So MIL isn't happy with us... - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-12-2010, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess when DH called her last week to tell her about the baby she lit into him about not using protection Uh, okay, even IF this were an accident, WHICH IT ISN'T, we're 28/29, own a home, have good jobs, and don't need your blessing anyway, are you really treating us like irresponsible teenagers?! He just sat there and let her talk, didn't even try to correct her. Whatever, lady. I'm about ready to just write you off. A few of the other gems that have come out of her mouth are "Oh, we don't want a boy!" when I tried to talk about boy names with her the last pregnancy, and "Oh, ick, you can't use that name, it's a Jewish name!" when I told her we were considering the name Seth a few weeks later. Yeah, she's a keeper.

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Old 02-12-2010, 03:36 PM
 
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Yeah, that sounds like time to just avoid her. Who the heck cares if she is happy or not?

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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Old 02-12-2010, 04:12 PM
 
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That's terrible! I'm so sorry.

Amy (34): mommy to DD1 (11/07) and DD2 (7/10), wife, wohm, and wannabe suburban homesteader.
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Old 02-12-2010, 04:26 PM
 
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She had her chance to raise her kids, plan her family. She needs to butt out. What did your DH say?
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It sucks.

Wife to a wonderful husband, mom to 5 amazing boys, 2 m/c and Knox Cornelius our 5th son born at 15weeks 12/3/2011, Lillian Faith our 1st daughter, born at 14 weeks May 19, 2012 (Turner Syndrome). 

 
           
 
 
 
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Old 02-12-2010, 04:28 PM
 
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why did he bother calling?
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Old 02-12-2010, 04:29 PM
 
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I have a crap mil too. Luckily, she mostly just ignores us now. I make my dh deal with her because I refuse to.

Mama to a wild thing (10/08) and a new thing (8/5/10) and wife to the love of my
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Old 02-12-2010, 04:50 PM
 
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I'm sorry you had to deal with her negativity. She sounds like my ex MIL. I'm glad I can include EX in that sentence.

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Old 02-12-2010, 04:59 PM
 
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Whoa, you've got a jewel right there. We have a similar situation, I have actually only actually seen my MIL once since our wedding (June 2008, when she wouldn't be photographed, refused to smile, and then yelled at me at the reception). She holds a grudge over what everyone who knows the situation would describe as a make-believe conflict. Something about flowers.

Anyway, dh has not told her about this baby. When we were pregnant last spring he told her, she was agreeable about it for about 2 minutes before immediately turning it into another one of her terrible crosses to bear. She's a peach. He's meeting up with her next week and I dread it for him. She's one of those people who's just straight up poisonous.

Amanda, livin' and lovin' in Memphis w/ Brandon & Eliza (8.15.10)! 6/2009.
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Old 02-12-2010, 05:24 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.

Carrie - Christian, tandem nursing, knittin' mommy to my two little intact, cloth diapered, vax free boys CJ 4-4-08 and squishy Camden born at home 8-3-10!
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Old 02-12-2010, 05:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by terese17 View Post
why did he bother calling?
Because eventually I was going to post it on Facebook, and we're both friends with MIL's cousin, who she's really close to, and it would have been holy hell for her to hear about the baby from her cousin first.

I really wasn't expecting that reaction, honestly. I thought she'd be happy, seeing as DH is her only child and only chance at grandchildren, and back when I was pregnant with DS2 she was still holding out hope for a granddaughter.

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Old 02-12-2010, 05:43 PM
 
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sounds like someone who is miserable and wants everyone else to be miserable too.

Crunchy Christian Wife and Mommy to awesome DH and DD1 (4/25/07) and DD2 (8/13/10)
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Old 02-12-2010, 05:44 PM
 
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OMGosh!!! I am soooo sorry you have to deal with this It is so not fair to those of us that have to deal with toxic MIL's. I can definitely sympathize with you.

When DH told his mom about our first pregnancy, her words to him were "oh no, oh no, oh no, I knew something was wrong." Then she also told us she didn't want us to have a boy and said to me that she wants me to have a girl so she can "have a daughter all her own." That did not sit well with me. Like excuse me woman, she won't be your daughter, she's MINE!!!! It really hurt DH's feelings when she reacted like that because we had tried for over a year and a half to get pregnant with her and had two bleeding episodes (one of which we were told I was miscarrying). This baby meant the world to him and she couldn't even be happy for him for one second. She also was positive we had had an ultrasound and knew it was a boy and that we had told my family but not told them. For starters I was UP'ing (which she had a MAJOR issue with, of course) and couldn't possibly have had an ultrasound since I wasn't seeing a doctor. She got put in her place when this "boy" we were having came out with a vagina!!!!

This pregnancy, when DH told her about it, she told him she knew something was up and that she knew I was pregnant!! Ugh, whatever, lady. Then a week later she told him I wasn't pregnant and that those pregnancy tests lie and that I couldn't possibly know I was pregnant since I hadn't seen a doctor yet. Give me a break you hag!!!!! Now she is mad because I had surgery when I was pregnant with this baby and we KNEW we were pregnant. Truth is, is they did a blood test the day before I had surgery and it came back negative. Exactly a week later, I took a htp and it came back positive, so, no, we did NOT know we were pregnant, but do you think she'll believe us?

I am just so sorry that some of us have to deal with all this carp!!!!!!!

Just wanted to mention that us too, are old enough to have children. 27 and 27 and we own our own house....and vehicle and we both have jobs.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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Old 02-12-2010, 05:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by trimestersdoula View Post
It is so not fair to those of us that have to deal with toxic MIL's.
I second that. Especially since I lost my dad 3.5 years ago and he was an absolute joy. My MIL definitely wants to try to make everyone as miserable as her, and although we have little contact with her these days, it really sucks for dh when he is reminded of how his family has really fallen apart in the past couple of years.

What kind of behavior have you guys seen from FILs, if they are in the picture? Mine has totally enabled MIL's behavior to a sick, sad degree. He's pretty much told DH to "forget" about them, because he (DH) has his own family now. DH is reluctant to do so since through childhood until the past few years, his family was fairly normal and happy, and he really misses it.

Sorry to thread-highjack and turn this into a MIL gripefest, but don't we all need it sometimes?

Amanda, livin' and lovin' in Memphis w/ Brandon & Eliza (8.15.10)! 6/2009.
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Old 02-12-2010, 06:03 PM
 
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My FIL doesn't help her out but he doesn't try and put her in her place either. He just sits quietly in the corner and lets her do her thing. Honestly, if I was him, I would do the same. If he says anything she will just be on his arse for the next month then. I feel bad for the guy.

Jaclyn, Madly in with DH, Scott. Mama to Calli Elizabeth (23 months) & our new little man, Bode Keam (9 weeks).
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Old 02-12-2010, 06:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CallMeMommy View Post
Because eventually I was going to post it on Facebook, and we're both friends with MIL's cousin, who she's really close to, and it would have been holy hell for her to hear about the baby from her cousin first.


This is the ONLY reason I told my father on the phone, and he had a similar reaction. I knew he would, but it didn't make it any easier.

It stinks when those around us can't just accept children as the blessings they are.

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