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#1 of 48 Old 08-02-2010, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome to the new week Mamas... many of us have come to the other side. I dunno about the rest of you, but to me our group won't feel complete until those in waiting like Jenny (Mataji4) and others join us here!

Last week's thread:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1246853

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#2 of 48 Old 08-02-2010, 12:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Expat-Mama and Somegirl99 - I can relate to the shock of seeing your girlie parts drastically changed. Mine certainly were after a third degree tear with dd1.

I'm gonna go TMI right here so if you don't want to read it, click away now:

I will forever have an extra ruffle above my butt hole because of the way the OB and MW student sewed me back. My labia minora now look like a one winged butterfly. For the longest time, I had a huge divet missing from my perinium - like a crater. Over time that part seemed to have grown back/filled out, but the rest of it... still looks like frankenstein.

To tell you the truth, for awhile I was considering plastic surgery on my yoni but then I sat down and talked to dh. Does he care what I look like now? No. Does it turn him off? No. Would he care if it never changed from the way it was? No. Then to hell with it, I said!

I was also shocked by how much more... cavernous things looked.

Over time, I came to accept the changes and realize that yes, this is how a mature woman's yoni looks, one who has scars from her childbirth experience. And the scars are signs of strength going through the battle. You know?

These are my musings.

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#3 of 48 Old 08-02-2010, 01:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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AFM - today we went to an amusement park with some wonderful old friends who are visiting from Europe. Their girls are the same ages as our girls and we all had a lot of fun together. I just sat under a tree and nursed ds ALL.DAY.LONG. He is 12 days old. Really, I probably should have just been at home, but I had cabin fever and was longing to feel more stimulated again. Ds is having a big sleep right now.

To tell you the truth, for the past 3 days or so I have been feeling more... neurotic. Anxious. Really it's been since I've been out of the house more, not able to sleep as much and rest (taking dh and the kids shopping, I've just sat in the van with ds and nursed). We've had some visitors, which has been GREAT (my cousin visiting from Japan and her wonderful partner), so it's been nice to have that social stimulation. But I guess I have not been getting as much rest and sleep. Dd2 has been joining ds and I in bed at night, and some nights she's been quiet and slept well, other nights she cries and fusses. So I'm tired.

I am taking blessed thistle and fenugreek and it makes my stomach feel... funny. It does the job though (where's the big hooter smiley? ). I guess the funny tummy feeling means I should back off on it some.

I'm just tired mamas.

I'm supposed to see my pill lady later this week. I am reluctant to tell her how I've been feeling because I think she'll just want to up my meds right away. But if it's what I need then why don't I? I dunno.

ETA - I think I'm just exhausted too because of trying to meet the needs of the other two kids. And do some odd housework, cooking. Dh has been putting in a herculean effort to take care of me, house, kids. He's been doing an AMAZING job. Seriously. But it's tough for both of us I guess. I'm just tired.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my neurotic ramblings.

How was everyone's weekend?

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#4 of 48 Old 08-02-2010, 05:28 AM
 
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I've been really tired and out way too much. I belong in bed, but DP needs me to hold his hand for everything it seems. I really feel like he's evolved into Patrick Starr from Sponge Bob. He's so SLOW sometimes and it makes me want to scream and whack him. ATM we're having a slight parenting issue. He KNOWS I'm AP. I've dumped tons of books on the subject in his lap. And we're having problems with Fritz because he's A) constantly cluster feeding and B) not sleeping much at night. I overheard DP's mom talking to him about how one of his brothers let their kids cry it out. Great, so now talking in the direction of not only getting Fritz on an eating schedule, but also sleep training. And it doesn't help that Fritz can scream his wee head off for hours if I don't nurse him either. Sometimes I think DP is trying to get him used to not being consoled. I'll walk into the bedroom to find out why the heck our baby is crying so hysterically to find the baby lying on DP's chest, but DP isn't really trying to console him at all. He's just doing nothing. It tears me up! So, of course, I end up having to take the baby since he can't/won't console him. I latch him on and, presto, it's quiet. Then DP complains that the baby can't possibly be hungry still. Well, prolly not, but he's not screaming anymore either.

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#5 of 48 Old 08-02-2010, 10:20 AM
 
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Thanks Surfacing. It makes me feel better to know that feeling like Frankenstein down there is normal. I've only had the courage to look once, but I think I have an extra "ruffle" where you said yours was. Sigh. Plastic surgery popped into my mind too...but quickly popped right back out. This was one thing I just wasn't prepared for. Anyway, I'll try to take a more positive perspective of it all- mama scars etc. I don't know why it bothers me so much- it's not like anyone really sees it so much- I think DH doesn't even *really* look at it when he's errr in the area. I just hope it FEELS ok when it comes down to sex. If you don't mind me asking- did yours feel different during sex?

I hope you can get some sleep and down time with DS- sounds like you've been out and about and so busy! I cannot imagine what it's like to have two other little ones at home... just WOW. Moms like you amaze me. I don't think I could do it! I can literally count the number of times I've been out since the birth. I AM going a bit stir crazy, but I don't have it in me yet to really get out and about. Going to work in some gym time this week though.

Terri- stick with your AP style... I honestly think your DP will come around to it once he notices how much easier it is to soothe a crying baby than to listen to him scream. Wouldn't anyone? It must be hard though to have such different parenting philosophies. Did he read any of the books you gave him?
I love the name Fritz, BTW.

