Dtd? - Mothering Forums
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July 2010 > Dtd?
craft_media_hero's Avatar craft_media_hero 08:47 PM 09-02-2010
?

DH apparently finds my post-birth mama body irresistable and he is so sweet and patient and gentle, but the guy is kind of chomping at the bit, so to speak and although my libido is pretty much flatline, I think I'd enjoy if I could relax more.

We have *ahem* been practicing alternative intimacy.

I had two tiny sideway tears just on the inner labia on either side of my urethra. So any kind of friction that involves the entire vulva irritates the tears which otherwise do not bother me at all (I stopped using the peri bottle a couple weeks ago). I think that my yoni is probably fully healed, but the labia are still healing.

I don't know when to expect to be able to dtd, and I'm kinda intimidated I feel like I have muscle memory in that area, and the last sensations were so intense (and yeah, painful! I'll admit it) that I'm kind of unable to relax and fully let go.

Strangely feel virginal all over again, which is actually kind of cool.

almost 5wks pp here


What's your experience? Any advice? I think I got back into the act quite a lot earlier with my oldest, but it's been 7yrs, so I really don't remember too clearly.

Momma2DoubleCuties's Avatar Momma2DoubleCuties 10:27 PM 09-02-2010
We waited until 2 weeks : I didn't have any tears with this guy, with my 2nd son I had a episiotomy from hell and I had to wait the full 6 weeks and then possibly even longer, I can't remember. It was terrible. I say give it a try if it hurts, stop and wait a few days. Can't hurt to try right?
MJB's Avatar MJB 10:39 PM 09-02-2010
We waited a little over 4 weeks this time. I waited 4 with my first and 2 with my second. This time I was waiting impatiently for the bleeding to stop, it never lasted so long before. The first two times I had some pain because it was so tight, but it is going great now, on the rare occasion the baby falls asleep before I'm ready to pass out.
Go slow, get some lube (we use coconut oil because other lubes have caused problems with me). It *is* much like the first time after healing from childbirth and waiting all that time!
expat-mama's Avatar expat-mama 03:39 AM 09-03-2010
My DH is "chomping at the bit" as well. I have brief spikes in my libido, but they are so shortlived and I'm so exhausted that I don't do much about it. I'm working more on addressing DH's needs- he's so wonderful and helpful with the babe and hasn't put any pressure on me about it... I feel like he needs to be treated now and then at least!
But no deed being done here yet... I'm still nervous about my yoni and how it will feel, add to that I'm just not too into sex right now. And everytime we are getting down and I am almost to the point of considering it, DS squawks or squeaks and the moment is kind of lost for me. Soon though, it's gotta be soon or DH will lose it and I'll never work up the courage! Feeling virginal indeed!
Terrilein's Avatar Terrilein 07:32 AM 09-03-2010
Seriously? Still no libido here. But then again, I'm not sleeping much either, my back is killing me and my belly still hurts from the c/s at 7 weeks pp. On top of that I'm just so irritated with DP that I'm simply not in the mood. And yeah, we're seing my shrink.
lrgs's Avatar lrgs 12:36 PM 09-03-2010
My DH is impatiently waiting too........I'm almost 6 weeks post partum and don't feel quite up to it yet. I told dh I had to wait until my 6 week check up before we could DTD, eventhough I know that isn't exactly true.....but it takes the pressure off. I didn't have any tearing and feel fine so we could do it anytime. He keeps asking when my doctor appointment is......like I"m going to come home right after and DTD. Strangely enough I do have a lot of times where I feel in the mood and wouldn't mind trying.....but I'm just too tired to do anything about it............sleep wins over sex right now!
matthia's Avatar matthia 04:26 PM 09-03-2010
we only waited a week...I was so overwhelmed with oxytocin (they don't call it the love hormone for nothing) that I was rearing to go almost before my DH. we didn't dtd much in the last few months of the pregnancy, so that might have had somehing to do with it.

I guess I'd suggest making sure you don't rush it. And I know sometimes it's hard to feel in the mood but I find once I just decide to get it over with (god that sounds awful), I do get into it. And I really do appreciate the intimacy. I always feel more relaxed afterwards.
For the first time, take a while to build up to it, make sure you're REALLY turned on before you go for the gold. That way, even if there is a little bit of pain, hoepfully the pleasure outweighs it.
J. Jones's Avatar J. Jones 08:33 PM 09-03-2010
Prolly should make sure your labia is fully healed. The wait is worth it.

