The one thing I wish my partner could understand fully... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 12:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Do you bite your tongue from saying..." Honey,you are supportive enough I suppose, but if you could just experience 'X' for 5 minutes, you would kiss the ground I walk on!!"

What is one aspect of pregnancy you wish your partner could experience for just 5 minutes so they could understand (and appreciate) you better?

DH&Me  Christ follower, homeschooler, gardener, (insert lots of additional crunchiness here) chicken mama, & occasionally blogger. intactlact.gifMama of  boys 9,7,3.5,&11months....& SURPRISE jaw2.gif  expecting a BOY in November!  7 sweet-babes gone too soon.

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#2 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 12:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My hubby is very supportive...but sometimes I think he just dosen't understand that I am in sooooo much pain all the time.
The whole every joint from my sternum down HURTING all the time and sometimes making it all but impossible to move is what I would love for him to get a brief glimpse of. Not even 5 minutes, just one or two would do!!

DH&Me  Christ follower, homeschooler, gardener, (insert lots of additional crunchiness here) chicken mama, & occasionally blogger. intactlact.gifMama of  boys 9,7,3.5,&11months....& SURPRISE jaw2.gif  expecting a BOY in November!  7 sweet-babes gone too soon.

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#3 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 12:19 PM
 
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My dh has been great through this pregnancy but I don't think he understands the emotional/hormonal aspect as much as I'd like him to. Other than that he's always been very understanding about the aches, pains, nausea, exhaustion, etc. He's been great about the house getting pretty messy at times and cooking dinner when I just can't and bathing the little ones since I can't bend over the tub anymore, etc. Now if I could just get the extra support/understanding/conversation I've been needing lately, I'd be a happy mama!

Sky, mama to dd 10/00, dd 3/02, ds 7/04, dd 3/07, ds 7/10, stork-girl.gif11/12 & married 11 yrs

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#4 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 12:20 PM
 
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I would like for him to experience the overwhelming need to pee 10 minutes after you have already peed because he looks at me like I am insane and doesn't understand how uncomfortable it is :-)
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#5 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 12:48 PM
 
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My husband has been very supportive--and lord knows he's been through WAY more than a textbook normal pregnancy (a 2-year recovery from brain and bodily injuries after being hit by a drunk driver)--but yeah.

For him, I wish he could experience just how difficult sex is--he can understand some of it from just trying to work around my now-ample frame, but between skin sensitivities (it's not yeast, it's not BV, it just HURTS), hips out of whack, needing to pee every 12 seconds, and getting punched from the inside, I just don't want to. (I mean, I want to, but it's REALLY not worth it.)

ProtoLawyer (the now-actual lawyer, this isn't legal advice,  please don't take legal advice from some anonymous yahoo on the Internet)
Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
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#6 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 02:30 PM
 
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all of the above!!

i have a very supportive husband too but the thing he doesn't seem to get is that i'm always pregnant when i'm pregnant...my bones are always hurting now, sex is always uncomfortable now, etc. it's not like tomorrow i'll feel "normal" and i find myself having to start anew with the complaints almost every day just as a reality check for him to know how i'm feeling!

i'd like for him to feel the actual weight and space the baby takes up and how that impedes moving/bending. i'd like for him to feel the baby moving and kicking all the time, and understand how the baby already demands my love and attention.

JENNY, 38~ preschool teacher, birth activist, sun worshiper, singer, married for 17 years and mom to

Karan 15, Fiona 12, Bodhi 10, Bjorn 6, Devon 3, and Robin Taylor born January 16th!

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#7 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 04:10 PM
 
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Yeah, mine is pretty supportive too.

I do wish he could understand how tired I am and I just can't *do* all that I normally do. The house is a mess right now and I don't see it getting clean anytime soon.

I feel really good this pregnancy(thank you Chiro!) so I don't have all the ache and pains but I am tired.