I am going out to get a scale so I can weigh myself and Konrad. Usually we don't like scales in the house- I try to measure my health by how I feel and how I look rather than a number. But I really, really want to weigh DS before his Dr's appointment. I'm so paranoid he isn't gaining. He is nursing much better, but he still falls asleep after just a few minutes on the boob and it's always a struggle to get him a really good feeding. DH thinks I'm losing it because I worry so much about it- DS does have lots of wet dipes and a couple of big poops every day, so DH thinks he's doing fine. Maybe I am worrying to much- he just doesn't seem to swallow much and I can't tell after nursing if my breasts feel "lighter" like they are supposed to. Sigh. I can't stand the thought that he might be underfed or hungry!

On a happy note- Konrad is three weeks old today! It's all going by so quickly! He looks so different than he did in his first week. We have a bunch of nicknames for him already- "milk monster", "lil' Russian gangster" (we think he looks tough and Russian sometimes ), "taco baby" or "sausage baby" when he's swaddled.

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#6 of 48 Old 08-02-2010, 01:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Terri - that's difficult. You may have to repeat yourself like a broken record to him, sticking strong to your beliefs. There are sacrifices to be made when you live by your chosen lifestyle... either you're paying the price or baby is. Ya know?

Expat-Mama - did sex feel different? To be honest, at first, with dd1, yes. I felt much more roomy... roomier than I cared to feel. I used to joke that you could hear and echo in my vagina when we were shagging. Over time HARDCORE KEGELS made a BIG difference... including lots of good orgasms in which the kegel muscles were engaged (whether alone or with dh). I would say after dd2 because I was much more committed to the exercises, I felt less roomy than I had with dd1.

And just because we're TMI: on the plus side, positions that felt too uncomfortable or "tight" before now felt more comfortable. There was more flexibility for a variety of angles and (gosh TMI) more vigour. It kind of challenged me to find new ways to make things hotter, as much for myself as anyone.

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#7 of 48 Old 08-02-2010, 01:50 PM
 
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let me jump on this tmi thread! Don't look at your vulva so soon after childbirth!!!!! Ok, I'll admit, I did too. But really, if you think of it, no part of your body would look lovely and normal after ejecting another human being! Especially if you have sutures in there, it's going to look like frankencunt!! Sorry, I know some will find that offensive, just trying to find a sense of humour in all this. My ladybits looked nothing like they did in the weeks following childbirth when I was brave enough to look again months later. It all fixes itself, mostly. It probably will never look the same, but be honest, how much do you look like you did when you were sweet sixteen?! We are meant to change. And also, have you ever looked at a recent picture of yourself with shame at how you look only to look at it a year or two later and thing: hmmm I look so good there- so much younger etc.. Yeah. It's important for us to appreciate all that we do have in the now - it's so much more than we can appreciate.

This little rant is as much a pep talk for myself as it is for anyone else reading it. Someone asked at some point in this thread what we were doing to avoid ppd. For me, my number one thing is to complement myself and to annihilate that bitch in my head who keeps telling me I'm not good enough!! So what my tummy is all squishy: 4 weeks ago it housed a 10 pound baby! So what my lady bits looked different: they have super powers too you know!

On a more serious note, I had a 2nd degree tear the first time. I also had what some would call a starburst tear; everything got some tearing action down there...just one big explosion. The tissues took forever to heal. I could not have sex for months. It hurt, looked funny, was stiff etc. I felt broken. But it all fixed itself. And somehow there was more sensation and more intense feelings during sex. Two years later I am now 4 weeks postpartum after a 3rd degree tear. Everything looks and feels fine. Not like it did before I was ever pregnant, but it's not suppose to. It all works, and feels good. I haven't tried it out yet, but I am sure it feels good. Dp's comment about my postpartum vagina from our first baby is that sex was more enjoyable. Because we fit better together and it was easier to move around.

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#8 of 48 Old 08-02-2010, 02:07 PM
 
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I have a weird question for you ladies before I call the docs and embarrass myself, lol. When is it ok to vacuum and mop and other similar activities? I've always found it strange that I couldn't vacuum postpartum per my discharge instructions from my doc but never questioned how long til I could. Now I'm wondering bc my kids are terrible at it and I really want to and my dh has been busy doing other things for me. I'm 15 days postpartum and still bleeding a bit with the rare crampy feeling. I feel great but I don't want to complicate any healing by doing something too soon. So does anyone know is it safe now after 2 weeks?

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#9 of 48 Old 08-02-2010, 02:32 PM
 
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Thanks Surfacing and mamakaikai for the reassurances. Actually DH was very reassuring too, I guess he did see me getting cut and stitched after all so how much worse could it be when I'm healed? I guess it was mostly just the initial shock of seeing things so different. I also appreciate the feedback on changes in sex, I have to admit I was wondering / worried. He's also been very reassuring about my tummy too.

Surfacing, it sounds like more rest is what you need! Glad to hear your DH is helping out so much.

Terrilein, good luck dealing with your DP, that sounds very frustrating. I agree, stick to your guns and hopefully he will come around. Have you gotten him to read any AP books?

AFM, my DH finally worked out some issues with his mom, so things have been much calmer at home the last couple of days thankfully. We finally got to try out the ring sling yesterday, it worked better than the mei tai in terms of his temperature (he overheated in the MT) and I was (sort of) able to nurse him in it. We're still not very good at putting him in and getting him positioned easily but hopefully that will get better with time. Anyway, DH and I took Marlowe for a little walk around the neighborhood and introduced him to a few of the neighbors, that was really nice. It was so nice to get outside, and once we got more used to it he fell asleep in the RS and seemed quite comfy.

Got in more naps yesterday as well (DH's insistence) which seemed to help, although very little sleep last night. Nursing made him pee which meant another change which meant more nursing which made him pee again, and around and around we went.

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#10 of 48 Old 08-02-2010, 05:53 PM
 
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Surfacing......I hear you on the tired thing.........hopefully a little more sleep will help you feel better. I know I don't function well when I'm sleep deprived and things start to get to me more.

