What has this pregnancy/ birth/ baby taught you? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 07-22-2010, 11:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I keep thinking of posing this question, to myself and the forum... I'd love to hear what other people have to say. Might be a nice way to sum up our DDC before it closes .
For me, the basic answer is: everything! Especially anything I thought I knew about pregnancy, birth, babies, myself. But I want to give it more thought and come back to the idea.
You?
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#2 of 21 Old 07-23-2010, 12:28 AM
 
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Oh goodness. Motherhood in general has taught me both how to be humble, and also how to be a warrior. It is hard to take the backseat in my own life sometimes, but I have never felt stronger than when I have needed to stand up for my children.

Becky's pregnancy and infanthood have reminded me how precious this time is. It hasn't been an easy go - it's certainly been the hardest round for me physically and mentally - but I keep stopping and thanking the universe that i get to experience this one more time. I'm not ready for these years, this chapter of my life to be over, but this very well may be the last time I nurse a 3 month, 2 week and 2 day old, so I'm holding on with both hands. I find myself wishing away the days, and then wishing to go back. I just want to live this day, with my sweet babe, as well as I can. I'm trying. I know Becky will remind me.

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#3 of 21 Old 07-23-2010, 01:09 AM
 
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Well, let's see...pregnancy taught me that I really, really love being pregnant. I never felt healthier, prettier, more feminine or stronger than while I was pregnant!

Labor and delivery taught me that the best laid plans fall to the wayside often, and it's up to me to adapt and move on after being disappointed by how something went (or didn't go).

Postpartum taught me that if I am vigilant, I can make mountains move for my baby-- or at least avoid unwanted nursery time. Also, it taught me that my body recovers really quickly from having a baby!

Motherhood has taught me what it truly means to be selfless. I always thought I was a giving person who thought of herself last, but I didn't even know what selfless really was until I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would do anything for this baby. Also I learned just how much sleep deprivation I can work with (a lot!)

Motherhood has also taught me that this is where I am supposed to be, where I was always meant to be. My mother commented yesterday on how shining and happy I am. It's so true. I'm sitting here awake at 3:30 am, having been up since 2 with a gassy and uncomfortable baby (who is now contentedly playing and will probably go back to sleep soon), but it doesn't matter! I've never been happier in my life. I am so, so, so thankful to be a mama!

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#4 of 21 Old 07-23-2010, 06:36 AM
 
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Wow...this pregnancy/birth/baby has taught me soo much! This child is special...with her strikingly blue eyes (such a surprise since neither of us have blue) and her sweet demeanor and willingness to sleep well at night...I feel like I won the lottery, though I wish she would sleep better during the day The pregnancy has taught me that I CAN go through Hyperemesis a second time, as difficult as it was. Her birth was incredibly healing for me having had a c-section with my previous child. I had a dream HBAC and I can't even begin to describe how fulfilling that was for me...it was amazing and makes all the horribleness of Hyperemesis worth it! Heck, I may just be crazy enough to go through it all again
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#5 of 21 Old 07-23-2010, 09:38 AM
 
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This pregnancy,birth,baby, have taught me how precious every single hour of every day is. It has taught me to calm down a little and not sweat the small stuff and when I am, to recognize it and chill out.
I am amazed and grateful of the miracle of my three children constantly.
I am happier than I have ever been in my life. Having seen how fast my other two have grown to 5 and 7 way to quickly, I am holding onto everyday and trying to make everything count.
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#6 of 21 Old 07-23-2010, 12:15 PM
 
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My pregnancy with J was so different. I learned to speak up a little more and fight for what I want. I also learned to accept things, like when I was on bedrest and couldn't clean? I don't think I could put into words everything I learned. I had huge gender disappointment with this pregnancy and in the end I learned that I love him and couldn't live without him. I don't regret it either, I am a better mom because I worked through it all to accept it. I did learn to be healthier too and that I really can do it all. I also learned how supportive my family really is. I mean, my mom and stepdad(who I've fought with for years) stepped up and paid all my bills while I was forced onto bedrest...that's love.
My birth I also learned to be more pro-active. I wanted to cut J's cord so bad and even with a c/s, they let me cut some I learned I was just as stubborn as ever after the c/s, getting up and moving quickly down to that NICU to see my baby.
Jennings has taught me so much. I have fought to keep him on breastmilk from day 1. I have fought with Dr.s and I have stood my ground. I have fought CPS and stood my ground....they won't even close the stupid case against me cause "I've fought too much". I have fought for my son every step of the way and to this point, I win every fight. He has taught me to be more patient and to slow down. I have learned I am supposed to be a mom to a little boy.

