Any moms feeling guilty? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 21 Old 08-22-2009, 08:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi mamas,

I have a toddler (2 years, 4 months) and I'm 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and I'm EXHAUSTED. And I'm feeling guilty because all I want to do it lie down and I really should be taking my little girl to the park on this beautiful day. I'm trying to cut myself some slack. I read in my journal that at this point in my pregnancy with DD, I was sleeping 12-15 hours a nap plus taking 2 hour naps! Can you imagine? What a luxury! Hopefully in a few weeks I'll have more energy.

But I'm just curious if anyone else is experiencing this. Do you let yourself rest or do you push yourself to keep up your normal routine? Also, I'm 38 (almost 39) so I'm not sure if my age is adding to the fatigue or just the combination of being pregnant while caring for a toddler!

Mom to DD (3), my little peanut (9/10/09) and our newest addition 9/16/10
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#2 of 21 Old 08-22-2009, 08:33 PM
 
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I am right there with ya. My girls have been acting out the last few weeks, and I know it is because they are not getting their usual fill of mama-attention, but I just.can't.do.it right now. I also have fed them more fastfood lately than I think they've had intheir lives, but hey - I'm feeding them, which is more than I feel like I'm capable of doing some days.

I also feel horribly guilty that my 1.5 year old is going to have a hard transition from being the baby to being the middle kid. I'm totally jumping ahead of myself, but it's kept me up at night a few times.

Ivory, partner to Tom, mama to Ella (12/9/05), Alice (12/8/07), and our newest addition, Rebecca (4/1/10).
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#3 of 21 Old 08-22-2009, 09:06 PM
 
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Right there with you. I am due the day before you. And I am so extremely nauseated that I can't do anything but lay in bed and try to force myself to eat. I finally broke down and got a prescription for zofran today. I have a 13 and 4 year old. The 13 year old is much better at entertaining herself than the 4 year old. And it just breaks my heart when my 4 year old asks me to play with her and all I want to do is lay on my bed with my head under the covers.

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#4 of 21 Old 08-22-2009, 09:07 PM
 
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Yes! I am so glad you posted this. I am trying not to focus too much on all of this, but for the sake of venting, I feel guilty about:

1. disturbing my relationship with D1-- she is only 2.5, but I really feel like we are "buddies," and I know things will be different with a new baby

2. the fact that I am not doing more to enjoy the relatively brief time before baby comes-- I am WAY too tired/queasy/stressed (about other things) to really cherish the time we have, and THAT is the thing I feel most guilty about

3. Diet, for all of us. D1 usually just eats what I am eating, and I have been eating some weird stuff lately-- I can barely stand to prepare food that I don't want (how pathetic is that?), so she's been eating a lot of carrots/hummus and bagged tortellini

4. Ending my bfing relationship with D1. She was old enough, and we were already nursing very little.... but it is SO sad when she sighs and says, "We can't nurse..." Tonight she asked to sleep with her boppy pillow (is there a weeping GUILT emoticon?)

Regarding rest--- no kidding. The sleeping in and napping during the first trimester with D1 were ridiculous (and oh-so-enjoyable!). Now I'm lucky if I get 8 (interrupted) hours at night and a 30 min. nap during the day.

Aspiring to 1 Thessalonians 4:11.Wife to Dh, 2004. Mother to DD 3/07.
So thankful for our healthy baby boy, born Easter morning, 2010!
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#5 of 21 Old 08-22-2009, 10:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ah, thanks for the support mamas. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

MaterPrimaePuellae-sleeping with the Boppy pillow! That breaks my heart. Giving up nursing with my daughter was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Hummus and carrots and tortellini sounds plenty healthy to me!

GeorgetownHB-I'm sorry you're so nauseous, though actually I wish I were more nauseous. It's worrying me a tad. I took Zofran with DD. It didn't totally work but it took the edge off.

Iveymae-I can relate. My daughter is much less grumpy if we go outside but I'm too tired to go to the park. So I get more rest if we stay inside but I have to deal with a grumpy toddler.

It sounds like a lot of us have worries about how our youngest children are going to deal with the new addition. I'm sure we'll continue this conversation as we get closer to our due dates. A new baby is always an adjustment for everyone but almost everyone adjusts just fine.

