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Old 01-20-2010, 12:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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If this is your second baby, what are you doing for your firstborn?
Ds is 2.5, and of course we talk all the time about it, and I have gotten him a baby doll to take care of, and a text-free "new baby" book to help him describe what will be happening.

Are you having the baby give a gift to the older sibling, if so, what?

Are you having the older sibling do/make/buy something special to give to the new baby?

I know toys and tangible things aren't really what becoming a sibling is about, but at such a young age it's obviously hard to grasp the concept... I think my ds would be very tickled to get a present from baby, and to give one as well.

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Old 01-20-2010, 12:35 AM
 
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My son isnt yet 2, I keep telling him 'baby' and pointing to my ever growing belly but I'm pretty sure he has NO idea. I think he just thinks that bellies are called 'babies' now

I keep trying to call it 'Sams baby' so he feels like it belongs to him and therefore might accept it more-not sure if this is a good idea or not ?!

I think 'the baby' might get him a gift when its born-it might soften the blow a little I really dont think he is ging to take the change well though, I held a friends baby a few weeks back and his bottom lip came out and then big, fat tears

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Old 01-20-2010, 12:43 AM
 
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My DS will be almost 24mo when this bub is born, and we got him a baby doll for Chanukah this year. He slings her (the doll is a girl) all the time and carries her around and we nurse with her. He's usually really good. I think he'll make the transition just fine.

bubbasmummy, don't worry about Samuel. He's still really little, so he'll soon not remember life without baby.

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Old 01-20-2010, 01:21 AM
 
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Campbell has baby dolls and I bought some books. We talk. She is 3.5 and is acting out. Change isn't good and she doesn't handle change well so I have learned...the baby isn't even here yet

I will be getting her a special gift from me and from her baby brother.
I am thinking a new princess doll or something....she is into so much. Maybe a new build a bear.
I will also let her pick something out for the new baby.

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Old 01-20-2010, 01:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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ds is rather obsessed with trains right now.. thinking of getting him a personalized engine.. it's compatable with his trains and I could put on it "I love my big brother" or something... he could enjoy playing with it now, and when he's older and can read it, it could be a special keepsake kinda thing.
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erickalynne, build a bear is a cute idea. Maybe that's an idea for something that ds can "make" for the baby.

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Old 01-20-2010, 02:31 AM
 
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erickalynne, build a bear is a cute idea. Maybe that's an idea for something that ds can "make" for the baby.
DD is making a build-a-bear for herself and for her little sister, complete with charms that read "big sister" and "little sister". Also, we are letting DD pick out baby's clothes/blankets/etc to help her feel like this baby is "hers" when she comes. We are trying to explain to her that the baby IS the present for her. A new playmate, someone to look after and love. She is very helpful and caring (for Christmas, she asked for a broom, washrags, and underwear and brings her doll "Chaim" everywhere with her).
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Old 01-20-2010, 03:04 AM
 
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I'm thinking my girls will get new dolls, and kid slings. We did this with DD1 when DD2 was born, but she had just turned two, and was not very attached to the idea od dolls yet. Now though, they are both doll crazy, and have been nursing and slinging everything in sight (books, plastic toy turtles, a shovel) so I'm thinking dolls will be a hit.

I think getting a gift "from the baby" would be weird for them, since they are pretty keen kids and know that the baby does not have a store in there, but a "big sister!" gift from DH and I would be a big hit. We also like the idea of calling the baby "meet and greet" a "Big sister party!" so they feel included, and so people remember that they need the attention a lot more than the newborn.

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Old 01-20-2010, 03:04 AM
 
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DD will be turning two when DD2 is born, so, no, not doing anything for prep. This will also be the third time she has had a baby come to live w/ us & she never cared before. Based on how she acts when around friends' babies, uhhh, she is not going to care this time, either, lol. I tell her there is a baby in my belly, but when I ask what is in there she says, "Button" for belly button, haha.

I do plan on getting her this doll: http://www.novanatural.com/toys/bambino as a combo new-baby/birthday gift. She has other dolls, but this will be emphasized by us as her special baby.