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#7 of 21 Old 07-23-2010, 01:56 PM
 
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That I have no intuition at all

But on a more serious note - compared to the first time around, I found/find Hamish very humbling. They couldn't be so different. I still, of course, feel many things that I choose to do as a parent very important (babywearing, co sleeping, bresatfeeding, no CIO, etc)... But I also realise now that babies can and are born with different temperments and personalities and that what works for one doesn't always work for the other!

Mummy me : > Thats Ann! and my beautiful SONS Duncanand Hamish 19/09/05 & 22/04/10!
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#8 of 21 Old 07-23-2010, 04:03 PM
 
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I learned a lot, but I'm not sure I'm ready to put stuff into words.

Catholic wife in love.gifwith my husband, mom to superhero.gifx5,  babygirl.gifx2, angel1.gifx6. Birther of babes, baker of bread, and connoisseur of human folly. WINNER OF THE SILVER BIRTH STOOL, APRIL 2010 DDC! Happily hospital birthing with my BFF, Epidural Man.
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#9 of 21 Old 07-23-2010, 04:25 PM
 
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so much, Mollys pregnancy taught me that I could be so informed, know so much, have so much experience and STILL things do not always go as planned.

I have learned that if you stand up for yourself and your child pretty mcuh anything is possible. we went against SO many 'madatory hospital procedures' but since we were insistant and informed we got what we wanted EVERY time.

I have learned that having two children, a husband that is away for much of the time and having absolutely no family near...well, not even in the country, that I am as strong as they come. I have outdone myself so many times. In the darkest moments when Molly was screaming and Sam was painting poop on the wall and my husband was in Alaska, my family were in England, my one and only friend was in Las vegas and I was stuck here in AZ with absolutely no one to help me...I still managed, we still got through that day.

In the end though, I remind myself daily how lucky I am, how good I have it and my beautiful, healthy children help me see the world as a better place - as cheesy as that sounds.

Mummy to Samuel 02/08 and new baby Molly- 04/10
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#10 of 21 Old 07-23-2010, 05:47 PM
 
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I learned that having a baby isn't necessarily as hard as it was with DD.... and that, even having an easier one, I just don't like the newborn phase.

The hospital transfer and NICU stay showed me how strong I was, even at my weakest.

Jen, former sys admin and current geek , wife to DH , SAHM and Montessori homeschool teacher to DD "Nugget" (05/07) and new arrival DS "Sprout" (03/31/10)
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#11 of 21 Old 07-23-2010, 07:24 PM
 
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There's a lot but like LNF I am not finding all the words, and suspect that I might never find them. I can say some things: I learned to let go during my pregnancy. Instead of focusing on controlling every little thing, I just relaxed and in the end enjoyed. I learned to love without reserve not just the baby but everyone else in my family. I learned that babies can heal relationships. I accepted that I love being a mother to all these children.

Mama to Umberto 12, Camille, 9, Piper 7, Rowena 2, and Jude Therese Prenatal DS diagnosis due December 23.

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#12 of 21 Old 07-23-2010, 10:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by loveneverfails View Post
I learned a lot, but I'm not sure I'm ready to put stuff into words.
Ditto. I'm trying, thinking about it a lot... but a lot of it is coming out negatively (in my mind), I think due to the PPD. Sigh. So I'm trying to figure out how to stay balanced and examine the good along with the bad.

One thing that I have asked myself is - with all of the challenges during pregnancy, birth, post-birth, and the newborn age - with the PPD and the exhaustion and the complications and everything - knowing what I know now - would I do this again for this baby? If I'm really really honest with myself?
And the answer is, yes, in a heartbeat. I would go through all of this again even if I could just see a picture of her for one minute.
No wonder I feel so up and down crazy these days! Welcome to motherhood, I guess...
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#13 of 21 Old 07-24-2010, 12:08 AM
 
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That I'm a control freak at heart. It's incredibly hard for me to relax and let go, I've found.

That no matter what anyone tells you, you won't have a clue what it means to have a baby until it's you in the situation!

Momma to born April 18, 2010!
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#14 of 21 Old 07-24-2010, 02:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That I'm a control freak at heart. It's incredibly hard for me to relax and let go, I've found.

That no matter what anyone tells you, you won't have a clue what it means to have a baby until it's you in the situation!
Totally! You ladies are putting these thoughts into words better than I seem to be able to right now.
I've learned that babycare is like a zen koan - an impossible task that you have to keep doing without ever thinking you have "solved" the puzzle. Or something - I'm tired
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#15 of 21 Old 07-24-2010, 08:59 AM
 
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I've learned that my mind is more powerful than I ever realized. I learned that my body is amazing.

I didn't so much learn something from this pregnancy and birth, it was more of an experience of powerful new feelings. I've never felt so much joy in my entire life! All I have to do is think about her birth and I'm overwhelmed with pure joy all over again. I never knew it was possible to feel this way.

