Left 6 week PP visit in tears - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 08-23-2010, 06:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am such a bumbling mess. Went to see my beloved midwife for my PP visit and immediately burst into tears...because once again I am so sad to be (gulp) "done" having babies. I have posted about this before, but we have 3 healthy children, and dh is definitely done, as our first two require a lot of energy and attention, financially 3 is a lot for us, etc., but I could really just keep having them forever. Alas, I am 37, and dh is done. This is so unfathomably hard for me. My poor midwife...these past 7 years of childbearing have just been so incredibly empowering and life changing for me and I do not want this part of my life to be over...not sure I could ever get to the point where I could be "ready" to be done...anyone else with me?
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#2 of 11 Old 08-23-2010, 07:58 PM
 
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DDCC

The next stage of life can be incredibly empowering and life-changing, too. When you feel ready, set your sights on your future and try to envision what you want to make of it! It can be great! s, though...I know it's tough. I'll be facing that reality in a couple of months. If it helps, I've talked with my therapist about it and she was a big help. Many, MANY women go through this struggle at the transition from childbearing. You're not alone.

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#3 of 11 Old 08-23-2010, 09:40 PM
 
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This is our third child as well and I agree that more than three is just not reasonable for us financially, logistically and for so many other reasons. My hsbd has his vasectomy appt made for Sept and I am feeling happy about it. I love my children and I loved my pregnancies and my births and nursing my children...all of it. It all felt/feels so empowering and has been a real part of who I am.

But i am 31 years old. I feel that it is time for me to start a new chapter in our lives. I have visions of all things we can do as a family that a pregnancy or newborn would inhibit. I have visions for myself of exercising and getting into great shape, of having hobbies and outside interests and being able to travel etc...lots of things that a pregnancy and a newborn or nursing baby can inhibit in one way or another. I love the time I have spent with my children. I homeschool so in no way am i the type who wants them grown up and away from me...but I'm ready to move on to another stage of womanhood.

I was downright ridiculous happy with glee when we decided to shedule a V. We actually thought about it after our second ds but so glad we put it off because noow we have our dd and I never really felt a need to be done after ds2's birth...I was still googly eyed over pregnancy and babies...but I met my dd when she was born and i knew my family was complete. I knew that I had a tumultous maidenhood, an empowering motherhood, and now it's time for me to move into the womanhood stage before my crone stage. kwim?

My husband is ready to take the step he feels he needs to contribute to our family planning...it can be a hard transition. We've talked and talked about it throughout this last pregnancy.

I hope that you can come to a decision that feels right for your family. We chose sterilization because we just don't even feel we want the option or circumstances to have another child. It was a very strong happy feeling that our family was complete. If I still felt some sort of ambivalence I may have opted for some other family planning method.

homeschooling, breastfeeding, cosleeping mama to ds1(7), ds2(3) and dd(3 months)
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#4 of 11 Old 08-23-2010, 09:48 PM
 
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DDCC oh you worded that so nicely. I totally understand. I'm not sure if this baby is our last or not, but it's a really real possibility and you summed that up so eloquently. I am trying to take the time to gear up for a 'this is it' because I think it would hit me harder if I wasn't 'gearing up'.

senfing and blessings

orngbiggrin.gif mom of three with stork-suprise.gif on the way

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#5 of 11 Old 08-24-2010, 03:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, Terra-Pip - wow, you rally did put that quite eloquently. I so admire your perspective on life with three and feeling so genuinely good about being done and moving on to the next stage in your life. I thought I was there during the pregnancy, but of course I was pregnant then...dh got his vasectomy in May, so that has been done...I know that it can be reversed, but the chances are extremely minimal of that ever happening!

I deeply appreciate you taking the time to write such a thoughtful, insightful response. I actually feel much better after hearing what you had to say...I have been researchung getting a BSN this afternoon...the next stage for me...a career change with 3 kiddos..got to follow your dreams, right? THANK YOU!!!!!
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#6 of 11 Old 08-24-2010, 03:42 PM
 
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exactly. I don't want to be one of those moms so wrapped up in my children that I am empty or lost when they are grown. I have three wonderful little lives to watch grow and change and learn, I am happy with that. But I still have my own life to live, and pregnancy and birth and motherhood are a big part of my life...always will be. But I need to move beyond some of those things.

