*~* Postpartum Chat Thread Aug 15 - 21 *~* - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 27 Old 08-16-2010, 12:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Last week's chat thread:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1251343

I hear ds awake and ready to nurse, so I'll make this quick. Hope everyone had a nice weekend. Dd2 is having a really hard time adjusting and is whining and crying all the time. Poor little kid. It's also driving us nuts. Trying to give her lots of TLC but it's not smooth sailing yet.

I am enjoying reading everyone's updates.

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#2 of 27 Old 08-16-2010, 04:13 PM
 
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yep!! my oldest ds(7) is doing just swell, and he's on the spectrum! But my 3 yo ds is just whiuning, crying, getting aggressive for unknown reasons, loud!, crashing and banging, told us today that we needed to take dd to wal-mart and buy a thomas train instead (silly boy), and on and on. I swear I'm not imagining his NEED IT NOW reactions whenever I'm nursing or babe is sleeping.

We're trying to mot be agitated mean tired parents but I'm getting a little miffed these last 2 months!!! whoa...2 months? of crazy 3 year old high tension?!

I'm trying here...we hug, we read, we buy and dole out way too many popsicles, daddy takes him to the park just the two of them, we talk, we plead, we pray, we cajole, we bribe, we yell , we cry and do a bit of whining ourself. If we could just change 1 thing in the whole world right now, we would reign in this newfound aggresion towards us and our ds1. We think he knows he can't take out his feelings on a tiny cute baby so he's terrorizing us. I hate even typing that...he is such a sweet boy...always has been high energy. Right now he's good because I made him sweet potato fries!

Our transition with my oldest went much better...I know it did! I'm not just imagining that either.

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#3 of 27 Old 08-16-2010, 06:46 PM
 
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I feel you ladies, my six year old is like, whatever, baby is cute, but it doesn't affect him all that much, my 4 year old however is putting us thru hell right now, crying over everything, makes herself throw up due to the hysteria, keeps telling me to put the baby down and if she's nursing I can't....she's gone to bed in the last two weeks without books or snack and super early. We are looking forward to school so that maybe in a better routine she'll do better. Sigh, it will get better, it will get better.

We give lots of tlc, we went out together just the two of us on Saturday, but still there's the whining the crying oh yes and the potty accidents which push me over the ledge. Trying to channel patience, but it is not working.

The baby is good, eats well, sleeps well, is so warm and cuddly, she may be my favorite
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#4 of 27 Old 08-16-2010, 11:15 PM
 
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yeah...the 4yr old girl whiny cryey thing is old...lol. actually its the throwing fits and crying every time she doesn't get to do what she wants to....ugh. Keeping her well fed, rested and busy seem to be key things. Cannot wait to get home in 9 days and back into a routine with all her friends!!!
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#5 of 27 Old 08-17-2010, 12:13 AM
 
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My three year old is loud as well, it's driving us crazy! Everything comes out as a whiney holler!

JENNY, 38~ preschool teacher, birth activist, sun worshiper, singer, married for 17 years and mom to

Karan 15, Fiona 12, Bodhi 10, Bjorn 6, Devon 3, and Robin Taylor born January 16th!

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#6 of 27 Old 08-17-2010, 12:41 AM
 
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So it's not just MY toddler who's gone over the whiny edge? !!
I wish there was a dial to put her back to the original station...the one with less static and whining. jk I do feel bad for her, she's clearly having to deal with huge emotional changes and new feelings and her whole world is upside down.

She's started whining, throwing things and nail biting. And she wants mama milk all the time. It makes me feel like I am not doing my job right as a mother if I can't take care of her emotional needs. But the fact is, I am, actually both of her parents are home with her 24/7 tending to her...she's just facing an emotional challenge and we're all doing our best to handle it and help her grow through it. But man it takes its toll on me to hear her like that all the time.

Hugs to all with whinny needy kids.

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#7 of 27 Old 08-17-2010, 08:02 AM
 
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My 9 year old is dealing with the new addition as well as we expected. She's got some minor jealousy issues, but no tantrums, thank goodness. She just misses being the center of the universe.
AFM, my belly stll hurts a little from the c/s. My back is still a mess, but I can walk now. And I'm on day 6 of some stomach virus. No vomitting, but my poor bumm is really sore. And on top of all this the usual exhaustion of having to do it all while DP sleeps soundly and even has the luxury of rubbing one out while I'm trying to nurse ds in bed.

