Major traumatic stress during second trimester - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 02-19-2010, 11:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
juleslane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 328
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am going through a very, VERY rough time right now....my head is spinning. How will this all affect my growing little girl?

My daddy passed away suddenly last Friday from a massive heart attack at only 52 yrs old. We are heartbroken. The service was yesterday, and my stomach is still in knots. I have never felt so much pain in my life.
Now, everything is changing. My mom will have to sell their home without his income. So to save HIS home and his memories here, dh and I have decided last night that we are moving in here to take over the payments and help my mom. I have 3 months left before we bring home a new baby, and in order to get us here, there is SOOOO much that needs to be done. So much. The stress is hurting so bad, and I am so afraid it's going to hurt our baby. We are currently living in a rental which is all baby ready(clean and perfect!), and now we have to hurry and help prepare this older(but bigger) home to make it livable for us. To top all that off, dh lost his job a month ago and he is still looking. talk about stress.

: and 3 dd's (5, 4, 17 mos) and anticipating Michaela Skye (after my late daddy Michael.) May 26th 2010
juleslane is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-19-2010, 12:15 PM
 
RedOakMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: A little stone house
Posts: 6,795
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
DDCC

It will be okay for you and FINE for your little girl, as long as you take care of yourself. Make yourself drink water. Make sure you sleep each night. Keep track of those essentials and it will be okay. Your job, other than taking care of yourself, is to keep your baby's growing environment healthy. At this stage, that's simple. Just make sure she has the fluid, nutrition, and physically healthy mama she needs.

My son (3 at the time) went through two brain surgeries in the second trimester of Ds3. It was very stressful. Traumatic, actually. But really...ds3 is a perfect, happy, joyful little child. The stress and pain of that time didn't affect him at all.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your father. I lost my mom when she was 57 (an accident...so sudden) and I remember the pain of those first months. It will be okay. It really will.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
RedOakMomma is offline  
Old 02-19-2010, 01:10 PM
 
slsurface's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: under a pile of shells
Posts: 2,479
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Don't worry, the pain you are feeling will not affect your daughter. Please try to find the support you need to heal, grieve, and move your household. Now is not the time to take everything on. Be sure to take care of yourself and do something good for yourself every day.

As I mentioned before, I also lost my father suddenly and I would be happy to provide some virtual support if you don't have anyone to talk to IRL. Feel free to PM me.
slsurface is offline  
Old 02-19-2010, 03:46 PM
 
SeattleRain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 965
Mentioned: 124 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 25 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by juleslane View Post
I am going through a very, VERY rough time right now....my head is spinning. How will this all affect my growing little girl?

My daddy passed away suddenly last Friday from a massive heart attack at only 52 yrs old. We are heartbroken. The service was yesterday, and my stomach is still in knots. I have never felt so much pain in my life.
Now, everything is changing. My mom will have to sell their home without his income. So to save HIS home and his memories here, dh and I have decided last night that we are moving in here to take over the payments and help my mom. I have 3 months left before we bring home a new baby, and in order to get us here, there is SOOOO much that needs to be done. So much. The stress is hurting so bad, and I am so afraid it's going to hurt our baby. We are currently living in a rental which is all baby ready(clean and perfect!), and now we have to hurry and help prepare this older(but bigger) home to make it livable for us. To top all that off, dh lost his job a month ago and he is still looking. talk about stress.
Hugs! Everything will be okay, you're not due for MONTHS! Even though it seems like June is right around the corner you have PLENTY of time to get the house in tip top shape by the time baby comes. Take care of yourself and try to outsource some of the work and stress. If you can afford it, hire people to help you move or help you clean. Ask your mom to help out watching your kids so that you can get some extra rest. Try to carve out some extra time for yourself everyday by taking a walk to clear your find.

Me + DH + Daniel (7/5/10)
SeattleRain is offline  
Old 02-19-2010, 04:41 PM
 
at_the_hip's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 913
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Baby will be fine - do your best to be gentle with yourself! Just try to take it one step at a time instead of looking at the (overwhelming) big picture. Right now, your main job is to grieve. I'm so sorry that you are facing so much stress right now, and I hope that some of the stresses (like your dh's job search) ease soon.