Somegirl......We also have a nightime cycle like you are describing....nursing, pooping, changing, nursing, hicups, gas, burp, puke, more nursing.........it is exhausting.

Terri.....hope your DP gets on board with you.

As for the TMI.......I haven't looked down there yet, think I'll wait awhile. I didn't have any tearing or stitches but I'm thinking it'll be awhile before things get back to normal.

A is being a little fussy the past couple days........nothing like her sister was but she seems to have an upset tummy. I have quite the letdown so I think she's got some gas issues. She wants to nurse all the time......she's a good nurser but I spend most of my time feeding her. We have help again (IL's are back) so things are a little bit easier right now and I have a lot of time to just sit and feed her. I had a few days of pretty serious baby blues where I could not stop crying......things seem to be a bit better now. I am pretty exhausted though.......A doesn't really give me more then a couple hours between feeds and sometimes she's up at night for 1-2 hours between feeds so the sleep isn't really adding up very quickly. Last night I fed her and then handed her off to dh and MIL and got about 3 hours in......which was lovely! M seems to be having a tough time right now.....a lot more tantrums then we're used to and she doesn't really want to fall asleep at night. Once she's asleep we are good.......it's just getting to that point that is difficult.

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#11 of 48 Old 08-02-2010, 06:13 PM
 
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i didn't even think about how my yoni looked till years after I had DD1 (and 2) .. but I grieved for my old yoni, for sure. I was only 21 when I had dd1. I got mad that my mw never sutured me, but it was only a 1st degree tear, and it healed pretty well. I think what you can do is just kegel kegel kegel.. and just be gentle with yourself. things change.

terri~ grr, that would piss me off too. You know best, and don't forget it.

expat~ don't worry about konrad gaining, he sounds like he's doing GREAT! My baby just poops two times a day (about) and a tablespoon or two at each session.. lol.. and he's gaining weight fast. He was born the same day as your baby.

surfacing~ do you have lots of support, like people bringing you food? I thin that totally helps a mom not get PPD.

AFM, Alistair seems to have a little baby head cold I think I took him out too soon. There were so many people who came up and looked at him, not many that touched him, but still. I just had to get out of the house. and I was just outside the whole time, down at the beach on the freshwater lake here. I was feeling fine with my bleeding really slow, and all that. Now I don't want to take him out again until he's feeling better. It's too bad, because there was a big festival this weekend here, and I live in walking distance to it, and I couldn't go.. well it was raining too, but still.

It would have been so nice to have more support. I had my SIL and a couple of friends bring me some food. But I was really feeling down for awhile there. my partner went back to work the day he was scheduled after his weekend, and My mom left and I had to make supper for my older kids and myself and clean the dishes, put the kids to bed etc at 1 week PP. I was looking back at pictures of myself after I had DD1 and I'm still in bed, naked with the baby at 7 days PP!

Alistair seems to love his daddy, which is nice, but it sure doesn't help me feel wanted. is this common with boys? My girls always seemed to prefer me.
also, I guess all of my kids have done this, but they don't tend to make eye contact when they nurse.. they just stare off into my armpit or something.. lol/.. anyone else experience that?

overall, I'm really enjoying my little man, little wormy, baby boy, sweetie, ali.. he's just so cute. I love how he poops with such nonchalance but so LOUDLY!.. lol.. how he has to be burped all the time after eating, how he is so soft and warm and snugly and smells like a little boy.. ah, babies are so great!
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#12 of 48 Old 08-03-2010, 03:23 AM
 
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Ember is already one month old today! No idea how that happened...

We had a "kindergarten assessment" today for dd1, which involved us meeting the principal of her new school, various teachers and staff, etc etc. While I was waiting for dd1 to come back from the assessment, Ember wanted to nurse, so I just took it out and popped her on. We were in one of the kindy classes with the other kindy teacher and another mom whose son was in another room being "assessed" (don't get me started about this, it was... frustratingly stupid). Anyway! The other mom had a 15mo old son who was running around, and apparently when I started bf'ing Ember, she grabbed her son's head and whipped it around away from me. I didn't see it, but dp told me later. Goodtimes. Too bad, too, because she was friendly to me otherwise. Oh well, baby's gotta eat.

Doing pretty good, otherwise. I'm feeling more adjusted lately to my new life as a mama to TWO beautiful little girls. Well... dd1 has been testing me a lot lately, but for the most part I'm proud of my patience. She's starting a kindergarten programme next week, so that'll be good for us both, I think.

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#13 of 48 Old 08-03-2010, 03:41 AM
 
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majazama- my boy stares into my armpit too. i think that's partly because I have so much trouble with positioning though. i'm still so awkward nursing him- nothing feels comfortable or right and i think he gets upset because he's uncomfortable too. i worry that he's getting a sore neck. my LC and I mostly worked on getting him latched and positioning seemed to fall to the wayside- it was anything to get him latched. well, now he latches ok but my positioning and his positioning are all f*d up.
Konrad also has REALLY noisy poos! You can hear them across the room. I was skyping my sister and she heard him fart/poo and was like "OMG! was that him? it sounded like a train going by!" I think he has gas issues too. He burps very rarely despite our best efforts and he farts a TON while he's nursing, especially when he gets upset. His gas doesn't seem to bother him- he doesn't seem to cry about it or strain or anything. My LC said if he is not bothered by it, not to worry.

The TMI-Yoni discussion is making me feel so much better. Thanks, guys. Actually, I could use a little more room down there I think, so that's nice to know that some of you think it made things more comfortable when DTD. I think when DH and I finally DTD again I'll be way more nervous than my first time! Silly old me.

