If this is your second (or more) how are you doing? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 06-02-2010, 12:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just wondering how this transition is going for everyone. DD1 is 27 mo. and DD2 is 3 weeks. I've gotta say, I'm completely overwhelemed and feel inadequate to make it through the day without help. Luckily my mom and MIL have been awesome about helping out with DD1 so I have yet to be home for a whole day by myself.
DD1, who has always been a super sweet girl, has been hitting DD2 and I'm really feeling awful about this. I've actually set up a second pack n play to put her in as a "time out" when she hits. I know she's just testing me because she hits her with a big smile on her face and most of the time always talks about how she loves her and wants to give her kisses. Anyone have any advise on how to ge through this??
Hope things are going well for everyone!

Mom to 2 amazing girlies, Feb. '08 and May '10.joy.gif
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#2 of 19 Old 06-02-2010, 12:59 PM
 
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I'm in awe of anyone with *two* little ones. My oldest dd is 11 and my ds turns 5 next week...and I'm having a hard enough time with them! The two of them fight a lot...he wants her to play with him all the time and she wants to hole up in her room, on the phone with her friends or reading. DD is obviously fine with the baby, but DS is pushing boundaries and looking for attention. He's overly enthusiastic with his affection towards her and ends up waking her up a lot, which is frustrating. The worst thing is that he has been upset and crying about wanting to cosleep again. It breaks my heart to have to move him back to his bed (dh snuggles him until he falls asleep) but he just can't be in our bed. He's allowed to come in when the sun is out in the morning, but I think he's feeling very displaced about not cosleeping suddenly (he's been doing great in his own bed for a couple months now).

Em, married to Alex, mom to Samantha (11 yrs) and Cullen (5yrs) and Maybe (5/16/2010) Trying to grow 4,000lbs of produce on .2 acres. See my blog!
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#3 of 19 Old 06-02-2010, 01:17 PM
 
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I'd be lying if about 5 of the 11 days that new baby has been here, I have spent thinking....what the hell were we thinking?!?!

DD1 is 11yo and in the throws of preteen hormone ups and downs. DD2 is 2.5yo and it truly one of the most busy kids I've ever encountered. She doesn't go to sleep well, she doesn't stay asleep well, she climbs, breaks, dumps, runs, yells, asks 1000 questions, screams, cries, around the clock. She physically and mentally exhausts me, although she is loads of fun. She is nice w/ the baby but demands a lot of focused attention, esp at night.

I have no idea how to go to the stoe w/o my 11yo there to help. And I have no idea how to fill my summer with kids fun that stimulates my 11yo and my 2.5yo, w/ baby.

DH had 12-15hr work days 2 day after baby came. He is his own boss which sounds good but is catch 22. My mom has been buried at work and MIL is here 2hr/week.

Very overwhelmed, but assuming I'll get better at it. Or have a meltdown.
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#4 of 19 Old 06-02-2010, 01:17 PM
 
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My DH wisely said yesterday, "Who knew that the most difficult part of having a second chid is dealing with the first?"

DD1 is almost 4; while she is great with her new little sister, she has become more of a handful than usual. More tantrums, less listening, more talking back, less cooperative... we'll make it, but we've been finding this adjustment challenging as well.

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#5 of 19 Old 06-02-2010, 01:22 PM
 
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I was just going to ask this. Ds is 25 months and dd is now almost 4 weeks. Week 1 was fine then ds got sick with a cold. That's just a bad combo: 2yrs old, sick and adjusting to sharing mommy at the same time. Since then he has been a whining crying mess. Nothing I can say will calm him. He just cries all day long despite my comforting. As a single mama it's pretty hard. Only yesterday does he seem to be doing better. (I had no idea my angel of a toddler would be the difficult one) Oh an add to the mix that ds would drink 6ish bottles of milk a night. I wanted to break this bad habbit so of course I start the week he ends up getting sick. I'm happy to say that we are down to just one bottle to put him to sleep now and nohin through the night. I'm hoping by the end of the week we won't be using bottles. But he seems better today with his cold and with being less cry-ie. My next goal...potty training. I mean seriously, do you know how many diapers I go through with the two of them and how expensive it is and not to mention how many times i have to take the trash out in a week?? Sheesh. But all in all I'm surviving and really proud of myself for being able to do it on my own.

But I must say I have not figured out how to go to the store with 2 kids yet. If i have the stroller where do I put the groceries? And I I have them both in the cart there is no room for all the food. Not to mention a 20min trip turns to 2 1/2 hours.

The biggest plus though is co sleeping with the two of them. It's heaven on earth! They don't wake eachother up at all even when someone is crying and most nights they both sleep through the night (except when I wake baby for feedings).


