Weekly thread, July 4-11 - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 166 Old 07-07-2010, 05:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by laughingfox View Post
by phone, while filling my gas tank


We used to weigh DD1 on a grocery scale that was in the bulk foods section of our local store every week or so. It would print out a little ticket showing how much your product weighed and what the total cost was. It was fun comparing the cost of one-baby's-worth of flour to one-baby's-worth of chocolate covered almonds.
We kept all of the printouts, but they were on that weird paper that turns grey and loses its print in the heat, so they faded out when we moved.


I so get this sentiment. I've been feeling really worn out just from quick phone conversations lately. It just seems like so much effort, for some strange reason. Internet, I can handle, though, because I can always walk away and come back later. I do that, a lot.
Also,


Have you changed soaps/laundry detergents/shampoos/lotions/etc lately?

I hate being itchy.
One of the first things that made me decide I didn't want an epidural is that I heard from some women that it made their legs itch like crazy the whole time it was in. I would seriously not have been able to handle that.



P.S. You just lost 5 points, because you fail at spelling.

Speaking of going the golden birth stool and therefore speaking of going post dates:
I found this really interesting website where you can reference CDC data, which is pulled from birth/death certificates (I think), and categorize it any way you like. I'm not an expert in statistics by any means, I just have a research addiction.

Anyway, you know how birth at 37 weeks is generally considered safe, but lots of people in the medical field (and sometimes the midwifery field) freak out after 41 weeks, because if the increase in chance of death? Well, here are some numbers, based on 4,138,573 births in the US from 2003-2005:
37 weeks gestation, death rate of 3.92 per thousand
38 weeks gestation, death rate of 2.67 per thousand
39 weeks gestation, death rate of 2.13 per thousand
40 weeks gestation, death rate of 1.98 per thousand
41 weeks gestation, death rate of 2.13 per thousand
42 weeks gestation, death rate of 2.60 per thousand
43 weeks gestation, death rate of 2.60 per thousand
44 weeks gestation, death rate of 2.59 per thousand
45 weeks gestation, death rate of 3.01 per thousand
46 weeks gestation, death rate of 4.03 per thousand
So, yes, death rate does increase after 40 weeks, but according to these numbers, 45 weeks gestation had a lower death rate than 37, and 44 weeks gestation had a lower death rate than 38.
Obviously, numbers don't tell us everything and there are plenty of factors that aren't included here, but I thought that was pretty darn interesting.

i totally copied and pasted that to my FB notes and included the link. i have 2 cousins pg right now and one is a L&D nurse and i really gotta wonder what she thinks of what i say! lol. and i am feeling particularly...rude so it's not exactly a nice note.

and i am not up to the chit chat right now either. we're drowning financially faster than i thought and i'm just not to positive that anything will work....and if they do it won't be for several months until after i get dispersments from my pell for school and then it's a whole nother pile of crap to be stressed about.....
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#92 of 166 Old 07-07-2010, 05:41 PM
 
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I'm here! Pushing through, making appointments, trying to stay out of the house as much as possible, while also avoiding all human contact (aka a lot of walks with baby in the sling, and both girls strapped into the jogging stroller, walking miles around our neighborhood). Just feeling very 'inside my own head' lately, and overwhelmed by social graces and chitchat. i'm not very good at asking for/taking help, but I am trying to let down my guard with the people I see daily, so my neighbors, motherinlaw, etc, while also avoiding them. Bring me dinner, but don't ask how I am! RARR!

Still trying to figure out how to navigate it all with DH. I've mentioned before that his family has a history of severe mental illness (commitments are common enough that they are almost normal) so he is a bit gunshy. he oscillates between acting like everything is OKAY, IT'S OKAY, to getting depressed himself because he feels like he should have been able to prevent it, which, uh, doesn't help. He'll support me whatever i want to do, but is obviously confused emotionally about how to act/respond (which puts me on edge about how much to share with him). Blah blah blah.

