I feel like ripping someone's head off! Vent..again. - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 07-07-2010, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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AM I GOING CRAZY!??!! I don't know if I am just pre-labor/pregnancy emotional but I am so mad at my SIL! I don't know if I am overreacting but I just have to vent! I am a venter I guess.

Small background, SIL lives with M/FIL and leans on the heavily to take care of her kids.

We went to an annual family 4th of July swim party. Her DD has an auditory processing problem and is DEATHLY scared of fireworks. So last year she took her home and we ended up watching her ds even though she asked MIL to watch him, she was just letting him run around the pool (he was 2) so we ended up chasing him all night which was not fun. This year she decided to leave to go out with her boyfriend. Before she left her DS was very, very sick. He was red, puffy eyes and blotchy all over, hot, coughing and lethargic. He's normally VERY energetic. He was clearly very sick, probably the flu if you ask me. So she leaves him at the party and goes with her bf...and asks us to help watch him! The poor kid is probably highly contagious and needs to go home and rest, but she leaves him with all of us, not before putting him in the pool again though where he basically turned purple and was shaking like a leaf.

I'm just so mad because this is the second time she has done this to us, I cannot!!!!!! get sick! You know how our immune systems are anyway being pregnant, I just had a tooth pulled, so fighting that and then she hands a feverish kid off to us to play with DD?! She also brought him to our house a couple of weeks ago and after he's here, playing w/dd etc, she tells us he had a fever earlier. So I got really sick about a week ago, which traveled to my husband, and now my DD seems to be coming down with something. Right when I am due! (and our hospital is SUPER strict about this stuff) I'm just so mad at her for not caring about anyone else, just wanting to have fun and even leaving him when he is sick, poor kid! There are also tons of kids at that party who may have gotten sick from him.

To top it off the next day they invite us over acting as if her son is fine, we asked them of course, nope, still has a fever! We declined and at dinner, my other SIL told me, he even vomited. My MIL keeps acting like it's no big deal, it's JUST a fever...but it's not, it's vomiting, fever, cough, lethargic behavior... What's funny is that this is the woman that BEGS me to put on socks when I walk on a cold floor, and freaks if my kids go outside without a jacket when it's slightly cool or raining!

She also took him to swim lessons in which he had a fever and shivered the entire time in the pool. I'm sure his teacher will be very happy to get sick!

I'm just so mad at the inconsiderate behavior. Now when the baby comes I have to worry about them just walking in the house all sick or something because obviously they don't care. Ugg. I just hope DD doesn't get sick and can still come to the hospital to meet her baby sis! Needless to say we are in quarantine staying away from them. Unfortunately my husband has a fever now.

Artist, teacher, wife and mommy to DSS, DD1, DD2 and surprise baby girl on the way, 7/12!

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#2 of 8 Old 07-07-2010, 04:43 PM
 
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Yeah...Totally justified.

I keep trying to find words but there really aren't any.

Sorry.

DH&Me  Christ follower, homeschooler, gardener, (insert lots of additional crunchiness here) chicken mama, & occasionally blogger. intactlact.gifMama of  boys 9,7,3.5,&11months....& SURPRISE jaw2.gif  expecting a BOY in November!  7 sweet-babes gone too soon.

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#3 of 8 Old 07-07-2010, 05:19 PM
 
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Urgh. Selfish selfish behaviour
Hope you don't get sick Mama!

Emma - Welsh Wife to DH and Mummy to DS, Lloyd 13/08/07 and Cerys 15/07/10
Living in Russia
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#4 of 8 Old 07-07-2010, 07:34 PM
 
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ohh. horrible. You have every reason to feel the way you do! I can't believe how insensitive your fam was! I hope you don't get sick.

mama to dd 2x Our sweet boy is here! 7/27
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#5 of 8 Old 07-07-2010, 09:20 PM
 
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So has anyone come right out to her and said, "We don't want you to bring your ds around when he has had a fever in the last 24 hours. Other family members have gotten sick and we're worried about household members being sick and possibly passing something to the newborn, who will have an underdeveloped immune system." ???

It seems clear to me that this woman needs to have some clear boundaries explained to her, and have those boundaries enforced, whether she likes it or not. It's not as if she's being delicate with yours or your family's feelings in the matter. Why should she have the courtesy extended?

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#6 of 8 Old 07-07-2010, 11:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for letting me vent! I feel better now!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Surfacing View Post
So has anyone come right out to her and said, "We don't want you to bring your ds around when he has had a fever in the last 24 hours. Other family members have gotten sick and we're worried about household members being sick and possibly passing something to the newborn, who will have an underdeveloped immune system." ???

It seems clear to me that this woman needs to have some clear boundaries explained to her, and have those boundaries enforced, whether she likes it or not. It's not as if she's being delicate with yours or your family's feelings in the matter. Why should she have the courtesy extended?

That is funny just because she is very difficult to confront and gets very defensive. So, nope, we haven't done that, but I hope by declining dinner at their house because of it she got the hint? Doubt it but it's worth a shot! If it was anyone else I would probably just say something but I don't think with her it's that easy.

You know, actually, the way you said it with the 24 hours might work if stated in a very sugar coated way. I think I am just going to ask her every time she wants to come over if anyone is sick. Maybe that will get through.

Artist, teacher, wife and mommy to DSS, DD1, DD2 and surprise baby girl on the way, 7/12!

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#7 of 8 Old 07-08-2010, 10:28 AM
 
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i have a pretty clueless SIL like that, and after many many many many times of trying to sugar-coat things. i just finally thought ENOUGH.

"if your child has a fever or green snot, please do us the respect of NOT coming over and/or letting us know. we can't handle an illness in the house." this is said every time one of their kids is sick. it is said to her face and very straight-fowardly. am i known as the one that's a bit paranoid about illness? yeah. does it keep them away? YUP. is it totally worth any 'reputation' i may have for being overprotective? ABSOLUTELY. our dd is sick a fraction of the times as her children.

my opinion? you gotta get over the tiptoe stuff and just say it. selfishness is a difficult perimeter to breach.

Lindsay + Trev = DD RóisÃ*n (9/07) & DS Ãamonn (7/2010)
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#8 of 8 Old 07-08-2010, 02:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leanbh View Post
i have a pretty clueless SIL like that, and after many many many many times of trying to sugar-coat things. i just finally thought ENOUGH.

"if your child has a fever or green snot, please do us the respect of NOT coming over and/or letting us know. we can't handle an illness in the house." this is said every time one of their kids is sick. it is said to her face and very straight-fowardly. am i known as the one that's a bit paranoid about illness? yeah. does it keep them away? YUP. is it totally worth any 'reputation' i may have for being overprotective? ABSOLUTELY. our dd is sick a fraction of the times as her children.

my opinion? you gotta get over the tiptoe stuff and just say it. selfishness is a difficult perimeter to breach.

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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