~Heather, loving my DH and DS with my whole heart. Our newest addition DD July '10
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#8 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 04:20 PM
 
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How tired and achey my legs and feet are! I come home from work where I am on my feet the whole time, and they hurt sooo bad. He doesn't ask me to help with dinner and stuff, but I feel obligated, and he doesn't understand that I'm literally dragging around on these worn-out legs.

I think if he could feel what I'm feeling, I'd be getting a full on calf and foot rub every night.

That and the sleep deprivation. He will wake up and complain about not sleeping well because I'm tossing and turning! And I just think, wow, if only you knew . . .

Happy and in love with my family!
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#9 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 04:38 PM
 
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The emotions!!

DH has been very supportive but when I complane about something hurting or feeling uncomfortable or tired, he tries to say how tired he is or how his back hurts. And then jokingly says "But you wanted this." As if my wanting another baby and wanting to be pregnant means I deserve to be tired (from dealing with a 2.5yo and being preg) and have my whole body hurt and thus is not as bad as his being tired from working 8hrs a day in an office.

Allyson ~ wife to C (1/20/07), mummy to E (1/13/08) , S (7/12/2010)
We're A C E S
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#10 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 06:31 PM
 
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I wish he wouldn't expect me to move at the same speed I did before. Getting up from the couch is hard and do you really need me to come out to the kitchen to help you with something? Tell me what you need first so I can determine if it's worth getting off the couch for it.

DS 8/4/04 "You're my best mommy in the deep blue sea!"
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#11 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 09:37 PM
 
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The tired. That I'm really not sleeping soundly - if I'm in bed for 8-9 hours, I'm only getting about 4-5 hours of sound sleep, and am spending the rest of the time tossing & turning & waking up every 1/2 hour.

That, even though I look fairly small for pregnant, I'm still 8+ months pregnant. That growing a baby is draining, and that I am still physically pretty active for a woman at this stage of pregnancy - and am quite tired as a result.

That working full time, and spending equal time with our 27-month-old DD and keeping up with household chores and working in the garden and being 8+ months pregnant means that I'm jut bone tired 4 nights out of 7, if not more.

That I'm not just being lazy when I can't get out of bed in the morning - it just hurts to move. Rest. Needed.
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#12 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 09:41 PM
 
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Mine seems to understand (as much as possible) what is going on w/me and my body. I just wish he would show it by picking up some of the slack. He rarely ever helps out. I ask for help, but he acts like it's the hugest imposition.
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#13 of 23 Old 06-16-2010, 09:49 PM
 
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I'm jut bone tired 4 nights out of 7, if not more.
Wow! Only 4 out of seven? I am in awe of you!

I would have to go with the achey hips and tired, too. DH needs more sleep than I do in general and try to be understanding but if he comes home tonight and tells me how tired he is I might kick him. He slept till almost 9 this morning AND took a nap this afternoon!

Becky- Wife to DH, Mama to "Nani" (July '08) "Coco" (July '10) and expecting one very wiggly baby boy in May 2013!

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#14 of 23 Old 06-17-2010, 01:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MummaLitt View Post
DH has been very supportive but when I complane about something hurting or feeling uncomfortable or tired, he tries to say how tired he is or how his back hurts. And then jokingly says "But you wanted this." As if my wanting another baby and wanting to be pregnant means I deserve to be tired (from dealing with a 2.5yo and being preg) and have my whole body hurt and thus is not as bad as his being tired from working 8hrs a day in an office.
Ugh! Yes!!! I just feel like pregnant women should be treated like queens, with daily massages and all!! Yes, I wanted this but it's our child I'm carrying while he goes on being entirely his normal self!

JENNY, 38~ preschool teacher, birth activist, sun worshiper, singer, married for 17 years and mom to

Karan 15, Fiona 12, Bodhi 10, Bjorn 6, Devon 3, and Robin Taylor born January 16th!

