Having trouble enjoying my pregnancy.. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 12-10-2009, 09:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DH and I wanted to get pregnant, and now here I am totally doubting it...

DD is 2 and some months and she's wonderful. Frusterating? Heck yes! But wonderful and I would love for her to have a sibling. Our first ultra sound which turns out it was too early [my due date was a week 1/2 earlier!] said everything looks good, and I should be overjoyed...

I'm just so worried about how I'm going to balance life with a newborn and a toddler. Life is good now - I have time to write, DD is playing alone, and our days have the perfect rhythm. When she was born life was hard; she never slept and I had no help and I guess I'm worried I will go a little crazy like I did over two years ago when I was sleep deprived and overwhelmed

Don't get me wrong, I want this baby but I'm just worried

Anyone in a similar boat?

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#2 of 18 Old 12-10-2009, 11:02 PM
 
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Wow, do I hear you! I adore my daughter and want nothing more than a sibling for her but she was such a difficult baby (never slept, colic, fussy) that the first year was nothing short of awful. She is an absolute joy now. I want another child but I wish I could have one who is already past that first year. Dd is really independent and sweet most of the time but she is used to not having to share us with someone else - I am scared at how to manage her adjustment to a little one AND a baby who might be just as much of a handful as she was. I try not to think about it too much but it is definitely on my mind these days.
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#3 of 18 Old 12-10-2009, 11:19 PM
 
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I could have writen your post. In fact, I did already write exactly that in my LJ a few weeks ago. You are definately not alone. I wish I could say some words of encouragement, but i'm still having doubts and struggling to enjoy it too.

Allyson ~ wife to C (1/20/07), mummy to E (1/13/08) , S (7/12/2010)
We're A C E S
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#4 of 18 Old 12-10-2009, 11:44 PM
 
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I've worried about the same thing. If there's one thing that my wonderful husband taught me, though, it's that worrying about something never makes the outcome better. In fact, I think that in this situation it can really make it worse. Obviously, when I worry the baby I have cooking receives all the stress hormones I am making and becomes more likely to be born expecting to be stressed out and needing lots of extra care. Plus, when I stress my DD definitely picks up on it and reflects my feelings, creating a situation that can spiral out of control. What has worked for me is the realization that I can handle anything that comes my way because I am a strong, confident woman. I can be calm and respond wisely in the face of adversity. Remembering this and meditating on it when I really don't feel like it has helped me a lot. What has also helped to ease both my mind and my daughter's mind is to tell her that we will love the baby just as much as we love her, just differently. We reminded her about how much she loves her grandparents and how much she loves us. She has the same amount of love for us, but her feelings for each of us are different. Not better or worse, more or less. Just different. I think this has helped her adjust to the idea of having a sibling. Hope that helps!
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#5 of 18 Old 12-10-2009, 11:59 PM
 
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you know i think this is the most honest, natural feelings a mother can have,
my DD was colic, cried 24/7 then as a toddler would run away from us never listen and was just tiring and exhausting. at 2.5 we had my DS and she was just starting to be a tad easier... I cried for awhile that I was going to not have enough time w/ her or that what did I get myself into but as soon as my DS was born it wa salmost a calming effect that he was just meant to be with us and we coldnt imagine life before him
Now here I am after 2 losses wanting a 3rd child so so bad my kids sre 5.5 and 3 and play all day w/ one another and can pretty much be independent. They are old enough that we took them to disney world and had a blast, now we are resetting the "baby clock" so to speak and starting over again. I am 34 and dh is 41 so my long winded point was its ok to have anxiety but in the end you'll never hear a parent say "we shouldnt have had that last child" but you may here a parent say " we should have had one more"

Shelly, Mom to Sophia 5 Nicholas 3 & 2 Angels
Its a GIRL! Alyssa Ann 6/29/10 7lbs 5 oz
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#6 of 18 Old 12-11-2009, 02:30 AM
 
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I feel exactly the same way. It is good to know that I am not alone. It is hard for me to think about what it will be like when the new baby comes. This time around I know exactly how tired and stressed I will be, and a part of me is sad about that. Times with my son are so nice these days, I kind of feel like it's coming to an end (even thought the perfectly rational part of me knows that this new baby will be a blessing and that my son will love having a sibling.)
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#7 of 18 Old 12-11-2009, 02:44 AM
 
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Totally normal. Once we achieved pregnancy w/ my DD, I was suddenly wondering what in the world we were thinking in wanting another.. how it'd rock my twins world (it didn't though..), it'd be so much harder, etc. And the days my twins had issues, when I wanted to run away from home.. I cursed myself for being pregnant again.

