Shower dilemma - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 03-29-2010, 01:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So it's my second baby but DD is 6 1/2 - lots of people have said they'd love to do a shower for me, but here are my problems:

1. I just don't want to deal with my tacky inlaws, but there is no way I could have a shower and not invite them. Last time they bought DH a "care package" of canned food because I "would not be able to cook and clean for him." Uh. What about me? Why can't he cook for me? . Also - my MIL has just generally been super passive-aggressive lately and I'm just not in the mood. Plus then I have to invite DH's dad's 2nd wife and deal with all the awkwardness with my MIL.

2. Who do I invite? I'm worried that if I don't invite some people - like moms I know from DD's school, they'll feel left out or slighted, but if I DO invite casual friends, I worry they'll feel obligated.

3. I hate asking people to do things for me in general. I'm much happier as the host.

4. We really don't need that much stuff - we have tons of handme downs and I'm buying a lot of staples now while I'm still working.

5. I really want to find a way to do something special for DD as a big sister - I think she'd love a shower - opening presents, eating cake, etc. Is there another way to do something for her?

So do I just say "thanks but no thanks." Suck it up and do it anyway? Try to find some middle ground? Ugh.

Me (40) DH (49) daring DD (9) and darling DS - almost THREE! (born June 25, 2010 in an amazing, unplanned homebirth.jpg

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#2 of 6 Old 03-29-2010, 01:59 PM
 
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It sounds like you're not inclined to have a shower, and want to decline graciously. It sounds like you have what you need, and there is too much family drama if you go through with the shower. Then, there are tons of thank-you notes to write as well (on top of regular baby gifts you may receive). This pregnant is too late to deal with anything extra! Good luck with your decision!
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#3 of 6 Old 03-29-2010, 02:45 PM
 
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You and I are in the same boat. Our son just turned 7 and this is our second. My little sister had a baby last July and I threw her the mother of all showers so now she really wants to throw one for me. Even though we don't need that much I think it will still be nice to get some things and we are keeping the guest list small, only 10 people, mostly family will be invited (I have a few HAVE to invites too, don't you hate that!)

If you think the experience will be unpleasant I think you could easily decline. If I had a daughter I think I would take her on a big girls day, go do whatever sounds really fun to her, get lunch and then have her pick out something for the baby, or go to a pottery place and you could paint some things for the baby. You could make it special without having to do a shower, if that is the only reason you would do it.

Heidi, Married to my sweetheart of 13 yrs Kristopher, Mommy of 7 yr old Kairo, Expecting our sweet little girl Penelope 6/26/2010!
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#4 of 6 Old 03-29-2010, 03:24 PM
 
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can you do a friends only shower? I'm not inviting anyone from my family to mine (and my ILs live far far away ). I think it's easier to get away with that since it's my 3rd baby, and you could use the same excuse for a 2nd baby. Just have close friends, the one's who want to throw it and a few extra. Have some cake, maybe even call it a diaper party where people bring either a pack of sposies or a cloth diaper or cloth diapering supply if you're planning on cloth. Just a fun little get together, nothing big or fancy but a fun way to celebrate a new baby.

Or you could not do it, it's perfectly fine to say no if that's what you want!

mama to August May (8/06) Liberty Kiana (7/08) and Calliope Rose (6/15/10)
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#5 of 6 Old 03-29-2010, 04:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies - I think maybe I need "permission" to say no! .. I think the "big girls day" sounds like a great idea.

I should add - another reason I'm hesitating is that one friend who is dying to throw me a shower is pretty pushy. I emailed to her about my dilemma and said I just wanted something casual, like bagels and coffee and asked if she thought it was weird to have it at my house and this is what she wrote:

"Honestly, if you will give up control and let me handle snacks, beverages, invites and party favors, then you can host it at your house."



Uh. Isn't it supposed to be FOR me? Shouldn't it matter what would make me feel comfortable? Ugh.

Me (40) DH (49) daring DD (9) and darling DS - almost THREE! (born June 25, 2010 in an amazing, unplanned homebirth.jpg

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#6 of 6 Old 03-31-2010, 07:20 PM
 
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I sweetly and politely declined my sister's wishes to throw me a shower -- for my 4th baby!!! I have everything I need. Please use your time and energy to bake casseroles for my freezer that you will kindly drop off at the door with no expectations following the birth -- lol. We need support and help, not ribbons and bibs.

I loved my shower for my first. It was such an incredibly exciting time that I wanted to share with everyone. This time, we are so excited to meet the new baby, but we are also realistic about what this means for our family in general. We need help in celebrating the baby after the birth when life gets nutty.

Plus -- I hate writing endless numbers of thank-you notes whilst post-partum.
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