Am i the only on still not dtd? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 16 Old 05-25-2010, 04:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone else????

For those that are already back in their "groove" how do you find time and location with the babe?

I really wanted this time to get back to our sex life soon after in order to help keep things good between dh and me, but I've got these adhesions where my oh-so-small tear healed and it's painful just putting the vit. e oil on it. Ugh! Should I just go ahead and give it a try? I read that thread about AF and now I have this fear that I'll get mine and then we'll also have to figure out birth control, which I'm sure won't make things any better.

oh, and babe is 10 weeks old already!
Frustrated and scared!!
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#2 of 16 Old 05-25-2010, 09:41 PM
 
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*raises hand*
You're not the only one. We have not dtd.
My perineum tear is still heeling and I'm not interested anyways.
DD is 10wks now as well.
Don't rush yourself just because. Make sure you're healed and ready.

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#3 of 16 Old 05-26-2010, 09:38 AM
 
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I'm still healing too but I just couldn't wait any longer. There is still a small amount of discomfort depending on position so we're just careful. We waited about 6 weeks and I'm at 9wks now.

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Originally Posted by cocoanib View Post
My perineum tear is still heeling and I'm not interested anyways.
My sister had a baby nine months ago and she was warning me that my libido would take a nose dive after the babe was born. Somehow that is just not the case for me. Apparently my libido is indestructible. I possibly would have been better off if I had had the will and desire to wait longer just for the sake of my slow healing body.

As for finding the time and location...lately its been after the wee one goes to sleep and in the living room. Trying to relax enough to enjoy dtd was way too hard when he was sleeping in the same room. He always seemed to wake up at the most inopportune times.

Anyway, just take it at your own pace. I will admit I was totally terrified the first time but my husband was really gentle and it ended up not hurting like I was expecting and was actually lovely. Maybe if you go into it expecting excruciating pain like I did then what you end up with will seem mild in comparison...i don't know.

As for birth control, I'm still in this precarious state where I'm praying my period doesn't return and can't seem to decide what birth control choice is best. All the options pretty much suck.

So, good luck and remember that 10wks really isn't that long in the grand scheme of your marriage. If you need to wait longer for it to be a positive experience then just wait.

mama to two little men...3/25/2010 and 10/3/2013
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#4 of 16 Old 05-26-2010, 10:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ciga View Post
I'm still healing too but I just couldn't wait any longer. There is still a small amount of discomfort depending on position so we're just careful. We waited about 6 weeks and I'm at 9wks now.


My sister had a baby nine months ago and she was warning me that my libido would take a nose dive after the babe was born. Somehow that is just not the case for me. Apparently my libido is indestructible. I possibly would have been better off if I had had the will and desire to wait longer just for the sake of my slow healing body.
I was like that after my first and second babies. Libido came right back... I think after my second we dtd only 2 weeks pp because I had no injury down there (I had an episiotomy the first time and was scared so we just uh, did other things until I felt better down there).

This time we dtd once? maybe twice? in the past 10 weeks. And dh tried to make a move last night and I tried but just couldn't get into it. Sooo, it turns out my libido is only destructible after the third baby?

Quote:
<snip> As for birth control, I'm still in this precarious state where I'm praying my period doesn't return and can't seem to decide what birth control choice is best. All the options pretty much suck.
Yep. we're here, too... and we don't think we really want more kids... sooo... yeah, not sure what to do.

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

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#5 of 16 Old 05-26-2010, 10:38 AM
 
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I'm with your sister, Eleanor. Totally not interested.

Stacey teaching teens to read & write... Daddy plays ska, DD1 (7/05) loves trees & princesses, & DD2 (3/10) loves mommy-milk! Please get your kids tested for lead.
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#6 of 16 Old 05-26-2010, 10:59 AM
 
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we've done it twice. and the first time really wasn't that enjoyable. i mean, it didn't really hurt, but i certainly didn't finish. the second was quite a bit better, but i STILL didn't finish because the baby woke up half way through and i couldn't concentrate after that. it's usually when she's taking a nap in her crib in the other room... we like our bed one area still stings and feels too tight at first... i think that's where my stitches started coming out before they should have.

anyway, considering i have never had any trouble being interested in sex before getting pregnant, i'm more than a little disturbed that it's been like 6 months without much sex at all, and 9 or so since i last really enjoyed myself. it's not that i'm not in the mood or that we can't find time, it just seems more complicated now than it did before.
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#7 of 16 Old 05-26-2010, 01:13 PM
 
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my libido is stronger than before, but don't have as much lubrication as before, if at all!

i think part of the reason my libido is stronger is because nursing is so deeply relaxing for me. i'm usually a totally high strung anxious person but nursing has transformed that! so i'm much more available.

however, we've only dtd once, 2 weeks ago, and it sucked. it just doesn't feel the same.. i need to do some kegels. ugh! and no, my DH is larger than average so it aint him.

