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Would you let him go!?

876 views 24 replies 19 participants last post by  Childbirth_Fanatic 
#1 ·
Ill try to make this short:

Every year my husband goes to the Boundary Waters with his father and his fathers friends. They always go the first Wednesday AFTER the 4th of july. This year, that falls on July 7th. I am due July 8th.

I had expressed that I didnt want him to go at all this year. Thinking he would at least agree because um...I am giving birth to his 2nd kid. He said "I have never missed a year in 7yrs...I can't just not go"... I said then, that he can go LATER but I need to be comfortable with when he goes.

Last night we went to dinner with his parents and they started talking about the trip. I said I wasnt comfortable with him leaving so close to my due date. His dad said "Okay, we could go the 16th or the last wednesday in July?" We fucking A, what if I go two weeks over due? Or even a week? Chris is going to leave his newborn, his 3yo and his wife who JUST gave birth to go eff around? He keeps justifying..."Im technically gone for 2 days cuz youll see me part of Wendesday and sunday" Oh GOODIE! No, he leaves Wednesday-Sunday. That is 5 full days in my book. I am not comfortable with that. Its not that I wont have help (my mom would be MORE than happy to help me out), its not that I would be sore, its not that I would be tired...its that I want my HUSBAND there for me. No one else will do. It is complete and selfish bull shit on his part.

I told him two minutes ago that if he wants to go, he needs to tell his dad that they need to make it to August. That is not too much to ask. If I dont give birth on time, it will be ok and Ill STILL have a few weeks to get use to things. ITs not that I dont want him to go, but I just dont want him to go till at least a few weeks after this baby gets here.

I compared it to having him need major surgery. What if he had major surgery and I left him alone to fend for himself...even if his parents could help him, how would he feel if his WIFE left him because she had a trip? What if he had a surgery on his penis or ass and I left and he had his parents come and help him wipe his ass? Would he love that? Eff.
 
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#4 ·
I don't think I'd be comfortable with that either..............as you've said, I'm not sure why it can't be flexible and moved to Aug. or June. You aren't being unreasonable (IMO).....you want him to stay home because you are giving birth, not because you have a hang nail. It's awesome that you will have help from your mom but to me it's just not the same. I was home at Christmas while I was really sick and my family just wasn't as helpful as dh.

How far away is where he's going from you?
 
#5 ·
He will be going 4 hours away. So its not like if something happened, he could come right home. Also, he wont really be accessible. Since he will be out in the 'wilderness'.

I just remember the hell it was the first couple weeks after my first (we had some trauma). I didnt want to see anyone but my husband and my daughter.
 
#8 ·
Given the circumstances... I would give him 1 option and that would be June... I went way overdue with my 1st so I'm assuming I'll make it to 40 weeks with this one- not sure about your situation or if that can even be an accurate way of thinking about it. Either way.. they can make plans all they want but if you go into labor when he is suppose to leave, the trip is OFF.
 
#10 ·
I'm with you, I wouldn't be cool with this, at all. Although I have no idea what boundary waters are/is?


I agree too that he needs to be there with your DD, he needs to just go way earlier, I wouldn't think later would be a good idea! I'm sure it's hard to give up that special time for him but still!

It could be worse, ahem, someone I know...had twins. After the c-section he went to work, then stayed home to play video games while we all helped her at the hospital!
 
#12 ·
In a word, no.
DH and I never stop each other from doing things independently but this wouldn't be acceptable.
It's not like it's a once in a lifetime thing like a best friend's wedding or something.
You need him. His family comes first. End of story.
 
#16 ·
No way would I let my husband go. I would be ok with early June, and that would be it. My Dr. doesn't want me to travel more than an hour away from my city(around that time), so why should my husband? If you ask me, we're on the same restrictions, as far as traveling is concerned.

I just can't believe he's using "family tradition" as an excuse, as being there for the birth of your child would also be considered a tradition for a father...he needs to get his crap together and realize his family with you comes before a trip with his father. Besides, a goodhearted story later on to tell his second child could easily be "there was only one year I missed a trip to blah blah blah, and that was because you were born..." He really does need to get over himself and realize it's not a good time.
 