Okay, I'm going to go for a walk.
Oh, I can relate to almost all of this SO well (except with only 1 kid instead of three!). I am glad your DH will support you with whatever you want to do, but understand how it's also kind of frustrating to have to worry about his reaction/ emotions when you just don't have any damn room for that. Ugh.

I hope you start feeling much better soon. I have been really feeling much more like myself for about 5 days and haven't had a panic attack in a week! I'm not sure if it's the Zoloft or the SAMe (amino acids I started at the same time) or what. I felt so good and optimistic yesterday that I caught myself wanting to quit the Z and therapy already... because actually doing the work and keeping healthy and putting into place other coping things doesn't sound fun, it sounds scary and like a reminder of how close to the edge I still am.

Sigh.

I'm hoping that this itching is hormonal - definitely feeling some big shifts here recently and hoping to god I'm not getting my period already - and liver cleansing out all of the crap I've taken and been through in the last months. I am hoping so badly that it's not the Zoloft, and that it gets better with some milk thistle and so on SOON. I can't imagine dealing with this amount of itchiness for much longer, yet the thought of trying to wean off the Zoloft a mere 3 weeks into it terrifies me...
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#93 of 166 Old 07-07-2010, 07:50 PM
 
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Hi everyone! Just popping in to say hi! I have been reading, but never seem to have time to post, too.

Things are ok here - summer is slow for my business, so we are kinda holding our breaths $ wise. But I try to remember that we have never NOT had enough, even if just barely, at the end of any month.

Princess Maya is turning out to be quite the fussy eater - she HAS to be on the nursing pillow, in the football hold, with the breast at JUST the right angle. And then MAYBE she will consent to take enough to hold body and soul together. Ai yi yi. She is growing, but slowly. Thankfully, going dairy free has helped the gas, and the zantac has helped the reflux, so at least we don't have hours and hours of screaming any more.

I see my OB Friday - I think my zoloft needs adjusting. It seems to not be giving me quite as much help as I need. Or maybe I just need adjusting. Who knows.

Otherwise, spending a lot of time going through my mom's stuff, finally. It is kinda hard to part with stuff, but it needs to be done. Silly to keep paying storage fees for stuff we will never use. Sigh.

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#94 of 166 Old 07-07-2010, 07:59 PM
 
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Jess- I just wanted to give you hugs about the itching. That was the main symptom of the cholestasis (which if you don't remember the saga was what caused me to have to be induced).

It was horrible. I honestly wanted to scratch my feet off of my body. It was waking me up at night and I was in tears. I remember digging in as hard as I could because the pain from scratching really really hard was better than the pain of the itching. Ugh.

Hippie sympathizer and mom to L, 4.8.10.
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#95 of 166 Old 07-07-2010, 08:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ah! I don't check in for most of the day and the thread explodes!

Let's see if I can keep up....

bubbamommy -- That's so weird to suggest just swapping out a bottle of breastmilk for formula! I've had weird things like that with our ped, too, though. When Sprout was getting all refluxy, she suggested that I cut out dairy and go to a bland diet, and to try giving him a bottle of formula. Okay, first of all. If you think it might be dairy connected (which it wasn't, we've seen dairy issues and this wasn't it), why would you suggest formula which is most often made from cow milk?! It's not like she said, "try a non-dairy formula". Peds can be so weird.

wishin'&hopin' -- Isn't the holding fingers so cute? Sprout kinda does that; he loves to suck on his fingers so much, he tries to put them in his mouth while he's nursing. So I have to kind of stick my thumb into the palm of his hand to keep his hand out the way, and he ends up "holding" my hand. Of course, I burned my thumb on the 4th and now he's grabbing the burn.... ouch!

P+H -- We try to elongate naps, too. DH is the champion baby shaker -- sometimes Sprout will go back down if you wiggle his butt and back just right. But we've mostly resigned ourselves to 30 minute naps.