Cindy, loving wife of 15 years
homeschooling mama to 4 wonderful girls, and 1 boy!  praying for #6, sch, due 4/14/2013!

 

 

at_the_hip is offline  
Old 02-19-2010, 05:10 PM
 
bananabee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,680
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 58 Post(s)
Babies are tough. I've learned that from my miracle baby three times already. I also know it helps to ask for support physically and emotionally. Asking can be so difficult and humbling, but I know I love to help others, and I know they're genuine when they say they feel the same way. I'm sorry you're going through a tough time, but you're going to get through it.

Living happily and embracing adventures.
bananabee is online now  
Old 02-19-2010, 06:38 PM
 
curvyred's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 256
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I JUST had a talk about this with my midwife last week due to some recent losses in my own life. Of course I'm fuzzy on her exact words since I was probably in tears at the time, but she said that babies who experience stress in utero can show an increased ability to deal with stress later on.

You won't hurt your baby. Just only do what you can do and leave the rest. I know it's hard, but just walk away from the things you can't handle. Might be good to talk to a grief counselor as well, I'm thinking of giving that a shot myself.

Good luck to you and your family.
curvyred is offline  
Old 02-19-2010, 06:52 PM
 
starling&diesel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: West Coast, Canada
Posts: 3,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)
DDCC ... I'm so sorry to hear about your father. How devastating for you and your family.

Have you heard about or tried Rescue Remedy? My midwives said it was safe for pregnancy. It is a natural calming remedy, and is non-addictive. It also come in a Sleep Spray.
You can find it at most health food stores. It might help settle your thoughts and bring your heart back to a calmer place. And the Sleep Spray might help you settle down for a more restful night.

Again, I am so sorry for your lost.

ETA: I worried about the affects of trauma during my pregnancy due to my work as a paramedic. I had some exceptionally difficult calls while I was pregnant, and my midwives assured me that the baby was her own creature, and would be fine. And she's a mellow, happy kid, despite some of the horrific things I saw and processed while pregnant with her.

dust.gifFour-eyed tattooed fairy godmother queer, mama to my lucky star (5) and little bird (2.5). Resident storyteller at www.thestoryforest.com. Enchanting audiostories for curious kids. Come play in the forest!
starling&diesel is offline  
Old 02-19-2010, 10:26 PM
 
cyndalnronny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: spring hill, fl
Posts: 29
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry about your loss. It will be hard believe me I do i know i lost my stepbrother who i was really close to and then got pregnant right afterwards i was still grieving when i was preg with my oldest and she is very happy and healthy now. i was in a car accident when i was pregnant with my youngest and she thinks she is hercules.lol. You should just try to relax. it is hard believe me i know but try taking an hour a day and just droping everything and lay on the couch and watch some tv or grab a bowl of ice cream or something relaxing or even reading a book would help.
cyndalnronny is offline  
Old 02-21-2010, 09:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
juleslane's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 328
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you for the replies everyone.. it helps to be re-assured baby will be ok, even if I am not. I am not sure what to do with all this, my life is out of control. I know it's going to get worse before it ever gets better. I still can't believe everything is happening like this. I am waiting to wake up.

: and 3 dd's (5, 4, 17 mos) and anticipating Michaela Skye (after my late daddy Michael.) May 26th 2010
juleslane is offline  
Old 02-22-2010, 10:11 PM
 
KatieBonita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 92
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Whatever you need to break it down to.

I'm having a baby in a stressful time, and I was born in a stressful time. What affected me was not the stress while still inside - it was that it continued for so long afterwards that the maternal bonding didn't really happen until I was two. So that's what I'm concentrating on - every day, I talk to my baby. And when she's here, every day, I'll hold and cuddle her. We can survive the stress, one bit at a time.

What helps me get through is knowing that this is survival mode. I MUST sleep and eat. Anything else is a bonus. There's a lot to get done, and I do what I can. I ask others to do what they can. But at the end of the day, I HAVE to survive.
KatieBonita is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off