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#1 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 12:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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A friend of mine just had her first baby. She was feeling really overwhealmed by some things that people just never tell you about when you are having a baby. I thought I'd start this thread so that we can all share and learn from one another about all the surprising and overwhealming things that happen when you give birth, or bring home a baby. This is in hopes to decrease the anxiety and overwhealming feeling mamas, especially first time mamas, can be slammed into when they enter mother hood.

here are some of my discoveries:

1. Laundry increases 10 fold!
2. The love I felt for my baby was almost paralyzing. I truly did not think I could ever need to leave our bed. Then, I wanted to go out and show her the world!
3. I needed help to get my legs into my underwear and pants for the first week.
4. I panicked if I needed to pee and my peri bottle was out of reach or empty. For the first week anyways.
5. The first postpartum poo, for me not baby, was exceptionally traumatizing. Until I actually realized that it all still worked just fine.
6. TMI ahead...I was no where near ready for intercourse at 6 weeks pp. Physically impossible, but also psychologically I had to get over the fact that my vagina was designed to let someone out. Just as it had been hard to imagine someone coming out of there, it had now become really hard to feel like it was natural to let someone in the out door...tmi
7. Breastfeeding, although I've been doing it now for over 2 years and have never had any complication whatsoever, is hard work. It's like a full work day, every day. You give probably at least 8 hours/day+night, it's just broken up between doing other things.
8. In the year that I was pregnant->postpartum, I really struggled with my wardrobe. I gained 60 pounds in pregnancy and needed maternity clothes, then I was overweight and not pregnant so needed clothes in a bigger size and then I lost all the weight but my proportions were very different from my pre-pregnancy body. So I needed some different clothes again. Not to mention clothes that helped me breastfeed. And just when I got back into a 'normal' clothes routine, I became pregnant again.
9. My dog went into protective overdrive and we needed to put her in dog training because we somehow gave her the impression it was her job to protect the baby, so says the trainer.
10. I was/am so all consumed with love for my baby that I gave up a life long love, my career, to be a sahm. Something I never before understood how someone could be happy to do. Having a baby changed me.


Anyone else want to share?

SAHM to DD 03/08 & DD 06/10 made with love with my DP
 
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#2 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 12:40 PM
 
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There can be lots of pooping and/or peeing (by mama) during labor & delivery. But it's all ok.
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#3 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 12:57 PM
 
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Hmmm, I think mamakaikai said all of it for me. I wanted to add that I was seriously traumatized by how much my dd could and would poop in that first month. Breastfed babies have way looser stools and every diaper is a poopy diaper. But sometimes she seemed to just poop and poop and poop and . . . it was occasionally a real mess. She would even projectile poop and got me in the face once. I did take her to the ped as I was totally certain that this could not ever in a million years be normal, but he assured me that it really was.

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#4 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 01:30 PM
 
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With my first, I was not prepared for all the pp bleeding. Granted not everyone bleeds for the same amount of time but that was a long 7 weeks for me and my area was chapped from pads... I will be using cloth this time around!

A wife to A, unschoolen mom to C (7), T (3) & little A (9 months).
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#5 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 01:56 PM
 
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Afterpains (only a problem after 2nd or later babies) are worse than labor. And there IS no epidural for those.

Loads of blessings, and learning on the job.
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#6 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 01:58 PM
 
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I was surprised by how much blood there was. I remember getting up after my son was born and being helped to the bathroom and when I turned to look at my bed it was covered in bloood and I was like, Oh my. I was also surprised about how much bleeding there was post partum. But oh, my biggest surprise after I had my first was how pregnant you still look ! And it was all mushy and I was just like, oh my god!!!!!!
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#7 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 03:11 PM
 
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It's not as bad as everybody tells you it's going to be --> mostly for the labor/birth but also for everything else. Our bodies are made to do this and if we trust them, they will not let us down!

Don't let anybody tell you the baby needs to be on a feeding schedule--that is the biggest hogwash I bought as a first time mom, and I think it really had a negative long-term effect on her self-feeding instincts.

Do not plan on sleeping through the night for the next year. Sorry! Maybe your baby will settle down at a few months of age and give you a good night's rest, but do not count on it or you will most likely be let down. That way if you do sleep, count yourself lucky, but just prepare yourself for a reality of broken sleep for at least a year.

You will be THIRSTY!! Drink drink drink drink.

Hmmm, that's all I can think of right now.

Great idea for a thread!

