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#1 of 67 Old 06-21-2010, 08:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I had 3 ultrasounds in 3 days. Finally Peri/Obs decided babies are actually losing weight and needed to come out, my placentas had, had enough.

So IPs fly out the night before, I go in at 6am, no food or drink since the previous day. So It took 2 sticks, then the nurse gave up and called the IV team and it took them an additional 5 sticks, finally IV was in... Spinal guy comes in and explains everything, then drops a bomb.. He has decided I can only have ONE person in with me. I have delivered there before with surrogacy and had my hubs, and both IPs in the OR with me, so I put up a stink and that didn't work.

So my IPs are invited to view from a room, and my dh gets his green garb on. I get wheeled in and the spinal guy says to get in position for the block and I just said "No, this isn't right, I need them to be in here, this is their birth too". So he asked me again and I said no again lol, he gave up and let my IPs in. I had a hard time getting the block in, but after that everything got numbed up super well, they inserted the catheter and then lead all the guys back in.

After some of quiet, I heard dr say "water is nice and clear". Moments later after some numb tugging, baby A, Sofia Louise came screaming into the world. I heard one of the guys say "She doesn't look that small at all". I cried because I was so nervous they would have problems.

Everyone was cooing and oohhing and ahhing over baby A, when Dr asked everyone to be quiet for a moment. A nurse came up to my IFs all of a sudden blocking their view of me and saying "Lets go into the other room and meet your daughter". They looked at Dave, Dave looked at the dr then at me and looked horrified. IPs left with baby Sofia, then I felt a little dizzy and then fine again, (My pressure dropped really low). Then the dr called for a larger foot stool, and told me to hang in there, baby b was still sideways and stuck in my ribs, she couldn't get him out, I heard her say G*D Da*nit a few times, I tried to hold my breath because I was scared, but I really couldn't breathe at all anyways, I felt like someone was standing on my chest. Then the dr asked for something, I don't know what. But it instantly felt 100 times even more heavier and harder to breathe (not like the normal pressure of a section). The tugging got quiet violent, my husband got very pale and stopped blinking, this scared the crap out of me.

All in all it only took 5 minutes but it felt like infinity. Baby B (Caden Craig) came into the world not making any noise at all, I instantly looked for the window and saw IPs looking out (glad they didn't miss it). Then my lungs felt this huge release and I could breathe again.

Baby Caden was very stuck, it was very hard to get to him, the dr was on a stool and a nurse told me she literally was up to both her elbows inside me trying to get him out. I guess it was all very dramatic. The release I felt was actually them taking out a rib spreader. No pain, just very tight and uncomfortable.

Baby Sofia was 4 pounds 2 oz 17 3/4 inches long
Baby Caden was 4 pounds 12 oz and 17 inches long

Its cute that she was smaller but longer, and man does she look smaller, those 12 oz are a big deal lol.

Both babies were breathing perfect and both scored 9/9 in apgars. I was taken to recovery. I didn't see my IPs again for a long time. I did well in recovery and was moved to my room a little while later.

I did very well until yesterday, They came in routinely to check my BP, the new nurse checked it, thumped the machine, checked it again, sounded irritated and went and got another machine, checked it, looked very shocked and ran away. She returned with another nurse, checked it and made me lay down on my left side (Not comfy). They then ran to get the on call Dr. My BP was 178/136. It was a surprise to everyone, then they checked my urine and it had a lot of protein. After some more tests I was diagnosed with pre/e, I was totally shocked, I thought you had to be pregnant to have that, and I also thought the only cure was delivery.. so how could I have it?

Turns out it happens, kinda rare, but it happens. So I got an IV full of mag and my bp was checked every 15 minutes. It went up up up.. and my dr actually stayed in the room with the nurse the whole time. Dr said " I have never seen a bp go up so fast that didn't result in a stroke", I was like "Well geez, thanks".

So BP went down, but I wasn't allowed to go home. It got high a few times today but nothing horrible so they allowed me to go home. I have 23 staples they won't take out. I guess they stapled me because they wanted to close as fast as possible so staples was the way to go.

So I am home now, on BP meds, and some pain meds, but it could be worse.