MPP -- Hey! Welcome back! And congratulations on the new house!

jess -- Glad to hear you're feeling better mentally, but that really sucks about the itching! My DH had that about a year ago -- turns out he suddenly got allergic to sunscreen! He had to use SPF 15 or below to avoid the crazy itching.

GTG -- on the new job!

lnf -- We also got nearly no records when we requested Sprout's. They sent our ped a summary and if we want more, we have to go to the hospital and pay out the nose. Sprout was the same as Mercy -- his NICU stay was to get antibiotics for an infection he didn't have. Luckily, blood cultures only take 3 days to come back negative. But I can't believe they kept her without actually SEEING anything on the x-ray!! I'm going to run that by DH (a nurse) and see if he knows of any good reason....

Dena -- Glad to see you back!

AFM -- I got a few minutes to myself today! DH and I usually cut each other's hair, but we'd gone a long time without cutting mine, so doing so was a bit tricky and DH... well... he might have butchered my hair a bit. So I got to take an hour to go get a haircut all by myself!

Made an appointment with another doc who does tongue tie to get a second opinion on whether Sprout was clipped enough. It's not until July 30.

Still trying to get him to take a bottle (or cup, or finger feeding....). No luck. Speaking of the rest of MDC being a bit strange, when I posted asking for opinions on when to introduce the bottle, some people told me that I shouldn't! That part of being a mom was not getting a break. I'll tell you, there's some odd ones on here....

Jen, former sys admin and current geek , wife to DH , SAHM and Montessori homeschool teacher to DD "Nugget" (05/07) and new arrival DS "Sprout" (03/31/10)
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#96 of 166 Old 07-07-2010, 09:09 PM
 
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She was diagnosed with "presumed sepsis" on the basis of elevated CRP levels. Her lungs did not show pneumonia, although they did show inflammation. It's possible that she had amniotic fluid aspiration (gasping in amniotic fluid under stress) but I think it's more likely that her breathing issues were caused by all of the huge amount of fluid she was holding onto, possibly due to some bizarre twin to twin transfusion issue.

As soon as they put her on dopamine, she started peeing a ton and her respiratory stuff was resolved extremely quickly (from respirator to extubation 24 hours later, weaning on nasal cannula and off of that 24 hours after that), so far more quickly than makes sense with a severe bacterial infection requiring 10 days of IV antibiotics.

And we had all of the cultures done. They all came back negative, and they held us still for a full 10 freaking days on the basis of those CRP levels. And now the labs showing exactly what those levels are? Well, they weren't included. I have radiologist reports but no labs, when the entire reason we got stuck there was the blood work. Something very odd is going on with these people.

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#97 of 166 Old 07-07-2010, 09:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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lnf -- You guys' stuff was very similar to us. We also had the elevated CRP and presumed septis. DH suggests to submit another records request, explicitly requesting lab values.

Jen, former sys admin and current geek , wife to DH , SAHM and Montessori homeschool teacher to DD "Nugget" (05/07) and new arrival DS "Sprout" (03/31/10)
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#98 of 166 Old 07-07-2010, 09:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jenfl View Post
Speaking of the rest of MDC being a bit strange, when I posted asking for opinions on when to introduce the bottle, some people told me that I shouldn't! That part of being a mom was not getting a break. I'll tell you, there's some odd ones on here....
Probably the same people who told me every time I mentioned how sad I was to go back to work that if I wanted to I'd find a way to stay home. *sigh*

Can't I be sad about something but still choose to do it? What hurt the most was that they were probably technically right. So it added a guilt component to it. grr.

And I see no reason that being a mother means you don't get a break. At least after a while. Some people may not experience burn out. But I'm not sure you can know if you're not one of those people until it's too late. So better be prepared like a good boy scout.

