For moms of one going on two, are you getting sad? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 02-11-2010, 05:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know I sure am! About it not just being me and DS anymore. About having to share my love with another child and my relationship with him changing.

Lets commiserate together! I've already cried about this three times this week!

S, mama to boy M(6/07) and baby girl R(7/10). We do all the good natural family living stuff!
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#2 of 20 Old 02-11-2010, 05:53 PM
 
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Aww

I'm not sad at all, but I'm exTREMEly scared. 2 kids under 2 is making me nervous. I had wanted to wait until DD was at least potty trained before having another. At 21 months she still will have trouble expressing herself with words. I don't want to have to deal with TWO kids who can only/mostly communicate by crying or whining.

We always knew we wanted 3 kids, so I don't think I'm sad about going to 2 now. I'm also excited to see what kind of big sister DD will be! I want to see how she acts around the baby

SAHM to DD1 9/18/08 DS 6/11/10 DD2 6/21/12 nocirc.gifcd.gifgreenthumb.gifhang.gif 

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#3 of 20 Old 02-11-2010, 05:57 PM
 
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I am scared that I will have a hard time giving my son the attention he needs with a newborn. He is going to be seven next month and is used to having me and DH all to himself. I am, However, looking forward to seeing him develop a sibling relationship! I don't think our bond will be diminished. It will be nice to have someone to share the special moments with when DH is at work. Ultimately I know this will enhance his life rather than take anything away.

Be Positive Mama! There will be new and enjoyable ways to bond when this LO arrives that wouldn't exist otherwise

Heidi in Utah

Heidi, Married to my sweetheart of 13 yrs Kristopher, Mommy of 7 yr old Kairo, Expecting our sweet little girl Penelope 6/26/2010!
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#4 of 20 Old 02-11-2010, 06:14 PM
 
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I'm actually thrilled! I can't wait to see them interact.

I see it as giving my daughter another person to pay attention to her in the long run, someone who might actually look up to her and be fascinated with her in a way we can't.

I know it might not be that way, that's just the way my hormones are affecting me to believe.
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#5 of 20 Old 02-11-2010, 06:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, don't get me wrong, I am excited! I know that he is going to totally love his little sister and be into this. I love that our family will be complete and what we wanted!

Just kinda mourning this time that will soon come to an end, you know . He's such a sweet boy, even now as he's destroying our bed .

Hormones...

S, mama to boy M(6/07) and baby girl R(7/10). We do all the good natural family living stuff!
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#6 of 20 Old 02-11-2010, 06:46 PM
 
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I know exactly how you are feeling, sharr610. I felt that same way when dd2 was on the way. My dd1 was still my BABY -- I wasn't ready for her to give up that special place in my heart. I would rock her at night and just sob over the fact that our little one-on-one bond would soon have to be shared. I think that it is a totally normal response and does not mean that you aren't excited about the new baby or that you won't love it as much. It's just a reaction to change.

That said, when my dd2 was born, all of that sadness instantly went out the window. I loved seeing my two girls snuggle together with me. We had such a special, new bond that I didn't need to mourn the loss of the old one anymore. Get your tears out now and enjoy every little moment you have with your little one.

Christina, loving being a Mama to three and serving as a Co-Leader of the Holistic Moms Network, Tri-City Area, CA Chapter.

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#7 of 20 Old 02-11-2010, 07:11 PM
 
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Oh my gosh - me too!

We were just eating dinner last night and she's such a funny little person now - like Monarch, she's older - 6 - we were talking the 3 of us just like normal people, not like kid talking, or anything ... She's soooo big and grown up some times. I'm so scared that I'm going to "lose" her somehow when this little guy comes along!

I know it's normal, that she'll love her little brother and she won't ever stop being my baby ... and a huge part of me is excited, but it's SO emotion-packed.

Me (40) DH (49) daring DD (9) and darling DS - almost THREE! (born June 25, 2010 in an amazing, unplanned homebirth.jpg

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#8 of 20 Old 02-11-2010, 08:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sharr610 View Post
Oh, don't get me wrong, I am excited! I know that he is going to totally love his little sister and be into this. I love that our family will be complete and what we wanted!

Just kinda mourning this time that will soon come to an end, you know . He's such a sweet boy, even now as he's destroying our bed .

Hormones...
I didn't think you weren't excited and happy

I just found it funny that my hormones were making me feel the complete opposite - painting a rosy picture of future family bliss - when reality is likely to be somewhere in the middle.

