Hormone crash or ppd? - Mothering Forums
May 2010 > Hormone crash or ppd?
pleasantlyfurious's Avatar pleasantlyfurious 09:05 AM 05-20-2010
So today is day four since my gorgeous boy was born and I've really been struggling for the last 24 hrs. I've been crying a lot and hard. DP is worried and I dont blame her - its scary, but I'm hoping temporary.

The following things are what trigger me:

1. Breastfeeding. I'm a BFAR mom hoping to provide as much milk as possible. My nipples are sore cracked blistered and so painful they make me cry out when my tshirt touches them. Baby is a great nurser - I just cant do it. It's excruciating. Right now I'm pumping and dropper feeding to give my nipples a break but am considering resigning myself to pumping and bottle feeding. This makes me feel like a failure like I'm witholding something i can give to to my baby and being selfish and most of all, I miss being close with him in that way.

2. I'm not the parent I thought I'd be. A few hours ago I broke down and gave him a pacifier. He's four days old for goodness sake - I just couln't soothe him and I was so tired. That and the bottles. And lots of small things like that - i'm so disappointed in myself.

3. Feeling so tired and feeling this amazing time slip by in a virtual haze.

4. My body. It hurts and it's not looking too good. It wont let me do the things I want. My stitches hurt. My breasts have nipples that are on fire and have plugged ducts. My muscles ache. My feet are swollen. My stomach is flabby and stretch marky. I want to nurse my son, I want to go for a long walk with him, I want to roll over in bed easily...

5. I'm overwhelmed. We are so blessed to have a ton of people asking to let them know if we need anything and when we are ready for visitors. We've gotten over a hundred congratulations e-mails, cards, phone calls, and gifts. This is so wonderful, I know. I just feel like I'm never going to be able to respond to all of them. I feel like I may never be ready for visitors, but I want them all to come anyway. I keep meaning to respond to at least a few key people, but the days are just slipping by.

As I've been writing this the sun came up, I feel like I've purged and things seem better already.

I guess the point of this post is - could this *just* be exhaustion and/or a hormone crash? I know it screams ppd - but I'm not worried about hurting myself or my baby. I am worried about feeling like I'm drowning like this for an extended period of time. I know I'll just have wait, rest, and see - but I'd love to hear from anyone who had a few rough days that first week and pulled through quickly and what helped them.

Thanks for listening - I know that was long.

GoBecGo's Avatar GoBecGo 09:25 AM 05-20-2010
1. Call the La Leche League - even a dry mama can suckle a baby at the breast without damage if the latch is good (it's common in places where mama's work and younger girls care for babies and there are no paci's), so your sore, damaged nipples are probably a positioning thing which CAN be worked out. Get as much help as you need for as long as you need. I know you're BFAR, but don't let that make you feel defeated before you've given yourself a chance - plenty of women NOT BFAR are still having major issues at day 4 - it's only 4 days! How long did it take you to learn to walk or swim or ride a bike!? Cut yourself some slack and be very gentle with yourself, ok?

2) A paci is not the devil. You DID comfort your son. You used a paci to do it, so what? Imagine if suddenly cuddling was out for comfort but you were still expected to find a way to comfort him - being a mama is about flexibility and tenacity and it sounds like you have a lot of those things going on, again, be gentle with yourself!

3) yep, tired = normal. It IS why all the people who went on about how tired you'd be went on about it, it's a baptism of fire for the vast vast majority of us. Don't feel guilty, just keep going, this is normal, YOU are normal.

4) Let's press the pause button and look at your BABY and REMEMBER what your body did 4 days ago!!!! You made a PERSON mama! That is incredible! Rest assured, by the time the haze begins to lift you will notice your body has improved in many ways, and soon you'll be on the road to the new you (who won't look exactly like the old you, but will be a million times better anyway ) I can remember after DD was born looking at my giant wobbly unbaked-bread-dough belly and thinking, ok, i'm glad she's out but WTF is this now!? It passed. Hang in there.