On a lighter note, my boobs have gotten huge already and yesterday my toddler started rubbing one of my boobs and said, "Big ball!" And this occurred when I was picking her up from daycare!

Mom to DD (3), my little peanut (9/10/09) and our newest addition 9/16/10
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#6 of 21 Old 08-22-2009, 11:38 PM
 
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i'm not quite where you are yet (i'm only four weeks and, surprisingly am not feeling too exhausted yet), but it's something that worries me. my daughter is also 28 months and i fear i won't be able to keep up with her as the months wear on. when i was pregnant with dd i worked nights and could just sleep and laze the entire day away with no worries. i'm definitely going to miss that freedom this time around.

one thing i'm going to try to do (in fact, i did it today) is nap when dd does. i've never been good at this. when she's napping is usually when i take the time to get things done. but today we laid down together. it felt SO good. i slept for about an hour and she slept for nearly three. perfect! i was able to rest AND get some things done. i also plan to start trying to get to bed at a decent hour. i tend to be a night owl, but am thinking if i get a good night's sleep i won't get too exhausted during the day.

i did take dd to the park today. when i wasn't pushing her on the swing i was able to sit under a shady tree and relax while i watched her. the tiring part was the walk there and back (especially when she wanted to be carried).

because i know she'll have even less of my time once baby arrives, i'm going to try (try) to be available to her as much as possible. easier said than done. i'm also not working right now (i start back a week from tuesday) which will also make it challenging to keep my energy levels up where dd is concerned.

hang in there ladies. we're doing the best we can.

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#7 of 21 Old 08-23-2009, 09:04 AM
 
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Add me to the list of pregnant and has a 2.5 year old.

I'm not doing too bad yet, but I'm feeling preemptive guilt because I know the next few weeks are going to rough. My husband goes back to work (he's a teacher) on Monday. With him here it's a lot easier to just relax when I want to and not feel bad.

I think I'm going to focus on getting out when possible, and having other moms and kids over. If there are other kids around, DS can be entertained while I get to just sort of veg.

Mommy to two super cute kids.
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#8 of 21 Old 08-23-2009, 10:22 AM
 
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#9 of 21 Old 08-23-2009, 10:56 AM
 
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Originally Posted by gradstudentmommy View Post
Hi mamas,

I have a toddler (2 years, 4 months) and I'm 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and I'm EXHAUSTED. And I'm feeling guilty because all I want to do it lie down and I really should be taking my little girl to the park on this beautiful day. I'm trying to cut myself some slack. I read in my journal that at this point in my pregnancy with DD, I was sleeping 12-15 hours a nap plus taking 2 hour naps! Can you imagine? What a luxury! Hopefully in a few weeks I'll have more energy.

But I'm just curious if anyone else is experiencing this. Do you let yourself rest or do you push yourself to keep up your normal routine? Also, I'm 38 (almost 39) so I'm not sure if my age is adding to the fatigue or just the combination of being pregnant while caring for a toddler!

Girlfriend, wow do I know what you are talking about!! I am 37 and a half, and I swear I had way more energy when I was pregnant with my DD. And I too was able to nap for long periods of a time when I was pregnant with her. Yes, what a luxury. I also felt horribly guilty one day last week because all we did was sit in the house. I put on the tv for her and then finally mustered up the energy to read to her a couple of hours later. I am finally forcing myself to get out of the house and take a walk with her each day around our neighborhood. I am 6 weeks today and am feeling slightly sick to my stomach, so the walking helps.

I also found myself getting mad at my DD because she has accidentally either kicked me in the stomach or slammed her hand down on my tummy... I get all in a tizzy and explain to her to please be gentle with "Mommy's tummy". Sigh... she doesn't understand what is going on, and I don't want to make her feel like she is pushed aside now.

Kristin, Lactivist and co-sleeping SAHM. My daughter is 6 yrs old, and my son is 22 mos old. Would love baby #3 shy.gif

 

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#10 of 21 Old 08-23-2009, 12:08 PM
 
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I'm sure I'll get to the guilt phase, but right now I feel like I'm behaving in kind of an opposite way toward DD, like I'm already trying to prepare her for not being the center of the universe anymore. Honestly, I think we've been a bit too indulgent of her whims. She is a major mama's girl and demands my constant attention and likes for me to carry her everywhere. Because I work full-time out of the home, I have always felt that I should give her that attention. I still plan on fulfilling her emotional needs, of course, but I'm already starting to think like a mother of 2. It's subtle, and I don't know if I can explain it, but I'm trying to help her be a little bit more independent. And I'm trying to help her get used to other people taking care of her while I'm around (e.g, daddy bath time). I figure it's better to do that now than to have there be a huge, sudden shift when a baby is born.