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Old 01-20-2010, 12:45 PM
 
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My DD will be three and I've talked to her about the baby since finding out I was pregnant. She understands that the baby is inside me, but doesn't understand how the baby will get out in the open or when. I'm not getting her anything special because she already has a baby doll that she doesn't play with and has one million other toys from zealous grandparents. But I've let her pick out clothing for the baby and play with her old baby toys. I've shown her the cloth diapers and baby blankets and she insists that she will help paint the nursery. I think the most important thing for her will be to include her and to make her feel important.

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Old 01-20-2010, 04:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DD will be three and I've talked to her about the baby since finding out I was pregnant. She understands that the baby is inside me, but doesn't understand how the baby will get out in the open or when.
Yep, my ds is wondering about that too.. not sure how to explain! Sometimes he starts almost yelling at my belly "baby wake up!" "baby get OUT!" I think he thinks the baby will come out my belly button.. he keeps pushing and pulling at it.

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Old 01-20-2010, 04:34 PM
 
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My son is four and has a pretty good idea. If anything, he is very matter of fact about it all. I can be having a bath or sitting on the toilet - or anything where my boobs are not covered and he likes to sit there telling me all about how I will feed the baby which is funny and cute. He also likes to randomly let me know that 'babies can't talk' and that 'when our baby is born, it will not have any teeth!'. Maybe as a boy, he just finds facts more interesting? lol Most of his talk about this coming baby usually starts with 'When out baby is born.....' (the weather will be warmer, this is where they will sleep in the bed, you will carry them in a sling, this is where their car seat will go in the car, etc)

One thing I am doing is always refering to it as 'our' baby - because it is our baby. It is a member of this family. I do think subtle language references can make things more understandable to small children.

I got three books for him. 'Our Water Baby', 'Hello Baby' and 'Whats inside your tummy mummy'. He likes 'Whats inside your tummy mummy' as it is a HUGE book and is loaded with facts - it has 9 pages (one for each month) and on the left side of every page shows a 'mummys tummy' with the actual (ish) size of the baby that is in there so you can hold it up to your tummy and read all the facts/info on the right side of the page. I think its fun too! The other books are about having the baby at home.

He also loves watching birthing videos. Hes been watching these since before we even got pregnant. He LOVES waterbirth videos! He gets really excited and thinks the baby 'swims' into mummy's hands! lol He will be there for the birth as we are planning an unassisted birth at home though I am seeing a MW throughout all this pregnancy and will not hestitate to call her if I feel I need her. He has gone to every one of those appointments but tbh, they arn't that exciting. We chat, she checks my pee and then has a feel - as I am not having any ultrasounds or use of doppler.

I am not making him buy anything for the baby and don't plan on suggesting it either. He can if he wants to of course! There is nothing stopping him. I have bought plenty for this baby - so he gets the idea if he wants to! lol

We are not buying him anything 'from' the baby. I personally feel thats really silly. The baby can not possibly buy him a gift - it has been growing in my tummy the whole time and will have just been born. I do feel it will be a special day for him though. Just as special for him as it will be for me and for 'Daddy' too. Having a baby is a very special thing. Becoming a brother is pretty special too. So we do plan on celebrating this - but not in a 'look!, I just had a baby - now I will buy you off with pressies!' kind of way. I get buying pressies for birthdays and I get it for christmas and I get it for 'just because' - but I have never got it 'from the baby' ...to me (and this is just for us and my opinion, I am not fussed what you plan on doing and I do not mean to offend you if this is your plan!) it just feels like 'buying love'. See how much this baby, that is now taking nearly all my time away from you, loves you so much - they bought you a material item! I just don't really like the message that could give tbh. We do plan on celebrating it and I am sure he will get gifts - but they will be from the people who get them for him. It will simply be a family celebration like Birthdays and Christmas because it is a special day!

You know those 'first years albums' though. We got one for him when he was born - and it is all filled out! (I really like organised stuff like that lol)...And we have got one for this baby too ...and I found one for him as well! It is called 'My New Baby and Me' and is a 'first years album' for the brother/sister to fill in! I will have fun helping him fill that in too!