We dtd at 6 wks this time and it was psychedelic and sweet. Though all the "alternative intimacy" is fun too.
craft_media_hero's Avatar craft_media_hero 09:02 PM 09-03-2010
Awww, I love you gals! Such insightful and honest and gentle responses. Our ddc has rocked.

Expat- I could have written your post! I totally relate.
bjorker's Avatar bjorker 06:56 AM 09-05-2010
We tried right before 6 weeks, and it was painful and I swelled a bit. Even bled a tiny bit. Not fun. We've tried twice since then and it's still painful. mw says tissues are thinner, and I can tell. I had a fairly minor tear, and while it bothered me some when we dtd at 6 weeks, I think I'm past that part now. But the friction in general makes me swell.
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somegirl99's Avatar somegirl99 02:45 PM 09-05-2010
I had some libido earlier on, when I wasn't healed enough, so did some "alternative" intimacy here...but recently I've been too tired, so we have yet to DTD. He wants to cuddle when we go to bed, and I'm happy to do so for a few minutes, then I just want to get in my 2-hour stretch of sleep if I can. I'm sure some of it is due to nerves here as well.
mummy marja's Avatar mummy marja 10:38 AM 09-07-2010
We just DTD for the first time last week. I think we were at 9 weeks. I felt ready earlier, but with 2 older kids who don't nap and a babe who doesn't sleep without mama beside him there just wasn't opportunity. The night we did it, I went to bed early with Baby as usual and Dh put the older 2 to bed. Then he set up a lovely bed in the livingroom, set the mood with candles and music and woke me up with a massage. It was nice. It hurt. Being on top was better.

My libido is very, very low. Not too worried about it though--been here before and I know it gets better!
Surfacing's Avatar Surfacing 11:41 AM 09-07-2010
CMH there's lots of good support and advice here. Sounds like your dh is really kind and patient and respectful. Alternate forms of intimacy are there FOR A REASON!!!

Lowish libido here too with exhaustion and nerves looking after all 3 kids. We dtd yesterday and I've been spotting since. Hmmm. I'm 7 wks pp. Has anyone else had spotting since dtd? Lochia stopped already a week or two ago. Weird.

Hey Terrilein - how're things going with the counselling? Are you guys getting your issues on the table? Do you like your counsellor?
chiromommy's Avatar chiromommy 11:23 AM 09-10-2010
I am 6 weeks pp and I've been ready for a couple of weeks. But my DP is still all blissed out with the baby and not that concerned with gettin it on. I have always been the higher drive one and I'm being patient. I bled until 5 weeks so he was worried about that, but then I passed a huge clot and that stopped so now there's nothing holding me back. This was my least traumatic birth yoni-wise so I feel pretty good and my libido has not disappeared as it has with previous nurslings. I'm hoping for some action this weekend. It may take getting the big kids out of the house and possibly even leaving the baby with inlaws for a couple hours to get him over the first time. He's like a girl with this.
Surfacing's Avatar Surfacing 05:00 PM 09-10-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiromommy View Post
It may take getting the big kids out of the house and possibly even leaving the baby with inlaws for a couple hours to get him over the first time. He's like a girl with this.
My dh is like that too
Love Wins's Avatar Love Wins 02:04 AM 09-11-2010
I'm like you ChiroMommy, ready to go, but DH is a little slow on the go. I got the go-ahead from my MW at 4 weeks, and I finally convinced my DH at 5 weeks, but it hurt too much and the snake had to go back in it's cage. Anyways, after many more slow, steady and well-lubed attempts, we finally had success! Woot woot! It was like my birthday and Christmas all in one! But, I'd say it hurt more than when I lost my virginity. Anways, it still hurts though, every time and I'm 9 weeks PP now. Any idea when that will stop??
craft_media_hero's Avatar craft_media_hero 04:20 AM 09-12-2010
Eeek! We still haven't. I feel like I will need a lot of time to get revved up for it, and that kind of time just doesn't exist yet . . .

I feel kinda bad for my dh who is so wonderful and supportive, but I'm just not ready yet *shrug*
expat-mama's Avatar expat-mama 12:57 PM 09-12-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by craft_media_hero View Post
Eeek! We still haven't. I feel like I will need a lot of time to get revved up for it, and that kind of time just doesn't exist yet . . .