Hippie sympathizer and mom to L, 4.8.10.
Pet-mom to Squirt with FLUTD & Maya the deaf wonder dog .
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#99 of 166 Old 07-07-2010, 10:15 PM
 
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hmm - i tune them out - llalaala... it was hard with ds to feel like i want to stay home, but have to go to work, but with 2 crazies at home now, I am sort of excited to spend some quasi adult time at work. LOL.

jen - i think the general rule with bottle introduction is to try and wait until your breastfeeding relationship is sound, then introduce bottle. but as a WOHM that just wasn't possible with ds. I introduced the bottle at 3 weeks on the mark with him and he still was unhappy having to take it until probably well into 9 or 10 weeks, maybe more. i just remember the daycare ladies mentioning several times about him not liking the bottle. the one thing i did do was have DH in charge of the bottle, so he wouldn't be confused, and I've insisted the same with Dani. She gets about 2 bottle pumped milk offered to her/week since about 7 weeks. I have to go back to work in about 1.5 months. She does okay sometimes like during my conference she had several bottles, but usually refuses or just takes an oz. I know if I were more insistent on it, I'd go out and buy another wide mouth dr, browns instead of starting her on the slimmer medela. argh, I should probably do that while I am thinking of it. Anyway - I know from DS we did try a few bottle and nipple combos and DH only did it before he got too hungry.

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#100 of 166 Old 07-07-2010, 10:21 PM
 
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Can't catch up with you gals! YIKES!

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#101 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 12:42 AM
 
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Jess- I just wanted to give you hugs about the itching. That was the main symptom of the cholestasis (which if you don't remember the saga was what caused me to have to be induced).

It was horrible. I honestly wanted to scratch my feet off of my body. It was waking me up at night and I was in tears. I remember digging in as hard as I could because the pain from scratching really really hard was better than the pain of the itching. Ugh.
Ugh, I thought of you today when they told me that itching during pregnancy means cholestasis (and isn't a "normal" symptom of pregnancy so therefore I shouldn't have any "normal" postpartum itching)... what a drag! I don't know what to do for myself except that whole "hurting from scratching is better than itching."... I'm going to the dr. on friday if it's not better. The concensus seems to be that it's not the Zoloft but then again, they don't know what it IS so I'm unconvinced. Sigh.

I'm typing without looking since I'm staring down at the baby on my lap who is making the cutest little noises I've ever heard and gazing at me. I'm a really good typist
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#102 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 12:59 AM
 
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It's hot as blazes here, too, & we only have one window unit that we have not yet installed, so I'm the one you should feel bad for.

I find internet time in several places: When dd2 nurses, I can do that at the comp. If both kids are napping & I am not also napping If just dd2 is awake, she is content to sit on my lap whilst I surf. At night after they both go to bed. That is why I am posting at midnight instead of sleeping, WHOOPS.

LNF, my MIL is a crackhead. For real. I feel ya.

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#103 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 06:00 AM
 
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Dhinderliter . Are you ok?

Ugh, can't sleep.

Mean/judgemental people suck! Jenfl, I like how you qualified your request for advice in life w/ a babe. I may have to borrow that idea sometime .

me+him for 15 yrs, welcomed our little one march 25th, 2010.

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#104 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 10:02 AM
 
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I was just paging through life with a babe, and I was wondering:
Is it required to only do monthly posts over there for DDCs once this forum gets closed?
Now that is going to be a post that's hard to keep up with..

Mama to a couple of full-moon caul-bearing rockstar girls:
9yo and brand new as of 4/28/10!
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#105 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 11:44 AM
 
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I was just paging through life with a babe, and I was wondering:
Is it required to only do monthly posts over there for DDCs once this forum gets closed?
Now that is going to be a post that's hard to keep up with..
I don't know if it's required, but I do see that's what everyone does. In the tribal area for my tribe, we did monthly and WOW...they would end up being 150 pages long

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#106 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 12:10 PM
 
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I don't see why we couldn't start with a weekly, and move to monthly I'd we get less posty. Shouldn't be any different rules than any other kund of thread...

Since I've volunteered to start it, would you guys like a title post like the ones in the TTC forums? It takes only a little time to set up, and is easy to maintain. We could have something like username, age, children/babies, birth date of this ddc's baby, for instance.

me+him for 15 yrs, welcomed our little one march 25th, 2010.

