I just want to cancel my homebirth and go to the hospital! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 05-19-2010, 03:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I looked for a "smiley" with it face burried in its hands crying its eyes out but couldnt find one Thats just how I feel!

My poor DH is trying SO HARD to help me and he has been sooooo patient and sweet, but he just cant do everything! He works from home, which is a HUGE help, but still it is a full time job. Plus DS is 18 months and is at a very demanding age. Its a lot of fun but so exhausting. And then there is all the housework that only I feel I can do (to avoid my whites turning pink or black), and the list goes on.

My hubby is always telling me to relax and not worry about anything, but it is just not my personality to relax with a huge "to do" list and things piling up around me. I can relax only when things are smooth and the work is finished- which in this stage feels like never!

Then, there is the issue of my in-laws who live with us. This is a great help (with cooking, etc) after the baby is born, but also very stressful because they have cultural things that just annoy me. When DS was born I remember my mother in law knocking on my door at 2 in the morning in a mad panick because she heard the baby crying. It was so stressful to me that I would panick every time he would cry because I felt I needed to "quiet" him before she would wake up and act like I didnt know what I was doing. SO AGGRAVATING!

I have been SOOOO looking forward to my homebirth, but now I am getting stressed out. Instead of feeling like it will be more peaceful, I am feeling like it will be more stressful. I want to feel like it is OK for me not to do anything and not have to see things pile up around me knowing its waiting for me. Somehow the idea of pressing a button and having a nurse run to me is becoming quite appealing- knowing that everyone is there to take care of ME and nobody is there to be taken care OF.

Plus, the idea of 2 or 3 days just to spend with my baby with no in-law pressure/ feeling like they are watching me to see if I know what I am doing or not (not that they have a clue!).

The only thing keeping me from totally changing my plan is that DS needs me home. He is a total mamas boy and I would miss him like crazy!!!! That and I almost full term and dont even know where the hospital is LOL!

Oh mamas! Please help me feel better about this! Can anyone relate??

Faiza married and with , mama to DS (09.23.08) and with #2 (due in June 2010).
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#2 of 14 Old 05-19-2010, 11:28 AM
 
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Ugh... I would go *crazy* if I had to live with MIL. Any way they could go visit DH's brother or sister for a few days when baby is coming so you could at least get a breather? You could cook and freeze some meals ahead of time.

Try not to let her get to you. You are baby's mom, you know best. Not her!

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Missing DD Lily 6/17/10- 12/13/12

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#3 of 14 Old 05-19-2010, 11:43 AM
 
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DDCC...

I think if you *want* to go to the hospital, then do it... but...

Honestly all you need for a home birth is some towels and baby stuff (you know, clothes, receiving blankets, etc, which you'll have anyway, presumably) - and probably some twine or something for tying off the cord, if you want to do that. That's it... the rest is just gravy.

That said, having anyone living in my house would seriously hinder *my* birthing vibes, but that's just who I am, tbh. And really, if they're expecting you to take care of them (are they incapable, is that why they're living with you??) is NOT ideal for the first month or two after baby comes. You need to be able to rest and bond, not be worried about everyone else...

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

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#4 of 14 Old 05-19-2010, 12:46 PM
 
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Sending you big hugs! I thought about a hospital birth as this is number 5 and my youngest is 20 months so I thought I would maybe get to rest but truthfully the hospitals aren't restful. They are full of nurses and beeping and other people. I can't imagine having to deal with inlaws living with me I am dreading people even coming and visiting. Birth in itself can be overwhelming. I hope you and DH can find a plan that works for YOUR family as in you your DH and Son everyone else needs to give you space to add a new person. Wishing you all the best!

S Momma to:8:5:4:1.5 and: May 29 2010 loving wife to C:
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#5 of 14 Old 05-19-2010, 12:51 PM
 
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Hi Mama,

My two cents, do whatever you feel in your heart is best for you and your little ones... I'm pregnant with my first and began the journey with all kinds of preconceived ideas of what I would and wouldn't want. Now, almost 39 weeks in, I've learned that it's important to be fluid and allow yourself to change your mind without guilt. This is one of the most important times in your life, it's not a time for selflessness - use your intuition and do what feels right! And if today that's a hospital birth and two days later it's back to a homebirth, then fine! It's your prerogative! Good luck and best wishes!

Working mama to a wonderful baby girl. Married to a really sweet guy. Just trying to do my best.
     