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#6 of 19 Old 06-02-2010, 05:01 PM
 
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well my wee one is 5 days old and so my dh is still home, his first day back is tomorrow but it will luckily be a short day. So far my 3.5 yr old and 5.5 yr old aren't too much of a handful. The 3.5 yr old is really big for his age and slightly clumsy and so I really have to watch him around the baby so he doesn't accidently flop on him. My BIGGEST challenge is my 19 month old. He's all elbows and knees and so far quite lovey of the baby, but he is upset because I cannot pick him up or cannot drop everything to tend to him right away. There have been more crying and upset all around, that's just par for the course. My 19 month old is night waking again tho, and that has been tough cuz bebe has days/nights mixed and so dh and I arent getting any sleep at night. It gets better. Meanwhile I just try to not loose my cool and keep mama bear in check.

~ Dana ~ Mommy to Madelyn, Jonas & Hudson & wee one #4 due late Spring!!!
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#7 of 19 Old 06-02-2010, 08:29 PM
 
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My partner goes back to work Friday. Trying not to freak out! Naptime is a mystery to me with my 28mo. Ideas?

And how will I feed us and go to the bathroom? Ahhhh! I wish the new guy liked the Moby.

How will I keep the 2yo entertained? I cant pick him up or go to the park...

Have you seen the updated user agreement yet?
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#8 of 19 Old 06-03-2010, 01:10 AM
 
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i am totally overwhelmed. My dd1 is having constAnt tantrums. She never used to. I am trying so hard to do anything and everything to keep her happy but it isnt helping. She is waking up more then the baby... Dd1 is 3. Dh went back to work when maisie was5 days old. It has been reaally hard.

Me: Shannon (33) mom to DD Everly born May 9, 2007 and Maisie born May 26
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#9 of 19 Old 06-03-2010, 01:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mosaic View Post
My DH wisely said yesterday, "Who knew that the most difficult part of having a second chid is dealing with the first?"

DD1 is almost 4; while she is great with her new little sister, she has become more of a handful than usual. More tantrums, less listening, more talking back, less cooperative... we'll make it, but we've been finding this adjustment challenging as well.
yes yes yes to all of this. since the baby has been born i have seen wren for the first time EVER throw a plate of food on the floor, push another child, grab, etc. it's so hard. it helps to know it's normal.

robina. unschooling mama and midwifery student.  building my nest with my husband, our daughter (born at home 11/07), our son (home waterbirth 5/10), and our newest little girl (born at home 4/13)!

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#10 of 19 Old 06-03-2010, 01:19 PM
 
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Jack is 4 weeks old. My daughter is 22 months. It's been hard. Jack is a fussy baby. Audrey has been acting out when she can't have my attention. My mom just arrived from Michigan (I'm in NY) to help me because I've been overwhelmed on a daily basis.

And my perinium tear is really sore and swollen. waaa!

Michigan native living in Jersey with my hubby, sweet girl (4), wild boy (2), and baby girl due Dec. 18th! 

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#11 of 19 Old 06-03-2010, 06:06 PM
 
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This morning DD1 had a tantrum that last an hour and a half. Nothing I could do could snap her out of it. I just started crying because nothing I do helps.

Last night she kept us all up until almost 4 in the morning, before DH and I finally decided that we should let her sleep with me and the baby. Hopefully the new arrangement will help. Before DD1 was born she slept in her own bed with me in a single beside her. DH moved in and I moved out but it didn't go over well.

I have decided I need to get her out of the house every day. We did gymnastics twice this week and it really made the day more bearable.

Me: Shannon (33) mom to DD Everly born May 9, 2007 and Maisie born May 26
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#12 of 19 Old 06-03-2010, 06:52 PM
 
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I think there is an adjustment period for every family, whether the new little one makes the 2nd child, or in my case, the 7th. Things are absolute chaos for awhile but eventually it will fall into place. Knowing that the fussing/clinging/backsliding is normal and will go away helps me, but we've got our share of chaos.

My kids range in ages from
DS#1 11yrs
DD#1 10yrs
DS#2 7yrs
DS#3 5yrs (special needs)
DD#2 4yrs
DS#4 16mos
DD#3 3days as of 6/3

