sad goodbye (baby loss, emergency mentioned) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 35 Old 01-13-2010, 10:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry if this is going to bring the board down for a bit, but I thought my birth story was still relevant and that some of you could relate. I enjoyed the time I spent here, and felt supported so I wold rather post here, then the loss group. Since the baby wasn't mine; I don't feel the loss as keenly as those mothers.

I am (or was) a Gestational surrogate for a friend of mine, who tragically lost her uterus after her birth and only birth was induced.

With no risk factors (other then the inherent risks of IVF), 5 normal births, three home births, and two unassisted births under my belt I felt pretty positive about the choice to be a GS for my friend. I didn't and don't want any more children, feeling completely fulfilled (and a little run ragged) by the 5 beautiful children we already have been blessed with. I felt, my friend felt, and all of our DRs felt that I was a prime candidate. I am highly active, have been for years, and am also only 32.

So to spare the gory details and the medical misses and flubs; I was taken into hospital bed rest on 12/30 due to NO amniotic fluid, an at least 50% hidden placental abruption and two episodes of acute bleeding and serious decels in baby HR. I was 23 weeks and the head of the Maternal Fetal Medicine believed that I would make it up to two weeks on complete and total hospital bed rest in order to give the baby a chance.

We found out at that time the the baby was a boy, and his parents named him Gavin. Baby was big, like all of ou children and my friend's older child and was measuring at 25week level. He weighted a little over 1.9lbs, and the neonatologist was sure he could intubate IF the baby was born that day.

I woke at 3:30am with a contraction, my heart going crazy, baby's heart nearly non-existent, and a gush of blood. I was taken for a c-section 10minutes later.

It was always my choice to try to save the baby, though we all know the risks to the mother with a C-section.

The surgery was quick, interesting, and easy. As My uterus was opened, my placenta popped out...having abrupted at least 80% by this point. The baby was alive, thought I didn't hold much hope for his future...I was praying that his parents would make it in time to meet him and say goodbye.

In recovery, I went into Atrial fibrillation, my blood pressure hit rock bottom and I couldn't breathe. I spent several days in ICU being tested and drugged until I cardio converted. I am now 32 and on heart medication. My cardiologist believes that I need monitoring for about a month, then I will be weaned off. The medication is simply to prevent another episode of my heart not working. I was in the hosptial for about a week total, and have been home for a week. Recovery has been slow on some levels. The recovery from the section is shockingly swift. After two days I felt as if I had never been pregnant. I have lost a lot of muscle, but am already doing ypga and jogging a little (two weeks since surgery)

I suppose it simply goes to show you that anything can happen. I had no symptoms, no warning, no risk factors (was seeing a CPM and doing great!). In a way the swiftness of the loss was a mercy to me.

The parents of the baby are doing as well as can be imagined. They have suffered a great tragedy and loss and I hope some of you will pray for their wisdom and recovery as they make future parenting and family-growing choices.

Carrie, The Birthteacher CCE and Doula, real mom to five; and womb-mom to G. born at 23w by emergency C. 12/09
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#2 of 35 Old 01-13-2010, 11:08 PM
 
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im so sorry how awful.

Mummy to Samuel 02/08 and new baby Molly- 04/10
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#3 of 35 Old 01-13-2010, 11:12 PM
 
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This is so unbelievably tragic. I'm so sorry for you and this poor family and this baby boy. What in the world happened? Gosh....so sorry! I will be thinking of you all, hoping for wisdom during your healing process. What a wonderful thing you did for this couple. I'm sure they appreciate so much everything you sacrificed to give their baby boy a warm home for so long and what you did to attempt to save him in the end.

Mother to FOUR BOYS!!  Austin (1997) Luke (2005) Mason (2007) and Judah (2010), wife to Joe, doula to many, and Birthing From Within Mentor in SE Michigan
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#4 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 12:26 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for your health complications and the loss of baby Gavin. Hugs and prayers to you.

S & J . DD 2/8/7. DS 4/25/10. Natural foods eating, sleep deprived, gardening WAH mama.
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#5 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 12:38 AM
 
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Wow, I'm nearly speechless. What a tragic thing to have happened. I'm so sorry Gavin was lost and you went through such an ordeal.

Our rainbow baby, Anna Beatrice was born April 11/2010 after 4 m/c. She joins 4 brothers and sisters.
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#6 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 12:49 AM
 
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Gavin

I'm so sorry. I hope you can continue to heal, both body and soul. I'll be thinking of everyone involved in this tragedy.

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#7 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 01:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for your thoughts.

To Doula Alicia- things happen sometimes that are unexplainable. Even when we have perfect nutrition, supplements, excercise, rest and no risks, and a great history! As a doula of 12 years I knew it; but didn't belive it either--yes things DO come out of the blue.

I was tested for every known infection, all autoimmune and clotting disorders as well. I was tested for things and given drugs I still have no clue about.

I plan to get my records and pathology on the placenta--but was told by BOTH the maternal fetal and neonatologist that it was due to the IVF, or maybe some abnormality the parents carried and no one knew about. Placentas are also formed at conception and though we can influence their health, you can't change their programming.

