Need to Vent! DS is driving me CRAZY w/ new baby!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 05-19-2010, 10:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, so I was really worried that my 4yo (who is the middle child) would be jealous towards the baby because he tends to be very possessive over me.

However, just the opposite has occured- he is SO adoring towards her, but so much that I'm incredibly annoyed. I am trying to facilitate a good sibling relationship, because I totally failed last time, so I don't want to overreact- but instead I sit here just FUMING inside wishing he'd leave me and the baby alone for just a while each day.

I know he just wants my affection and he genuinely loves her, and I'm happy to give him some time with me each day but not like this, because he's annoying me so much that I can't enjoy the process.

Any ideas? We also broke down and instituted a no waking the baby rule, because he was getting in her face being loud and smooching on her and touching her while she's asleep and she was getting fussy- so now he's purposely doing it to aggravate us. Plus, I know when she gets older and she's napping, I definitely don't want him to think he can just wake her whenever he feels like it. Is this a bad idea? I just couldn't take it anymore. As we speak, the baby is sleeping on my chest and he is sitting next to me asking a million questions and kissing her and climbing all over me and I've asked him for 5 minutes of quiet so that I can check my email (this is a routine after breakfast that we've always done- it saves my sanity and allows me to start my day relaxed).

Help! I really want him to continue to love and adore his new sister, and I just don't know how to do this and not lose my mind LOL.

Jessica- married to David- parenting our 3 monkeys- DS #1 (age 7) DS #2 (age 4) and a brand new DD (born 5/10/10)
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#2 of 4 Old 05-19-2010, 10:17 AM
 
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My DS turns 5 in a month and is doing the exact same thing. He is all over her, kissing her and touching her and just totally all. about. the baby.

I'm letting him, for the most part. My rule is "no touching her face while she's asleep." He's pushing that, but he's pushing boundaries in general right now, which I expected.
I figure this little girl needs to learn to sleep through a lot, so I'm not being super picky about him waking her up. If she starts to wake up through his pats and snuggles I remind him how cranky he gets when I wake him up, and he lets up.

Em, married to Alex, mom to Samantha (11 yrs) and Cullen (5yrs) and Maybe (5/16/2010) Trying to grow 4,000lbs of produce on .2 acres. See my blog!
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#3 of 4 Old 05-19-2010, 10:23 AM
 
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I've never had issues with the kids being mean or possessive but always "too lovey".

What worked for us sometimes was to tell them HOW they can interact with the baby and redirect. Showing them how to love the baby appropriately. Like...when the baby is sleeping (which is a lot in the beginning) you CAN hold her hand, smell her head or stinky feet etc. When she is awake you can kiss her on her head, you can tickle her feet, you can make silly faces and sounds at her.

There was a lot of "no you cannot jump around in her face but you CAN do this!" and a lot of "when she cries that means she wants to be left alone." Oh and also getting them involved with things like getting diapers, pulling out x number of wipes, getting socks, helping pick out outfits.

I think there are a lot of things our older sibs are figuring out, not just jealousy and wanting mommy to themselves but also that the baby has their own feelings and desires that are different from their own. Just because THEY want to tickle and love the baby doesn't mean the baby does KWIM?

Anyway, I also wanted to say not to be too hard on yourself either. You are full of mamabear instincts for your newborn and an older child climbing and jumping and being a child triggers every protective instinct you have. I think it's completely normal to feel irritated.

When you said you "failed last time" I think perhaps you are taking too much credit
My first 2 fight like cats and dogs, my 1st & 3rd are best buddies. I didn't do anything different. It's just personalities. I wonder how my 4th will fit in and how it will all play out.

~ Dana ~ Mommy to Madelyn, Jonas & Hudson & wee one #4 due late Spring!!!
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#4 of 4 Old 05-19-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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Taking notes on these great tips......
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