32 weeks and starting to hate my doctor. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 06-26-2010, 04:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For the first 21 weeks of my pregnancy I saw a midwife at a local clinic. Liked her a lot. But she doesn't deliver babies, she only does prenatal care under some OBGYN I never met. She recommended a doctor (he's a D.O.) that is affiliated with the hospital I wanted to deliver at.

At first he seemed okay, but each time I see him I like him less. He seems rushed, smug, inattentive, and like he doesn't remember who I am. He seems surprised that I know anything about pregnancy. (For example, AFTER I tell him that when I have minor contractions I lay on my left side and drink water until they get better, he proceeds to tell me tyhose are called Braxton Hicks contractions and that I shouldn't worry about them... yes, I know! I've had 2 children already!)

He quietly looked at my birth plan, which is very minimal, with his head cocked and a smug grin. Then he said, "Well the nurses will want to take the baby and do routine procedures instead of giving the baby to you right away -- but they do it in the same room." I responded that I wanted skin-to-skin contact ASAP, and breastfeeding to help get the placenta out. "I guess you can try to discuss that with the nurses then," he said. He just seems like he doesn't respect me, like he wonders why I'm trying to control anything. "Don't worry your pretty little head," kwim?

I have seen him a total of 4 times now (at 23 weeks, 26 weeks, 28 weeks, and then at 32 weeks). He was out of town and didn't have anyone filling in for him during the time I was supposed to have my 30 week visit. During those 4 visits, I have seen him a total of about 25 minutes, and we have been interrupted by phone calls or knocks on the door 3 times. I notice when I have an 8:30 am appt with him, so do 3 other pregnant women sitting in the waiting room.

I've recommended to other mamas to keep looking if you aren't happy with your care provider, because it's so important. But at this point I'm tired... and I don't think I trust ANY care provider anymore. I have a nice big tub, but I'm scared to have a home waterbirth because of how much I bled the last 2 times (not to mention the prohibitive expense of home midwife care).

Any recommendations? At this point I figure I'm just going to stick with the doc I don't care for, because it could be worse. At least he doesn't seem prone to inductions and C-sections. Sigh... I wonder what it's like to deliver your baby with someone you really trust and you know cares about your wishes? Never experienced it.

Happily married mother of DD1 (10/87), DD2 (7/08), and DD3 (8/10)
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#2 of 9 Old 06-26-2010, 07:03 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. I know exactly how it feels to be treated that way. It's infuriating.

I know it's tiring to think of looking for another care provider but I say look and start looking ASAP. Even if you can't find anyone better or for whatever reason it just doesn't work out and you stay with this doc, at least you tried, you know?

Lots of Dr. Finding to you!

Wife to a bearded dude.
Mama to DS [05/21/08] & DD [09/16/10] 43 weeks 1 day!
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#3 of 9 Old 06-26-2010, 08:48 PM
 
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Could you hire a doula? Or an apprentice doula (who ought to be cheaper?) FWIW, I bleed afterwards too and many MW have access to things to help with that (mine has pit and methergine, as well as herbal, ect remedies). Depending on where you are, you may still be a candidate for HB. I understand the cost thing, too. We are the most tight we've ever been and we're barely able to make payments, but we gave up things like eating out and texting, ect to make it work. I hope you find a comfort zone!

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#4 of 9 Old 06-26-2010, 09:17 PM
 
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Definitely look into getting a doula. Here in Korea, I don't have a choice as to which doctor delivers my daughter. The way it works in this military hospital is you get whichever doctor is on call when you're there. Because it's PCS season, ALL of my natural birth friendly doctors have moved to a different duty station. I'm left with a c-section happy Korean doctor and a neurotic lady who doesn't trust birth.

A doula will definitely make you feel more secure and will provide the kind of support you need.

Good luck.

Nicole, wife to Sean, mother to Afton Reanne Evangeline, a natural birth at a hospital 8/17/2010 8lbs 9 oz 21 inches long.
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#5 of 9 Old 06-26-2010, 09:44 PM
 
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DDCC

I'm so sorry to hear that you don't like your DR. I think that if you could change DR. or find a doula as others have said you may be happier with your birth. It's pretty hard to go into it knowing that you'll be faced with care providers that will not respect your wishes.

With my first birth I was with a CNM group at a local hospital. I loved my CNM, but as the date got closer it turned out that we weren't the perfect fit that I thought that we were. I ended up switching to a Homebirth MW at 36weeks. This was one of the best decisions that I've ever made. Also, I couldn't have done any of it without the help of my doula.

Good Luck!

Jenn (30) wife to DH (42) and Mama to DS (2). Looking forward to our with #2 due Nov. 2 2010.
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#6 of 9 Old 06-26-2010, 11:19 PM
 
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I've just switched to a fanfreakingtastic OBGYN and hospital that make me think that I am either in fantasy land or the best most natural minded hospital in the country. (And I just switched to the OBGYN last week!) so.. DO NOT GIVE UP! Ask around for recommendations - I asked the nurses and staff at the hospital I wanted to deliver at and got amazing recommendations for my doctor (I already really liked and trusted these nurses after lots of conversation.) I also asked friends and looked up some information online. Call doctors, ask if you can set up 5 minute meet and greets because you are trying to switch providers. If they won't give you that 5 minutes then they probably don't have enough time to have a good thorough appointment with you anyway. This is my third care provider switch this pregnancy and i feel it was beyond worth it. I feel confident and excited now, rather than apprehensive.
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#7 of 9 Old 06-27-2010, 11:28 AM
 
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I'm sorry you are going through this. I think the OB has given you a number of red flags...and you should really try to find someone else. At this point you are strong and are able to deal with him...do you really want to be fighting with him while giving birth? I think that would be much, much, worse than trying to find a new doctor now. Good Luck - I'll sure you'll be able to find someone that respects you, you're baby, and the birth process if you get some recommendations.
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#8 of 9 Old 06-27-2010, 10:30 PM
 
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I would try to find someone else ASAP. Lots of women have to change docs late in the game for a variety of reasons, so you shouldn't feel too bad doing it. You need confidence in your doctor. Otherwise, why have one at all?

If you can't afford to switch, can you birth at a hospital where your doc doesn't have privlages? It is a sort of sneeky way to avoid the whole situation, but I'd rather do that, and deal with the on-call doc, than go with someone I don't trust.

CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
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#9 of 9 Old 06-28-2010, 12:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am going to start looking... and if I don't find anyone better, the worst that will happen is I'll end up with the dr. I'm currently with. It's just so tiring, to be interviewing new docs between still working (2 more weeks), having a 2-year-old, and all the rest of life's duties and dramas.

Happily married mother of DD1 (10/87), DD2 (7/08), and DD3 (8/10)
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