Its hard to avoid 'big' brother/sister things though. But I am not refering to him as the 'big' brother. For a lot of people (and I can see this coming from other family members the most - and of course random strangers ...all my friends have three children by now so I have heard it all! lol) use the term 'big' brother/sister usually to 'change' the childs attitude/behaviour/responsibilities. The attitude generally, or so I have picked up on is - suddenly you have to be someone different because you are now 'big' brother/sister. My son will still be my son. He is who he is. I take him as he is. He doesn't suddenly need to change just because I decided to have a baby - and I don't ever want him to feel that way either. For me, I feel this will be very important for that early bonding between us all. I don't want him to feel shoved aside or not loved for who he is and not suddenly changing. He will be a brother - thats all! Thats a pretty great thing in and of itself!

Now...I am just looking forward to seeing how it all is when baby is earthside! hehe He has been matter of fact about it all. He is pretty great with me holding other peoples babies as well - and is really empathetic (hes has always been sensitive though) ...like if he hears a baby crying he will say 'he just wants some mummy milk and cuddles'. So thats all sweet and good. But I know it will be different when 'that baby' is ours! lol He has never been 'cuddly' to other babies though like I see most girls his age that I know. But as this will be our baby, I wonder if he will want to cuddle the baby and kiss the baby, etc. I am interested in finding out! hehe

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Old 01-20-2010, 04:49 PM
 
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DD came with me to midwife appointments.

After dd2 was born I had a playdate type thing...but called it her big sister party and let her pick any cake she wanted from the local grocers. She loved it and everyone got to see the new baby.
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Old 01-20-2010, 05:07 PM
 
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DS is 2.5 years and we're having a big brother party for him next month. It'll be like a birthday party, but the theme is being a big brother. I have a certificate for him and a crown for him, and going to buy him a big brother t-shirt.
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Old 01-20-2010, 05:12 PM
 
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I'm pretty sure ds "gets" that there is a baby in there....I took him for the 3D ultrasound at about 21 weeks although at first he thought she was a puppy dog lol.

He talks about her all the time, kisses my belly, and now his new thing is to make her "dance" by gently jiggling my belly. Then he cracks up when she sticks a foot or elbow out at him. Probably the first 29 week old fetus to do the cupid shuffle and the monkey dance off Dora.

In spite of all this, he is starting to get a little peeved by all the new stuff I've bought for her this week. We went to the thrift store and as soon as we hit the baby section, he told me "no pink! Alisa go naked!" lol. So we bought HIM two new shirts instead, and only one thing for her....he seemed satisfied.

I'm mostly worried that he will feel like I'm handing him off to his "step" daddy (we're not married yet but will be living together again soon). we're actually in counseling because this is a such a major concern for me. they are getting along MUCH much better but ds still prefers me a lot of the time and I worry that with me having to nurse the baby and give her a lot of attention that I'll be stuck with the choice of either giving her to her dad to feed formula in a bottle or have ds cry and be unhappy all the time. So, yeah, I'm nervous.

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Old 01-20-2010, 06:48 PM
 
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I haven't really done anything to prepare the kids, except usual baby chat around the house. The girls pretty much remember when Finn was born. I'm fairly sure my 7 year old will be mostly disinterested. My 6 year old will be over the moon, she loves babies. DS is only 2.5 - he knows there is a baby in mommys belly and that the stuff around the house is for the new baby. He's a sweet little guy and I'm not worried about the transition for him.

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Old 01-20-2010, 08:28 PM
 
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My daughter is going to be almost 9 by the time this baby is born. Where does the time go?
I'm including her in the baby preparations (picking stuff out, setting stuff up, etc.), and I'm also planning on getting her some gifts, mostly things she'll be happy to spend time on, since I'll be busy- novels, crafts, games, etc. so that she has more things to do when I'm recovering and spending lots of time with baby.

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Old 01-21-2010, 02:34 AM
 
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We're going to have DD build a bear for the baby and then have the baby build her a similar one. We'll get her a big sister shirt and a little sister shirt for the baby. If she ends up being there for the birth she'll help DH cut the cord - she is VERY excited about that. She has a blankie that she is very attached to, so we've talked about her picking out a blankie for her sister. She has also been able to pick out some clothes for the baby as well.