I did some crunches and ab exercises yesterday and just some stretching. Holy crap I have no strength in my abs at all. It's weird. I really want to get out walking more, but it seems like everytime I finish a feeding and get ready to go out Konrad needs a diaper change, then he's hungry again. I just can't get out the door.

Somegirl99- We have crazy nursing-changing cycles too. Count the diapers in the following scenario: The other day Konrad had a huge blowout poo, so I changed him (1 diaper) - during which he peed all over me and everything (2). Finally got him all cleaned up and not 2 minutes later I hear a loud squishy fart- changed a big poo again (3). After that he is fussing so I nurse him for about five minutes and then ANOTHER loud squishy fart- off we go to change AGAIN (4)- finally he went to sleep. 1O minutes later he is fussing again, I stick my finger in his dipe and it's soaking- another change (5). This was all in less than 20 minutes. He did another similar routine on the same day that was 3 diapers in less than 10 minutes. And I thought I bought too many newborn diapers.

DH has been out and about more lately and leaving me with Konrad for long stretches at a time. It's way harder to handle everything by myself and I'm a little freaked about DH going back to work in September. I know, I'm spoiled to have him around this long. I'm hoping by the time he goes back to work we will really have a handle on nursing and I'll figure out how to get OTHER stuff done as well.
One of the issues I'm having with DH out of the house is that Konrad is awake and alert much more than he was in the first couple of weeks. He will fall sleep after nursing but sometimes only for a few minues at a time. I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do with him when he is awake. I wish he would sleep more so I could sleep more.

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#14 of 48 Old 08-03-2010, 01:46 PM
 
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Iris is 1 month old today!! wow! also have my midwife appointment today..I'm not looking forward to it because I still feel sore in places..nursing is still basically cluster feeding with a lot of fussies and gas and spraying/leaking...nursing in public can suck when you look like you're trying to drown a little gremlin with your boob. I am not looking forward to DTD any time soon...still bleeding like a very light menstrual cycle, still sore, and besides we agreed that husband was getting a vasectomy first and he has an appointment for that soon. so thats my tmi!!

My abs are crazy weak too. And I wish it wasn't so hot right now that I could try to fit in some walking...can't wait for Fall!

And my days seem to go like everyone elses...nurse (or try to anyway) lots of burbs/gas/spitup/poo/fussies. Leaking and spraying milk makes her gag...elim diet going on over here...ugh...and older children who are to be honest beginning to drive me crazy...trying to get ready for homeschool sigh...and a hsbd who is not around a good portion of the day.

And the baby does not like her carriers...all three that I have tried...does not like her little bouncy seat thing...will not sleep in her cosleeper alone longer than 5 minutes...

It's only been a month it will get better..its only been a month it will get better....just repeat that. Did I mention that my house is filthy and unorganized times 10!!?

And I feel I get less and less articulate each time I try to post on here! lol.

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#15 of 48 Old 08-03-2010, 01:49 PM
 
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I stink. I usually don't need to wear deodorant, and granted It's been a super hot summer and I've got a babe strapped to my chest all the time, I also have AC in the house+car. So why do I stink so much?! I shower every day and I've even been using anti-persperant which I hate. Is this a hormonal thing? What's up with this stink?!! Anyone else?!

I read about mei-tai's earlier on in this thread. I bought one 2 weeks ago and absolutely love it!!! LOVE it. We already had 2 ring slings, a moby and an ergo, but I had issues with each of those. But I freakin love my mei tai!

I'm 5 weeks postpartum now. 2 of my stitches came out yesterday...found 2 little threads when I wiped. I can't believe how normal everything feels. I had a 3rd degree and though I was in big trouble, but I've healed up so much better and faster than I did with my first birth which was a 2nd degree. I even felt like I could dtd at 3 weeks postpartum, which would have just turned my stomach last time around. But I havn't yet. soon I guess. I'm just so touched out with 2 babies and tandem nursing.

Anyone else tandem nursing? DD1, 28 months, is having a hard time adjusting to sharing. Well, she's perfectly fine with baby having milk too, but dd1 wants it all.the.time also. She cries and whines for milky and wants it way more often then before. She used to have it 3x a day around sleep schedules. She sometimes cries in such despair because she doesn't understand why I say no to her but yes to bb sister. Even though we've gently explained it to her a million times! Baby has no teeth and can't even eat pizza!! So it's a bit of a challenge, but still well worth tandem nursing.

I'm getting a bit better with dealing with the 'sensory overload' of my older child in juxtaposition with the peaceful newborn.

gtg

SAHM to DD 03/08 & DD 06/10 made with love with my DP
 
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#16 of 48 Old 08-03-2010, 02:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Terrilein View Post
I'll walk into the bedroom to find out why the heck our baby is crying so hysterically to find the baby lying on DP's chest, but DP isn't really trying to console him at all. He's just doing nothing. It tears me up! So, of course, I end up having to take the baby since he can't/won't console him. I latch him on and, presto, it's quiet. Then DP complains that the baby can't possibly be hungry still. Well, prolly not, but he's not screaming anymore either.
I wonder if your dp needs some specific information about things to try with the newborn when he's crying. Like checking his diaper, or swaddling and rocking him, is he cold? Does he just want some touch? You know?

How's your communication with him? Can you have a respectful conversation about your different beliefs?

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#17 of 48 Old 08-03-2010, 03:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mamakaikai View Post
frankencunt!!


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Originally Posted by APGoddess83 View Post
When is it ok to vacuum and mop and other similar activities? I've always found it strange that I couldn't vacuum postpartum per my discharge instructions from my doc but never questioned how long til I could. Now I'm wondering bc my kids are terrible at it and I really want to and my dh has been busy doing other things for me. I'm 15 days postpartum and still bleeding a bit with the rare crampy feeling. I feel great but I don't want to complicate any healing by doing something too soon. So does anyone know is it safe now after 2 weeks?
I don't know what the docs have to say about it - I'm assuming if you've had a c-sec you have to give it a lot more time. I'm thinking you could slowly reintroduce a chore or two at a time and see how you feel. I've mopped the floor already a couple of times and am 2 wks postpartum too. I hear you on wanting to clean up around you some.