Happy and in love with my family!
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#8 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 03:22 PM
 
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Afterpains (only a problem after 2nd or later babies) are worse than labor. And there IS no epidural for those.
soz ddcc but i have to agree with this statement omg, i did get after pains with my 1st but they were just like strong period pains but with my 2nd they were like labour only worse and 3rd and 4th made the labour seem like nothing i had to breathe through and even made jokingly said my mw "can i go to the hospital and have that epidural now"

sorry hope i haven't scared anyone.

Becky, sahm to angel.gif25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 angel.gif24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008

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#9 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 03:26 PM
 
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No one told me that I would bleed after a c/section.

I bled as much as I did with a natural delivery and felt super upset no one warned me.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#10 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 03:27 PM
 
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baby girls have a little bit of blood/menstruation come out of their yonis sometimes. totally normal, but so strange!
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#11 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 03:31 PM
 
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also, newborns genitals are very swollen after birth. I had to double check that my DD2 was indeed a girl!
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#12 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 03:54 PM
 
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Baby boys can have terracotta colored urine crystals in their urine for the first day or so.
You will sweat like a racehorse for the first few nights after birth.

DH&Me  Christ follower, homeschooler, gardener, (insert lots of additional crunchiness here) chicken mama, & occasionally blogger. intactlact.gifMama of  boys 9,7,3.5,&11months....& SURPRISE jaw2.gif  expecting a BOY in November!  7 sweet-babes gone too soon.

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#13 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 04:03 PM
 
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oh yes the sweat!! awful!
and yes, the afterpains.. I did get warned this time (4th) that they'd be "wicked" and it was the perfect word to describe them.

I wish someone warned me about the feeling like you will explode (literally) as the baby's head comes out, even if only for a second.

Helping women overcome postpartum depression and birth trauma. http://www.postmommyhood.com

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#14 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 04:17 PM
 
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Subscribing

Paula, mama to DS M (7/2010) sleepytime.gif and Watson (1998) dog2.gif and welcoming baby Penny (8/1/2013) babyf.gif

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#15 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 04:20 PM
 
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Ok I might be the odd one out but when they first handed me my son, I was so excited but I didn't feel that immediate bond or intense love a lot of people talk about. I suffered PPD too and there was really no help offered to me- talk to someone about it if it happens and don't be afraid to say anything.

My DS had GERD and I WORE puke 90% of the day.

The new burp clothes called burp catchers may sound gross but apparently I wasn't the only one with that problem since it was invented.

I had exactly 6-7 minutes to put him in the bouncer so I could take a quick shower (start to finish including getting dressed) before he would cry- that is all the "me" time I got for the first few months.

Don't think a healthy baby won't wake up to eat.

Your breasts will leak and leak and leak... and I felt like a cow and slave to my home

I was not afraid to lay him on his tummy

Don't be afraid to keep it loud in the house. Talk at normal levels, let the phone ring, have a radio or something on- I think it prepared DS to sleep through doorbells, dogs barking and lawnmowers.

People don't care if the baby is only 6 weeks old, they will come up and touch him in the store- be prepared to guard them!

You learn to do everything with one hand because the other is always holding the baby (mine HATED the sling).

DS would scream louder and louder the faster the swing went- all the baby gadgets don't work for every baby.

You will get peed and pooped on many times


Now, that being said, I LOVE my son and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. I'd also do it all over in a heartbeat. Thinking back, I laugh at what happened to us when he was a newborn and it is comical now. Back then, I was not amused. Try to enjoy every second you get with them because it goes SO fast.
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#16 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 05:04 PM
 
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Can someone say more about these afterpains? Like when after? During placenta delivery? Or later? Why?
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#17 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 06:30 PM
 
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Can someone say more about these afterpains? Like when after? During placenta delivery? Or later? Why?
starts after birth and can last anywhere from hours to days after delivery. Usually during breastfeeding. I am not sure why it happens. And I was warned before having my 2nd but I did not have a problem with it, I think the mass quantities of RRL tea helped a lot with this

Tracy, Wifey to Jeff . Mama to Maya-Papaya 7/04 and Carolina Bean-a 5/07 and Jack 7/4/10!!
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#18 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 06:43 PM
 
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starts after birth and can last anywhere from hours to days after delivery. Usually during breastfeeding. I am not sure why it happens. And I was warned before having my 2nd but I did not have a problem with it, I think the mass quantities of RRL tea helped a lot with this
I was told in my childbirth class that it is your body clamping your uterus back down to size. The reason it is worse with your second, third, etc.... is that since it is more stretched out with each subsequent pregnancy your uterus has to clamp down harder to shrink back to where it needs to be.