But it all worked out.. I eventually enjoyed the pregnancy, and the birth and years since have been great. I am so glad we had our twins and then our DD just 21 months later.
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#8 of 18 Old 12-11-2009, 03:20 AM
 
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Hey You and I should email! My little one is 2months, my older one is almost 2 1/2. I really didn't want to get pregnant the second time around until my daughter was closer to 3 (I think starting to try now would've been good, by the time babe was born she would've been 3)

For me, the first couple of weeks was incredibly tough. I was trying to get breastfeeding going (hadn't done it before) and although my daughter is independent she's still had me all to herself the last 2 years. Honestly though, my biggest problem: my husband.

Message me if you want to talk
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#9 of 18 Old 12-11-2009, 06:27 AM
 
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I wondering the same thing. You probably have it a bit easier since your DD actually plays by herself. DD will play by herself but as soon as I do something other than sitting on the couch or reading, she's all over it. I almost never get to be on the computer unless she's right there (and usually all over it) or she's sleeping, like now. Tonight we were at the store and she was running around everywhere. I didn't mind it because no one else was in the store except for three employees who were all smiling at her and laughing with her. But it was just the constant picking this bottle off the shelve and then putting it in the middle of the aisle so I could pick it up and put it back. Eventually I just sat down in the middle of the aisle and waited for DP to get back. (Dork left his wallet at home ) Every time she does that in a store or demands my absolute undivided attention at home, I always wonder how it's going to work once the baby is born. DD doesn't really talk much, at least not what we can understand, so we can't have conversations at all. She can't tell me how she's feeling other than crying or whining, and I can't console her other than just holding her or hugging her. She's also gotten into this "I refuse to share at all" mode. When she plays with our neighbor or friend, she will just take a toy out of their hands and walk away with it, but if they try to do it to her, she freaks out. I realize it's normal behaviour for her age, but what's going to happen when I have two babies who both do that and neither really understands it? She also hates it when I or someone else she knows holds another child. If anyone she knows is holding another child, she will tug and pull on them until they pick her up. If I have another child in my lap, she will literally push the child out of the way and sit in my lap. Again, I realize it's normal, but I worry.

But, as others have said, this feeling, too, is normal. I think every mother with a small child goes through this feeling. Not to say that mothers with older children don't, but I think they go through a different feeling, especially since they can have conversations with their children and actually talk about everyone's feelings and explain the baby and how all that works. Eventually DD will be okay, but the first year or so will be hardest. This is why I'm planning to have my very good friend come over often. Our daughters have grown up together and I truly feel my daughter has done things early because of her daughter. (DD is ten months younger, but I feel she crawled and stood and walked early because she saw her friend doing it, and she even helped DD!) I'm hoping that having her around will help DD feel better, especially since she'll have a play mate. Depending on how everything works out, my friend and her daughter will be there for my labour and possibly the birth, if only for my daughter's comfort. Knowing I have someone like that for my daughter, is a real comfort. I suggest you find a play mate for your DD, assuming you don't have one already, who can help her in the beginning. It won't give you any down time, but it will give your daughter a playmate when you are just too tired.

Me with my baby girl Maeleigh (Oct 08) and My (step) baby girl Whren (May 05) in Heaven with her mommy .. And introducing our little JuneBug (June 10) We heard the !!!
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#10 of 18 Old 12-11-2009, 12:46 PM
 
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I'm not really in the same boat, but am having some of the same feeling as you. This is an unplanned 4th pregnancy and though I am 12 weeks now I STILL can't wrap my head around the fact that I will have 4 kids. My youngest will be 2 1/2 when this one is born (and my oldest 9 and middle 6) and while I have had 3 easy babies the thought of having another kid is totally freaking me out. I keep living by what a previous poster said in that I'll never say "we regret having this last baby" we'll be saying "holy crap, could you imagine if we had not gotten preggo before your vascectomy!" And he/she will be the perfect ending to our family!
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#11 of 18 Old 12-11-2009, 04:50 PM
 
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DDC crashing...(sort of...due May 30 so may end up here!).

Totally normal. I have a 2 yo and am 16 weeks (and a 10yo, but she is pretty independant). Anyway, I totally sweat the time after birth. I can barely keep DD2 in line now, lol. DH is really good at just keeping me on an even keel.

One thing that I am trying to do (being practical) is working on things to make it easier. Freezing meals, getting DD2 on a light schedule that I know will work okay when baby comes, getting things like my cleaning schedule and organization into a good routine to fall back on. I also struck a deal with DH involving having our old cleaning lady (from back when we had insane corporate jobs) come every 2 weeks the first 6 weeks. I figure that will give me time to get in some kids of grove to pick it back up myself.

DH is like...it'll be fine. I am like, I need to plan! I am trying to just take his advice to heart and relax, while doing some prep for the first couple months until we can get our own routine going.
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#12 of 18 Old 12-11-2009, 05:40 PM
 
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I'm DDC crashing because I'm feeling the same way, and we tried reeaalllly hard for this baby.