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#15 of 23 Old 06-17-2010, 05:44 AM
 
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#16 of 23 Old 06-17-2010, 09:15 AM
 
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my complaints are similar just that after all day with the kids, I am tired I wanted him to get them their water and make them dinner and the ever long list of other things that they need at the exact moment when I sit down for a bit. I want to sit on the couch and do nothing.

Tracy, Wifey to Jeff . Mama to Maya-Papaya 7/04 and Carolina Bean-a 5/07 and Jack 7/4/10!!
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#17 of 23 Old 06-17-2010, 10:48 AM
 
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Suffering from pure exhaustion and everyone wanting my 100% attention AND my personal space AND being punched/kicked from the inside WHILE being groped from the outside AND being pressured for sex when all I really need and want are a few zzzzzzz's.
And I still think he'd say "so what" after five minutes of that.

hide.gif Me 41, single mom to modifiedartist.gifdd 4/2001 and demon.gif ds 7/17/2010

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#18 of 23 Old 06-17-2010, 12:18 PM
 
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My hubby has been super awesome, too. I really wish, though, that he could just feel how much pregnancy takes over everything. I can't forget that I'm pregnant, not for a second. Not even when I'm sleeping. The baby's constant moving, I'd love for him to be able to know what that really feels like! And the hiccups!

Marja: consensual-living, unschooling, piano-teaching, doula and mom to 3 creative, independent people:
DD, 8, DS, 6, and Baby DS born July 1, 2010 Married to DH for 10 years!
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#19 of 23 Old 06-17-2010, 01:13 PM
 
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The baby's constant moving, I'd love for him to be able to know what that really feels like! And the hiccups!

Paula, mama to DS M (7/2010) sleepytime.gif and Watson (1998) dog2.gif and welcoming baby Penny (8/1/2013) babyf.gif

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#20 of 23 Old 06-17-2010, 03:12 PM
 
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I wish he could understand what it feels like to clean the bathtub when it feels like my rib is going to pop out and my hernia is tearing! I am the only one that will clean the bathroom however! I was just away with DS for 2 weeks and came back to find a disgusting ring around the tub. I had to clean it before I would dare set foot in the tub. NOT FAIR!!!
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#21 of 23 Old 06-17-2010, 06:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ProtoLawyer View Post
For him, I wish he could experience just how difficult sex is--he can understand some of it from just trying to work around my now-ample frame, but between skin sensitivities (it's not yeast, it's not BV, it just HURTS), hips out of whack, needing to pee every 12 seconds, and getting punched from the inside, I just don't want to. (I mean, I want to, but it's REALLY not worth it.)


I also wish he could understand just how much it makes me crazy to have our house as bad as it is and pitch in a little more. He does help some, but he messes up more then he picks up.

Side note - Proto, my doc told me to stop wearing underwear whenever possible (I switched to sleeping in actual boxer shorts) and to wear cotton underwear and cotton liners if I absolutely felt I needed them. Between that and using a PH balanced unscented etc soap I'm not nearly having the sensitivity issues I used to.

Loving mama to Aden (8/5/2010) and DSD (15).
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#22 of 23 Old 06-18-2010, 06:40 AM
 
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Oh, and I wish he would understand that I really can't do the dishes right now. I am at the perfect height that my belly gets in the way and I can't reach the bottom of the sink.

DS 8/4/04 "You're my best mommy in the deep blue sea!"
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#23 of 23 Old 06-19-2010, 08:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by APGoddess83 View Post
My dh has been great through this pregnancy but I don't think he understands the emotional/hormonal aspect as much as I'd like him to. Other than that he's always been very understanding about the aches, pains, nausea, exhaustion, etc. He's been great about the house getting pretty messy at times and cooking dinner when I just can't and bathing the little ones since I can't bend over the tub anymore, etc. Now if I could just get the extra support/understanding/conversation I've been needing lately, I'd be a happy mama!
DH has been really good about taking care the house. Right now he is working on my car, sooooo I feel really bad about complaining that he's not supporting me emotionally. Sigh. Right now I just need a hug.
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