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Originally Posted by somegirl99 View Post
Thanks Surfacing and mamakaikai for the reassurances. Actually DH was very reassuring too, I guess he did see me getting cut and stitched after all so how much worse could it be when I'm healed? I guess it was mostly just the initial shock of seeing things so different. I also appreciate the feedback on changes in sex, I have to admit I was wondering / worried. He's also been very reassuring about my tummy too.
It makes me feel so good when I hear that the partners/husbands are supportive of the mother's postpartum bodies. Yeah! These are real life women! Dh and I watched a really interesting program one time. They were talking about how frequently we see air-brushed pictures of models in our consumerist society, never mind women represented in porn who have had plastic surgery. At times real women end up feeling like a poor imitation of "the real thing" when "the real thing" is not real at all!!!

I've also heard it said that older women are more fun in bed because even if they don't have the tight bod of their youths, they are less inhibited, more likely to say what they want, etc. Which is hot. Take from that what you will.

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Surfacing, it sounds like more rest is what you need! Glad to hear your DH is helping out so much. [...]
AFM, my DH finally worked out some issues with his mom, so things have been much calmer at home the last couple of days thankfully.
Thanks, more sleep is definitely helpful.

It's good to hear dh spoke with his mom and worked out some stuff so things have been better.

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Originally Posted by lrgs View Post
I have quite the letdown so I think she's got some gas issues. She wants to nurse all the time......she's a good nurser but I spend most of my time feeding her. We have help again (IL's are back) so things are a little bit easier right now and I have a lot of time to just sit and feed her. I had a few days of pretty serious baby blues where I could not stop crying......things seem to be a bit better now. I am pretty exhausted though.......A doesn't really give me more then a couple hours between feeds and sometimes she's up at night for 1-2 hours between feeds so the sleep isn't really adding up very quickly. Last night I fed her and then handed her off to dh and MIL and got about 3 hours in......which was lovely! M seems to be having a tough time right now.....a lot more tantrums then we're used to and she doesn't really want to fall asleep at night. Once she's asleep we are good.......it's just getting to that point that is difficult.

NAK
nodding thru so much of your post - sounds very familiar here ... it's good to hear the ILs are around to help! Hang in there, Mama.

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surfacing~ do you have lots of support, like people bringing you food? I thin that totally helps a mom not get PPD.

AFM, Alistair seems to have a little baby head cold I think I took him out too soon. There were so many people who came up and looked at him, not many that touched him, but still. I just had to get out of the house. and I was just outside the whole time, down at the beach on the freshwater lake here. [...]
It would have been so nice to have more support. I had my SIL and a couple of friends bring me some food. But I was really feeling down for awhile there. my partner went back to work the day he was scheduled after his weekend, and My mom left and I had to make supper for my older kids and myself and clean the dishes, put the kids to bed etc at 1 week PP. I was looking back at pictures of myself after I had DD1 and I'm still in bed, naked with the baby at 7 days PP!

Alistair seems to love his daddy, which is nice, but it sure doesn't help me feel wanted. is this common with boys? My girls always seemed to prefer me.
also, I guess all of my kids have done this, but they don't tend to make eye contact when they nurse.. they just stare off into my armpit or something.. lol/.. anyone else experience that?
NAK

Hi Mama, I cooked up a bunch of stuff for the freezer so we've had food for the postpartum, and have had dh home and my mom around to help with the older children. Those things definitely help.

I am sorry to hear you had so much to manage after 1 week pp -- it's tough. I had that with dd2 and it was very difficult. As for babies and who they prefer my dd1 always preferred Daddy and the men in the family. Dd2 and ds in babyhood preferr(ed) mama 'cuz I'm the one with the milk. I guess this is one of those things where TIME will make a difference. Your relationship with him will keep developing and growing.

My baby also looks off/past my arm when nursing. He'll often give me a nice little face beforehand, but not always. I noticed this too with dd2 -- it took some time before we were doing eye to eye stuff.

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Originally Posted by bjorker View Post
Ember is already one month old today! No idea how that happened...We had a "kindergarten assessment" today for dd1, [...]The other mom had a 15mo old son who was running around, and apparently when I started bf'ing Ember, she grabbed her son's head and whipped it around away from me. I didn't see it, but dp told me later. Goodtimes. Too bad, too, because she was friendly to me otherwise. Oh well, baby's gotta eat.

Doing pretty good, otherwise. I'm feeling more adjusted lately to my new life as a mama to TWO beautiful little girls. Well... dd1 has been testing me a lot lately, but for the most part I'm proud of my patience. She's starting a kindergarten programme next week, so that'll be good for us both, I think.
Yep, baby's got to eat! The fact that she turned her son's head - fine, if she doesn't want to look and doesn't want him to look, she can turn his head away... but you can still NIP. You are feeding your baby.

Send some of your patience over here, wouldya? Dd1 going to kindergarden will be good for her - social stimulation and all that.

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Originally Posted by expat-mama View Post
The TMI-Yoni discussion is making me feel so much better. Thanks, guys. Actually, I could use a little more room down there I think, so that's nice to know that some of you think it made things more comfortable when DTD. I think when DH and I finally DTD again I'll be way more nervous than my first time! Silly old me.[...]

