Doing anything differently this time around? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 07-16-2010, 11:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Having number three has prompted me to make some different decisions this time around. We are still totally committed to AP however I do put the baby down to nap more than I did with either of the girls. I am trying to be fair to all of them and it just feels like it requires some snuggling time for everyone independently especially as they adjust. On average he naps for 45 minutes in his bassinet which is in the same room as us. I feel slightly guilty but the biggest adjustment for me is meeting the emotional needs of everyone. My 1st took 100% of her naps on top of me for the first 2 years which was fine because she was my first and I didn't have to attend to anyone else. My second needs to be wrapped up and held as she falls asleep for naps but then can be put down wherever. I would like to do something similar with him as he grows gives me time to figure out dinner and do something to recharge for myself.

I am also trying to stress less about the small things like laundry housecleaning etc if it gets done great if not there is always tomorrow. I am dedicated to not letting the pressure of having a perfect home, perfect children all the time get to me. I am just focusing on staying sane and snuggling my kids. This is as good as it gets right now and that has to be enough. It is kind of freeing to feel this way.

Anyone else tweaking things this time? Letting go of the have to's and the should do's can be hard.

Tracy, Wifey to Jeff . Mama to Maya-Papaya 7/04 and Carolina Bean-a 5/07 and Jack 7/4/10!!
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#2 of 6 Old 07-16-2010, 11:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by PapayaMom View Post
I am trying to be fair to all of them and it just feels like it requires some snuggling time for everyone independently especially as they adjust. [...]I would like to do something similar with him as he grows gives me time to figure out dinner and do something to recharge for myself.

I am also trying to stress less about the small things like laundry housecleaning etc if it gets done great if not there is always tomorrow. I am dedicated to not letting the pressure of having a perfect home, perfect children all the time get to me. I am just focusing on staying sane and snuggling my kids. This is as good as it gets right now and that has to be enough. It is kind of freeing to feel this way.

Anyone else tweaking things this time? Letting go of the have to's and the should do's can be hard.
My 3rd baby is not earth-side yet, but I've been thinking about these exact things. How *can* this baby get the same undivided attention the others got? He can't and he won't. But yes, meeting the needs of all is important. The truth of the matter is, your baby will be okay. You are doing a good job mothering AND I like that you have it in mind to do a little something for yourself in there too. That is so important and easy to fall off the list of priorities.

As for the housework, etc..... it *is* freeing to let go, lower or change your standards for awhile. Honestly, I found with the girls that it took a good 2 yrs or so until I could get back to some decent routine of keeping the place clean because of all the day-to-day, moment-to-moment demands.

Sounds like you are incorporating wisdom into your new game plan and adapting to what your family needs now. Sounds just right to me!

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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#3 of 6 Old 07-16-2010, 12:06 PM
 
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Wow, I would have never survived if Ds had taken naps on me for two years! I needed that time to myself. Ds was a bad napper though and it took me forever to get him down. I'm really hoping for a better sleeper this time!

I did get a breastpump and a bottle this time. Last time Ds never had a bottle, and I really needed time away from sometimes. This time I hope to pump some milk and get the baby to take a bottle so I can have a few breaks when I need them.
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#4 of 6 Old 07-16-2010, 02:22 PM
 
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Things will be pretty different this time around for us, I think.

With DD, 8 years ago, I had never heard of AP and I especially wish I'd known about baby-wearing--I think we both would have been much happier. We didn't cosleep for very long (about a month) and I was always trying to get I was always trying so hard to do it RIGHT, and it was so stressful on me, and babe too I think. And I felt guilty when I didn't live up to these standards of perfection.

When DS came along 6 years ago, I made myself a sling and tried to wear him a bit but the sling wasn't comfortable for either of us.

This time i thought I was going to wear him a lot. My babe is only 15 days old, but so far he doesn't like the wrap for very long. And guess what--he sleeps by himself on our bed for a few hours in the afternoon. I nurse him to sleep, and he stays asleep. He's comfortable and content there, so there he stays. This afternoon time is a time for me to recharge myself, prepare some food, and spend time with my other kids. Everyone's happy--perfect consensual solution if you ask me!

I have gotten him to fall asleep in the wrap a few times but he is constantly waking up, squirming, and fussing. If the time comes when he isn't happy to stay in bed, then I will make a change-- either stay with him or wear him if he likes that.

I guess I just want to do the best I can for everyone in the family, myself included. I KNOW I need to recharge and look after myself in order to be a good mom.

Another thing that's different this time is that I'm trying very hard not to watch the clock--I used to try to make my babies go longer between feeds but this time I've decided that if he needs to nurse every hour or 2 hours then that is just fine.

Marja: consensual-living, unschooling, piano-teaching, doula and mom to 3 creative, independent people:
DD, 8, DS, 6, and Baby DS born July 1, 2010 Married to DH for 10 years!
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#5 of 6 Old 07-16-2010, 10:52 PM
 
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My #3 is not born yet, but I have already figured out that she'll be dragged around to more dance classes/t ball games/soccer games than the other two ever were.

I also let my first born literally sleep on me and this one just won't have that choice, I have to tend to my other two so she's going to have to learn to sleep on her own, sadness, but totally necessary and both mine were pretty good nappers after a few months and I am hoping she'll be too.

The biggest change is in the sleeping arrangements, we co slept with the first two and my dh does not want to do it again, we compromised and got a co sleeper, but it does make me sad to know that she won't be there in between us, but I understand my dh's position and need to make an effort to find a good compromise between both of our wants/needs.

I think in terms of housework, I will also learn to let go, or just hire a housekeeper every two weeks , I am leaning towards the housekeeper.
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#6 of 6 Old 07-17-2010, 01:52 PM
 
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Wow what great compromises everyone's making for your families! We're looking at many of the same adjustments, great ideas

GOOD moms let their kids lick the beaters. GREAT moms turn off the mixer first!
Humanist Woman Wife , & Friend Plus Mama to 6 (3 mos, 2, 9, 13, 17, 20)
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