Freaking Out - Mothering Forums

Thread Tools
#1 of 9 Old 12-26-2009, 11:10 PM - Thread Starter
ColwynsMommy's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,209
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
I haven't posted much on here, guess I'm not a very good DDC member. Things are crazy with three kiddos, running our homeschool group, the holidays, and being pregnant.

I just got an email from my (perfect, wonderful, fantastic) midwife saying that she's unexpectedly pregnant and experiencing complications, and that she has to discontinue care to all her clients. I'm heartbroken. Not only did she come to my house for prenatals (rare where I live), have a totally hands-off philosophy, get along great with all of us, etc.. but she has extensive experience with a very uncommon breastfeeding issue I have. She's the first person I've ever talked to who really knew what I meant, who didn't doubt that I screwed things up myself, who had good ideas on how to help.

We have a lot of midwives in Massachusetts, but there's a sort of void where I live, and there aren't a lot of options. I'm so frustrated to have to search for a new midwife now, and desperately hoping that the few who are close enough aren't booked already.

ColwynsMommy is offline  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 9 Old 12-26-2009, 11:37 PM
ivymae's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Eastern Washington
Posts: 2,161
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh I'm so sorry. I assume she didn't have recommendations for local colleagues she trusted? Breastfeeding is still a ways off, so try not to stress to much about that right now - hopefully by then her pregnancy will be in a stable place and she will be able to help you in that aspect later. While it may not be the best problem solving advice (though, it depends on who you ask), put out as much positive, trusting energy as you can muster out there to the universe, that this will all work out. At best, it will bring you someone who fits you and your family well, and at worst, it will keep you from spending every moment in a panic.

Ivory, partner to Tom, mama to Ella (12/9/05), Alice (12/8/07), and our newest addition, Rebecca (4/1/10).
ivymae is offline  
#3 of 9 Old 12-26-2009, 11:58 PM
hayleyvt's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Vermont
Posts: 147
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I was thinking the same as PP, She should be referring you to another MW....I understand that she is having her own complications and issues during her PG, but I think it would be her responsibility to make sure that all of her patients made their way to another care provider...well maybe not her legal responsibility, but her professional one. As far as BFing goes, do you have a local Leche League group you could attend? I also know a few private lactation consultants that would consult women while they are still pregnant, in prep for the birth/post part. period. Good Luck, the stress of everyday life is enough to send me over the edge sometimes, I could not imagine having to deal with this over the holidays, while PG, while caring for older children.

Hayley SAHM to Ryan (02) & Annabel (06) and Jameson (10)
hayleyvt is offline  
#4 of 9 Old 12-27-2009, 12:12 AM
nikirj's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Washington
Posts: 4,888
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'd be really upset. I'd also start calling around ASAP, and would email your MW back for referrals (and depending whether you feel this way or not, to let her know you're still interested in her services if she gets better?)

I hope you find a good solution

Mama, homeschooler, midwife. DD (13yo), DS (11yo), DD (8yo), DD (3yo), somebody new coming in November 2013.

nikirj is offline  
#5 of 9 Old 12-27-2009, 01:35 AM
DoulaAlicia's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 567
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh- I'm sorry! That would freak me out too! I would certainly ask her about any help she might be able to offer when/if breastfeeding issues arise. You might be able to pay her for single visits.

I know I had to drop a couple of doula clients when this pregnancy made me much more sick and tired than my others and I couldn't see myself sitting at their births for 12 or more hours without having lots of trouble! I did refer them to a couple of other people locally. And if they had asked to pay for a few postpartum visits to help with breastfeeding I likely would've had no problem doing that. I guess it depends on just how complicated her pregnancy has become....

I wish you the best. Hopefully she can recommend someone. And if not check out your tribal area on and see if others have local midwife recommendations.

Mother to FOUR BOYS!!  Austin (1997) Luke (2005) Mason (2007) and Judah (2010), wife to Joe, doula to many, and Birthing From Within Mentor in SE Michigan
DoulaAlicia is offline  
#6 of 9 Old 12-27-2009, 02:12 AM - Thread Starter
ColwynsMommy's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,209
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Thanks for the support. She did mention one MW I'd interviewed before, as well as the MW I used for my last homebirth. The MW I'd interviewed, I have concerns because I don't think she attends a lot of births, and I don't remember how she's certified (if she's a CPM or a lay midwife). The MW we used before, while perfectly satisfied with that birth, isn't really someone I'd want to use this time. For one, I was hoping for a different personality type (not that we conflicted, but I went with someone that I could view as a Mom type, now I'd like someone more like a friend). She also had a bad outcome earlier this year and there's been a lot of talk about whether she was at fault or not. I don't know the whole story and don't want to judge either way, but I don't know if I'm really comfortable choosing her again unless I know for sure it wasn't her fault. I asked for some more input as well as thoughts on another somewhat local MW, so hopefully she'll have some concrete advise.

As for the breastfeeding thing, like I said, it's quite uncommon and nobody really knows how to deal with it. Various LLLs has been *no* help in the past, and the multitude of LCs we've seen have ranged from dismissive to sympathetic but clueless. The most knowledgeable LCs I've talked to say, "Well, it sounds like you've really tried everything, I don't know what else to tell you." Every *single* time the issue comes up, I have to go through a whole spiel to make sure they know I'm not imagining it or mismanaging breastfeeding. Even my best friends (who are quite knowledgeable re: nursing) had that reaction. To meet someone who had firsthand experience with my problem, who had suggestions, who didn't doubt or question me.. it just meant a lot. I was looking forward to having nonjudgemental support, someone who would understand which comments would be unintentionally hurtful, etc. Breastfeeding is something I dread, given my past experience (which is highly unlikely to change with this baby).

Anyway. So, I'm hoping she'll help me decide which MWs are my best bet and I'll get calling on Monday. I just really don't want to have to deal with finding a new care provider..
ColwynsMommy is offline  
#7 of 9 Old 12-27-2009, 09:56 AM
Peace+Hope's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 2,152
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

so sorry to hear, mama! i hope you can find another MW soon, and maybe get help with your breastfeeding from this woman once your baby arrives if you need it! i'm so glad if you have to deal with an unusual issue, you've got experience yourself, which is THE best preparation you could have.

me+him for 15 yrs, welcomed our little one march 25th, 2010.

Peace+Hope is offline  
#8 of 9 Old 12-27-2009, 11:03 AM
bubbamummy's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Tucson, Az. Missing Cambridge UK
Posts: 991
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
sorry you're having to deal with this added stress at this point in your pregnancy. I hope you can find someone equally as wonderful.

Mummy to Samuel 02/08 and new baby Molly- 04/10
bubbamummy is offline  
#9 of 9 Old 12-27-2009, 01:45 PM
larastheme's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 135
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
larastheme is offline  

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 12,644

37 members and 12,607 guests
acharyasharma06 , Allen , AllTomorrowsParties , BarefootBrooke , Boodah'smama , Bow , Bufomander , ch4rity10 , chofchof89 , CricketVS , customphotoprops , Deborah , emmy526 , Gensi , girlspn , GladysScott , happy-mama , hddclub85 , Janeen0225 , Katherine73 , LadyAnnibal , lisak1234 , MarthaKw , mumofacub , NaturallyKait , nic1231 , redsally , RollerCoasterMama , Salome2144 , scheelimama , shantimama , Skippy918 , Springshowers , sren , transpecos , worthy
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.