Mommy to sweet baby Rhys born 7/15
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#19 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 07:02 PM
 
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breastfeeding does not always "just happen" or seem "completely natural". My whole life people told me this, but it wasn't that way for me. My ds had many structural problems with his mouth that caused him to have a bad latch. No one figured this out until he was two years old. Everyone just told me I must have low supply.

Research like crazy and learn as much about breastfeeding as possible before your baby arrives! I just assumed it would all work on its own, and when it didn't, I was devastated. Tap into every resource available in your community! I was embarrassed and felt inadequate, so I didn't seek help from many people who could have made a big difference.

Enjoying life with DH since 05/04 and our two boys Oliver 02/07 and Theodore 07/10 
        
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#20 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 07:39 PM
 
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I didn't get after pains with either of my births. Not everyone gets em.

Another thing I wanted to say is be prepared for the baby to want to "be on you" () for at least 6 months. I know I thought, attachment parenting is a great way to bring up my baby, but the baby wants it from the beginning. When they are little you can put them down more, I think (without crying, because they *sleep all the time*) than when they get a couple months old.

you will be surprised by the feeling of having a lot of time on your hands and really want to do things after the baby is born. Because as I said before, they sleep *all the time*, pretty much. You get less and less and less time to yourself as they get older.
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#21 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 08:45 PM
 
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Only thing I can think of that hasn't been mentioned is that baby boys get erections, too. Yes, it is a bit disturbing the first time you see it, but it's normal.

DS 8/4/04 "You're my best mommy in the deep blue sea!"
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#22 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 09:07 PM
 
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ddcc from june but with my first I remember being seriously po'ed nobody told me how much it would hurt to walk,sit or move..I remember crawling up the stairs to pee because my whole down below area just HURT

"I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."- Kurt Cobain
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#23 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 09:08 PM
 
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DDC Nobody ever told me that not all mom's feel huge amounts of love the first time they hold the baby. I was more like -- what now? The love I feel for DD took several months to develop, and grows stronger as her personality develops.

CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
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#24 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 09:33 PM
 
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8. In the year that I was pregnant->postpartum, I really struggled with my wardrobe. I gained 60 pounds in pregnancy and needed maternity clothes, then I was overweight and not pregnant so needed clothes in a bigger size and then I lost all the weight but my proportions were very different from my pre-pregnancy body. So I needed some different clothes again. Not to mention clothes that helped me breastfeed.

That was totally me too, and it was hard on me in a lot of ways.

My dd is 5 and I hardly remember anything about her infancy! I feel terrible about it, but I know it's not just me. So really that's the only other thing I can say. I never thought I would forget so much! Okay so I guess that's more 'later on', but still... related.

I do remember that I figured I'd cry and be full of emotion after dd came out and I got to hold her, but things were so all over the place that it didn't really come to me right away. I think if the birth had been different and I wasn't in a hospital and she wasn't taken from me right away to be suctioned (meconium) I would have been much more likely to feel that way. But I know all kinds of reactions are normal!

Weirdo Mama to amazing Aurelia, age 9 & Ember Roslyn, age 3!
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#25 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 09:37 PM
 
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For those who are planning to have more kids: enjoy every moment and when you have another child, don't expect one pg/birth/child to be like the one before. When I had my 1st I totally had that rush of love when she was put in my arms, the 2nd not at all. Just a small example.
We like to think as parents that what we do has this profound impact on who/what our children become, but from what I have seen there is a lot already programmed in when they are born. Learn to work with their personality, not against it.
About the afterpains, the only time I had them is each time I put baby to breast. And that's because breastfeeding/nipple stimulation encourages the uterus to contract. Which is a good thing. But can be very painful. But the pain usually only lasted for a few minutes at the beginning of each feeding, so managable, but not too exciting. I never had them with 1st baby tho. I don't think it was until #4 that the after pains got comparable/worse than labor. This time around ought to be real fun, babies 7 and 8, all that extra stretching from two of them.
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#26 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 10:08 PM
 
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No one ever told me:

how hungry I would be after giving birth! Seriously, I could have eaten three meals

that you can have "too much milk," i.e., too rapid a letdown

that newborns poop ALL THE TIME

or that a peri bottle will be your new best friend--at least for the first week or two!