5) TAKE that support mama but don't even think about returning it yet. This is YOUR time, you and your wee family. If it makes you feel better to talk to someone then do it, but don't waste time and energy trying to focus on anything but you and the baby purely from guilt. No one who has had a baby will be mad/surprised that you're too busy to respond to them, and everyone who hasn't had a baby will find out when they do why you were a bit quiet in the days and weeks after the birth!

6) I'm glad the sunrise cheered you up a bit. Deep breaths, these thoughts and feelings are normal, this hormonal insanity is normal. I cried for 3 solid days after DD (days 3-6). EVERYTHING made me cry. The thought of nursing, the thought of NOT nursing, her crying, her sleeping, being given food, not being fed, i even remember crying on the loo because peeing felt SO good, and then wiping hurt my little tear! I was all over the shop, but it never developed into PND, gradually i got used to the new challenges in my life and things settled down and it was ok. BUT i was gentle with me, i gave myself a chance, i let go of expectations and plans and set out to discover what sort of mama i was, what sort of baby i had and what sort of family we'd look like.

Massive to you. This is the hardest bit, and you are doing it mama, you're really doing it!
Mama2Bean's Avatar Mama2Bean 12:18 PM 05-20-2010
Ditto the PP. Honey, give yourself a break! Sleep deprivation is no joke. It's not a coincidence that it's used as a torture device!!

Call your OB or ped and get all purpose nipple ointment. It has a steroid in it, plus lanolin plus an antifungal or something that will HEAL your nipples. Walk around w/o a shirt, only a nursing bra if you need it with the panels down to let those girls breathe and get a break.

HUGS!! You are doing a great job!
thefreckledmama's Avatar thefreckledmama 12:19 PM 05-20-2010


I really can't say anything better than what GoBecGo said.

The only thing I'll add, is that I had a definite hormone crash on day 4 PP. I called my SIL crying and asked if it was too early for PPD-she said she always started crying by her 2nd day home from the hospital, which is usually day 4. From what I read, anything the first 2 weeks is usually just considered the "baby blues", and when it goes on after two weeks or so, that's when PPD should be considered.
tippy's Avatar tippy 01:20 PM 05-20-2010
((hugs))
i also have nothing better to add than what gobecgo said, but i just wanted to send you some hugs. pls don't beat yourself up! you are doing the best you can do. you ARE a GREAT momma!!!
AliciaP8's Avatar AliciaP8 01:42 PM 05-20-2010
I had a terrible crash on day 3. I'm willing to bet you are having one too and it's making all of this stuff more difficult for you I remember thinking around day 8 that this was lasting forever and I also remember thinking around day 12 that I couldn'r remember the last time I felt that way!
emnic77's Avatar emnic77 02:00 PM 05-20-2010

I get a crash around day 3-5 as well. Coincides with milk coming in.
Ditto what GoBecGo said, in fact, that should be printed and distributed to new moms. Seriously.
Starfish11's Avatar Starfish11 02:59 PM 05-20-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by emnic77 View Post

I get a crash around day 3-5 as well. Coincides with milk coming in.
Ditto what GoBecGo said, in fact, that should be printed and distributed to new moms. Seriously.
Agreed! GoBecGo responded so well! Amazing and great advice I was in the hospital at 5 days PP and that's when I cried non-stop for 24 hours; it's scary to feel that out of control emotionally So sorry you are experiencing this and please know that you are a GREAT mama!
tempestjewel's Avatar tempestjewel 03:36 PM 05-20-2010
The PP pretty much covered it, but I wanted to add- do you take DHA? Breastmilk is literally encapsulated in it, and if you are moody, sometimes it's because you're losing a lot through your breastmilk. A good supplement can help with moods and feeling better.

Also, I love a few drops of Bach's Rescue Remedy when I'm feeling particularly emotional.