I do have some emotional issues I am dealing with in regards to my IFs, I am trying to work through them. I feel very abandoned by them. I also feel selfish for feeling that way. I am not sad about the babies, they look beautiful and I spent a bunch of time with them. They are healthy and the only problems were Sofia not passing her carseat test yesterday, so they made her spend the night in the NICU, Caden was discharged yesterday. Sofie will either be discharged today or tomorrow.


My milk has come in very well with pumping, but I have been dumping since the mag iv yesterday and today. Before the mag I had several good bottles on ice for my IPs but they sent a nurse to tell me "We appreciate everything but we have decided to use formula". Its totally up to them. I am a little sad about it though.

I really wish wet nurses were popular still. I hate my pump.

I am happy to be home. I missed home. I am happy to not be pregnant anymore and happy to be getting on to the next chapter in our lives.

I wish you all a healthy happy rest of your pregnancies and easy labor and healings, and for those who have delivered, healthy babies and recovery!


Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#2 of 67 Old 06-21-2010, 08:28 PM
 
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Glad that you and babies a doing ok! Hope you continue to heal well.

Becky- Wife to DH, Mama to "Nani" (July '08) "Coco" (July '10) and expecting one very wiggly baby boy in May 2013!

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#3 of 67 Old 06-21-2010, 08:29 PM
 
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oh my goodness mama you really went though a rough time

I am sorry that you feel abandoned, that is a really crappy way to feel after all that you have done and did up until delivery to advocate for their rights.

I hope your healing, emotionally and physically, is speedy.

Tracy, Wifey to Jeff . Mama to Maya-Papaya 7/04 and Carolina Bean-a 5/07 and Jack 7/4/10!!
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#4 of 67 Old 06-21-2010, 08:42 PM
 
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I'm glad you're back home with your family. You had such a rough time. I'm sorry that the IFs weren't more inclusive. I would feel sad and abandoned, too. You can always keep posting in here about how you feel. We're all ears, and we care about you.

Mommy to a gorgeous little miracle
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#5 of 67 Old 06-21-2010, 09:06 PM
 
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mama - so glad you came and posted your story, and so sad about the IFs. Hopefully when the newness wears off things will change some, but if not I hope you feel up to continued contribution here, your posts have been wonderfully helpful

Loving mama to Aden (8/5/2010) and DSD (15).
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#6 of 67 Old 06-21-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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Wow, mama, what a journey. Blessings on your recovery and good job growing those babies. Hugs to you and your brave husband!

JENNY, 38~ preschool teacher, birth activist, sun worshiper, singer, married for 17 years and mom to

Karan 15, Fiona 12, Bodhi 10, Bjorn 6, Devon 3, and Robin Taylor born January 16th!

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#7 of 67 Old 06-21-2010, 10:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PapayaMom View Post
I am sorry that you feel abandoned, that is a really crappy way to feel after all that you have done and did up until delivery to advocate for their rights.
This. You were very considerate of their involvement/inclusion in the birth. I get the sense that they were not checking in with you or following up with you after the birth to see that you were okay? It would have been nice for them to do so after all these months of contact and involvement in their lives, carrying their babies and their dreams.

Hmmm, it's sad about your milk. Have you given any thought to pumping and donating to others? Just wondering. I hear you on hating the pump. Some people will do wet-nursing, you just have to find the right folks..........

It's good to hear that you're glad to be home and I hope you keep healing in a steady way. It will probably take some time to process all your feelings and hey, let's face it, there's a ton of hormonal stuff happening right now postpartum as well. Is there someone IRL you can talk to about this stuff?

Take care of yourself Mama. I think it's not unusual to have a sense of loss after birthing those babies. You gave a lot of yourself.

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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#8 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 12:13 AM
 
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Welcome Sofia and Caden!
Glad to hear you are home and healing- what a tumultuous few days! It sounds like everything turned out okay though. It's too bad that the IFs were not as you wished they would be after everything... hopefully they are just going through big adjustments and emotions too, and will come around to realizing just how much you have given them and done for them! You are an amazing mama! Heal well and congratulations!!!

Me dreads.gif 32, loving him fuzmalesling.gif33, more each day. Rad boy, jog.gif 7/12/10 & Cool gal baby.gif  4/28/13

I'm a biracial, atheist, humanist, pacifist, anarchist, bibliophile, and educator. Rainbow.gifgd.gifwinner.jpgnocirc.gif

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#9 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 12:19 AM
 
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Congratulations on the birth of those little babies! I'm sorry the aftermath has been far less than ideal. I did want to let you know that you don't need to pump and dump after being on mag. sulfate - I had pre-e twice and gave my pumped milk to my babies in the NICU.