I feel kinda bad for my dh who is so wonderful and supportive, but I'm just not ready yet *shrug*
Same here.
lrgs's Avatar lrgs 01:29 PM 09-14-2010
Yesterday was DH bday and I know he was expecting some bday sex but I just couldn't do it! I'm way too tired and as soon as DD went to sleep (at midnight!) I could not manage to stay awake for any amount of time. She's nursing every 1.5 hours and I'm just all touched out by the end of the day. I know he was disapointed but didn't say anything........hopefully it happens one of these days.
craft_media_hero's Avatar craft_media_hero 01:05 AM 09-15-2010
Well, we tried last night and . . . it hurt. We didn't get very far
expat-mama's Avatar expat-mama 04:55 AM 09-15-2010
Oh well, I'm sure he appreciated that you tried. It'll be easier next time Ihope.

This weekend is our wedding anniversary, dh already gave me one of my gifts a 1.5 hour massage. So i'm going to get my massage, have a couple of glasses of wine and give it a go! Wish me luck!
craft_media_hero's Avatar craft_media_hero 08:21 PM 09-15-2010
Good luck, and happy anniversary!!
chiromommy's Avatar chiromommy 12:26 PM 09-16-2010
We sent the kids to the inlaws for a couple of hours under the ruse of errands needing to be done I wanted no interruptions so we could get through the weirdness. I was surprisingly well lubricated (which concerns me because I don't want my periods to arrive yet) and comfortable. He has had the flu for a couple of weeks so he was trying to keep from coughing, but it went pretty well all in all. And that awkward first time is out of the way. It was very much like when we were 18 and in the back of his parents' car - a little new and fumbly
Theoretica's Avatar Theoretica 02:55 AM 09-17-2010
Sigh. Am I the only one with NO interest whatsoever? I think my brain sees all the kids nd thinks...THAT activity is what got all these (delightful) bundles to arrive in the first place! Do it MORE? NOW?? NEVAHHHH!

Ahem.


Happeesupermom's Avatar Happeesupermom 03:22 AM 09-17-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Theoretica View Post
Sigh. Am I the only one with NO interest whatsoever? I think my brain sees all the kids nd thinks...THAT activity is what got all these (delightful) bundles to arrive in the first place! Do it MORE? NOW?? NEVAHHHH!

Ahem.

I don't have any desire ATM either! I was wondering if I was the only one! LOL

DS is now 8 wks & DH has been "showing interest" for over a month... but I'm just NOT INTERESTED in DTD right now! It's not that I'm afraid it might be painful or weird... I'm just not interested.

Is that normal?

Theoretica's Avatar Theoretica 03:53 AM 09-17-2010
I think so. I mean, I'm supposed to be all 'awww he thinks I'm thexy' but really I'm all "ohhhhh he's POKING me AGAIIIIIIIN".

Aherm.
5gifts's Avatar 5gifts 03:08 PM 09-17-2010
I'm right there with you! Its going to turn into the big white elephant in the room LOL! I have zero interest....I'm sure he's just being patient for me to give out the go ahead vibes...but I'm just hoping it doesn't come up in conversation soon. Oh well, with 6 kids...3 of them sleeping in our bed full time, and 12 wk old that is in arms 24/7.....not much 'oppertunity' around here
~PurityLake~'s Avatar ~PurityLake~ 07:35 PM 09-17-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Theoretica View Post
I think so. I mean, I'm supposed to be all 'awww he thinks I'm thexy' but really I'm all "ohhhhh he's POKING me AGAIIIIIIIN".

Aherm.
I still feel that way, five years later.
expat-mama's Avatar expat-mama 02:31 PM 09-18-2010
We did it!
:nana
It was our anniversary celebration evening so the pressure was kind of on. It really helped me to be supremely relaxed (an hour of professional aromatherapy massage, lovely dinner, chocolate semifreddo for dessert, wine, the charming company of DH and a break from DS for a few hours). I think the massage and the wine really put me in the mood!
Anyway, it was a bit painful at first but after that bow-chicka-bow-bow! It was FANTASTIC!
craft_media_hero's Avatar craft_media_hero 06:21 PM 09-24-2010
Right on, expat!

Your post made me lol

Dh and I finally dtd. I hurt a little at first but then was pretty nice.

I dont really have any interest right now, either . . .

Anybody thinking abt family planning? We used the pull out and hope that constant bf-ing suppresses ovulation method. Probably need smth more reliable.
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