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#8 of 27 Old 08-17-2010, 10:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Terrilein View Post
And I'm on day 6 of some stomach virus. No vomitting, but my poor bumm is really sore. And on top of all this the usual exhaustion of having to do it all while DP sleeps soundly and even has the luxury of rubbing one out while I'm trying to nurse ds in bed.
Ugh, it's no fun to have a stomach virus. I hope you get better soon!

When I read the phrase "rubbing one out" I
ETA - does he know you don't like it?

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#9 of 27 Old 08-18-2010, 05:07 AM
 
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I do need to talk to him about it, but there's always something going on here. Or someone is over. Or dd is within listening range. Or I'm sleeping. I figure it'll be worth a discussion come Monday when we're back at my shrink's office.

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#10 of 27 Old 08-18-2010, 08:00 AM
 
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The kids and I went to dh's school and happened to meet the new secretary who was talking with the kids. At one point my 3 year old pipes up "ya but my mom is always grouchy" Okay she nailed that one down - I'm low on sleep, juggling three kids, working on the house we live in which means it's so messy - but I'm not alway grouchy

Another 3 year old here who is having such a hard time. Potty trained for a year and has had a dozen accidence since baby came home, doesn't listen to us anymore, and is just acting out! She starts a 2 morning/wk preschool in 2 weeks and I'm so worried. Maybe it'll be the break she needs, a place that will just be about her and not her siblings or maybe it'll be just too much stress and put her over the top.

DS (almost 6) is terrific though and seems to be handling both little sisters easily. Yeah for smooth transitions!
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#11 of 27 Old 08-18-2010, 08:38 AM
 
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I can say the same as everyone else for my 3 year old... I always tell DS I love him but yesterday I pulled him aside to really tell him. I held his hands and looked into his eyes to tell him and he says "mom you always yell"- it made me so sad. I then tried to explain that when we play loudly that wakes up baby and means less time for him but if we play quietly, he has more mom and dad time. That seems to be working for now. He is very dramatic and puts himself in "time out" as if to spite us when we correct him. He also keeps saying he wants to run away when he gets in trouble and that irks me so bad.
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#12 of 27 Old 08-18-2010, 09:37 PM
 
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Haven't had free hands to write anything much at all recently, but oh this thread help me...DD1 has been an absolute mess, so clearly wanting attention, and she is a pistol to begin with, so she finds lots of fun and interesting ways of getting it. I feel like I cannot take her anywhere these days...like to my godfather's house or to play with an old friend's daughter (did both yesterday and she ended up in her undies at my godfather's and let's just say she wasn't sharing brilliantly at my friend's house! Goodness. Breaks my heart. Fortunately, schedules change soon, and hopefully I will be able to focus on each on a bit more...hopefully! Shoosh, though, these "terrible threes!" (My first time with a girl!)

Hope everyone has a better weekend...crossing my fingers...dd2 just started crying again and DH is making the silliest noises to make her stop...it's actually working! I should record this!

Oh, and how is it that I still am desperate for a 4th!?!? I guess that will never go away for me. Just love pregnancy birth and babies so so so so much...but perhaps that is what the difficult days are for...
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#13 of 27 Old 08-19-2010, 01:40 AM
 
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Hugs to all the amazing mamas dealing with other little ones! It sounds rough. Maybe Konrad doesn't need a little bro or sis!

I'm having nursing issues again- or more like a continuation or change to my original nursing issues. I think I have over supply/too forceful of a let down on my right boob because I pumped it too much when DS used to refuse to nurse on that side. Now he'll nurse on that side, but gets upset often because it's too fast/too much... I was going back to the pumping when he won't nurse on the right, but that seemed to be the source of the problem...so I've got to try something else. Sigh.

Also- I'm starting to wonder if DS is nursing too long. Or if I'm not or he is not doing things efficiently. Our nursing sessions are sooo long. I'm not sure if they need to be though. He will doze off or come off the breast after 5-10 minutes and seem satisfied, but I think that's too short so I'll wake him and switch or get him going again. Not sure if I need to do that or if I should just leave him be. I'm having a hard time telling how much milk he's actually eaten from the softness/firmness of my breasts. It does seem that if I he only spends a few minutes on the boob, he is back there a lot sooner. Then I worry about him not getting enough hind milk... Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing!