Yeah, hormones...
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#9 of 20 Old 02-11-2010, 08:47 PM
 
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Aww

I'm not sad at all, but I'm exTREMEly scared.
Same here. While DS1 will almost be 4 years old when I have DS2, he has SPD and is extremely high needs. I just keep getting that sick feeling in my gut, like "why did I think I could do this!!??!" I am very concerned with how he will accept the new baby and how I will cope with little to no sleep, along with DS1's difficult personality. While I won't be able to afford daycare after DS2 is born and I am not working, I am seriously thinking of putting DS1 in part time preschool/daycare to give myself a much needed mental break from him and so that I can bond with DS2.
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#10 of 20 Old 02-11-2010, 11:15 PM
 
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I just wanted to let you know that it is pretty common to feel that way. I remember the night I went into labor with DS#2, and I had never left DS#1 overnight. I went into his cot, where he was sleeping so peacefully, and I just stood there and cried. I cried all the way to the hospital, and right into delivery.

Once DS#2 arrived, and I fell in love straight away, I finally realised that I did have enough love for two children, and that DS#1 was going to have so much fun with his new brother.

Now I look at them and think "I wouldn't have it any other way".

Shelly (34), mumma to H (01), C (03), and M (05), and A (10).  Crunchy, co-sleeping, cloth, babywearing hippy!!
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#11 of 20 Old 02-12-2010, 12:17 AM
 
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One of my SIL's (she has four kids) was telling me before her second child was born she worried that she wouldn't have enough love for more kids. But, once the second one arrived, she realized she didn't have to take love away from the first child to give love to the second. She just had more love to spread around!

As #2 approaches, I think my concerns are more along the lines of how am I going to figure all of this out? I'm a WAHM, DS will be 3-1/2, and I'm worried about how to take care of everything I need to do. I'm also thinking later this year would be a good time to start DS in preschool. He seems developmentally ready...we just have to figure out finances. I think even 2-3 1/2 days each week would allow me a little break, let me get some of my WAHM work done, and also allow DS to develop socially and academically. Should be interesting!!

Joanna, 6 years married to DH, Mom to 3-1/2 yo DS Owen and DD Taylor, born 6/14/10 by unmedicated
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#12 of 20 Old 02-12-2010, 07:49 AM
 
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This has been a hard one for me too, though I faith that it will be okay. It's just hard to wrap my brain around having and loving two kids after having only one for five years.

Weirdo Mama to amazing Aurelia, age 9 & Ember Roslyn, age 3!
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#13 of 20 Old 02-12-2010, 08:59 AM
 
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Yes. This pregnancy has been miserable and mostly I just want it over, but the one thing that I am savoring is every last day that it's just me and my son. I can't imagine how much this baby is going to shake things up in his world and I am not sure I am ready or know how to prepare him. There have been times when I really asked myself, why did we think it would be a good idea to have another? But I know it will be fantastic in the end...just a bit emotional about it now.

Eryn, wife to Amy, Mum to Eli, b. 1/9/08 and Willow, b. 5/29/10
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#14 of 20 Old 02-12-2010, 09:20 AM
 
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Oh, although I'm absolutely in love with my 2.5-year DS (was breastfeeding till 28 months and we still share the bed) and was feeling sad at first I'm actually now very looking forward to my new baby girl; my toddler is currently giving me such a hard time that I really do want an innocent newborn that does not talk back and is not saying the word "no" constantly
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#15 of 20 Old 02-12-2010, 09:58 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Litcrit View Post
I'm actually thrilled! I can't wait to see them interact.

I see it as giving my daughter another person to pay attention to her in the long run, someone who might actually look up to her and be fascinated with her in a way we can't.

I know it might not be that way, that's just the way my hormones are affecting me to believe.
Yeah that! I admit, towards the beginning I was sad- feeling I was taking AWAY attention from my dd, but now I really do see it as ADDING more love and attention to her life (and our family!)

Mother to Elsa b. 12/06 and expecting a new one 6/10. Partner to Josh and love our two cats, Bert N Ernie.
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#16 of 20 Old 02-12-2010, 11:29 AM
 
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I am pregnant with #4 right now, but when I was pregnant with my 2nd son, I felt the exact same way. Like a pp said, I too can remember going in to watch my oldest son sleep (2 at the time) and just sob and sob and tell him I was so sorry...I felt real guilty that he wasn't going to be my baby anymore. Even with this pregnancy, which was totally unplanned, I cried at first and was sad that I was taking the "baby" status away from my daughter...irrational, but that is what pregnancy is all about...irrational thoughts and fears Another fear right now (as ridiculous and irrational as it is) is that the new baby (another girl, so we'll have 2 boys and now 2 girls) won't be as cute as my daughter and who wants to be the "ugly" sister......see, ridiculous I think it is always something!!!!
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#17 of 20 Old 02-12-2010, 11:49 AM
 
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I know DH is worried he won't love the new baby as much as he loves DD. Funny, I know I'll have more than enough love to go around, I'm just worried about how it will change my relationship with DD.