I'm hoping by the time he goes back to work we will really have a handle on nursing and I'll figure out how to get OTHER stuff done as well.
One of the issues I'm having with DH out of the house is that Konrad is awake and alert much more than he was in the first couple of weeks. He will fall sleep after nursing but sometimes only for a few minues at a time. I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do with him when he is awake. I wish he would sleep more so I could sleep more.
NAK
One thing I forgot to mention is that the first (few) time(s) having sex pp can be painful. Not for everyone perhaps. Anyone else want to weigh in? But depending on your scar tissue, etc., it can. The freaking OB who intervened during dd1's birth gave me "an extra stitch for the husband" . Well until we "broke in the ole shoe", it was uncomfortable for awhile. And TBH at first felt a little bit like losing my virginity again. !?!?

Getting into a new routine after your dh returns to work WILL happen over time. It's different for everybody. Dd1 would scream bloody murder if she was put down or unengaged, while dd2 would happily hang out and go with the flow. You'll see what you can manage. Some people find that getting just ONE thing done other than the slew of baby care is the most realistic expectation.

As for more wakeful periods, you or dh could walk him around the house and let him look at the pictures on the walls. Babies at this age love faces, so you or dh can just make some face to face time admiring him, talking to him, reciting the shopping list. You could use that time to give him a bath, or put him out in the fresh air to look at the inside of his bassinet and listen to the birds chirping or whatever sounds are outside in Dubai. Just some thoughts.

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Originally Posted by terra-pip View Post
It's only been a month it will get better..its only been a month it will get better....just repeat that. Did I mention that my house is filthy and unorganized times 10!!?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!! You should see my house . It will get better, it will....

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Originally Posted by mamakaikai View Post
Is this a hormonal thing? What's up with this stink?!! Anyone else?![...]

Anyone else tandem nursing? DD1, 28 months, is having a hard time adjusting to sharing. Well, she's perfectly fine with baby having milk too, but dd1 wants it all.the.time also. She cries and whines for milky and wants it way more often then before. She used to have it 3x a day around sleep schedules. She sometimes cries in such despair because she doesn't understand why I say no to her but yes to bb sister. Even though we've gently explained it to her a million times! Baby has no teeth and can't even eat pizza!! So it's a bit of a challenge, but still well worth tandem nursing.

I'm getting a bit better with dealing with the 'sensory overload' of my older child in juxtaposition with the peaceful newborn.
I noticed my pits smelling stronger too, but am taking blessed thistle and fenugreek which seem to do that to me. What about you? Are you taking those herbs or any others? Just wondering.

Yeah we're tandem nursing here too. Like your dd, my dd2 would have it 2-4x/day, around a nap/bedtime. And suddenly she wants it more. I sometimes say yes, but keep it short and sweet like I did before we had baby ("Okay lovey, finish up now, 5 4 3 2 1...") or sometimes I just say no and make a sad face and say my cici are tired now and need a rest! She finds that amusing for some reason and laughs and accepts it. I dunno, the thing is,our kids are resilient and CAN handle the change. It hurts, there's growing pains, but they can live up to the expectation we have of them, which is that they will manage.

Gosh I'm sounding so confident today.

How are you getting better with the sensory overload juxaposition? I need some advice, to hear anecdotes, skills, tools. It's a lot for me over here and I'm gonna be home with them for a year. Dh is reminding me I can always increase my meds but I want SKILLS and techniques. Anyone use ear plugs?

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#18 of 48 Old 08-03-2010, 04:39 PM
 
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hello ladies!

9 days since my dd was born and I am feeling pretty good, she's my third and probably easiest baby thus far, sleeps in two 4.5 hour chunks at night, sleeps a lot during the day and only fusses when she has problems latching since my nipple is HUGE and her mouth is tiny.

I would like to stop sweating like a farm animal and for my va jay jay to stop aching and my hemorroids to disappear but I have to be patient. My husband did say my breasts look great, but I think they look like I have chocolate chip pancakes sitting on them :-).

Sounds like everyone is just trying to get thru the first few weeks in one piece. My two older kids are bored out of their minds, but that's just the way it is right now. Thank goodness school starts in 2 1/2 weeks!
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#19 of 48 Old 08-03-2010, 04:41 PM
 
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Got in more naps yesterday as well (DH's insistence) which seemed to help, although very little sleep last night. Nursing made him pee which meant another change which meant more nursing which made him pee again, and around and around we went.
that was me last night, I got peed on, spray pooped on and both times had to nurse her again :-)
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#20 of 48 Old 08-03-2010, 06:52 PM
 
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I haven't piped in on these chats much but I need to do something besides watch TV when feeding this always-hungry baby! I wish I had smaller boobs sometimes because I could maybe sling it and feed, but I think I would smother her!

I am actually healing up pretty good here! Last time my tearing lasted for MONTHS and this time i feel pretty close to healed. My hips are still sore, (from the pubic symphysis separation) I tried sleeping without a pillow between my legs last night, not good! Getting there though!

My lil' birdie eats all day long. She only wakes up a couple of times at night. I have tried giving her a pacifier (I know, that's probably not exactly AP) but she only takes it occasionally. I just want a small break sometimes and I know she is using me as a pacifier...my nipples get so sore when she does that! Occasionally she gets the pacifier motion at night and is very happy with it. The problem is that she tries to suck like she would eating and it pops out. I don't want to cause confusion, but my boobs need a break...just a little one!

She's been sleeping good at night, only wakes once or twice most nights, but I am still exhausted! I forgot how hard it can be to do this! Milk making and doting!

We don't leave much, I have gone to the store a couple of times and one birthday party, but that's it. My dss was exposed to Pertussis, which has caused many problems. We usually have him from Monday to Monday, every other week, but when he came last Monday we found out his mom has it. She's almost over it but had it for months without knowing it. DSS had a cough too so his pediatrician insisted that he not be in the house with a newborn. Now we are waiting for his test results, they take FOREVER! So he's been at his mom's for our whole week and 2 days. So we really haven't seen him for over two weeks. We both got vaxed and tested too. (YUCK, not fun!) It's been strange, and I am scared to leave the house with people hacking all over the place. My doc told me to keep her at home anyway just in case because it's going around quite a bit down here.