First time mama to sweet *~....:: Eden Magnolia::....~*  4/3/10
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#8 of 16 Old 05-26-2010, 01:42 PM
 
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Man I'm starting to feel weird after reading this! We've waited about two weeks after all three and went back to almost daily sex.

That doesn't mean I'm always in the mood though. Sometimes I just bite the bullet and act like I'm into it because I know how much DH needs it. I always end up being glad we did it because DH is very focused on making sure I enjoy it and finish.

My tip is to make sure you have lots of lube on hand!

Single Mama to five 6 and under!
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#9 of 16 Old 05-26-2010, 06:47 PM
 
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We haven't yet, but that's due to some unexpected complications I'm experiencing. Once we find out *exactly* what's wrong and get it fixed, then yes, but it's just not possible right now. I've apparently experienced a prolapse of some sort - I believe two of them, actually, but I've never had one and am not a midwife or gynecologist, so I don't know exactly what I'm feeling. I'm waiting for my referral to go through so I can see an obgyn. It sucks, because everything was fine for the first few weeks. I don't know when it happened, just that I started experiencing weird symptoms after being normal for a while. Oh well.
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#10 of 16 Old 05-27-2010, 10:31 AM
 
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A big fat ZERO sex drive here.
I feel bad for dh, but we sure made up for it whilst I was pg. We joked that we had to stock up before the baby comes, as he knows, third time around that it is a dry arrid waste land of sex drive whilst I am nursing.
For the first couple of months or so anyway.

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#11 of 16 Old 05-27-2010, 12:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by josie423 View Post
Man I'm starting to feel weird after reading this! We've waited about two weeks after all three and went back to almost daily sex.

That doesn't mean I'm always in the mood though. Sometimes I just bite the bullet and act like I'm into it because I know how much DH needs it. I always end up being glad we did it because DH is very focused on making sure I enjoy it and finish.

My tip is to make sure you have lots of lube on hand!

Tee wife to Peter! Mama to Angel baby and Miracle baby born February 23rd 2010
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#12 of 16 Old 05-27-2010, 01:53 PM
 
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Another here who hasn't dtd either.

I'll add that the 3 y/o and baby are hard to plan around to start, and dh has been working too much since going back this month - but there's also the fact that dtd was terribly painful the first 6 months last time (to the point of crying), I'm kinda terrified (though I feel significantly better down there this time. . .). We'll see how it goes.
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#13 of 16 Old 05-27-2010, 03:02 PM
 
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We haven't yet. Life has gotten really choatic. There are not enough hours in the day to take care of everything and everyone. It's hard to be in the mood, if you never get a break. We are slowly adjusting. It's what is right for us right now.

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#14 of 16 Old 05-28-2010, 07:10 PM
 
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Yep, we haven't. I have zero zero zero interest. Poor Dh. We have never waited this long before. I didn't really think about it until I realized that Guthrie will be 3 freaking months old next week. Whoops.

I guess I'll have to get the first time over with at some point....

Busy mama to my three little lads!
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#15 of 16 Old 05-28-2010, 10:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by VegMomma View Post
I guess I'll have to get the first time over with at some point....
lol I pretty much said that to DH a while back, before I found out I have a prolapse. I hadn't showered in a couple of days and my back was hurting from carrying a fussy baby around all day. He was acting frisky and I said I didn't feel like it and needed a shower, but that I guess I'd have to get it over with sooner or later. I just remember the first time after DD1 was very uncomfortable, even though we waited 6 weeks. Actually, the first two or three times were very uncomfortable. I'm so glad we didn't dtd before I found the prolapse, because how awkward would it have been for DH to find it on his way in? I don't even know what he would've said. Glad it didn't happen that way.
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#16 of 16 Old 05-29-2010, 03:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by moonglowmama View Post
For those that are already back in their "groove" how do you find time and location with the babe?

I read that thread about AF and now I have this fear that I'll get mine and then we'll also have to figure out birth control, which I'm sure won't make things any better.
I know some people are "back in a groove" really quickly while others aren't for months or even a year...I think you are totally normal for taking your time and figuring out your own comfort level with it.

For me, we're definitely not back in a "groove"! I had a 2nd degree tear that still feels tender. Have tried a couple times, it was initially painful, now is tolerable but not enjoyable. DD tends to go to sleep for her longest stretch around 8pm, so the best time seems to be somewhere in that time.

I also have no sense of when my fertility might return and if I will recognize it prior to AF, and I'm paranoid about the slight risk of catching the first PP egg, so until I get AF and start properly charting we will use condoms every time- its kindof annoying, but neither one of us could really relax and enjoy it otherwise.

Mom to DD born March 2010, and someone new March 2012

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