Oh, and azdaisy; I think I remember you saying you were a WAHM writer? Is that right or is my preggo brain fried? Me too! I have NO idea how I'm going to do this - and I'm freaking out because we just got our tax bill (HUGE increase) and my work has all but dried up b/c of the crapola economy.

Then I try to remind myself of all the parents who raised 10 kids in a cold water flat during the Depression. I cut out a picture of a baby born in Haiti after the earthquake and put it on the fridge to try to keep things in perspective.

*deep breaths*

Me (40) DH (49) daring DD (9) and darling DS - almost THREE! (born June 25, 2010 in an amazing, unplanned homebirth.jpg

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#18 of 20 Old 02-12-2010, 12:28 PM
 
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whozeyermamma, I actually grade adult college students' papers as a WAHM. I knew there was another WAHM mom here! I am contracted on a per class basis. So, as the due date gets closer, I have to figure out the last possible class I can accept, because I don't want to take a bunch of time off from working if I'm not actually having a baby, yet. But, I don't want to take a class too close to the due date, and end up having a baby in the middle and not be able to finish it.

Also, at one point, DH thought I would only be taking off about 2 weeks from working. Oh, My, Goodness... We had a long conversation about that, and we've been trying to save up money to cover when I need to take time off. It's tricky, though. We don't have lots of extra money as it is, so saving up "extra" money can be difficult. We're trying to go without some things now, so we don't end up being overwhelmed after baby comes.

I'm sorry to extend beyond the topic of the post...these are the things that worry me about a second child coming...that I won't be able to handle it all and we won't be able to pay our bills. Calming breaths, right??

Joanna, 6 years married to DH, Mom to 3-1/2 yo DS Owen and DD Taylor, born 6/14/10 by unmedicated
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#19 of 20 Old 02-12-2010, 12:57 PM
 
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Good for you for thinking about this now, for being aware of it and trying to articulate it. No doubt your feelings will shift around plenty, thanks to hormones and also this huge change coming in your life. But it helps to be aware and honest about your feelings.

When my DD was born, everyone was so "helpful" taking care of her 2.5yo big brother so I would have alone time with the new baby that I felt left out of a lot of activities. He would come home from these activities and run right over to the baby and be so excited about her, and was never jealous at all. But I guess *I * was, and I guess I was missing some closeness I had with him that was somehow diluted by her arrival. Now, 2 years later, it feels a bit strange to say this because we are as close and connected as can be, but at the time and for DD's whole first year, I experienced a kind of loss that I couldn't identify.

Turns out that DS's weaning (which coincided mostly with DD's arrival) was also a factor. With all the excitement of the new baby, I never gave myself time to think about the big changes in our lives as they related to me and my firstborn. We lost our nursing relationship and our bedtime routine (DH took over his bedtime and even when I did occasionally put DS to sleep he didn't want to hear the songs I'd always sung to him because he associated them with nursing and he wasn't nursing anymore.)

I love him so much that I often get tears in my eyes looking at him asleep when I check on him before I go to bed at night. So I can't believe that I ever felt distant from him, but it happened in some small way and it's over -- but it did happen.

I honestly don't think he ever felt it, but I sure did. What's so wonderful now is to see how much my kids adore each other (and they adore us, too!) There is so much love in our lives, so much love.

So anyway, be true to yourself and honor whatever comes up. It will be an evolving process, with lots of emotions -- and certainly some will be contradictory. Just be gentle with yourself, and see if you can stay in touch with what is going on for you on all levels (sometimes it's not so obvious) as you make the adjustment to having a sweet new baby in your life.

Mama to DS (7), DD (5), DD (2), #4 due 03/2013

 

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#20 of 20 Old 02-12-2010, 04:50 PM
 
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I'm getting sad. I'm afraid that DD will feel unloved with a new baby. She's still so young and I worry about how it will affect her. I AM excited to see them interact, but nervous, too.

I also LOVE it being just the three of us. I know it will be wonderful once he's here, but trying to enjoy our family of three as much as possible.
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