That said, I'm enjoying every bit of snuggle time while my belly is small enough for us to still sit in a chair together.

Amy (34): mommy to DD1 (11/07) and DD2 (7/10), wife, wohm, and wannabe suburban homesteader.
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#11 of 21 Old 08-23-2009, 01:15 PM
 
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I allow myself to rest. Rest is important. I found that out when I was passing out on the couch! Your body knows what it needs. I have 2 children and its hard. School starts tomorrow and I will be helping with homework, waking up early, getting them dressed, standing in the hot sun picking them up, making dinner and so forth. I am also a college student and noticed since becoming pregnant I have been slacking off in my work. The quality of my work has gone down big time BECAUSE of not getting enough rest. So, I make sure I take a couple naps a day. My kids being in school, though, will help me get some much needed rest during the day before they come home.
don't feel guilty. The pregnancy hormones are making you exhausted and it is beyond your control. So rest up! Sometimes, Dh will go and take the kids out and entertain them while I am resting or doing school work.

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#12 of 21 Old 08-23-2009, 01:16 PM
 
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Yes, I feel guilty about all the fast food we've been eating. Normally, we eat pretty good, with me cooking fresh foods, and lots of vegetables. Now, I just don't feel like cooking AT ALL. I still steam some veggies once in a while, and stock up on natural whole foods, but both my son's and mine diet suffered. That's my biggest guilt right now, both for the coming baby and for my 25 months old son. There is also, not wanting to do anything all day too, and just wanting to lay on the couch because constant nausea is exhausting.

Another thing I feel guilty about and, actually, very very sad is my milk disappearing I wasn't planning to wean right now, and it caught me by surprise. I've always felt so good about feeding DS nutritious mommy milk. Now, I feel so sad thinking I'll never breastfeed him again.

Other than that, everything is all right! I'll put more effort into healthy eating today, and see if we can eat more veggies during meals! I also started taking spirulina tabs for supplement, so I hope that provides the extra added nutrients I need. We'll be all right!

Lena , wife to best friend Joe , mommy to my two sweetie pies, DS1 born 7.7.07 and DS2 just arrived 4.17.10
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#13 of 21 Old 08-23-2009, 01:23 PM
 
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Another thing I feel guilty about and, actually, very very sad is my milk disappearing I wasn't planning to wean right now, and it caught me by surprise. I've always felt so good about feeding DS nutritious mommy milk. Now, I feel so sad thinking I'll never breastfeed him again.
Weaning is a huge step towards them becoming separate from us, and it is a very emotional journey, no matter when it happens. You have done an amazing thing giving him mamas milk for this long, and celebrating this can help temper some of the disapointment. He may never remember nursing, but he WILL forever benefit from it. Take lots of pictures, and write up your nursing story for his baby book. You are entering a new phase of your relationship, and it will be full of new things that will bring you joy.

Ivory, partner to Tom, mama to Ella (12/9/05), Alice (12/8/07), and our newest addition, Rebecca (4/1/10).
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#14 of 21 Old 08-23-2009, 01:55 PM
 
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I can identify with a lot of your all's feelings also.

I have a DD who just turned 3. Lately we haven't been going out to the library or hiking like we usually do. I don't feel like pushing her on the swing set. Our house is messy and she's eating junk food a lot more than usual. To make it worse, I feel really sick every night and my DH has gotten new hours at work where he's gone from 10 in the morning until 1 in the morning, so now I have no one to feed the dogs, lock up the chickens, give DD a bath, read her stories, fix supper, or any of the usual evening things we used to do. All I want to do is sit on the couch and try my best not to gag.

I think my DD will be so excited to have a baby sibling. She says it's a baby brother and she has already named him Henry. No clue why she picked that name, but she refers to the baby as baby brother Hennnnnnnnry over and over all day. We are still nursing and I will be so sad if my milk totally dries up and she stops. She loves her milkie and talks often about how she will share it with the new baby and they will get milkie together.