Best wishes for a quick recovery!

A, jammin.gif mama to a boy (2005) and a girl (2009)
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#10 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 01:33 AM
 
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You gave such an amazing gift to these men, and I hope that they will realize that!!! You are incredible!
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#11 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 03:19 AM
 
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Oh my, it sounds like you have a rough patch with the surgery (I thot it was supposed to be really straight forward once you were open), and then afterwards! I hope your recovery goes much smoother from here on out.
I can't imagine doing what you have done. You are so brave and strong. Maybe the IFs don't completely *get* what you have done for them, not being female??? IDK, maybe they are in shock with two babies (and the last min gender change). I am sorry you feel abandoned. I hope you feel better soon.
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#12 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 03:47 AM
 
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Wow, mama! You got put through a lot. I really hope you recover quickly from the surgery and that the issues with the IP'sget resolved soon. I just can't believe they would drop you like that without a really good reason. Time will tell, hmm? And as previous posters have mentioned, you are just amazing! Keep that one in mind.

hide.gif Me 41, single mom to modifiedartist.gifdd 4/2001 and demon.gif ds 7/17/2010

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#13 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 03:53 AM
 
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Mama - You really have given so much of yourself, emotionally and physically.
I hope you find the support and rest you need and heal quickly.

We are all here for you in your DDC

Emma - Welsh Wife to DH and Mummy to DS, Lloyd 13/08/07 and Cerys 15/07/10
Living in Russia
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#14 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 05:09 AM
 
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Oh wow. I have to say, you really sound like an incredible person with an incredible head on your shoulders. Honestly, even just reading this story amazed the crap out of me. I'm so sorry that it was not a very good experience and that you're having such a hard time with recovery, but still - you are amazing! Rest easy, mama.

Weirdo Mama to amazing Aurelia, age 9 & Ember Roslyn, age 3!
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#15 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 09:32 AM
 
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well done, mama. praying for a quick recovery and healing of your heart.

Lindsay + Trev = DD RóisÃ*n (9/07) & DS Ãamonn (7/2010)
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#16 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 09:35 AM
 
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Wow you are a very strong woman to go through all of this. I hope you feel better soon! Congratulations on growing and birthing 2 healthy babies.

Canadian mom of Myron born in Japan, March 2007. Our second son born at home, wonderful HBAC in July 2010. I am a jeweller, I love creating things!

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#17 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 09:49 AM
 
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you're amazing, beautiful and special, i hope you heal well in everyway x

heartbeat.gifmy DH DS (5) angel1.gifx2... rainbow1284.gif DD 8th oct!! 9lb 5oz  Madison Akina-Mae - i wear her, feed her, co-sleep and hold her just about every minute of the day DS is my little scientist and the most loving person i ever did meet.  I'm lucky and I know it
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#18 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 10:29 AM
 
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That was quite an experience! I'm amazed that you still have the openness to still laugh. With that type of perspective, I'm sure you'll heal quickly. No good deed goes unpunished, though, huh?

Loads of blessings, and learning on the job.
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#19 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 11:03 AM
 
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My goodness. What a ride. I'm glad you're safe, the babies are safe, and it's all over, though it sounds like it got a little scary there for a while.

As for the IFs, I'm sad for you that they aren't including you right now or at least checking on your well-being. I know that surrogacy can be emotionally complicated on both sides, and I hope that once they have time to reflect and feel confident in their place with their children that they will come around and acknowledge your incredible, irreplacable role on their road to parenthood.

Amy (34): mommy to DD1 (11/07) and DD2 (7/10), wife, wohm, and wannabe suburban homesteader.
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#20 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 11:07 AM
 
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Wow, I'm so amazed and inspired by your strength! Thank you for sharing so deeply. I'll be thinking of you often, and sending prayers for a smooth recovery in every way.

Marja: consensual-living, unschooling, piano-teaching, doula and mom to 3 creative, independent people:
DD, 8, DS, 6, and Baby DS born July 1, 2010 Married to DH for 10 years!
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#21 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 11:53 AM
 
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Thank you for sharing your story, you really did an amazing thing.

