I'm in no state to be making a decision like that right now. As slow and achy as I felt at the end of this pg I can't even believe the thought of another has even entered my mind. This is not easy. I'm not 19 anymore...and yet, there's no way I can make a permanent decision now.

Stacie (34)
DH (34) ~ DDs (14, 11, 10) ~ DS (6) ~ (11/06) ~ DD (3) ~ DS (1) ~ Surpise BFP 7/2011 pos.gif

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#2 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 07:15 AM
 
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Congratulations! Don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like it all went well.

Mama to Marcus (1/05) and Arianna (3/10). hbac.gif

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#3 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 09:12 AM
 
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Congratulations, and We're here for you when you need to vent or talk, Mama.

Single Mama to five 6 and under!
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#4 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 11:20 AM
 
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Yes, congratulations--you made it! And it sounds like you did the best you could with what you had to work with, and that's all anybody can expect from themselves. I wish you nothing but peace!
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#5 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 11:38 AM
 
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Congratulations on your new baby! Be gentle with yourself.

Hugs,
Amy

Amy, Mom to ds 2000, dd 2004 and newest dd 3/2010!
Breast Cancer Survivor since 2007
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#6 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 12:24 PM
 
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I must say I think you did an amazing job giving birth. Congrats and welcome

Every baby brings us a surprise.

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#7 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 01:40 PM
 
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Congratulations! You did a great job, be gentle with yourself!

Busy mama to my three little lads!
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#8 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 02:38 PM
 
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I think you did an amazing job. After so many natural births, and so much mothering, I think you know what your body needs. As I was reading your birth story, I kept thinking that some part of you knew your big challenge in this labor would be anxiety, and you knew what you needed to do in order to bring your baby into the world. So it was an epidural. That's okay! It must be hard to adjust to using pain relief after having so many natural labors, but really...just as in a natural labor, you were very connected with your needs and with your body. You knew what to do. You knew what your body needed. That's something to be proud of.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#9 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 02:57 PM
 
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Single Mama to five 6 and under!
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#10 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 02:58 PM
 
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Congratulations! I'm sorry you're not feeling totally at peace with your birth, but it sounds like it all went beautifully!
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#11 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 03:05 PM
 
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Congrats!!

Carrie, mom to Johnathan (7-02), Brodie (2-04), Kate (12-06), Jordan (9-08), (4-09) & Maggie (3-10)
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#12 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 03:25 PM
 
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Congrats! Don't second guess yourself- you are an experienced mom and you made the right choice. I hope you can focus on the loving peaceful feelings you get with a new baby!
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#13 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 09:57 PM
 
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Congratulations on your new little boy!


Thanks for sharing your feelings also, I appreciate reading them.

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#14 of 18 Old 03-13-2010, 11:40 PM
 
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Congratulations! It sounds like you really listened to your body, and met your needs in the best possible way. Enjoy your sweet little boy!
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#15 of 18 Old 03-14-2010, 12:21 PM
 
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Congratulations! Enjoy your beautiful boy.

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#16 of 18 Old 03-15-2010, 12:09 AM
 
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Congratulations on the arrival of your little one. May you work through your feelings and find peace.

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#17 of 18 Old 03-16-2010, 04:47 PM
 
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Congratulations on the birth of your newest little edition!!!! ... Birth is such a struggle... especially once you know more... but I think that you deserve even MORE credit for *listening to your body* ... because I think that's what it's all about. You DID listen and that's awesome! Blessings and peace!

Judy, wife to my Catholic deacon husband ... homeschooling mother to my four girls, a boy, and someone new in May '15! Forever remembering our loss (8/11) .
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#18 of 18 Old 07-02-2010, 05:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all so much! You're wonderful. It's been almost 4 mont since that day and I'm not so negatively emotional about it now. I AM enjoying my son and love him to pieces just as I love the others. . He's such a sweetie even though he doesn't care to be smothered with hugs and kisses. lol

His big brother & sisters also love him so much and all of them want to carry him, even the littler ones.

While they certainly drive me crazy now and then, I love my big family!

I'm also realizing more and more that discussing things with my husband really helps. I never expect him to understand certain things since I know he's never been a mother lol but while he may not know exactly where I am coming from, he has been amazingly helpful and supportive.

Stacie (34)
DH (34) ~ DDs (14, 11, 10) ~ DS (6) ~ (11/06) ~ DD (3) ~ DS (1) ~ Surpise BFP 7/2011 pos.gif

Yes, I have a blog for moms too orngbiggrin.gif

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