#17 ·
sorry DH and his family, you're not going to win this one! There is NO WAY I would be ok with this. DH and I tend to be pretty cool about each other doing things apart from each other, but this is a whole different situation. You need him home to help out, if you are still pregnant or if you have had the baby. It's non negotiable as far as I can see it.
 
#18 ·
I am shocked he finds this ok??! Is he going out in ely or through grand marais? I used to work up the Gunflint trail at a resort and you are putting it MILDLY when you say he will not be "easily" reached. He will literally be UNABLE to be reached. There is NO cell phone reception unless you drive 45 min back down the trail. Like ladies literally there is not a single RADIO STATION in this area!!! You cannot get ANY tv on rabbit ears. Once he is out in his canoe the only way he can be reached is if someone else in a canoe came out after him to retrive him...no motor vehicles are allowed into this area, like even when there were forest fires consuming the area because there are no roads/waterways to get around! He will literally be out of touch for the entire time.
I would say june for sure anyways! He has a way better chance to see the northern lights in june then july plus all of the moose calfs are out and running around and the mama loons will have just had thier tiny babies, baby deers are running around then as well. All the wildflowers are newly in bloom and the waterfalls are BEAUTIFUL. If he has never been in early june he really is missing out it is such a different experience then in july. If he is a fisherman the best fishing is in june NOT july, the fishing tends to get worse the further into summer you go. Plus the mosquitos don't usually get bad until the end of june-beginning of august.
Besides all that I totally understand your upsetedness (is that a word?!). My bil planned his wedding knowingly 13 days after my due date...and then wanted dh to be there. IT SUCKED! We were in mn at the time and had to go to NOVA SCOTIA!!! I will NOT be playing that game again this time let me tell you! He needs to buck up and accept responsiblity. You are his family and he needs to decide what is more important taking this trip on that exact date or being there to be a supportive loving husband! Egads men are dense sometimes...I swear my dh has beans for brains most days.
 
#19 ·
In a word: No.

Not a chance.

That is truly ridiculous. This family trip he goes comes up every year, and the birth of his child is a one-time event. There is no comparison.

I'd think May or possibly early June, but no later. Does his father think this is reasonable? I can't imagine anyone advising him that this would be ok.
 
#21 ·
Oh Hell NO!!!!


But it would never be an issue here. He'd be the first to announce that the trip was canceled, and probably for the whole year. I could see how a first time father might not understand the significance of being there for the time around the birth...but it's not his first. I'm sorry you have to even entertain the idea of him being away around your due date. That's not fair mama, I'm sorry.

What did he say when you brought up penis/bum surgery and you leaving him with his mom to help him out?
 
#22 ·
No.

So he hasn't missed a trip in 7 years, so chances are he will go next year too, but the birth of a baby happens once and he's willing to miss that? To miss those first few days of the babies life? Even if he did put it off and make plans that something should not go to plan and you need him home? Even if he went in June I still wouldn't like it honestly. To many "what ifs." I'd show my crazy side on this one.
 
#23 ·
Not in your DDC, and honestly I clicked on this thread because the language of one partner "letting" another partner gets under my skin.


but dude! You DH is not showing any common sense what so ever. I'd be reminding him that women are given 6 weeks disability pay after they have vaginal delivery for a reason. They need the recovery time! And like a previous poster said, there will be another trip next year. so what he hasn't missed a trip in 7 years. He wasn't a parent for 4 of those years. And I'm guessing when you had your first the timing was better suited for him to be out of town.
 
#24 ·
Yeah, his father said "well we could move it to later July". His father is an inconsiderate ass. His dad is also the type that really, nothing gets in the way of a man's trip.

Anyway, I just had a breakdown...over a few things not just this isolated incident. He isnt going to go. He didnt understand why I was so upset since its in July...but his dad clearly wants to start planning it this spring. I was upset because I dont want him going.

He isn't completley happy. He will get over it. And hopefully, he will realize that my feelings are more important. I swear, this is the first time he has been this selfish. Honestly.
 
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