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#107 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 12:18 PM
 
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I don't see why we couldn't start with a weekly, and move to monthly I'd we get less posty. Shouldn't be any different rules than any other kund of thread...

Since I've volunteered to start it, would you guys like a title post like the ones in the TTC forums? It takes only a little time to set up, and is easy to maintain. We could have something like username, age, children/babies, birth date of this ddc's baby, for instance.
I think a title post would be fun! It would be helpful to remember the details.

Hippie sympathizer and mom to L, 4.8.10.
Pet-mom to Squirt with FLUTD & Maya the deaf wonder dog .
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#108 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 12:22 PM
 
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Forgive the dumb question, but what is a title post?

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#109 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 12:34 PM
 
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It's the first post on the thread, which would stay basically the same from thread to thread (so from week to week or month to month).

Like what we have on our birth announcements thread.

P&H, maybe you should post a thread about this before the DDC closes down, and then the first weekly or monthly thread in LWAB won't be inundated with that info.

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#110 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 01:51 PM
 
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I like that idea

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#111 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 02:12 PM
 
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Oh! Ok, that sounds cool.

ETA: The cupcake had what I assume is a night terror last night. She hadn't been down for more than half an hour when she woke up screaming hysterically. Nursing, bouncing, shushing, swinging, etc. didn't help at all. Finally got her calmed down enough to bounce after around 20 minutes. Poor sweet baby. It was terrifying for us, since we've never had a time when we couldn't figure out a way to comfort her. She was just so beyond upset. I cried a little myself.

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#112 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 07:05 PM
 
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Ok, I need a reality check:

Please remind me that it's not my fault that we got stuck in the NICU for 50 gazillion years. That it's not because I was not smart enough or persuasive enough, or didn't say or do the right things to get us home earlier.

I've just been bashing myself upside the head, thinking over and over again about what I could have done differently to have gotten out as soon as possible, even though I cognitively know that doctors shouldn't be idiotic tyrants even if you aren't the most wonderfully articulate or highly intelligent person in the world. I just keep thinking that it's my fault that I couldn't get her home sooner because I didn't do a good enough job advocating for us.

I need a reminder that I did a good enough job, but that when people are jerks, there isn't anything anyone can do to change that. I know that I'm being unfair to myself, but it's very difficult not to be when doctors are *supposed* to be trustworthy and not keeping you in the hospital longer than necessary.

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#113 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 07:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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lnf -- It was totally not your fault. You didn't have access to the important information. Even if you did, you were immediately post-partum, dealing with the stress of nearly losing Mercy and being in the NICU, being told she was very sick. We expect to be able to trust doctors and nurses -- what else can we do?

My husband is a nurse. A very, very good nurse. He works in the same hospital system as where we were in the NICU -- directly across the street, actually. And we, also, got stuck in the NICU. We trusted. What else could we do? Even when we started to lose faith, we couldn't think straight, couldn't think fast enough.

Hang on. DD running for the potty. Back soon.

Jen, former sys admin and current geek , wife to DH , SAHM and Montessori homeschool teacher to DD "Nugget" (05/07) and new arrival DS "Sprout" (03/31/10)
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#114 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 07:28 PM
 
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Ok, I need a reality check:
Please remind me that it's not my fault that we got stuck in the NICU for 50 gazillion years. That it's not because I was not smart enough or persuasive enough, or didn't say or do the right things to get us home earlier.
Reality check: Not your fault!!! Too many Drs. pull off crap that makes us feel vulnerable. You were in a hard situation and a scary one. You did the best you could. Heck, I know you did better than I would have. I am such a wimp with Drs. I always have dh go to the serious appointments because he's a lot more assertive than I am.

The blame for this rests on Drs. who withheld information from you and were rude and condesending when you asked for information.

Mama to Umberto 12, Camille, 9, Piper 7, Rowena 2, and Jude Therese Prenatal DS diagnosis due December 23.