I'm sorry to hear that the IFs are not being more appreciative or inclusive.

Please take care of yourself, I hope you heal up quickly both emotionally and physically.

Paula, mama to DS M (7/2010) sleepytime.gif and Watson (1998) dog2.gif and welcoming baby Penny (8/1/2013) babyf.gif

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#22 of 67 Old 06-22-2010, 06:36 PM
 
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You are phenomenal. Lots of prayers for you to heal quickly, and i hope that when you follow up with the IF that you get the responses and closure that you deserve. Best wishes

Mom to Lizzy born May 2007 & expecting Baby#2 June/July 2010
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#23 of 67 Old 06-23-2010, 02:27 PM
 
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Oh mama I think your feelings are so appropriate and normal, and even if they weren't....they're your feelings! Hope you have lots of IRL support, what an amazing journey for you and what a gift to that family!

GOOD moms let their kids lick the beaters. GREAT moms turn off the mixer first!
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#24 of 67 Old 06-23-2010, 04:31 PM
 
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How are things today?

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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#25 of 67 Old 06-23-2010, 04:41 PM
 
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I'm so glad you are recovering well. What a scary experience it must have been to have your blood pressure spike. Congratulations on the two beautiful, healthy babies. Take good care of yourself. You are an amazing woman!

mama to dd 2x Our sweet boy is here! 7/27
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#26 of 67 Old 06-23-2010, 04:50 PM
 
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Wow, I am so glad things are better for you now. What a wild ride! I can't believe how they dumped you, too. I can't imagine not being on bended knee for anyone who carried my children and went through so much for me.

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#27 of 67 Old 06-24-2010, 05:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am doing well. recovering and up and about, I am still suppose to be in bed, but I feel pretty damn good, too good it lay around. My staples come out tomorrow.

Sofia is still in the hospital, I guess it is policy to wait until the baby weighs 5 pounds to go home. but Caden got discharged at 4 pounds 12oz, he never lost any weight though and sofie lost a little bit. She is still looking good though. Super beautiful and Caden is very handsome.

As far as my IPs go.. man has it been drama! I am amazed that a journey that went so perfectly and smoothly for the entire pregnancy has gone so oddly wrong.

I knew something was wrong on Friday, the day after I had the babies, they never came to update us on the babies or talk to us at all. I knew the babies were fine because all the nurses from the NICU told me and I was seeing them too. I could totally see them not coming by or calling/texting if there was a problem with the babies. I can't see any reason they wouldn't otherwise though. I mean we were literally 2 rooms away from each other.

When I had the bought of scary high bp and the pre/e, they were informed about it, but never checked in or anything. The next couple of days it was impossible to get ahold of them. I actually called my other ifs cell and he picked up, I have a feeling that he wouldn't have if he knew it was me. I was very honest and told him how I felt about it all and bawled my eyes out on the phone, saying how it felt that they were distancing themselves from us, he assured me that wasn't the case, they were just super busy with the babies. So i felt totally relieved and so silly, but I still had this "This is not right, not normal for IF at all" feelings. I didn't want to dwell on it at all though.

They started talking about meeting with the lawyer right away to sign papers.. I soon learned that the pre birth order they were suppose to get, never got drafted. So that was a huge shock, I got them hooked up with the lawyer and told them everything that needed to be done, it wasn't hard at all. Well it didn't get done, so when I left the hospital I was the only one on the birth certificate and that made me very uncomfortable. I was told to go home, get in bed and not get up unless I had to pee. That I should wait a couple of days before getting up even to sit on the couch, because of the BP meds and my BP still being reasonably high.

Right when I got home they were calling about the lawyer and papers, I was nice and said, yeah no problem but I need a few days to rest up, then we will get it all covered (Mind you they were not in a hurry to get this done before hand and they had time, Sofie was still there and was told maybe a week or two yet for her to come out). Never did they ask me how I was.. nothing.

The lawyer called me the very next day early saying she was stopping by in 20 minutes, I was shocked and thought that was pretty rude, I was in so much pain and vomiting a lot. So I politely asked if she could wait a day, so she agreed to wait a day.