Mom to Morgan 4-3-06 and announcing Baby Kelsey 4-11-10
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Old 01-21-2010, 03:15 AM
 
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You know we didn't do much for ds when my second child was born. Feel kind of bad now but he survived. He was a very young three so I don't think he was too aware before hand but after...yeah there was some adjusting. Maybe we could have done more to ease him in but now they're best friends so it all ended well!

With the addition of three, we spent a lot of time talking about the new baby, etc. We read books. DS came to the ultrasound visit, etc. I think he really felt like she was his baby in ways that he didn't about dd2 but of course he was two years older. DD2 was not quite two and even with preparation was a bit jealous but did okay.

This time, they've all been involved. We talk, read, etc, and they go to the midwife appointments with me. They'll all be at the birth center, and can choose to go in with us or not (so far ds wants to be there and dds do not!). I've felt it was esp. important to prepare them this time as they are very close siblings. We homeschool so they spent a great deal of time together. I watched another child this summer, and it was very hard for him (and them) to join in their little circle. I was really worried that this would be the case with a new sibling. But so far, they've been very receptive. My youngest is VERY excited about "our baby" and spends lots of time day dreaming about how she'll care for the baby. DS is just baby crazy anyway so he's super excited, and dd2...well she is very independent and likes being a lone so happy but not concerned.

I am not sure about the whole gift thing. It does seem a bit silly to say from the baby as my kids are all older. And I also hate buying them things for every occassion but I like the idea someone mentioned of purchasing things they can do while I'm busy those first few weeks. We are going to make a birthday cake for the baby. If we do a baby showing type thing, I will have the kids organize it, make the invites, and make it very much about them showing off their baby to the world.

Mama to Umberto 12, Camille, 9, Piper 7, Rowena 2, and Jude Therese Prenatal DS diagnosis due December 23.

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Old 01-21-2010, 11:03 AM
 
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Old 01-21-2010, 01:04 PM
 
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My nine year old is indifferent to the new baby. She's been like that with the last two as well. Our second was born a little more than 6 years after her, so she's always been able to understand that a new baby is coming, but she is pretty indifferent to it. Our three year old is the same way. He doesn't really function on the same level as a typical three year old so it's hard to know what he thinks. He didn't show much interest when his little brother arrived, and I'm expecting the same thing this time. Our third child will only be about 16-17 months old when this baby arrives so I'm not sure if we'll have much preparing on his part.

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Old 01-21-2010, 04:20 PM
 
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I thought about getting DD a gift from the new baby, but then I realized I would have to answer all kinds of questions about where the baby got the gift, and do I have more presents inside of my belly...So I decided against that.

I think she will do fine with the transition. I've babysat quite a bit before and she now thinks that all babies (besides her) sleep in pack n' plays and drink bottles. She's come around to the fact that the baby will share her milkies and now she's excited about that. My only concern is night time because DD still loves to snuggle all night long even though she's 3.5. She also still wakes up multiple time a night to nurse...she has never been a sound sleeper, it's just how she is. I am afraid I'll find myself penned down under two kids all night long and I'll never sleep again! I'm trying not to stress over it though, I'm sure we'll all adjust and it will work out.

I have been referring to the baby as "our" baby or to DD as "her" baby. She is really, really excited. We talk about what we'll do when the baby is born and how she'll help me by bringing me diapers and stuff.

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Old 01-22-2010, 06:51 AM
 
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I think to some degree my 20 month old DS understands, he seems to make the connection when he sees a picture of a baby that there is a baby in my tummy. He's also very affectionate to my tummy and lays his head on it and gives it kisses. I firmly believe that kids have some kind of a sense about these things, no matter how young they are. We haven't made any plans for gifts for him from the baby or anything, but we show him pictures of babies quite often and talk about it a lot. With how young he is, I think he'll have to learn by experience when the baby comes, haha.