Annother big issue is night nursing. From 10/11 to 7/8 we typically have 4 nursing sessions. The first night one around 10 or 11pm and the first morning one at 7 or 8am are ok, it's the middle ones we struggle the most with. At first I thought it was me mainly having so much trouble waking up and being sooo tired. And Konrad would just scream for an hour and fuss at me and fall back asleep after just a couple sucks, etc.
So a couple of weeks ago I started giving him expressed milk in bottles for those two feedings a night and ta-da problem solved! He eats, we sleep, no crying and screaming at all! The thing is the system I have going for those two feeds won't work once DH goes back to work. We usually get up together, DH gives the bottle while I pump. Sometimes I'll only pump once and so DH won't get up and I'll give Konrad the bottle. But DH won't be able to help at night so much when he's back at work- so giving the bottle then pumping by myself will take a really long time. I'm not sure if I have to pump those two times- if my supply will dip too low if I don't etc. I know I'll be uncomfortable if I don't pump for at least one of those feedings. I tried going back to nursing for those two feeds- it was awful again. So I want to stick with what works for me and Konrad- the bottles at night- but I don't know how to manage it if I have to pump too. Blah...

I really don't want DH to go back to work!

In other news- Konrad is losing his hair! I hope it grows back sooner rather than later. Between the baldness on top and the newborn acne, he is looking pretty funny this week.

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#14 of 27 Old 08-20-2010, 01:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Expat-Mama - about your strong let down on the right side - I had this issue with dd2. What I learned from a BTDT Mama, was that she would start her breast off with a manual pump and catch the strong letdown in a towel... THEN latch her baby on once the craziness subsided a bit. That worked well for dd2 and I. I wonder if it would work for you and Konrad? Just putting it out there in case it helps.

As for the night feeds and dh helping -- when is he going back to work? Perhaps in a week or two if you tried night feedings at the breast again, things will be better.

Sounds like you are doing a great job at being receptive to him. Ugh, gtg, more later if I can. Hang in there, Mama!

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#15 of 27 Old 08-20-2010, 09:02 AM
 
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Expat-mama -

As for the amount of time you are nursing, 5-10 minutes is actually plenty if he is an efficient nurser. Do you hear him gulping? Is his jaw moving? I am a CLC (certified lactation counselor), so I can at least tell you what I have learned and know from experience. The BEST way to know if he is getting enough is from his output - if he is having enough wet/soiled diapers each day, and if he is gaining well, then THAT is what you should follow. How has all of that been going? If that is fine, then you do not have to stress about counting minutes and the softness of your breasts, etc.

As far as Hind milk, I know that this has always been told to women, but the latest studies, and what lactation counselors will tell you now, is that there is NO difference between hind milk and foremilk...the only difference is that the hind milk comes last! Again, output and weight gain is what you want to watch...then you can spend less time keeping all of those details straight and more time just nursing and cuddling!

The night feeding issue...if you are co-sleeping, were you getting out of bed to feed him when he was fussing during those difficult feedings? When DH goes back to work, you could do as Surfacing said and go back to trying at the breast (could have been a fussy stretch, or just something else that was bothering him, so always worth trying again), and I would make sure that you change him first, get him nice and awake (unfortunately), swaddle him up, and then nurse him...maybe these are things that you have already tried, but definitely worth going through this routine and giving it another shot so that you do not have to worry about DH going back to work.

Not sure if any of that helped, but I hope at least some of it eases your mind! Good luck and keep it up - you are doing a great job!
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#16 of 27 Old 08-20-2010, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As far as Hind milk, I know that this has always been told to women, but the latest studies, and what lactation counselors will tell you now, is that there is NO difference between hind milk and foremilk...the only difference is that the hind milk comes last!
Do you have a link? I've heard this through our doula grapevine but haven't seen the study yet.

About the night nursing - I just wanted to add that I wonder if your breasts are really full and if baby finds it harder to latch on then. You may need to shape your nipple/breast for him to get an easier latch (like sandwich your nipple/breast a bit). Just some thoughts.

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#17 of 27 Old 08-20-2010, 03:49 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Surfacing;15756555]Do you have a link? I've heard this through our doula grapevine but haven't seen the study yet.

I would have to look through my reading materials to see if I can find the source for that research...if I can find some free time I will! For now, this is where I took my class, and the women who teach it are wonderful! I am sure they could direct you a bit faster than I could!

http://www.healthychildren.cc/index.cfm?show=about
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#18 of 27 Old 08-20-2010, 03:52 PM
 
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Sounds like everyone has had just enough time to notice a trend or pattern in their new lives with the new little personalities, but not quite enough time to figure out exactly where this will lead to. All I remember in this regard with my first born, is that as soon as I figured out a pattern, it was time for something else to change/shift! So I've just been going with the flow ever since.

