I'm a bit low.
DD2 had her first vaccination today. I know that's not the norm here, but we vax on schedule (and i am definitely pro-everyone-making-their-own-decision).
I was in the baby clinic waiting room before i went in, i was the ONLY person breastfeeding. Of 16 babies, amongst them one set of twins, i was the only one. So i already felt a bit uncomfortable.
We went in and got the vaxes, it was the 5-in1 and pneumococcal, so one in each thigh. DD cried (of course). I really didn't like the experience, from the POV of watching someone stick a big needle in my sweet baby, even though i do want it done and believe it's the best thing for my kids.
So i was back in the waiting room, feeling a bit fragile, and DD was screaming and so i sat down to feed her again for a bit of comfort. There were lots of other women there, but 2 in particular had come in, looking very "together" - not an ounce of fat on them, straightened hair, full make-up, designer clothes, designer strollers, and a haze of expensive scent. I had noticed them but only because one of them had a toy on the pram which DD2 has.
Anyway, DD is crying and i put her on the breast, and one of the women, who were sat directly in front of me, glanced over her shoulder and saw i was feeding, then turned to her friend and started making really loud conversation about how she had stopped BFing because it was doing her head in and how her life was a million times better since she moved to bottles and how her baby was thriving so much more on formula and just on and on about it. I had not said anything to her or even made eye contact. Her friend seemed a bit taken aback and was like "yeah, i know you already told me" but she kept right on, how she'd gotten her life back and how anyone could see how much happier and healthier her daughter was now and then (bizarrely) how it was a big responsibility feeding formula because when she was on holiday (she then described the holiday, 4 weeks touring mainland Europe, which isn't SO exotic since we're in the UK, but pretty expensive sounding!) she had to use her iPhone to find out what they marketed her brand as in Italy, Spain, France, Germany and it's lucky she could do that, and not everyone would think to and blah blah blah.
I felt totally outnumbered and weird. I felt almost embarrassed - her reaction was if *I* had challenged her on feeding, when i hadn't said or done anything or even looked at her, but i still felt as if i'd been torn to pieces for something i'd done or said. Other people were glancing at me and then them so it must have been fairly obvious that there was tension there, i did NOT know what to do. In the end i sat there in silence until DD was almost asleep, then put her into the wrap and left.
I had big feeding problems with DD1, and things are going much better this time, and i've been feeling really proud if that, but compared to those ladies i just felt like a fat, poor, dishevelled frump.
The worst thing is that if i hadn't been feeling fragile after watching someone stick needles in my baby i would have thought of something witty or apt to respond with. As it was i felt attacked and judged and powerless and sad. I do think really that lady was feeling insecure about her choice, to go to that length espousing it, and i'm sorry for her if that's the case, but i really felt beat-up afterwards.