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#115 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You made the best decisions you could with the information you had. We all want our kids to be safe and healthy, and for all you knew, Mercy had to be in the hospital for that.

Even once we realized that Sprout was healthy and was stuck in the NICU for stupid reasons, we couldn't leave. If we left AMA, the spectre of owing out of pocket for his NICU stay hung over our head (some insurances don't cover it if you leave against medical advice). It wasn't until months later that DH realized that he could have just CALLED them and ASKED. It just goes to show how completely out of it we were that we didn't think of such a small thing.

It's no wonder you couldn't think straight. The stress of giving birth and such a terrible and intense labor, the stress of nearly losing Mercy, the crash of post-partum hormones, sleep deprivation, being away from home, being away from your other kids... NO ONE is anywhere near a normal level of functioning at that point. I could barely chose and order food, I was such a mess -- and my experience wasn't nearly as hard or long as yours.

I couldn't sleep last night, thinking of my NICU time. Images and pieces pop into mind at the craziest time. And as soon as I see them, I can feel the pit of my stomach drop out and the emotions come flooding back and I start to get lost. I seriously felt like they were trying to take my baby. My life wasn't my own. I am so lucky that we were only worried for Sprout's health for a short part of his stay, but even so, the whole thing has left me screwed up.

Last night I sat down and wrote out those pieces of memories that flood to mind, hoping to diffuse them. It was hard. I don't know yet if it helped. But no one really wants to talk about it, so I had to get it out somehow.

Please, PM me if you need someone to talk to. Heck, send me your phone number and I'll call you if you want.

Jen, former sys admin and current geek , wife to DH , SAHM and Montessori homeschool teacher to DD "Nugget" (05/07) and new arrival DS "Sprout" (03/31/10)
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#116 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 07:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You know what's really hard? When DD brings up the NICU stay. I tucked her into bed that night, a new big sister, and she woke up in the morning to me and DH and Sprout gone (my mom slept over). She hasn't had her chickenpox vaccination, so she couldn't come into the NICU. I saw her once during those 3 days, for about an hour. We ate watermelon and Doritos, and I tried to read her a book through my tears.

She still remembers the shirt I was wearing the day I came home from the NICU.

I can only imagine how much better the experience would have been if she'd been able to come up with us, if being in the NICU didn't mean being so cut off from my daughter. And poor DH had to run back and forth, trying to figure out how to split his time between us. He would spend the day with DD, take her to my parents' at dinner to sleep there, sleep for a few hours himself, then come to the NICU around midnight so that he could hold Sprout while I tried --but failed -- to sleep. He'd go back in the morning to be there when DD woke up.

I owe him so much for holding the family together.

Jen, former sys admin and current geek , wife to DH , SAHM and Montessori homeschool teacher to DD "Nugget" (05/07) and new arrival DS "Sprout" (03/31/10)
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#117 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 08:06 PM
 
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That's exactly what I'm up against.

And the sleep deprivation was horrible, but it was so danged necessary too. I mean, Mercy was born at 3:15 in the morning, up all that day. Up 3 times during the night to pump. At the hospital the whole next day, checked into the Ronald McDonald house, but stayed in NICU until literally 3 or 4 in the morning because Mercy needed me there with her so that she would sleep deeply enough and slow her breathing down. I spent hours singing "Simple Gifts" to her softly because the rhythm gives a good respiratory rate, and she was breathing in rhthm to my singing. I got 3 hours of sleep and was back at the hospital after that. I got somewhat more sleep the night before because they let me stay in the rooming in room that night, waking up to nurse every 3 hours.

Then we transfered to the Hospital from Hell with all the stupid mind games and manipulation, sitting in a room by myself with Mercy, with no TV, no internet, no hospital cafeteria on site open for more than lunch on weekdays for a full 7 days. It just doesn't feel like I did a good enough job because I couldn't bring her home, away from people who didn't love her and who were looking out for their liability concerns and to pad their admissions numbers on the NICU billing stuff.