I'll say, I know dd is my last so I feel as though I have been treasuring every moment more than I did with my others. Even when she's fussy I smile because it will be the last time I hear a newborn fuss like that. So yeah, it's bittersweet.

homeschooling, breastfeeding, cosleeping mama to ds1(7), ds2(3) and dd(3 months)
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#7 of 11 Old 08-25-2010, 02:00 AM
 
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I can so relate but ds is crying, gtg.

Thanks for this ladies, so much wisdom here.

Hugs to you Livelaughlove.

wash.gif  Me  + bikenew.gif Dh =  broc1.gif  Dd1(9 yrs) + hearts.gif  Dd2(6 yrs) and blowkiss.gif Ds(3.5 yrs)
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#8 of 11 Old 08-26-2010, 08:03 PM
 
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One of the things I absolutely loved about being pregnant were the mw visits. The three women are just incredible and I've never been that close with any other primary care dr, or felt like a dr. knew me so well. I so wish midwives would carry on and be our children's pediatrician and my primary doctor and it does feel very sad to be done just like that after seeing them so frequently.

My dh had a vasectomy scheduled for last October and my bc prescription ran out in Sept. so we decided if something happens in Sept-Nov great but it probably would not and we'd have 2 great kids. To have dd2 join us was a great surprise and joy and I'm so glad life worked out the way it did. I'm also glad that we're done and I do enjoy the older ages more than this baby stage and so it is bitter sweet!
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#9 of 11 Old 08-26-2010, 09:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homew/two View Post
One of the things I absolutely loved about being pregnant were the mw visits. The three women are just incredible and I've never been that close with any other primary care dr, or felt like a dr. knew me so well. I so wish midwives would carry on and be our children's pediatrician and my primary doctor and it does feel very sad to be done just like that after seeing them so frequently.

My dh had a vasectomy scheduled for last October and my bc prescription ran out in Sept. so we decided if something happens in Sept-Nov great but it probably would not and we'd have 2 great kids. To have dd2 join us was a great surprise and joy and I'm so glad life worked out the way it did. I'm also glad that we're done and I do enjoy the older ages more than this baby stage and so it is bitter sweet!
Oh, how I can relate to this. There are so many different pieces to what makes being "done" so difficult, and the midwife piece is an enormous part of it for me. I was talking with a high school best friend the other day who is entrenched in the birthing world and in mothering and very much understands what I am going through, and she reminded me that I have been mothered so well and so much by my midwife, mothered in a way that I, an adoptee who had a wonderful upbringing but was not mothered in this same way, did not necessarily have. It is an intersting perspective on what I am feeling right now...so so sad to not be pregnant again, to not experience that anticipation and the energy of such incredible creativity, and to not feel birth fully again, no more newborns, etc. At the same time, though, there is the loss of that mothering, that nurturing of me, which I certainly have in other areas of my life and from the people who love me, but it is different. I have wished so many times that I could have midwifery care for my general health. The midwifery model of care is, IMO, the way all caegivers should practice. Don't even get me started on that!

Trying very hard to focus on the moment, soak in this baby, and remember that DS and DD1 need my energy and attention, too. I turn so deeply inward during pregnancy that part of the trouble I am having now is emerging from that intensely me focused pregnancy state. Better everyday, but I know for certain that I need to make sure that my life's work happens in the birth world.
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#10 of 11 Old 08-27-2010, 01:17 AM
 
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GOOD moms let their kids lick the beaters. GREAT moms turn off the mixer first!
Humanist Woman Wife , & Friend Plus Mama to 6 (3 mos, 2, 9, 13, 17, 20)
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#11 of 11 Old 09-16-2010, 03:26 PM
 
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livelaughlove, I also left my 6 wk visit in tears and suffered terrible separation anxiety from my mw! I wish we lived closer, I responded to your running post and am also looking into getting my BSN!
So grateful to all of the wonderful ladies around here. Hang in there!
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