Just a couple more ideas. Hang in there, you are going to get through this
Crispie's Avatar Crispie 03:50 PM 05-20-2010
GoBecGo nailed it. So I won't add much except to say that my Midwife's call PP days 1-8 the fourth trimester It's ridden with emotions and a whole new learning curve for your body and your baby and your milk and oooohhhh it totally is the fourth trimester! Things seem to perk up after about 8 days-of course that time line is like morning sickness, sometimes it lingers a bit so give it a few days extra.

It will get better! Give yourself time. What would you expect of any of us? I'm betting a whole lot less than the expectations on yourself! Take it easy mama-your ONLY job right now is to rest and be a mama to that baby-that's what a babymoon is....

Big Hugs! Use the nerf bat on yourself ok?
rhiOrion's Avatar rhiOrion 03:58 PM 05-20-2010
DDCC

definitely what the pp said.

i had a big crash around day 3, too... though day 2 was no picnic. a friend of a friend says that when the milk comes so do the tears

absolutely see an LC about baby's latch. we're still having pain sometimes, but more not-painful times than painful times at this point.

my stomach is starting to look better at 6 weeks postpartum.

it should start to get better!
RedOakMomma's Avatar RedOakMomma 04:37 PM 05-20-2010
ddcc

Day four was my worst, by far. By 10 days out, I was feeling more normal again. (From my friends that have called post-partum, days 3-5 were their worst, too.) No ppd.
DeChRi's Avatar DeChRi 08:08 PM 05-20-2010
Just to echo PP....
I had major crash between days 3-6 with both my first two. GoBecGo had awesome advice on all fronts. And PLEASE don't beat yourself over things like giving a paci! WIth DD1 I felt like I failed when I did. With DD2 I didn't mind giving her one here and there (I did within days as well). With DD3, I am praying she takes one.

We all have it laid out how we think it should go in our ideal world. But life doesn't always work like that and we adjust and that is okay. My second have horrible reflux and needed chronic comfort. If she would not have taken a paci now and again I would have jumped offf the deep end and done a flip on the way down.

Be gentle with yourself. You are doing wonderfully and have not failed in Any way!!!
emnic77's Avatar emnic77 08:11 PM 05-20-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeChRi View Post
And PLEASE don't beat yourself over things like giving a paci! WIth DD1 I felt like I failed when I did. With DD2 I didn't mind giving her one here and there (I did within days as well). With DD3, I am praying she takes one.
This. DD1 never got one, DS flat out refused one, and I'm hoping this one takes one (and yes, she's had one already, at 4 days old). She has no latch/nursing issues, so I feel fine about it. With DS, he comfort nursed constantly. For three years. Towards the end, I was really resenting nursing with him, and would rather this one be able to comfort nurse on something other than me when I am touched out.
DeChRi's Avatar DeChRi 08:17 PM 05-20-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by emnic77 View Post
This. DD1 never got one, DS flat out refused one, and I'm hoping this one takes one (and yes, she's had one already, at 4 days old). She has no latch/nursing issues, so I feel fine about it. With DS, he comfort nursed constantly. For three years. Towards the end, I was really resenting nursing with him, and would rather this one be able to comfort nurse on something other than me when I am touched out.
Yep yep. I just found a 3 day old pic of Delaney (#2) and she had a paci. Paci vs Breakdown = No Brainer for me
h@ppy mama's Avatar h@ppy mama 11:16 PM 05-20-2010
My crash came around 1 week pp with this baby. It was hard and I felt SO tired and overwhelmed. By everything. Hormones were overflowing and my emotions were ALL over the place. Jack is now 15 days old and things are MUCH better. My body is feeling better. My nips are still sore but getting better. I'm able to handle every day life with more patience and not get overwhelmed.

(((((warm hugs)))))) Take gentle care of yourself. Let people help you. Enjoy your baby. Rest, rest, rest.
maygee's Avatar maygee 11:28 PM 05-20-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeChRi View Post
And PLEASE don't beat yourself over things like giving a paci! WIth DD1 I felt like I failed when I did. With DD2 I didn't mind giving her one here and there (I did within days as well). With DD3, I am praying she takes one.