AFM- it's been an exciting week. Had our last midwifery appointment. Got into a 3 car pile up on a 4 lane freeway at rush hour with both of my kids. It was relatively low impact, about 60km/hour (35mph) and thankfully no one was really hurt. I hit my head and got a fat lip that bled, dd1 got mild burns from her seatbelt and that was it. Both my baby and toddler just freaked out crying on impact and sent me into a worried frenzy. I was ready to kill the other drivers. Mama bear inciting. yowza. Basically one car hit the car behind us and both of them rear-ended us. Thankfully we were not following the next car too closely and avoided hitting a 4th car. We were in the center lane so I was really scared that we'd get hit again. I felt so vulnerable for those few seconds until I could get off the highway. Thankfully there was a green patch behind a big concrete pillar where we could wait for ems/police. DP was driving so he dealt with the paperwork. And then there I was the frazzled screaming mother tandem nursing too screaming kids. What a sight I am sure.

Now dd1 has been in bed sick all day, unrelated I'm guessing. We've canceled dinner plans with friends for tonight. Between the accident and dd1 being sick, life with 2 kids is setting in. I'm trying to figure out how to tend to two kids' urgent needs while still dealing with life and while keeping my head on my shoulders. Just takes a bit of reshuffling the self i think.

Otherwise was a great week. We found a beautiful biodynamic family farm and hand picked 2 bushels of apples and pears. yum!

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#19 of 27 Old 08-20-2010, 03:56 PM
 
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Did i mention how grateful i am that i have good car seats? And how i am always seriously uptight about how tight they are buckled? So grateful.

SAHM to DD 03/08 & DD 06/10 made with love with my DP
 
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#20 of 27 Old 08-20-2010, 04:13 PM
 
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Wow mamakaikai, that is really scary! I'm so glad you are all ok.

Paula, mama to DS M (7/2010) sleepytime.gif and Watson (1998) dog2.gif and welcoming baby Penny (8/1/2013) babyf.gif

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#21 of 27 Old 08-20-2010, 06:56 PM
 
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woah, so glad that you are all ok! i can imagine how it felt. scary. i woulda screamed at the assholes causing the accident too. jees, some people.
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#22 of 27 Old 08-21-2010, 05:20 AM
 
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Poor mama and kiddos! Really, mamakaikai, I'm so glad that everyone is ok. And yes, good car seats are invaluable.

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#23 of 27 Old 08-21-2010, 11:30 PM
 
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mamakaikai........so glad you and your lo's are okay!

I'll just be quick while I have a minute. Ainsley is 4 weeks old today and it seems like our sleep is getting worse and worse. DH is going back to work on Tuesday and I'm not sure how I'll function or how much longer I can go without sleep. At this point I would happy with 2 hour stretches as long as she would nurse and then go back to sleep. It's taking me a minimum of a hour to get her back to sleep everytime she wakes up......she'll sleep for 1.5 or 2 hours and then it takes me at least an hour but sometimes up to 3 hours to get her back down to sleep. Then we repeat in another 1.5 to 2 hours........so tired! The other night I pumped a bottle and dh fed her and she slept for 4 hours but we gave her a bottle the next night and it was only a 2 hour sleep. After she had the bottles she seemed to be really fussy and unhappy at the breast so I don't really want to overdo it there. She starts the night in her basinet and then comes in with me but nothing I do seems to get her sleeps any longer or get her going back to sleep quicker.

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#24 of 27 Old 08-23-2010, 02:48 AM
 
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mamakaikai! Super scary. That's the very last thing I'd want to deal with right now, so sorry that happened.

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#25 of 27 Old 08-23-2010, 07:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Next weekly chat thread:
Aug 22 - 28 http://www.mothering.com/discussions...1#post15763961

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#26 of 27 Old 08-23-2010, 10:54 AM
 
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Thanks for all the love and support mamas! It was scary, I was shaking uncontrollably and the colours were so vivid I was so full of adrenaline. I'm so grateful we were all safe and the seat belts were properly fastened. I might be 7 weeks postpartum, but those pp hormones sure make for some intense emotions! Or is that just what life with 2 babes will be like from now on?!

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#27 of 27 Old 08-24-2010, 04:20 PM
 
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glad you guys are alright...i know those scary emotions. We got into a wreck on a very icy road when my oldest was 5 days old...I'm forever thankful for good carseats and the car seat inspectors who help out new moms...and I'm forever thankful for metal gaurd rails on the side of roads...I still shudder to think what could have been without that gaurd rail there.

definitely not what you want to be feeling PP!

I'm extremely over diligent about proper carseats and proper buckling.

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