Anyone else scared to buy stuff for their LO? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 01-27-2010, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have had a loss before and though I wasnt term when it happened I did have a crib, stroller/car seat and swing for the baby. I guess I got very excited and just had to start getting the babys things. I thought at 5 months I was pretty much in the clear... I was wrong. After dd1 died I had a half finished nursery and all the baby gear that potentially would never be used. my DH and I at the time started to ttc again very soon and in the meantime I told myself I was going to have a baby one day and I pushed myself to finish the nursery despite the extreme sadness it made me feel to see that empty crib. Well I did end up having a healthy beautiful baby boy and put everything to good use. Now that I am expecting another daughter I am scared. Possibly because the only memory I have of being pregnant with a daughter wasnt good and maybe Im scared it may happen again. I know that more than likely it wont. But there is always this thought in my mind that *maybe* something might happen, because you never know what could come up. I have bought pretty much all the clothes I need for her but I wanted to do the really girl things like tutus and hair bows and clips. I have bought a few bows but I am scared to buy anymore. Im afraid if something does happen I will be left with all these bows and girly things that I cannot use. I know I probably seem irrational... and by no means am I superstitious... cautious, yes. I think I will eventually cave with all my cravings of buying girly stuff but I cant help but find my mind wandering... wondering if something might happen and all this stuff I ordered might go to waste.... uggggg. I hate my wandering mind.... sorry mamas didnt mean to bring anyone down...I just have to let it out


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#2 of 10 Old 01-27-2010, 06:42 PM
 
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I too have had a loss (several actually) and one at term. We had the entire room set up for her. Our parents flew out to CO to be with us and I had my mom and my friend remove EVERYTHING from the room. When we got home from the hospital, there's was nothing left. I wanted it that way. I didn't want to have to do all that myself and be sad all over again.

So when I was pregnant with B we waiting unil 20+ weeks to buy anything for him, after we knew he was a boy etc. This time I started buying stuff around 18 weeks or so, but not before. I just feel like I can't live life being scared like that, and I already love this little girl so much that if I see something I want I get to make ME happy.

I'm scared, don't get me wrong, but I need to be happy too.

Tenk ~ happily married with lots of kids

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#3 of 10 Old 01-27-2010, 06:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks Tenk for letting me know Im not alone.... Im mostly happy and sure that nothing is going to happen... its just the unknown that scares me. I guess I shouldnt let that outweigh the happiness.


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#4 of 10 Old 01-27-2010, 07:18 PM
 
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I have never had a loss, and have never been too fearful of losing a baby while pregnant, but I still don't like to buy stuff until I am into the third trimester. I just worry about how hard it would be to deal with a loss when you have already gone out and got a bunch of stuff. For me it feels safest to wait until the third trimester.

I think if it makes you feel more comfortable, hold off on buying anything a few more weeks. For me waiting makes the whole process more fun! I also like the fact that i don't have to store everything for months, and instead just have to have all the baby stuff out for a few weeks.

Me: Shannon (33) mom to DD Everly born May 9, 2007 and Maisie born May 26
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#5 of 10 Old 01-27-2010, 07:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shannie77 View Post
For me waiting makes the whole process more fun! I also like the fact that i don't have to store everything for months, and instead just have to have all the baby stuff out for a few weeks.
great idea.. .though idk if I can fight off the urges to BUY BUY BUY lol


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#6 of 10 Old 01-27-2010, 11:28 PM
 
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I've had an early miscarriage once (7 weeks), but I've always been a generally anxious, worst-case scenario person. I avoid buying anything until after the baby is born. For some reason I have no problem accepting hand-me-downs though, somehow my mind doesn't see it the same as buying. It's easier for me now, since this will be my third and I have most of the stuff I need. But yes, definitely when I see something cute in the store, there is a worried voice in the back of my mind telling me not to buy it... yet.

SAHM to one moody son J hat.gif(06-27-03), one super-girly daughter M hearts.gif (02-23-06) and welcome Sophie! energy.gif(05-23-10) expecting fourth in July baby.gif

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#7 of 10 Old 01-28-2010, 01:19 AM
 
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I know how you feel.

I still haven't really bought/made anything for this little one and soon I will "force" myself into buying/making a few things to make myself happy. I found in my last pregnancy that around 20 or so weeks was when I really needed to go out and just pretend that I was a normal pregnant woman with no fears. And if pretending to be happy and buying a few things actually translated into real happiness then it was worth it. And it did. I didn't want to buy anything because I felt I would jinx the pregnancy. However, once I had those few items I did feel better. Being hopeful about a pregnancy will not make something bad happen.

*formerly apecaut*, Mom to A, Calliope (stillborn 40 weeks 6/22/07), A and O
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#8 of 10 Old 01-28-2010, 03:57 AM
 
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Hi Mama,

I'm 23 weeks today and haven't bought a thing. A good friend generously offered me some hand-me-down clothes which I accepted, brought home and promptly hid in the back of the closet.

I also haven't found a pediatrician, looked for daycare or signed up for birthing classes. I can't help but think that I'll "jinx" things if I get too attached to the idea of actually having a healthy, living child. It's like I view the universe as a malevolent entity that will see my happiness and snatch it away out of shear meanness. And I know I'm being irrational. I know it! And 99% of me truly believes that everything will be just fine but it's the nagging voice of that 1%, that keeps me from buying, making plans and being as happy as I would like.

Just today I made a deal with myself. Thirty weeks. Once I hit that mark I will let myself buy and plan. At the very least I'll force myself to get one outfit and a carseat so they'll let us take baby girl home from the hospital!

Working mama to a wonderful baby girl. Married to a really sweet guy. Just trying to do my best.
     
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#9 of 10 Old 01-28-2010, 09:53 AM
 
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We haven't bought a thing or even come up with a name. We did move the desk out of the baby's room, but then kind of stalled out. DH suggested shopping for a crib a couple of weeks ago, but I just wasn't ready. Having said that, I don't think we started shopping for DS until the last month. I do have ideas about what I want and look things up on line.

Jezza, wife to T, oldmommers to E (7), A (4mos.) and three kitties
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#10 of 10 Old 01-29-2010, 06:50 AM
 
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Yes, I do not want to buy anything - I'm on my third. I've had 3 m/c so that is probably part of it.

After my first kid was born, I heard that in some cultures they don't have baby showers until after the kid is born. That made sense to me.
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