Sitting, feeding, changing, hoping for a shower (my hair is absolutely a giant bird nest, I cannot comb it to save my life. Not sure if I should just let it dread up. ) Anyway, that's life here in a nutshell.

As for other posts...

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Originally Posted by Surfacing View Post

Expat-Mama - did sex feel different? To be honest, at first, with dd1, yes. I felt much more roomy... roomier than I cared to feel.
That's funny, when I had DD1 I swear the doc made me a virgin again! I was much tighter and would tear and sometimes bleed during sex, this didn't stop for a few years. I'm sure I could have done something pro-active to help, but I just hoped it would get better. I don't think it worked! This time around I think that my doc fixed everything! I had 2nd degree, but I think the only thing that made it 2nd and not 3rd is that I tore at an angle and not straight back so I have stitches on my cheek kwim!?

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frankencunt!!
That's funny!!


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Originally Posted by mamakaikai View Post
On a more serious note, I had a 2nd degree tear the first time. I also had what some would call a starburst tear; everything got some tearing action down there...just one big explosion. The tissues took forever to heal. I could not have sex for months. It hurt, looked funny, was stiff etc. I felt broken.
I think that's what happened to me the first time, that's why it was so hard to heal, I tore inside and out, it was terrible!

I think that looking at ourselves down there is not a good idea for the first couple of months! Things seem to go back to normal, maybe a new normal, but things change in the first few months it seems. Don't get too discouraged!

To be honest, I am way more worried about the emotional part of this all, with ppd etc. I have been so moody, mad one second at dh and frustrated with dd, and happy the next. I don't know if I will ever want to dtd again. I sure didn't after dd1, but that had a lot to do with the pain and then things just sort of stuck. I hope things are better this time.

Artist, teacher, wife and mommy to DSS, DD1, DD2 and surprise baby girl on the way, 7/12!

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#21 of 48 Old 08-03-2010, 10:22 PM
 
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I am actually healing up pretty good here! Last time my tearing lasted for MONTHS and this time i feel pretty close to healed.

She's been sleeping good at night, only wakes once or twice most nights, but I am still exhausted! I forgot how hard it can be to do this! Milk making and doting!
My tearing experiences have been like that too --really bad and slow to heal in the past and much easier this time. My baby is 10 days old and sitting is only a little weird now.

His belly button just fell out! He has a herniated belly button, so it looks pretty strange. The ped said it'll take a few months but the hernia will fix itself.

Mama to Peter (3/8/04), Leo (3/12/06), Timothy (7/24/10), and boy #4 due on the summer solstice 2014
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#22 of 48 Old 08-04-2010, 07:30 AM
 
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I wonder if your dp needs some specific information about things to try with the newborn when he's crying. Like checking his diaper, or swaddling and rocking him, is he cold? Does he just want some touch? You know?

How's your communication with him? Can you have a respectful conversation about your different beliefs?
Sorry I haven't answered yet - newborn screamer, ya know. Anyhow, yeah, I've given him tips on what he can do. ATM the one thing that always works is packing the baby in a carrier and walking around. But DP can't do that indefinitely. My mw told us to try the birthing ball and presto! Fritz has been snoozing all morning now. His latch is much better, too, so I think he's eating more and is more satisfied overall. And I got out my Baby Book from the Sears gurus and opened it up to the fussy baby chapter and then became really busy. DP browsed through the book while I was away so there's hope I guess. He chatted me up on the breastfeeding & c/s issue and bonding after a c/s. I'm pretty sure he's AP material - I mean we discussed it beforehand and he's very sensitive himself and he's so NOT mainstream. I know that some of his problems are lack of experience so I'm walking a tightrope of letting him learn to swim and needing to dive in and rescue him and the baby. Yesterday morning he was totally dejected and didn't want to hold the baby at all because he was sure it was just going to start screaming and crying immediately. *sigh* Today he had a good experience anyways.

hide.gif Me 41, single mom to modifiedartist.gifdd 4/2001 and demon.gif ds 7/17/2010

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#23 of 48 Old 08-04-2010, 02:10 PM
 
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I totally 100% believe men can get PPD too...so maybe just talk to him about how he's feeling after the birth. I know my hsbd gets the baby blues too.

A great book that has helped us is Itsy Bitsy Yoga. Daddy's are really good at the playing bit..but sometimes not the soothing nurturing bit like us mommas. And they can feel really helpless around a newborn...they just don't know what to do. My husband can do some of the yoga moves in that book and he is helping the baby with the fussies and playing at the same time. We've used this with our second child and it was great. I wish I had this book with my first. He was at a lost what to do so much of the time. So if he's looking for some way to bond or play/take care of the baby...he may like this!

http://www.itsybitsyyoga.com/

I learned the bouncing on a birth ball trick from this.

homeschooling, breastfeeding, cosleeping mama to ds1(7), ds2(3) and dd(3 months)
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#24 of 48 Old 08-04-2010, 04:01 PM
 
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I think my husband has a bit of the baby blues too.

Tired...we had at least 12 diaper changes between 5 am - 8 am! The rest of the time was nursing or walking with him. He seems to like walking much better than bouncing on the ball.

Paula, mama to DS M (7/2010) sleepytime.gif and Watson (1998) dog2.gif and welcoming baby Penny (8/1/2013) babyf.gif

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#25 of 48 Old 08-04-2010, 05:34 PM
 
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I don't have time to read this whole thread right now so I'll have to fully catch up later (DS is about to arrive home from daycare), but THANK YOU LADIES....you make me feel so much better. I was just freaking out about the scary (someone said "cavernous") and unhemmed appearence of my girly parts. So glad to know I'm not alone.

