incessant phone calls and visitors - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 16 Old 06-27-2010, 01:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
mamakaikai's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 861
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You know you are at the end of your pregnancy when people who normally only call once a week, if that, start calling twice a day. Or dropping in to say hello and how's it going. (selfish curiosity on their part I think)

I guess it's not like this for everyone, but it is for me. And it's driving me bananas. I'm sure I'd feel sad though if no one was checking in. Just can't be pleased at this point in the game!

But really, my parents are each calling twice a day, so are the inlaws, brothers, friends....I think we'll change our phone message today to: Sorry we can't come to the phone right now, we're trying to get some peace and quiet!! NOPE still no baby. really, we'll call you when there is news to share.

And what the eff is up with people wanting to come over everyday to 'help out' ? Believe me, I do not find it helpful or relaxing to spend the entire day entertaining guests, making small talk and coffee and lunch....only to clean up after them.

Going to make my nest and squat in it now. Someone wake me up when the baby is here.

Onto you! How are you handling this kind of thing?

What are your post partum plans for visitors?


This time around, I think for postpartum we'll wait a couple of days before inviting anyone over to meet the baby. And then make a point to restrict the visit to a specified hour when people can drop by. End of story. We won't answer the phone or door outside of the specified time.

Last time, I gave birth in the evening and came home by 2am. At 9 am people started coming by to meet the baby and that lasted all day until after dinner. No one brought us food or made their visit short and sweet. Lesson learned!

SAHM to DD 03/08 & DD 06/10 made with love with my DP
 
mamakaikai is offline  
#2 of 16 Old 06-27-2010, 03:55 PM
 
somegirl99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 2,751
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We live in the middle of nowhere so not too convenient for most visitors (except for other motorcyclist friends who love riding in the area).

That would really annoy me too. I think your plan of restricting visits and calls is a good one.

Paula, mama to DS M (7/2010) sleepytime.gif and Watson (1998) dog2.gif and welcoming baby Penny (8/1/2013) babyf.gif

somegirl99 is offline  
#3 of 16 Old 06-27-2010, 04:22 PM
 
Oliver'sMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 823
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, that would drive me crazy too!

We're on the other end of the spectrum. No one is interested in this baby whatsoever except us of course. I've hardly seen any of my "friends" since I've been pregnant and no family wants to come and visit. No phone calls...nothing.

I practically begged my mom to fly out after the birth so I could have someone help with cleaning, cooking, taking care of ds, etc...but she flat out said "no, I'm really too busy...maybe I'll come out for a few days when the baby is a couple months old."

Sure, I've had people ask me how I'm doing if I happen to run into them...but that's it.

I think a happy medium between our two extremes would be lovely!

Sounds like you have a great game plan post partum.

Good luck!

Enjoying life with DH since 05/04 and our two boys Oliver 02/07 and Theodore 07/10 
        
Oliver'sMom is offline  
#4 of 16 Old 06-27-2010, 05:51 PM
 
welsh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,012
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oliver'sMom View Post
. No one is interested in this baby whatsoever except us of course. I've hardly seen any of my "friends" since I've been pregnant and no family wants to come and visit. No phone calls...nothing.

I practically begged my mom to fly out after the birth so I could have someone help with cleaning, cooking, taking care of ds, etc...but she flat out said "no, I'm really too busy...maybe I'll come out for a few days when the baby is a couple months old."
that stinks! Sorry!

mamakaikai - People can be so rude, intrusive, insensitive...argh, it's my pet peeve. Definitely restrict visiting hours. You/We need to be selfish imho.

AFM, let me say how grateful I am that the in-laws are doing the laundry and cooking my meals, entertaining DS quite a bit while I'm staying here but...

Today I had planned an afternoon just me and DS. We were going to visit an old fishing vessel in the harbour that you can tour around and a storyteller was on board. I thought a gentle walk around the marina and lunch somewhere, just the two of us....
Well we're about to leave when the in-laws pounce and basically say that I shouldn't be going anywhere on my own from this point on and MIL was coming along.
I had to tell them that there was a fine line between being supportive and controlling. Some women are still working at this stage of pregnancy and looking after more than just one toddler
I said that I know it's ony because they care but really, I feel so claustrophobic and frankly a but incapable because of their fussing.
I know, I know, I'm an ungrateful so-and-so

So DS and I went on our own and had a fabulous time! On thurs we're going on a bus trip to a farm which MIL is really freaking over!!!!!

Emma - Welsh Wife to DH and Mummy to DS, Lloyd 13/08/07 and Cerys 15/07/10
Living in Russia
welsh is offline  
#5 of 16 Old 06-27-2010, 06:44 PM
 
CoBabyMaker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: The place I've tried to leave 3 times!
Posts: 1,130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Last pregnancy I was so irritated about people even asking how I was feeling by 2o weeks that everyone was too afraid to call at the end! Nobody has even tried this time.
I would not hesitate for even a second to change your answering machine message! Do people really think that you are going to have the baby and keep it a secret?