Right now, though is hard, we are not focused on the WHYs any longer, but on recovery for all of us. It's much harder on the parents then on me, other then being shaken to the roots of all my belief systems.

The baby passed due to collapsed lungs, and he was very loved and surrounded by his family and extended family when he did.

Carrie, The Birthteacher CCE and Doula, real mom to five; and womb-mom to G. born at 23w by emergency C. 12/09
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#8 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 02:21 AM
 
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what an ordeal. i am so sorry for everyone. it is so easy to forget how crazy hard it is on the body to be pregnant and have a baby, so much goes in to it and so many things can go wrong.

quick healing to you all.
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#9 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 03:05 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for everyone involved :

mama to two sweet girliesdust.gifhearts.gifrainbow1284.gif 
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#10 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 03:10 AM
 
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#11 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 05:17 AM
 
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So sorry for this precious loss and what you are all going through


Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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#12 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 09:32 AM
 
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I'm so sorry this happened. Take care of yourself and I hope everyone can heal from this experience.

I recently changed my username, but I still say "Hello" to all those who know me in real life! Hi P, S, T and K!
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#13 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 11:11 AM
 
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I am so, so sorry for the loss and suffering for everyone involved. My prayers are with you all as you move forward.

Catholic wife in love.gifwith my husband, mom to superhero.gifx5,  babygirl.gifx2, angel1.gifx6. Birther of babes, baker of bread, and connoisseur of human folly. WINNER OF THE SILVER BIRTH STOOL, APRIL 2010 DDC! Happily hospital birthing with my BFF, Epidural Man.
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#14 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 12:10 PM
 
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Thank you for sharing. My heart goes out to you and the parents.
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#15 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 12:17 PM
 
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that's really shocking. i am so sorry that things didn't work out as planned and Gavin was lost. really goes to show that sometimes nature just can not be thwarted.
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#16 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 12:18 PM
 
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Thank you for sharing your story.

Ivory, partner to Tom, mama to Ella (12/9/05), Alice (12/8/07), and our newest addition, Rebecca (4/1/10).
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#17 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 12:21 PM
 
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#18 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 01:49 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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#19 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 05:13 PM
 
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((hugs))

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#20 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 05:20 PM
 
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There are no words that can possibly take away the pain from this tragedy.... But know that I completely understand. I see that your due date was 4/10 - On 4/10 last year, I lost my fifteen-day-old daughter. I've been walking this long road without her for many months now. I'm extending a huge cyber-hug to you and Gavin's parents, and hope that the coming days, weeks, and months can provide some peace and healing.

Mom to three girls and a BOY: (2003) (2007) (3/25/2009 - 4/10/2009) (5/2010)
Blogging my way through grief. Look in my profile for link.
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#21 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 07:34 PM
 
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What a tragedy. I am so sorry for the loss of little Gavin and I hope you heal quickly.

Mama to Finn (04/05) Arlo (04/07) and Henry (04/10)
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#22 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 07:35 PM
 
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rockies5, i hope the terrible loss of gavin doesn't negate at all the feelings and experience you had of giving up yourself and your body to help your friends have another child. your gift not made less by this tragedy.

i hope for healing for you and gavin's family. for his precious life.

me+him for 15 yrs, welcomed our little one march 25th, 2010.

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#23 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 07:36 PM
 
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I am sorry for all involved. Prayers for recovery and healing. Thank you also for sharing.

Mommy to DS 6/08, Expecting :
4/10 by c-section.
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#24 of 35 Old 01-14-2010, 07:59 PM
 
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I am so sorry for their loss and for yours. I hope you continue to heal as well as you have been and I hope they can hal also. How very sad!

Monther of Riley (11), Andrew (4) and Victoria (7 months)
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#25 of 35 Old 01-15-2010, 02:25 AM
 
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I am so so sorry.

Gavin

Wife to Thomas, WAH mama to Sofia Rose 8/04, Ellen Marie 10/07, her twin sister Amalie Joy lost 7/07 , and Maya Grace and Hannah Miriam 4/10
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#26 of 35 Old 01-15-2010, 02:26 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peace+Hope View Post
rockies5, i hope the terrible loss of gavin doesn't negate at all the feelings and experience you had of giving up yourself and your body to help your friends have another child. your gift not made less by this tragedy.

i hope for healing for you and gavin's family. for his precious life.
This.

Wife to Thomas, WAH mama to Sofia Rose 8/04, Ellen Marie 10/07, her twin sister Amalie Joy lost 7/07 , and Maya Grace and Hannah Miriam 4/10
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#27 of 35 Old 01-15-2010, 04:09 PM
 
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Oh, how terrible! So sad to hear of such a precious loss.

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DD (4.25.08)  DD (4.23.10)  DD (10.13.12)

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#28 of 35 Old 01-16-2010, 12:30 AM
 
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#29 of 35 Old 01-17-2010, 09:56 AM
 
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still thinking of you and your friends...

me+him for 15 yrs, welcomed our little one march 25th, 2010.

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#30 of 35 Old 01-18-2010, 02:53 AM
 
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I'm so sorry to hear of this!!


Kylin 10/14/2002

Aja 8/13/2004

Evie 3/11/2010

2 angels in Heaven (Alexis & Bryson)

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