Do those kegels REALLY work? Because I peed my pants the other day. Like, fully peed. I was laughing really hard and then I couldn't stop the flow once it started. So depressing. How many do I have to do each day and how long until I get results?

Mamakaikai, we're tandeming here. Lots of challenges, but still lovely. One negative side effect is DS is now waking up a LOT earlier in the am to have his numnums. I think we're going to move his am nursing to later after breakfast in the hopes that we can all sleep past 5am again. Baby girl sleeps just fine, it's big brother who's waking a lot!

AFM, I have mastitis. My fever spiked to 102.5 yesterday. I called my mama at my midwife's prompting so she got here last night to help me out with everything so I can heal- bedrest I've been prescribed. My MW said this was a sign I'm doing too much, and can be the beginning of a downward sprial if I don't call in help and rest. I said that many others do this (& more) all the time without many of the luxuries I have, but she reassured me that they don't always do it well and that it's harder than it appears and I don't need to make sure the laundry is done every day (& meals planned/prepared, and house vacuumed, etc). I'm just so glad my mommy came to rescue me. I can just cuddle with my sweet ONE MONTH OLD babe!
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#26 of 48 Old 08-04-2010, 09:05 PM
 
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First time Mama's that have babies not sleeping much...one word SWADDLE. It took a few kids for me to figure out how important it was. Just go buy one of those $10 velcro swaddle wraps. It is a awesome investment and will give you a baby that can sleep.

Mastitis...ugh had it with my first..I too was on my own with number 1. Daniel was working and I had no family. Water Rest and Warm compresses and Rubbing olive oil on the nips was my prescription.

Daniel is hormonal too. I swear all teh hormones I have he seems to have picked them up too and then some. He is more wiggy then I.

carlie~33 DP~40 mom to Cadan Riley 7/22/04, Kailin Naiya 8/05/06,, Ronen Blake12/13/08 , Rosen Blythe 7/26/10.
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#27 of 48 Old 08-05-2010, 12:33 AM
 
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nak

my dp too, seems to be feeling postpartum as well. he is really tired and moody like i need that! i am tired and moody for good reason, but i guess its cute hes got the sympathetic stuff.
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#28 of 48 Old 08-05-2010, 02:38 AM
 
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Has anyone weighed their baby recently? I just weighed my 5 week old and she's already gained 2 pounds. She's just under 12 pounds. She also doesn't look like a newborn anymore and is outgrowing her 3 months clothes. Onto the 6 month stash. Tick tock, time is flying by.

I haven't weighed myself yet. I gave myself 6 weeks of lazy baby time, now I need to really think about moving a bit more. I will weigh myself mid month and see where I'm at. I do however feel uncomfortably plump, so will be working on just feeling better regardless of numbers.

Sorry to hear about all the ppd papa's. In my early postpartum I snapped at dp and told him to get it together. I said something like: If you're loosing it the what the @*^$ am I?! Really, I get it's hard for the men too with their lives changing and their lack of sleep, but with all the physical stuff going on, we women get zero opportunity to escape the new reality. Society in general makes it a challenge to become parents with everything being so disconnected, but postpartum women really really need the support and all too often the only support we get is from our dp. So if they can't be our rock then we've got to dig out our super power strength right when we're already feeling depleted. So hugs to you all and keep in mind that your energy is coming back, you just might not feel it yet. One moment at a time.

tmi As a side not, I scratched off my belly button last week. Well the pregnancy pigment anyways. So long pregnant body, until we meet again...or not...

SAHM to DD 03/08 & DD 06/10 made with love with my DP
 
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#29 of 48 Old 08-05-2010, 12:14 PM
 
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Hi All,

I don't have time to read everyone's posts thoroughly, but wanted to chime in. We're at 2.5 weeks pp and I'm starting to get really nervous about colic. DS#1 was SOSOSO colicky and it started at 3 weeks. Now that we're rounding that bend, I'm starting to get nervous that it will happen again. It was one thing dealing with a colicky baby when the baby was the only one in the house. I think it will be something else dealing with a colicky baby and a 2.5 year old! Already, DS#1 sometimes says, "Stop baby Henry crying." And he hasn't been crying that much! Sigh...

I think we just made it through the 2 week growth spurt - Henry went from waking up every 1.5 hours to sleeping for a 4 hour stretch last night. Heaven. Although I'm ashamed to say that I was a bit of a wreck during the spurt - I kept feeling like it was never going to end, which I knew was irrational, but... well... it is what it is...

Hope all is well with everyone else!
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#30 of 48 Old 08-05-2010, 01:07 PM
 
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I can totally understand all you ladies about the scary nether regions. I'm pretty sure that I have at least mild pelvic organ prolapse. I won't know for sure until after my postpartum checkup, and I am trying to take it easy until then. The medical treatment options seem to be dismal (and not necessarily successful). And the natural options seem impossible right now. Complete bed rest? With a 2 yo and a newborn? Not happening. SO frustrated right now. The worst part is that it seems like I did this to myself. Ladies PLEASE even if you are feeling great, take it easy! Until your bodies hormones are done adjusting and your body starts tightening up again gravity is seriously your enemy! If you don't have to do something, DON'T. ARGH! I wish I had taken better advantage of the help that was available for the first few weeks, I was up and about the same day I delivered. Now I wish I had just stayed in bed chilling with my little girl.

At least my children are beautiful and good and my husband is being supportive.

Hey, Babe  +  Me  =  Little Man 07-27-08  &  the Storm Sprite 07-11-10  computergeek2.gif    
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