Becky- Wife to DH, Mama to "Nani" (July '08) "Coco" (July '10) and expecting one very wiggly baby boy in May 2013!

CoBabyMaker is offline  
#6 of 16 Old 06-27-2010, 07:18 PM
 
AmyKT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: my little corner of the world
Posts: 1,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Where was I reading about this "reverse Cinderella" syndrome of pregnancy lately? It was in one of the many pregnancy or breastfeeding books lying about the house. But basically it means that before we give birth, most women are treated like a princess with people falling over themselves to help out or visit or just talk to you. And then after you have the baby, everyone is only interested in the baby and you, the mother, have to wait on them when they visit. No one cares about you and your needs anymore. It makes those first weeks that much harder.

I'm thrilled that my mother is planning to stay with us for a week or so after the baby is born, because I know that she will be there to actually pitch in and help. I'm not looking forward to my in-laws visiting, though, because they will expect just to sit and hold the baby and be entertained. Maybe they'll surprise me and help out with DD1, but I don't know. I'm hoping for the best.

Recording a "baby's not here yet!" message and restricting visitors for a week or two sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

I got lonely after my first baby was born and wanted people around all the time, but I ended up wearing myself out, so I've learned my lesson.

Amy (34): mommy to DD1 (11/07) and DD2 (7/10), wife, wohm, and wannabe suburban homesteader.
AmyKT is offline  
#7 of 16 Old 06-27-2010, 11:21 PM
 
Surfacing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: stuck between a rock and a hard place
Posts: 6,735
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyKT View Post
Where was I reading about this "reverse Cinderella" syndrome of pregnancy lately? It was in one of the many pregnancy or breastfeeding books lying about the house. But basically it means that before we give birth, most women are treated like a princess with people falling over themselves to help out or visit or just talk to you. And then after you have the baby, everyone is only interested in the baby and you, the mother, have to wait on them when they visit. No one cares about you and your needs anymore. It makes those first weeks that much harder.
Yep, that's for dang sure!!!

I think it's fair to put up some boundaries for yourself and make that message, or kindly tell the Nosey Nellies that you appreciate their interest and curiousity and caring, but it's stressing you out or whatever, and you'll let them know if/when the time comes.

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
Surfacing is offline  
#8 of 16 Old 06-27-2010, 11:23 PM
 
MeepyCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 3,676
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 18 Post(s)
DDCC

You need this site:

www.haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com
MeepyCat is online now  
#9 of 16 Old 06-28-2010, 12:00 AM
 
Love Wins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 152
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We didn't tell anyone the due date. It's pissed a lot of people off, but everyone thinks I'm due middle of July, so they aren't bugging me too much yet.

First time Mama, in love with my DH and we're in LOVE with our baby girl!!!
mdcblog5.gif
Love Wins is offline  
#10 of 16 Old 06-28-2010, 12:13 AM
 
rebeccalizzie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,541
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Honestly, caller ID is the best invention ever. I've started answering the phone when I know it's friends or family with "nope, no baby yet". I do the same thing whenever I call close family--they see my number on the caller ID and immediately think "oooh, maybe she's calling because she's in labor". So they pick up and I immediately say "nope, not in labor" and go on with the conversation. And when I'm really getting annoyed, I stop answering the phone.

The one that baffled me was my MIL...she called today while I was in church to see when I was picking up DS, who had spent the night there. Since I didn't answer the phone, she assumed I was at the hospital and was all disappointed when I called her back and told her I wasn't in labor. Seriously? Um...our three year old is at your house and this is your third grandchild, I'm pretty sure you'd be one of the first people we'd call before heading to the hospital!

I'm tired of all of it. "How are you feeling?" "Any twinges?" "any idea when you'll go into labor?" (that one is the worst, and EVERYONE seems to ask me. No, of course I have no idea when I'll go into labor, I'd tell you if I did!) I'm already so anxious, the calls (while very well meaning) just make it worse.

Mom to Liz (14) and Dillon (3) and Mitchell FINALLY born 7/11/10!
rebeccalizzie is offline  
#11 of 16 Old 06-28-2010, 08:50 AM
 
slgt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New England, in the mountains
Posts: 1,516
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I got my first "Any signs of baby yet?" Facebook post. But honestly, I just don't look 38 weeks pregnant, so most folks who see me day-to-day don't bother me with that! They ask how far along I am, and then express surprise & shock and respond with "any day now, I guess - but you look like you're 30 weeks!"