The three oldest arent much of a problem. They are pretty self-sufficient. I have had to get on their cases a little about helping me out more with the housework and their chores since the baby has arrived, but for the most part they are wonderful and Id hate to see how the place would look without their help.Now that homeschooling is done for the year they can get outside and play a lot more so that helps burn some energy.
My special needs 5 yr old has autism and he has been great with the baby. He is sweet to her and not rough or jealous at all. I was a little worried about that and very thankful it has not been an issue. He doesnt like listening to his older siblings when they ask him to do something, but that's better than what I thought I might have been in for. lol.
My 4yr old daughter has become a royal PITA!! she ADORES the baby and will not give her a moment's peace! GRRRR. She also asks me 10,000,000 questions 10,000,000 times a day that she already knows the answers to and has gotten bossy with her sibs and mouthy with me. I think part of it is being ' "big sissa" going to her head, and also the age. Ive had to do a lot of time outs, and sitting on the stairs with her, so Im hoping it sinks in soon.
The 16month old is the biggest challenge. He is into *everything* all. the. freakin.time! Dropping, breaking, banging, yelling etc etc.... Thank goodness we got him sleeping in his pack and play in our room while I was pregnant so he is used to that, but he protests, and very loudly, when he gets put down at night. I am fine with him tandem nursing, and he loves the baby, but doesnt understand that he tends to get overly rough, and he cant crawl on her. He also gets upset that I dont carry him much anymore. There are times I find myself getting really irritated with him, but I know it is hard for him too. He has really bonded with my oldest daughter in the past few days and goes to her a lot to get picked up, which thankfully she doesnt mind.
It is hard to get everyone fed, and everyone's laundry dealt with, but I think it will come in time. My hormones have been crashing since my milk came in today, so Ive been weepy and crabby. DH went back to work today, and MIL is down at her daughter's (she just had a baby boy, 16hrs after my dd was born!) so I am fending for myself as best as I can.
It's a learning curve everytime a new one enters the family. Trial and error and time will ave everything falling into place before long.

SAHM Wiccan mama to 4boys, 3girls and 3 angels.
UC/UP/EBF/AP/CD/BW, Waterbirthing, Homeschooling, no circ, no vax.
Expecting #8 on Dec 6th, 2011
 
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#13 of 19 Old 06-03-2010, 10:30 PM
 
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THANK YOU for this thread!! It helps to know none of us are alone!! DD is 3 weeks old fortunately I have help for 6 weeks, so I'm not on my own with all 3 of my kids yet- but I've had them all for a few days here and there and its been tough. My 7yohas done wonderfully, as he is adoring towards his sister and helpful with certain things- and pretty self sufficient. I wish I could spend more time with him though.

My 4yo, whom I expected to be ridiculously jealous, is actually so adoring towards the baby that he smothers her and it irritates me, but I'm trying to encourage loving her appropriately rather than keeping him from doing it.

The baby is a dream- by far the most laid back of any of my babies (so far). If she keeps it up, I might just survive

I get overwhelmed when all three need something at the same time- around bed and mealtimes- it gets tough- and getting out of the house, FORGET it! I have been at least a half hour late everywhere I've been since she was born!!

I think transitioning from 1 to 2 kids was hardest for us, now it will just be the initial adjustment to our new addition, and finding our new groove as a family of 5. Hang in there mamas, it DOES get easier! Getting enough sleep is essential to coping too, so catch every wink you can get!!

Jessica- married to David- parenting our 3 monkeys- DS #1 (age 7) DS #2 (age 4) and a brand new DD (born 5/10/10)
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#14 of 19 Old 06-04-2010, 08:23 PM
 
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I am in the same boat: my kids are each 8 months apart and it's been tough. Mostly I feel guilty for not spending enough quality time with my two older ones. Luckily they can "entertain"each other while I'm attending to fussy baby, so in some ways it's easier than with just two (but a LOT messier! )

DS2 is more independent than DS1, so I've been able this last wk to get him to sleep without laying down with him everytime--not easy though! And forget having peace in the house while baby tries to get to sleep! The key, I think, is to get them outside for some energy reduction!

I know it will get easier soon.

AP mama to two boys (5 , 3) fencing.gifand one sweet girl baby energy.gif
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#15 of 19 Old 06-11-2010, 11:52 PM
 
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A few days late to the party, but me too to everything! I feel like I had everything figured out with DS1, but now that DS2 is in the picture, it is so hard. They're 23.5 months apart, and DS1 still needs so much, and DS2 is ALWAYS nursing or needing to be held. Argh.

When DS2 lets me put him in the mei tai, it helps a lot, but he is nursing so much that I can't always put him in it. Meal times are really a chore. Luckily, DH is working from home right now, so he often eats with us and is helpful, but the meals without him are kind of a nightmare.

Right now there is more crying than I'd like, bc I have to put the newbie down sometimes to attend to big bro and he hates being put down.

My other fear is the playground. DS1 needs to go outside to play, but I can't run after him wearing the baby, so how do I stop him from running into the street, or just running away in general?

I know this will get easier and I will love that they are close in age, but right now I think we were crazy to have them so close together. Not that we planned this, but still.

OPM - do you have a ring sling or something you can use? You can put the baby in that and your toddler in the cart, then you can shop. Getting to the store in the first place is the hard part!

