Kinda freaking out - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 03-05-2010, 11:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi! I'm a new old mom from here . I have an 11 year old son and an 8 year old daughter and my other daughter is due in May.

I'm having sort of a freak out and would just like to voice it without judgement and without everyone worrying about me, I think here is just the right place.

So I have no insurance and I don't make a lot of money as a massage therapist. My DH is a PHD student at the college but that ends right when the baby is due, so so does his job at the college.

So we have no insurance and no way to pay for a birth by the due date. He was denied insurance at work due to his height and weight and we were really relying on that.

Now we're applying for medicaid but we have a lot to pay to our lawyer every month because we just got done with fighting for custody of my daughter. I don't think medicaid even adds that in so its like we're making more than we do.

I want a warm place with a big tub I can go and have our baby at. I dont want any nonsense or medicine or anything. Just candles and music and that's it.

Theres only one birthing center here that takes medicaid and I'm not sure if she'll even have any spots open (she does 6 a month and no more).

The insurance at my work covers the prenatal visits (with drs) but not the delivery. I'm not sure if they expect you to tape your knees together or what. The baby has to come out sometime.

Anyway, I just don't feel like I have any solid ground and I'm scared and worried and just need to vent.

Thank you very much

Olivia (crazy emotional mommy right now)
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#2 of 13 Old 03-05-2010, 11:26 AM
 
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Do you have any homebirth midwives in your area that would be willing to work with you on a sliding scale or for trade (as a massage therapist, you certainly have a good skill to trade!!)?

I'm sorry. I hate this kind of stress, I am sorry (and angry) that your dh's insurance didn't come through.

Em, married to Alex, mom to Samantha (11 yrs) and Cullen (5yrs) and Maybe (5/16/2010) Trying to grow 4,000lbs of produce on .2 acres. See my blog!
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#3 of 13 Old 03-05-2010, 12:14 PM
 
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This makes me so angry!! How can you be living in a country with so much wealth and not even know how you are going to be able to give birth to a child. It makes me want to cry. At least in Australia, Canada and the UK you can have a baby without worry about how you can deliver it. Public heathcare may not be perfect but it is a HUGE step in the right direction. BIG hugs to you and I really hope you figure it out.
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#4 of 13 Old 03-05-2010, 12:25 PM
 
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I am sorry you are going through this mama. I know it's not for everyone, but you know some mamas just have their babies at home with their husbands and have AMAZING results. If you are not high risk the odds are most certainly in your favor for a healthy, natural, normal unassisted birth. Have you considered a UC?

Free-birthing, un-schooling (Waldorf style), extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering Earth Mama to Kayleb, ( 10/07) and Anaya ( 5/10)! Joyfully married to my beloved I hug trees and plant seeds.
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#5 of 13 Old 03-05-2010, 12:38 PM
 
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Hugs mama. I can sympathize with you. I dont make good money and Im already a single mom to begin with. My employer does not offer any medical insurance so I went into this pregnancy with ZERO coverage. I was able to qualify for medi-cal (thank you lord) and I was able to keep my awesome OB. My one disappointment is that if I could have it my way I would see my OB for prenatals (because I love her) but I would have loved to deliver at a birthing center. I looked around the area and no one was willing to take my medi-cal. I didnt want anything more than you... just a warm tub with a nice environment, nothing medical but they quoted me thousands and thousands of dollars that would be out of pocket. I cant afford that to begin with. Even if I did, then I wouldnt be able to take time off work to be with my new baby as that is unpaid as well, I get no benefits at all. The government also thinks I make more than I do because I am going through a divorce and the money adds up. Although Im glad with even them counting that cash I still qualify (gives you an idea of how strapped I really am). so I got forced to pretty much have a hospital birth (im not comfortable doing a home birth since I have had a loss) Anyway, sorry no advice, just hugs and support and know that it will all work out in the end some how.


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#6 of 13 Old 03-05-2010, 12:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by *EarthMama* View Post
I am sorry you are going through this mama. I know it's not for everyone, but you know some mamas just have their babies at home with their husbands and have AMAZING results. If you are not high risk the odds are most certainly in your favor for a healthy, natural, normal unassisted birth. Have you considered a UC?
Just seconding this. A midwife assisted homebirth is my first choice, UC is my second.

Em, married to Alex, mom to Samantha (11 yrs) and Cullen (5yrs) and Maybe (5/16/2010) Trying to grow 4,000lbs of produce on .2 acres. See my blog!
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#7 of 13 Old 03-05-2010, 01:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you so much for responding. Just hearing kind words from other mamas makes me feel better. I am trying to keep a brave face on because I don't want to worry my DH or DC but its hard. I am a "plan" girl. I always gotta have one.

I don't know what a UC is but it sounds interesting. I would love to deliver at home but our tub is small and DH is really reluctant. I want to do this as natural as possible. Reading some of the birthing stories had me crying this morning (not hard, a book mark with a witty phrase has me whimpering)and I love the idea of just having a relaxed natural birth.

I think you're right, divorce does add up. I've spent about 30k on mine and I got our daughter but ex doesn't have to pay back child support till 2014 because his new wife is going to med school which I think is unfair. Plus they cut what he owes by 12k.

Anyway, I'm still going to try medicaid and see if I can get help. I don't know how people live off of the system and it doesn't make them crazy. Gathering all that stuff is a full time job

Well I am off to work but I'll check in tonight to see what you guys have to say.