I started asking about my compensation remainder from my IPs. One of the remainders is my section fee. I have it for a reason, so the house doesn't go to hell and so the animals are taken care of and my dh doesn't have to take time off work. Plus there was extra money owed for child care. They dodged every ? about comp. My contract states it has to be paid no later then 7 days after delivery.

I got this sinking feeling that something was up and totally fishy. I met with there lawyer and I was right. I asked her about the comp and she looked me right in the eye and said 'You are not owed anymore comp that I know of". My mouth dropped open a foot I am sure. I looked at her and said, of course I am, not only comp but my IPs owe me money for medical bills that I had paid and they agreed to pay me back for (My insurance went out halfway through the pregnancy, they had the option to pay it for us, get me different coverage or take care of the bills with cash). Its in my contract that they pay for all medical care if needed, of course they would be responsible for that?!?! When I told her the balance due to me, she told me that the little money they had given me for medical is coming out of my compensation!! I was like "the he*l it is".

So sneaky of them, last night before I went to bed, they came over to our house and had beers with my dh, saying they felt so bad I felt left out and nothing was wrong.. the same tune they played before. I didn't buy it, I could tell something was up, but I smiled and nodded and hugged.

So this whole thing is over money! That makes it hurt even more, that they feel I am not entitled to my compensation and they feel the need to let money ruin a perfectly good relationship and would just chuck away all the trust I had in them.

So the lawyer shoves the paper work in front of me and a pen. I excused myself and went into the bedroom to cry, called my dh in so we can have a meeting without her present. I called my lawyer. We went back out together and informed her that we wouldn't be signing anything today. That it has nothing to do with the babies, we do not want them, it has to do with us being betrayed and no getting what was promised and owed to us and being lied to about it all. I told her I would meet her tomorrow with my lawyer in tow. She got very pissy and left threatening some motion to file.

I then called my IF right away and explained things to him, of course he doesn't understand and thinks I am just trying to keep his babies. I have made it very clear that I have no intentions of doing that. He then was ranting that he cannot take them home until I sign and we have our day in court. I said, Listen I have no problem signing and keeping up with my end of the bargain, but you need to stand up and do what is right. You know I am owed, you agreed to all of this when we signed the contract and I am not paying for these medical bills you are. He then started a song and dance about wanting to wait until he and the babies were settled in back home before they sent out my compensation. I told him that would have been fine last Thursday, but now I do not trust that this would happen, and at very least he is paying my bedrest compensation before I signed the papers, if he needed time to pay the medical bills and reimburse me for what I have paid to be seen, then he can have a month, no big deal, and we will deal with the rest of my comp later.

So he agreed to it, sent lawyer back to my house, signed the papers she threw the check down on the table and practically ran out of the house, I picked up the check and read it.. in the subject line it says 'Final payment of surrogacy comp" UGH wth? I never agreed that this would be the final payment.

So I will have to take him to small claims court it seems, but I do plan on having my lawyer present and mention the comp when we go to court next week. So please send some prayers that I get the rest of my comp and can be done with this mess. How crazy that my journey can go so right the whole time and then just turn so bad. I would have never ever thought my IF capable of this. Its very sad. I am heartbroken, but I have to do what I have to do for my family.

So that is where we are right now. If you got this far, wow you are amazing lol. Sorry it was so long.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#28 of 67 Old 06-24-2010, 05:44 AM
 
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W.O.W. I can't f'ing BELIEVE what they are putting you through!!!! You are such an amazing woman and then to put up with . . . this?!?!?!? Nail them to the wall.

hide.gif Me 41, single mom to modifiedartist.gifdd 4/2001 and demon.gif ds 7/17/2010

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#29 of 67 Old 06-24-2010, 06:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Terrilein View Post
W.O.W. I can't f'ing BELIEVE what they are putting you through!!!! You are such an amazing woman and then to put up with . . . this?!?!?!? Nail them to the wall.



I can't believe they even have the nerve to be so ungrateful.

Amy, Army wife living in S. Korea, mama to my inverted t c/s baby 04.05.08 and my VBAC with inverted t baby 07.24.10
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#30 of 67 Old 06-24-2010, 06:08 AM
 
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OMG!!!!!!!!!! I feel so bad for you! They have no conscience! After all you have given them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emma - Welsh Wife to DH and Mummy to DS, Lloyd 13/08/07 and Cerys 15/07/10
Living in Russia
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