Be gentle with yourself. You are doing wonderfully and have not failed in Any way!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by emnic77 View Post
This. DD1 never got one, DS flat out refused one, and I'm hoping this one takes one (and yes, she's had one already, at 4 days old). She has no latch/nursing issues, so I feel fine about it. With DS, he comfort nursed constantly. For three years. Towards the end, I was really resenting nursing with him, and would rather this one be able to comfort nurse on something other than me when I am touched out.

Yep, I really regretted not giving my dd a paci- this one will have one right away, and I think it will be a good thing to be able to have something to soothe her that my dp can provide too. Hang in there mama, and take care of yourself!
attached2ethan's Avatar attached2ethan 12:16 AM 05-21-2010
Everything you are experiencing sounds totally normal! I second the motion to call La Leche League, they WILL be able to help with your BF issues.

I am 10 days postpartum right now and have been experiencing that weepy, crying stuff too for the last 2 days. I am hoping it passes soon because I had PPD with my last baby and I am SOOO worried about it this time. I hate how I feel like crying for NO reason and am so irritable with my family. I'm thinking in a few days it should get better!
pleasantlyfurious's Avatar pleasantlyfurious 03:45 PM 05-21-2010
Thank you mamas. Yesterday was a really good day. My milk came in and I felt sane more often than not. Today is more challenging, but nothing like day 4. I've had a few home visits with the lactation consultant from WIC which have been super helpful.

Knowing I'm not the only one feeling like this is very comforting. Thank you for taking some time to remind me.
Crispie's Avatar Crispie 04:49 PM 05-21-2010
Yay WIC! I swear some of their lac consultants rock better than LLL.

So glad you are feeling better mama. Hang in there-a few more up's and down's but it's going to get better and better.

I always forget and have a few days of OMG this is too much-someone shoot me!

(Will you please remind me of this after I deliver? )
pleasantlyfurious's Avatar pleasantlyfurious 05:22 AM 05-22-2010
WIC really is amazing! Between the LC home visits (3 times this week) and this hospital grade pump they are lending me all free of charge - it has made all the difference for this BFAR mama and baby!

PS - thank goodness for this community - especially in the middle of the night!
emnic77's Avatar emnic77 03:23 PM 05-22-2010
Just sharing something that helps me tremendously...may not be the case for everyone, but for me, getting up, taking a shower, doing my hair, putting on makeup - all these things make me feel human and normal. If I lay around in sweats looking gross, I feel gross, and that sends my mood into a free fall. So, even if it takes me 3 hours in bits and pieces, I get myself together every single day.
SilverFish's Avatar SilverFish 12:18 PM 05-23-2010
hahah, oh man, i remember day 4 (and days 3-6)! i bawled at everyone that week... my midwife, the NICU nurses, my husband, my mom... i think i spent nearly the entire week in tears. so yeah, totally normal.

i have to echo the PP about taking a shower and putting a bit of make-up and a clean shirt on. it made me feel a million times better, and then at least in the photos i looked happy and relaxed, even if i didn't exactly feel that way on the inside!
maydaymom10's Avatar maydaymom10 01:36 PM 05-23-2010
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maydaymom10's Avatar maydaymom10 01:44 PM 05-23-2010
Oh how I feel for you & can relate. Inwas in that same place last week. I posted a help MSG In the April DDC that is very similar to yours. From day 5-10 I basically cried all of the time b/c I didn't know what I'd gotten myself into. DS has reflux & is really gassy. Finally broke down & started giving him the Zantac rx we got. DH & I really didn't want to medicate a newborn, but it's been a godsend. Also succumbed to the paci. Nipples needed a break & it was the only thing that would stop the crying. As for bf'ing, felt similar @ 1 wk. My mw sId it was normal to have to "will" yourself to feel your babe at that time.

So, from someone who has survived 2.5 weeks so far, I cam say that it does get better & the crying will end (haven't shed a tear in 3 days). Good luck & hang in there.
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h@ppy mama's Avatar h@ppy mama 04:59 PM 05-23-2010
So glad you are doing better Yay!
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