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#6 of 14 Old 05-19-2010, 01:23 PM
 
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Is there any place your in-laws go visit somewhere for a few days after baby is born? They could even go to a hotel for a few days just to give your family time to bond. Are they going to at the birth? mama I feel for you, my MIL does nothing when she comes to visit. When I had ds2 and had been on bed rest for some bleeding her and her husband thought I should be the host. I hope that they can see you need space and give it to you and your new family.

mama to 4 kiddos, wife to one awesome man!  DH of 13yrs, DS 5/01,dd 5/05, DS 3/08, DS 6/10
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#7 of 14 Old 05-19-2010, 01:51 PM
 
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I can't speak to the issues with your inlaws (all I can say is YIKES!)

But I can totally relate to this:

" ... but it is just not my personality to relax with a huge "to do" list and things piling up around me. I can relax only when things are smooth and the work is finished- which in this stage feels like never!"

This is totally my personality too - if I've got dirty dishes in the sink, laundry, work things to do, deadlines piling up, etc, I find it VERY hard to relax. I can't let things go, I can't let that "to do" list pile up.

But what I'm trying to learn, little by little, is that perhaps this is part of my life lesson - part of what the universe and my child(children) are trying to teach me: That I have to let go of control sometimes.

This pregnancy I've been WAY flakier and absent-minded than with DD - it's made me nuts but every time I've realized that I just spent a half hour staring off into space - I try not to kick myself for not answering work emails or mopping my floor. My brain, my body, my baby obviously needed that down time. I have to try to listen.

Anyway ... you're not the only one - but try not to be so hard on yourself! And let us know what you decide to do about your inlaws. I second the nomination to get them out of your house for a while.

Me (40) DH (49) daring DD (9) and darling DS - almost THREE! (born June 25, 2010 in an amazing, unplanned homebirth.jpg

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#8 of 14 Old 05-19-2010, 01:59 PM
 
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DDCC

I get the same reactions when I say I'm having a hospital birth and excited about "relaxing" there. People don't understand how that can be, what with the nurses checking in every 5-6 hours at night, doctors showing up at 5am, etc. And, I do know what it's like - this is my 3rd.

But...

There are no dishes sitting in the sink waiting for me to wash.
There is no laundry piling up waiting for me to fold.
There are no floors needing vaccumed.
There are no grocery lists growing before my eyes.

So, I do understand how it will be relaxing for you. It will be you, the baby, your DH, your DS, whoever you want, and that's it.

I've never homebirthed, so I can't say what the birthing difference would be, but I can say, yes, you can "relax" in the hospital.

Once again, Chesapeake me!
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#9 of 14 Old 05-19-2010, 03:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goldfinches View Post
DDCC

I get the same reactions when I say I'm having a hospital birth and excited about "relaxing" there. People don't understand how that can be, what with the nurses checking in every 5-6 hours at night, doctors showing up at 5am, etc. And, I do know what it's like - this is my 3rd.

But...

There are no dishes sitting in the sink waiting for me to wash.
There is no laundry piling up waiting for me to fold.
There are no floors needing vaccumed.
There are no grocery lists growing before my eyes.

So, I do understand how it will be relaxing for you. It will be you, the baby, your DH, your DS, whoever you want, and that's it.

I've never homebirthed, so I can't say what the birthing difference would be, but I can say, yes, you can "relax" in the hospital.
Couldn't have said it better myself. I have to have a c-section, so don't have much choice, but my mom also lives with us, and I KNOW it would be more relaxing at a hospital!! Plus this is my 4th, so things are crazy here, and my mom is not much help. We live with her cause my dad passed and she just let the house go. So I am excited for a little relaxing at the hospital with no one to clean up after My youngest(20 mos) does need me here, but I know dh will be with her tons, and so will my mom. I will miss her TONS, but I also need a couple days to recoup and have energy for her, to be the mama she loves.

: and 3 dd's (5, 4, 17 mos) and anticipating Michaela Skye (after my late daddy Michael.) May 26th 2010
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#10 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 02:19 AM
 
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I have to agree with the pp's about the hospital being relaxing. I have dreamed of homebirthing, thinking about how lovely it would be to sleep in my own bed, not have to deal with the doctors and nurses, just having time to bond with my family, etc. Then I remember how, even though the bed is horribly uncomfortable and they like to come in and check vitals at really inopportune times, it is SO nice to be able to push a button and ask a nurse for a glass of ice water if I get thirsty while I'm nursing the baby. At home, it's begging dh or one of the kids to go get it. And at the hospital if I bleed through onto the sheets, I push the nice button and ask someone to change the sheets. I don't have to get up and strip down the king sized bed while trying to explain to dh where exactly we keep the extra sheets. Pick up the phone to order meals, share excitement with the kids and then send them to burn off their energy with Grandma...almost makes me want to check in to the hospital right now.