Home water birthing, non-circing, delayed vaxing, co-sleeping, babywearing, extended nursing Mommy to DS1 5/08, DS2 5/10 and wife to sweetest hubby ever.
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#16 of 19 Old 06-14-2010, 02:18 PM
 
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Glad to see this thread! Right now I am just so grateful that DD is preschool 3 days a week, so I only have to attend DS on those days and I can nap and catch-up on my sleep. She will be home with me full-time starting July 1. DD was never an "easy" baby or toddler... luckily for me DS is very mellow. The only time he melts-down is when we are driving in the car and he wakes up and wants to nurse.

On the 4 days a week I have DD with me, I find that I HAVE to leave the house (or we would go insane). Luckily, we have a really nice park about a 5 min drive from our house and it is totally fenced-in, so DD can run wild there. Most days I have to leave the house in a mess and just GO or we would never get out. Thank God for my sling because I just throw DS in it and he's happy for hours at a time.

I have big plans for signing DD up for swimming lessons at the YMCA, starting in July, so we wil have another structured activity to go to. I live in the South and around here Summer Vacation Bible School is huge at most churches, so I'm going to take her to a couple of sessions of that, as well. DD is a very, very social little girl and I want to make sure she gets to interact with kids her age, even though she won't be in preschool for 7-ish weeks.

Mom to retired nursling Lily (6/22/07) and wife to my wonderful DH since 3/19/05
Baby Aerick is here! Born at 40+6 on 5/16/10
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#17 of 19 Old 06-15-2010, 01:28 PM
 
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We are doing pretty well here. I have 2 DS's 4.5 and 2.5. My baby girl is 4 weeks today. The first week was spent in the hospital recovering from a c-section and appendectomy. The 2nd and 3rd week my husband was here as he was off from work. Last week was my first week on my own.

We did well! I'm getting my boys back into their routine. The house is becoming more manageable. We're busy and productive. My baby girl spends her time wrapped up to mommy and pretty content.

My DH is still helping tons at night and on the weekends.

I really can't complain, we're doing great!
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#18 of 19 Old 06-20-2010, 07:18 PM
 
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Much of what you all are saying mimics my own current situation. The overwhelming thing for me is how guilty i sometimes feel in regards to my DD. We were such an amazing threesome and when I see how confused she is sometimes b/c mommy can't hold her or take care of her need immediately it just slays me. It's getting better but I did cry a lot in the beginning due to this.

I try really hard to make space for her as she requests. Right now the most inopportune time is when I am nursing or pumping. She wants so much to be in my lap when Wyatt's in my lap or play with the pump. I have set up a little reading corner next to me with some beloved books and toys and try to distract her that way. It works most of the time but sometimes she is just too tired to be cooperative in the way I wish.

Bedtimes have gotten atrocious and she wakes up often during the night these days. This from a baby girl who has slept through the night since 8 months old.

I agree that going out makes it more bearable. We go out probably six out of the seven days of the week. These trips are sponsored by our sling. I carry Wyatt and either walk with Evangeline or let her ride in her stroller. For some reason being pushed around like the Queen of Sheba with her snacks and sippy cup in hand calms her restless soul.

Walking in the light with DH, DD (11/08), DS (4/10) , four dogs, and one insouciant cat.
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#19 of 19 Old 06-20-2010, 11:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Starfish11 View Post
Much of what you all are saying mimics my own current situation. The overwhelming thing for me is how guilty i sometimes feel in regards to my DD. We were such an amazing threesome and when I see how confused she is sometimes b/c mommy can't hold her or take care of her need immediately it just slays me. It's getting better but I did cry a lot in the beginning due to this.

I try really hard to make space for her as she requests. Right now the most inopportune time is when I am nursing or pumping. She wants so much to be in my lap when Wyatt's in my lap or play with the pump. I have set up a little reading corner next to me with some beloved books and toys and try to distract her that way. It works most of the time but sometimes she is just too tired to be cooperative in the way I wish.
I hear you loud and clear mama. I could've posted this exact thing myself. Tonight for example, DD really needed some cuddle time, but Jack was cluster feeding and I just couldn't hold DD. So, instead she cuddled up next to me on the couch. I ached to hold her and give her that contact that she needed, but I just couldn't. Jack cries when I pass him to DH during cluster feeding time. So, I nursed him and cuddled DD. She was ok with it I guess but I wasn't I miss our cuddle time. I think it will get better as the baby gets older. I hope so anyway. I love them both dearly and want one on one time with both.

Hang in there mamas.

Michigan native living in Jersey with my hubby, sweet girl (4), wild boy (2), and baby girl due Dec. 18th! 

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