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Old 01-22-2010, 12:18 PM
 
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I think getting a gift "from the baby" would be weird for them, since they are pretty keen kids and know that the baby does not have a store in there, but a "big sister!" gift from DH and I would be a big hit. We also like the idea of calling the baby "meet and greet" a "Big sister party!" so they feel included, and so people remember that they need the attention a lot more than the newborn.
I agree-- I'm also not a big fan of the "gift from the baby," mostly because of the impossibility of it actually happening and also because of the materialism mentioned by Ann.

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My DD will be three and I've talked to her about the baby since finding out I was pregnant. She understands that the baby is inside me, but doesn't understand how the baby will get out in the open or when. I'm not getting her anything special because she already has a baby doll that she doesn't play with and has one million other toys from zealous grandparents. But I've let her pick out clothing for the baby and play with her old baby toys. I've shown her the cloth diapers and baby blankets and she insists that she will help paint the nursery. I think the most important thing for her will be to include her and to make her feel important.
My DD will be three, too... she's seen a few birth videos, so she understands (and will say, at the most inappropriate times! ), "My baby brother will come out of your vagina soon? Unless you have to have a c-section? But We hope he comes out of your vagina?"

I mentioned to Dh the other day that, when we take our first family trip down to visit SC, we should try to drive together and that the baby might take a bottle of expressed milk so that we can avoid stopping every hour. I did't even know she was listening, but DD immediately piped up and said, "NO, Mommy! You know that nursing is better for the baby." I'm just waiting for her to bring that up with a random stranger....

So, all that is to say that she seems to understand and be pretty comfortable with the mechanics of the baby being born and happy to "let" me nurse the baby. However, I don't think she'll be at the birth (unless it is too fast for our family to get here)-- even watching me poke my finger for BG testing is mildly upsetting for her (she says, "Mommy, how will your finger be closed again?"), so I don't know if all of the fluids and the baby crying would be too much for her.

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Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
So we do plan on celebrating this - but not in a 'look!, I just had a baby - now I will buy you off with pressies!' kind of way. I get buying pressies for birthdays and I get it for christmas and I get it for 'just because' - but I have never got it 'from the baby' ...to me (and this is just for us and my opinion, I am not fussed what you plan on doing and I do not mean to offend you if this is your plan!) it just feels like 'buying love'. See how much this baby, that is now taking nearly all my time away from you, loves you so much - they bought you a material item! I just don't really like the message that could give tbh. We do plan on celebrating it and I am sure he will get gifts - but they will be from the people who get them for him. It will simply be a family celebration like Birthdays and Christmas because it is a special day!

Its hard to avoid 'big' brother/sister things though. But I am not refering to him as the 'big' brother. For a lot of people (and I can see this coming from other family members the most - and of course random strangers ...all my friends have three children by now so I have heard it all! lol) use the term 'big' brother/sister usually to 'change' the childs attitude/behaviour/responsibilities. The attitude generally, or so I have picked up on is - suddenly you have to be someone different because you are now 'big' brother/sister. My son will still be my son. He is who he is. I take him as he is. He doesn't suddenly need to change just because I decided to have a baby - and I don't ever want him to feel that way either. For me, I feel this will be very important for that early bonding between us all. I don't want him to feel shoved aside or not loved for who he is and not suddenly changing. He will be a brother - thats all! Thats a pretty great thing in and of itself!
ITA agree with bolded portion, as I mentioned above.

Re: big brother/big sister, Idk. DD is a part of our family, and as our family grows, our responsibilities to each other change. She is going to have to do things/ not do things that differently than before the baby is born. Some of that is just my changing perception (she seems like such a "big girl" to me now, and I think that's mostly because I'm realizing how tiny the new baby will be, and how much she has changed over the past three years), but some of it really is just that we'll all have more to do. That's not a bad thing, IMO-- I expect her to fetch diapers or the nursing pillow or whatever, because I think that including her in the day-to-day baby care will help discourage rivalry.

We'll see how that works in real life, though!

Aspiring to 1 Thessalonians 4:11.Wife to Dh, 2004. Mother to DD 3/07.
So thankful for our healthy baby boy, born Easter morning, 2010!
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