Momma to Sweet Rosie 7/06, Lost Baby J 1/09 at 12 weeks pregnant, Spitfire Ada born 4/21/10, and Baby Boy due July/August 2013!
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#15 of 21 Old 08-23-2009, 02:55 PM
 
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Weaning is a huge step towards them becoming separate from us, and it is a very emotional journey, no matter when it happens. You have done an amazing thing giving him mamas milk for this long, and celebrating this can help temper some of the disapointment. He may never remember nursing, but he WILL forever benefit from it. Take lots of pictures, and write up your nursing story for his baby book. You are entering a new phase of your relationship, and it will be full of new things that will bring you joy.
Thank you for your kind words. I teared up, while reading. I never understood before. I thought when I was going to be done, I was going to feel relief. I am so grateful, that we made it this far, as the beginning was rough. He asked for boobie this morning, when he woke up, but only once, and after lots of cuddles, he just wanted breakfast. I feel odd letting him nurse, when there is no milk in there. I let him comfort nurse once yesterday, but it only lasted for a minute because it was uncomfortable. He didn't seem to mind when I took it away, so that's good. I never thought he was gonna give up his boobie without a fight. I guess it gives me some comfort, knowing he is letting it go so easily.

Lena , wife to best friend Joe , mommy to my two sweetie pies, DS1 born 7.7.07 and DS2 just arrived 4.17.10
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#16 of 21 Old 08-23-2009, 03:22 PM
 
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I don't feel guilty because my husband is home all the time... If I was home by myself with DS I would feel really bad and probably would be frantic from sleep deprivation...

DH is stepping up his care of DS so I can take care of me. This will probably be our arrangement till the exhaustion goes away. I get to nap 2 or 3 times a day and then in between naps I take over playing with DS so DH can get a break. It is working rather well! DS doesn't seem to mind spending extra time with daddy... and a bonus... DH is teaching DS to potty learn! DH has already told me that when baby #2 gets here he wants me to lay in with baby for the first week or so for bonding and establishing nursing, and he will care for DS while I do that so I can focus on baby!

I really am lucky.

Alexander 2-15-07
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#17 of 21 Old 08-23-2009, 04:09 PM
 
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I feel a little bad about being kinda snippy, but mostly I think I just have normal guilty feelings about my youngest getting her spot as baby usurped. I worry some about how my 4yo with special needs will adjust to another sibling...she loves and adores her baby sister, but she's very emotionally needy, and it's going to be difficult getting them all the attention they need (and I can't forget about dd1! She's such a great helper,but she's still young and needs mommy time sometimes, too). So I have some anxiety and guilty feelings about that kind of thing.
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#18 of 21 Old 08-24-2009, 01:19 AM
 
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I do not feel guilty, but that is mainly b/c we had a foster baby that just left. I could be doing a LOT less & dd would still be getting more attention than she had before! I do not push myself to do too much as then I will just feel sicker. If I need to lie down, I do. I have been napping w/ dd some days, too, which has been great.

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#19 of 21 Old 08-24-2009, 01:26 AM
 
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I was like this with my 3rd.I took them to school mon-fri(had to walk a total of an hour to get them there,walk home,go back pick them up and walk home again)When I got home from dropping them off,I would sleep till it was time to pick them up.

Then when I got back from picking them up,I would cook,clean as much as I could and as soon as DH got home I would fall asleep and do the same routine the next day.I was that way the whole pregnancy.

It was so odd.

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#20 of 21 Old 08-24-2009, 02:05 PM
 
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Guilt is a natural part of motherhood, at least for me. I have very high expectations of what I "should" be doing, and so I constantly need to balance expectation with reality.

DD is 4, and while I think the timing of this sibling is good for her, it will still be a transition. Plus, I worry that she will feel upset about sharing attention.

I am also exhausted, and have been leaving work a bit early and going home for a nap, then picking up DD. I feel very bad about that, but I know that she loves her friends at school.

Erin, WOHM yogi mommy to DD (2005):, and DS (2010)

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#21 of 21 Old 08-27-2009, 02:40 PM
 
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Ok, I don't feel guilty for sleeping when my body says to... but I do feel guilty for feeding my son pot pie and mashed potatoes... for breakfast...

It was easier to throw a frozen pot pie in the microwave and mix it with instant mashed potatoes than to fix him something more healthy...

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