I can't imagine feeling relaxed enough to give birth with my in-laws in the house. And, really, (please please please don't take this the wrong way, I just know how my ds would be) if your ds is that much of a mamas boy, are you going to feel compelled to take care of him during labor? It might actually be easier for both of you if he wasn't around and you could just focus on yourself and your new baby. Just trying to offer a big of perspective.

Maybe you could go tour the hospital just to see what it's like. There wouldn't be any commitment, but it might make you feel like your options were open a bit more.

Tiffany, loving wife to Matt, Mommy to Samantha (10/99), Tevin (8/04), Cadence (6/08) and babymooning with our sweet little Lauren 6/24/10
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#11 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 02:57 PM
 
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Here's how i see it. You can go birth in a hospital and return after 3 days to all the stuff you're worrying about. Dishes will still be in the sink waiting for you, things wont have been handled the way you wanted since dh will be the one left in charge and you'll walk in the door and possibly freak out over all that will have to be done.

Or you can birth at home and see it all as it happens and make a list for dh or your in-laws to help out with. Just a list of things that you'd like to be kept up with so that as you walk around and try to birth your child you're not inhibited.

I've had both births. And there is no relaxing for me at a hospital. Nurses checking me every hour, LC's coming in and out, the constant 'no thank you' to nurses and dr's wanting to push interventions. Where as at home, if i can learn to shut off my type A personality for 2 minutes i realize that those are the moments i'm creating a 'sterile' family environment for my newborn. There are no nurses, no strangers, no people who my child doesnt know pushing their way into the only moments in it's life where it will meet its family. Nobody else can get in the way of our special family moments of becoming a family of (enter number here, for us its family of 5). That no one will be telling my other children how to handle or behave around their new sibling. And i can just sit back and forget that things aren't being done to my liking and look back and think 'wow i am blessed that dh loves me enough to be willing to do the dishes or the laundry or cook dinner, even if the food was a little dry the dishes weren't put away where they belonged and the laundry got wrinkled'.

It's not easy, but i had to learn to choose my battle. It took 3 pregnancies and births to realize this. Sure i could go to the hospital and be away from the mess and family. But in reality, i couldnt bare to steal those moments of excitement and peace from myself, my children and my newborn that we know exist with our homebirths.

Loving mom to 2energy.gif ,1jammin.gif , & 1dog2.gif . Surrodaughter 4/09
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#12 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 03:59 PM
 
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ddcc

s I actually found our hospital stay very relaxing. As a second-or-more time mom, they tend to give you a little more space. We also requested a minimum of hospital staff visitors (only essential nurse/dr. visits), and requested certain no-disturb times at night. We hardly had any interruptions, other than the ones we asked for (frozen maxi pads being delivered, food being delivered, lactation consultant etc.).

If you think you'd feel better birthing at a hospital, and you have a supportive hospital/OB nearby, go for it.

RedOak ~ Momma to DS (8) , DS (4) , DD (3) , & DD 9/10 ~
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#13 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 07:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much mamas for the understanding and support! It is nice to know that there are people who do understand and can validate my feelings.

DH and I have done a lot of talking, and I had an awesome chat with my midwife today, and I am feeling sooooo much better about my home birth.

As far as everything piling up, I figured I am going to get "caught up" and then make a daily list of things I need DH to make sure get done so that it doesnt pile up for me.

It also helped me a lot for my midwife to tell me and especially DH that she expects 2 weeks of bed rest. I know DH has no problem with this, and has been telling me this all along, but somehow it makes it ok for me when someone else tells him too

As far as the in-laws, I have decided that I am just going to tell them- they stay upstairs and I stay down unless invited. Especially at nights!!! No disturbance. I really dont want them to go somewhere else, because despite the stress I feel, I love them like crazy and I know they mean well. Plus, my mother in law is very loving and is GREAT postpartum help

so yay! I am back to loving my birth plan!!

Faiza married and with , mama to DS (09.23.08) and with #2 (due in June 2010).
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#14 of 14 Old 05-20-2010, 07:40 PM
 
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So glad you're feeling better about your decision.

Tiffany, loving wife to Matt, Mommy to Samantha (10/99), Tevin (8/04), Cadence (6/08) and babymooning with our sweet little Lauren 6/24/10
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