DH wants to take a road trip - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 05:48 AM - Thread Starter
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"Dear" husband called me at work tonight wanting to know if I would have any objection to him driving 400 miles (7 1/2 hours) away next weekend so he can do "some photography". I will be 38wk5d along. He just took a trip down there last month and I had the feeling he was going to be taking another jaunt there during his 3 week paternity leave (which starts 6/20). I was a little shocked, I said something like "well as long as there will be *someone* able to drive me to the hospital if I go into labor" (hospital 2 1/2 hours away)

I haven't had a vacation in like 6 years. If it weren't for the stupid oil spills I would tell him f*** you, DS and I are driving out to the beach next weekend.
(well, and the beach is like a 6 hour drive... prob not a good idea right now)

I'm hurt and pissed. Is this hormonal overreaction?

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Missing DD Lily 6/17/10- 12/13/12

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#2 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 09:37 AM
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Gosh, that seems a bit far to me. I didn't even like David being 2 hours away last weekend. Getting a ride to the hospital isn't so hard, but having a bit of daddy support there when you need it is what's important, right? Could you explain that to him?

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#3 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 10:40 AM
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My DH seems a little checked out in understanding the timeline we are dealing with here. Seems pretty standard amongst a lot of DHs. But doesn't make it any less frustrating.

I'd calmly tell him, "Yeah, honey, I'm not so cool with that right now. Thats pretty close to my due date and I really want you around. If we can a time that works after the baby is born, thats alright, but now, please humor me. Thanks!"

S, mama to boy M(6/07) and baby girl R(7/10). We do all the good natural family living stuff!
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#4 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 10:51 AM
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Hah!!! MY DH just commented that yours is a little nuts to want to do that NOW. You're almost 39 wks!! He said your DH might as well drop you off at the hospital before he leaves town. This is coming from my DH who's planning all sorts of summer trips. At least he thinks it's important to be around for the birth. Hmmf.

All I can say is that at least your DH called and asked if you objected. You probably should have given him a straighter answer. You could say, "You know, I've changed my mind - I could have the baby any day now, and I'd hate for you to miss it. I want you there. Please don't go."

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#5 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 12:40 PM
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I think sometimes DH's get a little loony toward the end of the pregnancy. Friday night, DH was going to see our friends on the other side of town (DS and I were sick so we stayed home. It was onlyabout 45 mins. drive away). As he was getting ready to leave, he said he'd let me know later if he'd be home that night or staying at our friends' house. He said something like, well, you're only 1 or 2 cm anyway, so I don't think anything's going to happen tonight. He said something else about, if you need me, call me, and I'll see if I can drive home (depending on how much he'd been drinking--he's not a big drinker, but we both know to be careful if drinking).

This was when I started to get nervous. I told him, "I don't care if you go, but I do need to know that if I call and need you to come home that you will be able to come home right then." I also reminded him that last time around my water broke when I was only about 1-2 cm. I guess that kind of put things in perspective for him. He ended up not drinking and he did drive home that night.

I think sometimes they kind of "forget" how close things are. (This all went down when I was 39 wk +3 days.) Also, he was only 45 mins. away. I would be sure to say something to DH as soon as possible. He's asking you, so he sounds like he's open to what you have to say about it. If he missed the birth, it's possible you could resent him for a long time for it, and he would probably feel bad about it, too.

Good luck with the conversation!

Joanna, 6 years married to DH, Mom to 3-1/2 yo DS Owen and DD Taylor, born 6/14/10 by unmedicated
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#6 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 12:48 PM
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I don't think you're overreacting. Just remind him that you're full term and ask him not to go. He is probably looking at the 40 week mark and thinking he has time.
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#7 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 01:13 PM
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I don't think you're overreacting at all, and neither does my husband. You could easily go into labor while your husband is away on his trip, and he should be there with you, and not just to drive you to the hospital. The birth of your child should take precedence over a photography trip.
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#8 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 01:59 PM
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I read this to DF.

He laughed and then asked if it was a joke.

hopefully you get this resolved.

I'm usually a very lenient soon-to-be wife, not much by way of demanding... but there is NO way I would be okay with him taking off then and he knows it.

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#9 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 02:04 PM
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Ok, I ran this by DH and he said it, "sounds like a spectacularly bad idea".
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#10 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 02:44 PM
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My dh actually asked me if he could go to his godbrother's wedding that is on the 18th, 3 days after my due date. He would fly, but it would still be at least a two day thing.
Thankfully, my prince face at him answered his question before I had to say anything.

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#11 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 04:19 PM
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For me my dh had no choice. He had to go away for 3 nights about 4 hours away when i was 38 weeks. BUT it was his job and his chain of command new i was pregnant and had an extra vehicle for him in case he had to leave.

But i didn't take it easily or kindly and was rather pissed about it all. I believe i even told him that it must be nice to get to play soldier while i gestated miserably at home. I wasn't nice AT all about it. If you have a choice and you're not comfy with it, speak up.

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#12 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 05:40 PM
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I just mentioned it to my DH and his response was "is he *@$% crazy?!". My DH had duty (working all night, wouldn't be able to leave) last Monday when I was just over 38 weeks and he was really upset about it.

I definitely would not be cool with that. My DH is an amateur photographer and loves to take photography trips, but knows wanting to do something like that and potentially missing the birth would end up with his big $$$$ lens stuffed where the sun don't shine.

Chaotic uc.jpg homeschool.gif mama to 5 plus a bonus one on the way.  stork-suprise.gif


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#13 of 14 Old 06-06-2010, 05:52 PM
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I don't think you're overreacting, I would ask him not to go. It's a long way and you're pretty far along.

Single mama to an only born November 2012.
Co-sleeping, vaxing, baby-wearing, sometimes cloth diapering, car seat safety advocate. Still nursing with no end in sight
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#14 of 14 Old 06-07-2010, 12:38 PM
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I vote no way. My DH's commute is an 1.5 hr subway ride and he's been told to work from home as much as possible starting at the end of this week, my 38th week.

I think I'd (gently) put my foot down on this one. My hormonal reaction was: OH HELL NO!

Good luck!

Me (40) DH (49) daring DD (9) and darling DS - almost THREE! (born June 25, 2010 in an amazing, unplanned homebirth.jpg

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