I felt nothing like this after DD1's birth. Instead I felt anxious, fearful, belittled, confused, and exhausted after that bad hospital experience. Then after my horrific miscarriage experience at 12 weeks pregnant, with the insane bleeding and the emergency D&C, I was starting to think my body didn't work. This birth was a healing experience and I feel so blessed to have my sweet squishy baby. It was so wonderful that I think every day how I cannot *wait* to do it again in a year or two.

Momma to Sweet Rosie 7/06, Lost Baby J 1/09 at 12 weeks pregnant, Spitfire Ada born 4/21/10, and Baby Boy due July/August 2013!
Aspiring urban homesteader, photographer, homeschooling momma! Blog link in my profile. 

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#16 of 21 Old 07-25-2010, 11:37 PM
 
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I learned to trust myself.

With DS, I was terrified of everything - I made decisions out of fear and impatience and ended up in a bad way. With this pregnancy, I trusted that my instincts and courage and strength would take me further than I'd ever "allow" myself to go.

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#17 of 21 Old 07-26-2010, 01:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Pepper, that is so great! My birth experience was not joyful but my baby grinning up at me is a high like no other so I do have that joy in there, too. Hooray for joy!

I've learned so much. Saying I've learned (really, am learning) patience doesn't cut it - I'm learned to (try to) approach each situation with the baby with patience, calm, and the ability to try things over and over again until I can help her get what she needs. Often I'll catch myself thinking, "but this worked for a nap at this time yesterday" or "but I just tried to feed you and you weren't hungry!" and I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that she can easily be hungry 5 minutes after she rejected nursing, and that everyone's sleeping habits can change all of the time. That kind of thing.
So I guess what I'm trying to continue to learn is to go with the flow of it all, not try to have goals or ambitions in relation to the baby as much as I do in my "regular" life. I want to learn to be in the moment, and all aspects of my pregnancy-birth-baby continue to try to get me there. So there's something very meditative/ Buddhist about that.

I have a hard time examining what I've learned right now since I'm feeling so low and bad about myself (thanks, PPD) but a friend put it this way. I said, "it just feels so awful that I have to deal with all of this depression NOW. I've successfully fought it off for years enough to function and now it's just crashing around me and I am so sad because I want to be there for my baby!". She said, "maybe you can look at it like, how beautiful that my daughter is teaching me to take care of myself in a new, strong way." And I totally am
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#18 of 21 Old 07-26-2010, 01:08 AM
 
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It taught me that dreams do come true. Anna was our last go at it. I swore I didn't want to lose another baby and we'd give it one last shot. I learned to search out the medical care I thought I needed. I learned to put my faith in God. I learned to trust my body again.

She has shown me how wonderful and loving my big kids can be and to cherish every day and not wish for the next step/phase to arrive.

Our rainbow baby, Anna Beatrice was born April 11/2010 after 4 m/c. She joins 4 brothers and sisters.
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#19 of 21 Old 07-28-2010, 02:05 PM
 
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Whew...

In labor/delivery I learned that some things can not be avoided. I've always labored like I'm relaxing on a beach and pushed like someone was sawing me in half. I'd hoped that I could avoid the intense pain of pushing this time with a homebirth but it happened as it did before and even worse baby's shoulders got stuck for 3 minutes which had never happened before! I guess I learned that even though I'm super strong in labor that I have weakness too.

And I learned that I need pit for sure if I ever have another baby because I'm going to bleed. It wasn't a fluke!!

Having number 4 has definitely given me the strength to go with the flow. Let go of the non-important things and hang on to loving the kids.

He has taught me that I am great at breastfeeding even feeding him through a whole month of sickness and multiple infections and fatigue of losing a 3rd of my blood. He has taught me that I am trying my best to be a mother and that is what counts.

He has re-affirmed for me that life is precious.

Mother to FOUR BOYS!!  Austin (1997) Luke (2005) Mason (2007) and Judah (2010), wife to Joe, doula to many, and Birthing From Within Mentor in SE Michigan
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#20 of 21 Old 07-30-2010, 12:24 PM
 
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Alicia,

Catholic wife in love.gifwith my husband, mom to superhero.gifx5,  babygirl.gifx2, angel1.gifx6. Birther of babes, baker of bread, and connoisseur of human folly. WINNER OF THE SILVER BIRTH STOOL, APRIL 2010 DDC! Happily hospital birthing with my BFF, Epidural Man.
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#21 of 21 Old 07-30-2010, 04:38 PM
 
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Alicia,

Mother to FOUR BOYS!!  Austin (1997) Luke (2005) Mason (2007) and Judah (2010), wife to Joe, doula to many, and Birthing From Within Mentor in SE Michigan
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