My parents do seem to call to check in more frequently, but that have been traveling a bunch, so that's not surprising.

We are struggling to fit in social visits with all of our closest friends before the baby comes - so keep ourselves busier than I really have energy for!

SomeGirl - I'm intrigued by your "middle of nowhere" in the SF Bay Area. We were only out there for a year but loved all of the "middle of nowhere" that we encountered anywhere nearby - sounds lovely. We left the area to come back East and plant ourselves in the middle of nowhere - too many dang people in the cities!

*********************************
As for after the baby is here:

Assuming everything progresses smoothly, my parents will come up sometime between 2-5 days after we come home, depending on how things are going. They'll stay for as long as we'll have them (probably about 4 days). My in-laws will come out sometime after that, probably for about the same amount of time.

Then we have a few weeks off, and then my whole family is coming up here (not staying with us!) for a family reunion. I'm excited about that - my brother & his wife are coming from Taiwan for 3 weeks!

Friends/visitors? We'll play that by ear...but probably wait a couple of days before we ok anyone coming over.
slgt is offline  
#12 of 16 Old 06-28-2010, 09:46 AM
 
tcooper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 237
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My mom calls me a few times a day - especially if I don't answer the first time she tries. We DO usually talk several times daily (we worked together up until 2 weeks ago, so we saw each other daily AND spoke on the phone at least twice and then again chatted online at night). However, now she just calls to "see how I'm feeling". I am having a homebirth and she is coming. I assure her I will call when I go into labor. She says she is just concerned and wants to know I'm doing ok. Woman. I'm having a baby. I'm not broken. It will be fine!

I have had no one just stop by and would probably tell them to keep moving if the did.

As far as visitors afterward, if someone calls and it is an ok time to stop by, that would be fine. I will not deal with droppers-by. I also do not pass my new baby around. If people don't like it, they can stay home!
tcooper is offline  
#13 of 16 Old 06-28-2010, 12:55 PM
 
somegirl99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 2,751
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by slgt View Post
SomeGirl - I'm intrigued by your "middle of nowhere" in the SF Bay Area. We were only out there for a year but loved all of the "middle of nowhere" that we encountered anywhere nearby - sounds lovely. We left the area to come back East and plant ourselves in the middle of nowhere - too many dang people in the cities!
It is a beautiful area...we are in a town of about 200 people in the middle of the redwoods in the Santa Cruz mountains. People often think that means I live in Santa Cruz, but it is an hour away (actually it takes us about an hour to get to most places in the bay area, a bit longer to Oakland/Berkeley area). It is so different from the rest of the area, I've lived in many parts of it but this is my favorite, we bought our house here a year and a half ago.

People come to our area on the weekend for hiking, biking, camping, but we get to enjoy it all the time. Although it takes a while to get anywhere, I'd rather spend the driving time going through scenic areas with no traffic than sitting in stop and go traffic on the freeway. The downside is that it is difficult to run out and get something, so we have to plan ahead. Our town has a post office and very small dry goods store, there are 2 towns each about 15 minutes away with a little bit more, the nearest supermarket is 30 minutes away.

Paula, mama to DS M (7/2010) sleepytime.gif and Watson (1998) dog2.gif and welcoming baby Penny (8/1/2013) babyf.gif

somegirl99 is offline  
#14 of 16 Old 06-29-2010, 07:20 AM
 
Terrilein's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Germany
Posts: 1,598
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I haven't had anyone call to ask if the baby is here yet . . . well, except for . . . DP. Yup! He called me from work yesterday afternoon because he seriously thought I would be going into labor after having such a rough night and not tell him.

hide.gif Me 41, single mom to modifiedartist.gifdd 4/2001 and demon.gif ds 7/17/2010

Terrilein is offline  
#15 of 16 Old 06-29-2010, 01:55 PM
 
rebeccalizzie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,541
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Terrilein View Post
I haven't had anyone call to ask if the baby is here yet . . . well, except for . . . DP. Yup! He called me from work yesterday afternoon because he seriously thought I would be going into labor after having such a rough night and not tell him.
Okay, you beat me, LOL. And I thought it was bad that my MIL thought I wouldn't call *her*!

I'm 40+1 so people are REALLY starting to pester. I changed my FB status to "nope, no baby yet, he'll come when he's ready".

Mom to Liz (14) and Dillon (3) and Mitchell FINALLY born 7/11/10!
rebeccalizzie is offline  
#16 of 16 Old 06-29-2010, 04:58 PM
 
Love Wins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 152
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by rebeccalizzie View Post
I changed my FB status to "nope, no baby yet, he'll come when he's ready".
Love this!

First time Mama, in love with my DH and we're in LOVE with our baby girl!!!
mdcblog5.gif
Love Wins is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off