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How to care for 3 kids and myself postpartum?

576 views 9 replies 9 participants last post by  mataji4 
#1 ·
I need help for the next 4 days. My husband needs to work this week but will have all of next week off. My LO is 5 days old and I have 2 older kids (5 and 3yo). My mother lives 3 miles away and said she would help but.....her idea of helping was not coming for dinner last Fri night so my husband wouldn't have to cook for her too (uh bringing us dinner would've been nice...) and somewhat complained when I asked for help on Sunday after we had a sleepless night with new LO (I asked her to come watch our older kids so we could get some rest and she said "but it's Sunday...isn't your husband home?"). And despite agreeing to help with kids postpartum, when she called this morning I thought she'd be telling me when she'd be coming over...but, no, she called my husband and myself separately to tell us the cost of renewing passports was going up tomorrow so if we wanted to renew at the lower rates, we should do it today. Uh yeah...I'm home with 3 kids 5 days pp, hormonal, sleep deprived, cramping. I'll just get all the passport crap done today too while I'm at it. Thanks for the help!

OK I feel I have 2 choices: I appear to be facing the next 4 days of going it alone with the babe and older kids (how do I even do this? they spent to whole day inside today...can they do that all week? I yelled at my daughter today and then cried) OR call my mom and ask her to come over at the risk that I will be very angry towards her (my hormones will not allow me to play nice right now). Didn't she agree to help? Where's my babymoon? I just want to snuggle down with the LO and cry away these feelings that my life is a mess (which is how I'm feeling right now) and deal with some nasty afterpains. We could use help around the house (it is SOOOOO messy and laundry needs to be done, etc) but I know she will not help with that. The one thing she would do is watch older kids but she's apparently not really wanting to even do that. I just want to leave her out of the picture (not deal with the anger and just focus on the love of my kids) but not sure I can do that since the older kids do need care. All I have to do is make it to the weekend and then I can babymoon.......This is not how this week was supposed to go down.


Any ideas, suggestions?
 
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#2 ·
Are there any older girls/big kids nearby who you can have over as a Mother's Helper for a few bucks an hour? To play with the older ones?

Maybe you can get her to commit to one day or two at most, not the whole four days. I'm sorry she's so insensitive... seems like people can really forget what it's like postpartum. Maybe she needs reminding or a bit of a reality check about the type of help you need right now. Does she know how much you'd APPRECIATE her help right now?

Any friends from school that 5 y.o. dd has? Who might at least take your older dd for a playdate for a few hours or something?

What's the rest of the family picture like?

What about a volunteer postpartum doula from DONA? http://www.dona.org
 
#3 ·
I will be in a similar boat here in a few days when our baby arrives as well. DH is self employed so when work comes in, it HAS to be grabbed or we have no money for bills. That will mean easily 4-6 days of him working right after (and possibly the day OF) her birth. My two youngest are 9 and 2, the 9yo CAN be helpful but with my 16yo in the hospital she's really stressed and not as laid back as usual. The 2yo is...well....a 2yo.

I've contacted some acquaintance friends who have kids around 9yo DD's age/younger and said "hey, DH is likely working alot around our due date, can we have the girls play with your kiddos a couple afternoons that week?" and that sort of thing. So far everyone's really supportive.

Still though. I'm dreading that part. My 2yo is in this weird 'wont sleep ever' thing where she's literally awake ALL night, wants to touch me ALL night, and screams bloody murder when she can't. It's hell. Figuring out how to wrangle that with a newborn and a DH that has to get up for work the next day? Uuuuuuuugh.

So
mama, I'm right there with you. Or I will be in a few. Hold your precious babe and bawl all you need to. It sucks.
 
#4 ·
I wish I had suggestions for you and for myself. What I thought was my perfect post partum set up got blown to bits yesterday. My husband was going to take a month leave and the colonel originally agreed. Then when it came time to sign the leave form, he decided it wasn't a good idea for my husband to miss the field time they are about to have since he's the senior commander. So not only did I lose the month leave, he now has only ten days home after the baby is born before he has to leave for 2.5 weeks. It's not like he's going back to work, he's completely leaving and won't be back at all. I'm pissed and scared sh!tless. I have no idea how I'm going to manage a newborn and a two year old alone for 2.5 weeks only 10 days postpartum.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this about me. I'm still reeling from the whole thing. It's been a really bad two days.
 
#8 ·
Ugh! I can't imagine my mother acting that way! I'm sorry she's not being more helpful. If you decide it's worth it to ask for her help, can you ask that she take the older kids to her house for the day? That way you don't have to be annoyed with her all day, and you can focus on the baby and yourself.

to the others in similar situations. It's just wrong how we treat new mothers in this society. My SIL, from Mexico, has her mother staying with her for 4 months -- one before the twins were born and 3 after -- and I think that's pretty standard. Sure, it's twins, but she did the same thing when their first DD was born, as well.
 
#9 ·
Sorry your Mom is being so selfish. Maybe you can hire a sitter for a few days to help out around the house. I have a soon to be 6 and soon to be 4 year old. Rent lots of movies or netflix and let them be babysat by the TV for a week. When I need a break I find it gives me time to center myself. I know how noisy and annoying that age can be....lol Let the house go and just focus on the living.
 
#10 ·
What about friends???????? My kids are all farmed out to friends this week b/c my dh is laid up and I didn't want to risk getting stressed.

If you can't find help (which seems crazy- I'm sure there's a teenager, sitter, friend or something to help you out for part of each day), then I suggest bringing the kids into your space...invite them to each pick a few books and come into your bed and read to them while you hold baby/nurse, play silly games, sing songs together. Ask dh to pick them up a new toy that will entertain them for a while (I just found a wooden castle at a garage sale and it's brought my 3 and 6 yr old hours of play!).

good luck and hugs!!!!!!!
 
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