Wife to a wonderful dh and mom to four beautiful kiddos, dd (3/04):, ds1 (1/06), ds2 (10/08), and ds3 (7/10)
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#27 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 10:51 PM
 
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For those who are planning to have more kids: enjoy every moment and when you have another child, don't expect one pg/birth/child to be like the one before. When I had my 1st I totally had that rush of love when she was put in my arms, the 2nd not at all. Just a small example.
We like to think as parents that what we do has this profound impact on who/what our children become, but from what I have seen there is a lot already programmed in when they are born. Learn to work with their personality, not against it. About the afterpains, the only time I had them is each time I put baby to breast. And that's because breastfeeding/nipple stimulation encourages the uterus to contract. Which is a good thing. But can be very painful. But the pain usually only lasted for a few minutes at the beginning of each feeding, so managable, but not too exciting. I never had them with 1st baby tho. I don't think it was until #4 that the after pains got comparable/worse than labor. This time around ought to be real fun, babies 7 and 8, all that extra stretching from two of them.
I love this and think it's awesome advice. Personality plays such a key role in how things are going to go and how your baby is going to react to the world. I hadn't even considered this when I had DD so when I ended up with a very "spirited" baby who did a lot of screaming, I thought it was something I was doing wrong and we had such a hard first couple months. It seems like common sense, there are so many different personlity types out there......seems obvious it would apply to babies as well. Once I realized how to work with her personality we had a much easier time. I know my DD can't sleep through loud noises until she's in a deep sleep, there's no way around it, she needs quiet. I realize I am the exact same way, I have a hard time settling to sleep and I hear EVERYTHING! Dh is the opposite and can sleep anywhere or anytime..........totally different personalities.

Okay.......I'm rambling, this is a great thread, I'm reading a lot of things I wished I'd known the first time around.

Lana: Mama to Mya Oct/2007 and Ainsley July/2010
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#28 of 53 Old 05-28-2010, 11:47 PM
 
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Only thing I can think of that hasn't been mentioned is that baby boys get erections, too. Yes, it is a bit disturbing the first time you see it, but it's normal.
I was shocked when I changed DS diaper for the first time and there it was! I think I blushed and covered it up for a minute... I remember thinking I am supposed to clean it, like that?!? Erections also meant a pee was soon to come, cover the pee shooter up!

Ok, you all got me a little freaked about the after pains. I didn't have them with my 2 previous births now I wonder if I they have it in for me this time.

Oh and here is advice I give all new moms that has helped me tons. When in doubt (poo diaper/mess) go to the bath tub. That way you have access to water, soap, an area that cleans easily and you can set the messy clothes diaper in the sink and or other end of tub. I don't know how many drippy blow outs DS had with sposies that I was yelling (not in a mean way ) for DH to go to the tub... saves on so much laundry of blankets and spot cleaning the carpet!

A wife to A, unschoolen mom to C (7), T (3) & little A (9 months).
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#29 of 53 Old 05-29-2010, 02:05 AM
 
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DDCC -

I was the first person I knew to breastfeed. I had NO clue what to expect.

The leaking? Wow.
The let-down? Wow.

The fact that 5 years after my daughter was born I still cringe when I hear a baby crying, bracing for let down? Yeah.

It didnt hurt so much, but I wouldn't call it a pleasant feeling. Kind of like a burning or stinging that does not last long. From what im told most women dont get it that bad, but I certainly did (did breast size play a role? Im huge-breasted)

People told me but I didnt believe that you will cry every time you realize the baby is getting bigger and not such a tiny baby anymore. It was true.

I also did not bond with DS the very moment he was put in my arms. I think i was in too much shock for what I just went through lol... DD I bonded instantly and could not stop saying Shes so pretty! Shes so pretty! I think I said it 20 times between when they took her to measure her/get her footprint and when I got to hold her again.

Afterpains were worse with her than him. Thanks for reminding me they will probably be worse yet this time! LOL

Peri bottle became my best friend long after my stitches were gone. Hemorrhoids react well to some very warm water from a peri. Of course... sitz baths work better.

but the #1 thing that NO one told me... but once I experienced it every mom replied, oh yeah me too!...

phantom kicks. to this day I STILL get them, and Im 24 weeks along! but I get some up near my ribs and shes not quite that high up yet. Sometimes they can be so strong (when not pregnant) that it stops me dead in my tracks and I have to remind myself Im not pregnant! (As far as I know there is no scientific explanation for this, but my doctor... who experiences them herself, believes that it is your muscle reacting to the trauma of having been stretched out)

Artist, photographer, stay-at-home-mom and Marine wife. Mom to 4; a boy and three little girls.
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#30 of 53 Old 05-29-2010, 02:44 AM
 
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