I appreciate what you have said, Sophiasmomma. That makes me feel so much better, though I knew it would all be great in the end, anyway.

Amy (34): mommy to DD1 (11/07) and DD2 (7/10), wife, wohm, and wannabe suburban homesteader.
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#13 of 18 Old 12-11-2009, 07:08 PM
 
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I am also really nervous about this (very much wanted) second baby. My DD is 2.5 and not yet able to play by herself for very long. My DH is in law school full time and I am trying to finish my PhD and graduate in May. I was fine being home with DD when she was a baby, and enjoyed the flexibility because I could still teach part time (finding time to write was a whole other issue). But now I feel like my DD is sooooooo demanding of my time and attention. The thought of having to handle her along with another baby has me panicking. I never planned to be a full-time at home parent, and yet here I am....Some days I think the only way I'm going to survive is if I can get DD into a preschool program next fall, and I think that has to be OK, you know? We can't take care of our LOs if we're not taking care of ourselves and I think it takes a lot of honest reflection and good support to make sure we have what WE need, kwim?

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#14 of 18 Old 12-11-2009, 10:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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..I'm on my way to bed, but I wanted to say I've read everyone's responses and I'm just so HAPPY to see that I'm not the only one in this funk.

I was worried so many people would be like overjoyed pregnant and this would get no replies. I am happy you know?

So it means a lot to read what everyone is saying, and it seems like the majority is moms with toddlers like me, ha! Wonder why that is..

And, to anyone who wants to email I'm so down. I'm going to hit the sack in a second but I will be back tomorrow. I think support would be great!

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#15 of 18 Old 12-12-2009, 12:56 PM
 
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I'm definitely in the same boat with you all. i had a really rough time of it after DD was born. I was suffering from PPD and was so sleep deprived that I was practically hallucinating - One sleep-deprived night I got really upset that DD wasn't latching on and was just crying. Turns out I was trying to nurse a pillow.

I'm absolutely terrified about life after this baby's born. My DH is confident that we can handle it, but I'm so worried. Two in cloth diapers. Tandem nursing. And all the "what if's" - colic, health problems, etc...We weren't planning on having any more children, but I wasn't ready to accept that I'd never carry life inside me again, so we put off DH's vasectomy. I'm hoping this is just a blessing in disguise, but it doesn't help me fall asleep any easier at night. DD is still nursing 3 times a night, sleeping with us, and nurses 10+ times a day. I already feel touched out - what's that going to be like with two hanging onto my boobs all day and night?

Some days are better than others. There are moments when I think I can handle it, but on bad days, I'm not sure I can even handle the one I already have...

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#16 of 18 Old 12-12-2009, 01:54 PM
 
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I so hear you! We have four children, the eldest turned 8 a few days ago and the youngest is just 3. This pregnancy is very much wanted but I have also had a few moments thinking "How will I cope with five!?!?!?" We don't have family nearby but do live in an area with lots of big families.

I plan on being very practical. Cooking ahead and freezing as much as possible. We already live as simply as possible in terms of cooking and shopping and I make sure not to overschedule our lives too much and I will be even more careful about this next year.

I also plan on trying to find a mother's helper or similar to help in the afternoons. My kids are all home from 2pm on. And I will accept all help offered by my friends! I will not try to do everything myself :-)

And of course, lots of praying and positive thinking!

I think it's great that you are acknowledging your feelings.
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#17 of 18 Old 12-12-2009, 03:07 PM
 
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I so hear you! We have four children, the eldest turned 8 a few days ago and the youngest is just 3. This pregnancy is very much wanted but I have also had a few moments thinking "How will I cope with five!?!?!?" We don't have family nearby but do live in an area with lots of big families.

I plan on being very practical. Cooking ahead and freezing as much as possible. We already live as simply as possible in terms of cooking and shopping and I make sure not to overschedule our lives too much and I will be even more careful about this next year.

I also plan on trying to find a mother's helper or similar to help in the afternoons. My kids are all home from 2pm on. And I will accept all help offered by my friends! I will not try to do everything myself :-)

And of course, lots of praying and positive thinking!

I think it's great that you are acknowledging your feelings.
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#18 of 18 Old 12-12-2009, 10:53 PM
 
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I'm not enjoying this much either, different reasons though. I lost my last pregnancy at 14 weeks, so I'm very much in the "IF I have a baby" mindset. I can't do anything about that, it's just the experience I had...but other people think I am being "morbid" and that I should be "over" the worries by now, or something. Sorry, it doesn't work like that. I know I'll feel better as things go on, but I wish people would get it a little better. I think we're all entitled to a little bit of a freakout now and then, whatever our situation. (And I'm "old" and having my first, so there are times when I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with a baby either!)
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