I guess what's hard is seeing him with all his tubes and wires. He first started off with only having an I.V with sugar water in it to help his blood sugar...now he's got an oxygen tube on his nose to help him get the air he needs. He's breathing GREAT on his own, just not getting enough oxygen flow, or somethinng like that (I'm exhausted as I write this, so I can't remember everything) and then all the monitors they have him hooked up to.
I am also having a hard time with nursing. He's been latching on strong, when he does latch, but then when I'm done up in NICU, I have to come down to my room and pump, to help bring in my milk. Well, this last time we were up there, he didn't eat at all, so we decided to let him sleep and come back to our room. I was going to pump and DF was going to take a bottle up there to feed him....well, I pumped and literally only got two drops. I'm frustrated b/c I didn't have this much of a problem at first with both my girls. I know Merrick is a preemie, but I feel like my supply isn't going to come in, which happened w/in months of having my girls. My milk supply just STOPPED. I am so determined to make breastfeeding work this time, but I am scared that I won't be able to produce for him.
I think all of this, mixed with my hormones is causing stress and anxiety. DF physically has to make me leave NICU everytime, just so we can come downstairs and pump and get rest. And I cannot leave Merrick here and go home w/o him...I will completely loose it. I have already dealt with PPD with my youngest daughter. And I'm already having a hard time dealing with this now.
Thank you for reading and listening. I don't really have anyone to talk about this that understands.
Gina: Wife to BrandonMommy to Azlea Noel 1-7-04, Valerie Raelle 9-28-05 and Merrick Lux born 5-29-10. S/m to Riley 6-27-02[/COLOR]