Does your baby let you put them down at all? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 06-14-2010, 11:55 PM - Thread Starter
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My baby will not let me put her down for more than 20 seconds. It was ok during our babymoon, but now that real life is here and I'm on my own with 3 kids, I'd like to be able to at least eat, use the bathroom, and shower without holding or slinging her. I will also mention that I am a huge advocate for holding your baby. A LOT. But I also need some space, just for minutes at a time.

I am just wondering how long your baby will sit unattended? I just hate hearing her scream, but I HAVE to do those 3 things each day She does usually take at least one nice long nap each day, for which I am able to lay her by herself for a while and that's when I typically nap as well- so most days I can't use the time to get other things done.

What is your baby like in terms of this, and what do you do to preserve your sanity (and your back)?! I do use a wrap to put her in, but she nurses so much and we're ECing, so the constant in and out of the wrap/sling renders it useless when she's awake.

Jessica- married to David- parenting our 3 monkeys- DS #1 (age 7) DS #2 (age 4) and a brand new DD (born 5/10/10)
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#2 of 9 Old 06-15-2010, 12:39 AM
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i have the same problem. except the part about 3 kids....

Jenna, Mama to my little sprocket, born at home 5/29/2010
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#3 of 9 Old 06-15-2010, 04:09 AM
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I'm afraid to answer because I'm afraid it will sound like bragging (and I'm also afraid this is just a phase and will come to a screaming halt any minute), but so far, my baby will let me put him down as long as he isn't hungry, doesn't need to be changed, or isn't fussy because he's trying to poop. We have a little portable swing and he seems to like it as long as he's calm, sleepy, or asleep when we put him in it (I also take him out of it ASAP if he's starting to get upset). If he's asleep, he'll let us put him down in the pack'n'play we have in our living room or in his crib (cosleeping isn't an option for us right now). He still gets plenty of snuggle time with mom and dad, and obviously we have to time things according to his "schedule" (i.e. after he's eaten, when he's asleep), but it is nice to have the option of setting him down so we all can sleep or so I can get something done. Even with his "cooperation," there are still times that something needs to get done when he is in the middle of demanding food or a clean diaper, in those times, I just try to do whatever it is as fast as I can and then pick him up and snuggle and calm him and take care of his needs. You're right, though, it is really hard to listen to them cry in the moment.

I wish I had good advice, but I don't think this is really anything we are doing, so much as temperament (or perhaps a phase-- maybe he'll become more demanding later?).
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#4 of 9 Old 06-15-2010, 08:43 AM
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I think my situation is different than yours a little bit, because Lilah was in the NICU for 2 weeks so got used to being swaddled and not snuggled. I cried often because I couldn't just hold her like I wanted too. So now as a result of that, she LOVES to be swaddled and put down. don't get me wrong in the evenings we have our rocking time where she just looks around as I rock, but if she shows signs of being sleepy, she's put down. She also likes to lay down on the floor, couch, or where ever and look around and can do this for 15-20 minutes at a time and will sometimes fall asleep doing that. But keep in mind Lilah is almost 12 weeks old (adjusted age is 6 weeks though).

B on the other hand, had to be held constantly!!!

Tenk ~ happily married with lots of kids

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#5 of 9 Old 06-15-2010, 09:12 AM
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My first DD was like that. We could not put her down. In fact it wasn't until she was about 6 months that I could nurse her to sleep and leave her so I could go watch TV with DH. If I set her in the bouncy chair or little swing we had she would be OK for a couple of minutes and that was it. She was also up every couple hours at night for over a year, and still won't sleep through the night.

DD2 on the other hand is the complete opposite. Since day 1 she only wakes up once at night to nurse. She actually seems happier if I put her down to sleep and I can even put her down awake and she will fall asleep on her own.

I was always made to feel that DD1 was the way she was because of the way I parented but now I feel confident that some babies are just born needier then others.

I do know with DD1 it got a lot easier when I could put her in the exersaucer. She did enjoy that, and then finally I could have a few minutes without her on me.

Me: Shannon (33) mom to DD Everly born May 9, 2007 and Maisie born May 26
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#6 of 9 Old 06-15-2010, 11:22 AM
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None of my three kids ever liked to be put down. My newest one takes the cake though, she last just long enough for me to pee, and by the time that's over, she is screaming hysterically. The car? Is a joke. I avoid going anywhere when ever possible. She is very content and never is fussy - so long as someone (me) is holding her. She is only now just starting to get used to the wrap, but only for 20-30 minutes at a time.

It's frustrating, especially since my house is a wreck and I am super anal about my house...the clutter level is directly proportionate to my stress level, so yeah.

My sympathies.

Em, married to Alex, mom to Samantha (11 yrs) and Cullen (5yrs) and Maybe (5/16/2010) Trying to grow 4,000lbs of produce on .2 acres. See my blog!
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#7 of 9 Old 06-15-2010, 05:30 PM
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Leo also wants to be held at all times. Most of the time I'm able to make this happen for him - but I am in awe of mamas of more than one!!

The car is the one place that he is miserable because usually if he even whimpers we hold him, dance with him or nurse him - so he can't understand why we are letting him cry. It hurts my heart to hear him scream and cry. And tends to set a stressed tone for our outings.

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#8 of 9 Old 06-15-2010, 07:04 PM
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My daughter didn't want to be set down while awake in the very beginning. She is four weeks old now and can be set down for 5-10 minutes while I brush my teeth/eat/go to the bathroom/get a few dishes done/whatever. She mostly enjoys laying on the nursing pillow though... more physical contact than that is a bit too much for her I guess. She generally dislikes the sling, she rarely needs to be swaddled, and she sleeps quite well in her pack and play crib (right next to our bed) without trouble. She does not really like being rocked to sleep, and if she'll tolerate it, she must be lying flat on my lap with her head on my knees.

It is odd. Where is my newborn? Where is my 4th trimester? I know it sounds strange, but as a postpartum doula I had helped so many mothers to be in tune with their babies and to understand their babies' need for physical closeness. I LOVE babywearing. I had really come to look forward to all kinds of snuggle time with my little one and prepared myself for the fact that it would be really intense. My baby is just not a big snuggler I guess. You always get what you least expect...

Mama to two, and second-time surrogate. Expecting May 2015.
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#9 of 9 Old 06-16-2010, 09:05 AM
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I take my shower when dh is home (either early in the a.m. or at night) It's much more relaxing for me if I don't have to worry about the kids. I eat when baby does, so he's on the boppy and I'm snacking (a lot of snacking) or he's in a sling and I'm munching on something. I think the key for me is not to expect to eat a full meal during the day (for dinner, dh & I alternate who's holding/who's eating) and have lots of healthy snacks ready & at my fingertips. And for bathroom using - that is where I keep his bouncy chair. If need be, I hold him during and only set him down for wiping/pulling up pants etc.
If he does settle on his own for a minute I usually run thru a list of needs as far as I can before he needs me. Like...feed the other kids, change toddler diaper, use bathroom, grab snack and water for me and if I have time...start a load of laundry or dishes.

~ Dana ~ Mommy to Madelyn, Jonas & Hudson & wee one #4 due late Spring!!!
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