I am absolutely not being able to sleep at night, and my husband told me that he's sad that I'm not happy ever. I mean, my attitude is good and I am consciouly focusing on the good things in my life. I just can't ever relax, and I don't have an emotional response of happiness to really anything. I'm constantly in a state of vigilance and it almost rises to the level of PTSD. It's just such a bizarre combination, because I'm simultaneously proud of how engaged and tenacious I was as Mercy's mom, but I'm embarrassed and feel like none of that matters because we were still subject to the doctors and what they wanted, not having any meaningful control over our lives. That level of powerlessness makes it difficult to relax enough to be happy. I feel mostly stunned still. I haven't even written out Mercy's birth story.

I will absolutely PM you when I'm in a place to say more. I'm just starting to get a feel for how dramatically this has impacted me. I just started figuring out yesterday that I was internalizing things on the order of I wasn't smart enough and therefore earned my daughter 10 days in a hospital because I couldn't talk our ways out of it. Surveying the damage is not something I'm really looking forward to. And thank you so much for offering to talk, Jen. It's horrible that you know what this is like too, but it's comforting to know that other people who have been through this kind of nightmare feel similar ways.

Catholic wife in love.gifwith my husband, mom to superhero.gifx5,  babygirl.gifx2, angel1.gifx6. Birther of babes, baker of bread, and connoisseur of human folly. WINNER OF THE SILVER BIRTH STOOL, APRIL 2010 DDC! Happily hospital birthing with my BFF, Epidural Man.
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#118 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 08:15 PM
 
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And yeah, my 5 year old talks about when Mercy was sick and in the hospital, and she was crying because she missed him. And he still talks about Nicholas, Mercy's twin and how he had been in my tummy but got sick and couldn't grow anymore. The combination of those two is just really bad.

And thank God for good husbands. Mine was excellent too, holding down the fort with our oldest 4 so that I could spend all of my time with Mercy. The day Mercy was born, when we figured out we'd probably be in NICU for a good chunk of time, Steve went back home to get the kids to our friend's house and he picked things up for me to stay at the hospital with Mercy. He packed exactly the books for me that I would have wanted to keep me occupied sitting bedside every waking moment. He went to the grocery store to get snacks for me so that I was having something to eat because the 2nd hospital had no real food there, so I just left the hospital once a day to have one real meal a day.

When I write it all out, I can look at it and say "how the hell are you still walking!?" but it doesn't feel that way. I'm stuck on "bad thing happened from people who should be trustworthy, therefore I must have done something wrong to have this happen."

Catholic wife in love.gifwith my husband, mom to superhero.gifx5,  babygirl.gifx2, angel1.gifx6. Birther of babes, baker of bread, and connoisseur of human folly. WINNER OF THE SILVER BIRTH STOOL, APRIL 2010 DDC! Happily hospital birthing with my BFF, Epidural Man.
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#119 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 08:26 PM
 
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We got our first laughs today! Also, today marks 1 yr with no period!

Our rainbow baby, Anna Beatrice was born April 11/2010 after 4 m/c. She joins 4 brothers and sisters.
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#120 of 166 Old 07-08-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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lnf andf jen, my heart goes out to you. I don't know how much good it really does, but I'm sending you loads of s.

You can't fault yourself for not knowing the very information that was deliberately withheld from you. You can't fault yourself for doing what a supposed expert said was the only way to keep your baby alive.
On top of everything you were going through, you had just given birth! Your body was on about the strongest hormonal rollercoaster it ever gets naturally, and then you had all of this added stress, panic, fear, insult, separation, and disruption to deal with on top of it.
You did everything you knew to be best according to the information you were given. Who could do more than that?
You didn't fail, you fought the whole time, and I'm amazed that you still had the strength to do that.

The fact that you were lied to deliberately (and illegally) is no fault of yours.

Mama to a couple of full-moon caul-bearing rockstar girls:
9yo and brand new as of 4/28/10!
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