Thank you so very much

Olivia
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#8 of 13 Old 03-05-2010, 02:40 PM
 
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It hurts to be stuck in this kind of predicament. I'm in the pretty much the same position as you are. My husband was laid off a year ago and with the economy the way it is, he still hasn't been able to find a job. We lost our insurance when he was laid off (I'm self-employed). Private insurance is WAY too expensive for us! Then we were surprised by this unexpected pregnancy. We tried applying for medicaid and CHIP but we didn't qualify "because we make too much money." Even though we literally live from paycheck to paycheck sometimes wondering where we are even going to get the money to pay the electric bill the next week. Somehow we manage?!?? My DD is living without insurance and if anything were to happen to her, we wouldn't be able to afford a doctor's visit (especially now).

Luckily, I'm a big believer in homebirth and I have an amazing Mom who paid for the midwife and we are paying her back slowly. Look into homebirth-seriously. Just go interview and talk to some and you and your DH can voice your concerns with them. It doesn't hurt to talk to them-you might find someone you really love! Most do work on a sliding scale and will work with you on payment. Mine was only $2000 and that includes all prenatals, the birth, the birth kit, and ALL prenatal vitamins (calcium, multi, and flaxseed oil). But it did help a ton to have my Mom help us out.

It hurts to hear about so many people fighting health care change when so many of us in our country need the help right now.

Gayle, WAHM to Aaliyah (8/06) and Lorelai (5/10). Married to M. bfinfant.giffamilybed2.gifhomebirth.jpgwaterbirth.jpg
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#9 of 13 Old 03-06-2010, 02:23 AM
 
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We are living on a grad student income as well. We pay extra so I am included on my dh's student insurance and the kids are on medicaid. When I went to the medicaid "meeting" to get my kids started I do remember a pregnant woman asking when coverage begins. They said it was retroactive 3 months. That might be just in my state though, I don't know. So even if it takes a while don't stress too much. Just get started now, fill out the forms and make an appointment to talk to someone face to face.

And I know you said you don't want to worry your dh but I say go ahead. I know during my last pregnancy there were so many things going on in my life and the stress was getting to me. I was already stressed because our last baby didn't make it, dh was going to start grad school, we were selling our house and finding a new place, we had to pack up and move cross-country.... And I told dh that I really, really needed him to take care of all of it because I needed to concentrate on being calm and having a healthy baby. And he did do most of it. I know it stressed him out but he knew I needed him right then and he did it. Don't keep your worries from your dh.

*formerly apecaut*, Mom to A, Calliope (stillborn 40 weeks 6/22/07), A and O
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#10 of 13 Old 03-06-2010, 12:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by wynkenblynken&nod View Post
thank you so much for responding. Just hearing kind words from other mamas makes me feel better. I am trying to keep a brave face on because I don't want to worry my DH or DC but its hard. I am a "plan" girl. I always gotta have one.

I don't know what a UC is but it sounds interesting. I would love to deliver at home but our tub is small and DH is really reluctant. I want to do this as natural as possible. Reading some of the birthing stories had me crying this morning (not hard, a book mark with a witty phrase has me whimpering)and I love the idea of just having a relaxed natural birth.

I think you're right, divorce does add up. I've spent about 30k on mine and I got our daughter but ex doesn't have to pay back child support till 2014 because his new wife is going to med school which I think is unfair. Plus they cut what he owes by 12k.

Anyway, I'm still going to try medicaid and see if I can get help. I don't know how people live off of the system and it doesn't make them crazy. Gathering all that stuff is a full time job

Well I am off to work but I'll check in tonight to see what you guys have to say.

Thank you so very much

Olivia
Hey Mama, sounds like you have a lot of people on here with good advice. I am sure you will figure out what is perfect for you. The point is there are options. So just stay focused o that. Also wanted to throw a link out about UC in case you do want to read more. I would also highly recommend the book Unassisted Homebirth: An Act of Love I am reading it now and it is incredibly eye opening. There are so many resources out there to become educated and ensure a safe home birth.

Lots of love and blessings to you whatever you choose!

Free-birthing, un-schooling (Waldorf style), extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering Earth Mama to Kayleb, ( 10/07) and Anaya ( 5/10)! Joyfully married to my beloved I hug trees and plant seeds.
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#11 of 13 Old 03-06-2010, 01:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cloe View Post
This makes me so angry!! How can you be living in a country with so much wealth and not even know how you are going to be able to give birth to a child. It makes me want to cry. At least in Australia, Canada and the UK you can have a baby without worry about how you can deliver it. Public heathcare may not be perfect but it is a HUGE step in the right direction. BIG hugs to you and I really hope you figure it out.
Absolutely agree. Am quite sad to know that mamas are in this predicament in the country I love.

Big hugs, mama. You've gotten some great advice.

Walking in the light with DH, DD (11/08), DS (4/10) , four dogs, and one insouciant cat.
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#12 of 13 Old 03-06-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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being a newly unemployed family, completely broke, and w/o health coverage is what began my journey to UC. such a blessing in disguise.

good luck to you.
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#13 of 13 Old 03-06-2010, 02:14 PM
 
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I hope you and your husband can take all that paperwork in soon and get the coverage you need so you can find out what your options are. Soon Soon Soon though, and not just because you like to plan. If it does not work out you will need all the time you can get to make other plans. I think you can have a hospital birth and owe them a great deal of money for a long time, you should call and see what paying in cash prices might be and what a payment plan might look like.

No matter what as you said, baby will come and that will be wonderful. Everything else will have to work out.

Army wife to wonder hubby. Mama to 4 and Surrogate mother x2.: Zoey Born 5/7/2010
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